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In the Name of God بسم الله
Sisterfatima1

When did men stop being men

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On 1/21/2018 at 8:25 AM, starlight said:

Yeah, blame it on the women:dry:. Would a righteous,self respecting,well brought up 'man' act different if girls around him were behaving like drama queens or trying to act like starlets. Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى has appointed men as leaders, then why do they let their behaviour be dictated by how women around them are acting? 

How we conduct ourselves should not be controlled by people,that alone shows weakness of character. A gentleman will always treat her woman with respect at least in public. The conflicts can be settled in private. If a woman is having melt down or lost control over her emotions that's no excuse for the man to act likewise.

Hey, nobody forced her to marry a clown. I do not think he was not a clown before marriage and that he later on became one, just that she saw a clown and thought she could "fix" him. It does not work that way.

You are right about men though, but when all men think about is getting women, then those words and terms means nothing.

Anyways, most men and most women are like this nowadays, it takes two to tango as they say.

Self respect, righteousness, being a "gentlemen", etc, these are not things that most modern societies values nor rewards you for. It is all about "me me me" now more than ever before.

This mentality of "only I matter" is something that will take away our humanity bit by bit and it is promoted and enforced by the friends of ibliss(la) thru all the different means (such as popular culture) they have. But can you fix a problem you do not recognize?

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35 minutes ago, notme said:

I believe you are underestimating the weight of most women, or assuming no man will ever marry a tall or athletic or overweight woman. Twice my weight would be approximately my husband's weight. He's bigger than most guys and I'm about average weight and height. Are you saying he should be able to carry one and a half times his own body weight, and for smaller men, more than that?

Okay, let me give you an example. Now, even if a man is overweight, weight itself often translates to strength in many cases. I won't go too much into muscle gain, strength exercises, dead-lifting and the rest of it.

Let us assume there's a guy who is around 1.80 meters tall [5'11] and around 185 Lbs. Let us say he has been working out, but moderately and is between 10-20% BF, so within a healthy range.  If he marries someone say, 1.60-1.65 meters tall, about 5'3-5'5 and who weights around 150LBS, he should be able to technically carry twice her body weight, no doubt about it. Thrice is if he is dedicated in the gym. Twice is where it ought to be. A lot of brothers i know can dead-lift 300lbs + and that's just average. Many can go up to 400's a few even more. This by the way, is lifting it up and back down for a number of reps.  Now, if someone marries a woman who is tall, and i say she may be 5"7+, and hitting 170+ Lbs, the man should do everything in his power to get stronger so he he not over powered. 

Men ought to be able to carry one and a half times [for larger brothers] or twice their own body weight [for smaller ones] and twice the body weight of their partners or thrice if they are on the smaller side.

Weight a man should carry: [Weight of wife x 2] - [His weight / 4] 

P = factor for those with larger wives, and i say it is 40  Lbs. 

Adjusted equation for men with larger wives: Weight a man should carry: [Weight of wife x 2] - [His weight / 4] - P [40 Lbs]

 

Scientifically speaking, women tend to feel more protected with a man much bigger than they are, which is why you often see all of these height-requirements/weight requirements. 

So to even let a woman be carrying the bags and the kids is just day light murder. 

Edited by Intellectual Resistance

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On 1/21/2018 at 8:25 AM, starlight said:

Yeah, blame it on the women:dry:. Would a righteous,self respecting,well brought up 'man' act different if girls around him were behaving like drama queens or trying to act like starlets. Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى has appointed men as leaders, then why do they let their behaviour be dictated by how women around them are acting? 

How we conduct ourselves should not be controlled by people,that alone shows weakness of character. A gentleman will always treat her woman with respect at least in public. The conflicts can be settled in private. If a woman is having melt down or lost control over her emotions that's no excuse for the man to act likewise.

Preach.

giphy.gif

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On 1/21/2018 at 10:55 AM, Intellectual Resistance said:

Truly, so many of the signs of the end of times are coming to pass.

Three you say? Let me let you in on something much worse. I know it must have been a little strange to in Pandora, but now from brothers i know/female relatives who have informed me, even Shia women are now beginning to act like many non-Muslim women do, in blurring the lines between sexuality. It's just such a strange time we live in. I can't say much more than that because it would frighten many.

Apparently 2018 is going to be the year of Buzz-cuts. Women are starting to look like men and men like women and some people like aliens. It's a mess i tell you. Please get started on non-binary vegans, i need to inform myself of the reality in the wilderness.

Go and look at S.Korea and Japan, Shia women - real Shia women- are obsessed with male K-pop bands. I thought one direction and JB was going to the extreme, but those Japanese 'boy bands' i have read academic articles on, and basically plastic surgery is massive in South Korea. Many men seek to try to look more effeminate, because culturally now those features are 'highly desirable'. Seriously, pencil thin eye-brows, make up-, girly hair and very skinny jeans.

maxresdefault.jpg

I do see some Muslim woman follow trends, but from what I observed, they tend to be in the minority, since certain things have yet to be considered acceptable in the Muslim social sphere. 

Non-binarys tend to preach, “I don’t have a gender” while dressing like men. They don’t respond to pronouns and become quite offended if you do so, even accidentally. My thoughts is that non-binary woman are just gay who want to have an excuse to dress and behave like men. “Non-binary” is something to hide behind. 

With veganism, the ideaology begins its premise tends to draw a cult-like following on people who typically don’t have religion, which I’m sure you noticed. It’s less of the argument that meat is unhealthy, and more along the lines of, “I love animals too much, so how can I eat them?” Way of thinking. They think it’s morally wrong to consume animal products, and in my opinion, when you don’t follow religion, you tend to set your own moral rights and wrongs within society and look elsewhere.

as with South Korea—plastic surgery is massive to attain the skinnier face, as they consider less defined features, male or female, as the cultural/western ideal and more attractive. However, ironically, the western ideal, for both men and woman, are defined features such as strong jawline, pronunced cheeks, etc.

plastic surgery in South Korea is less about feminization and more about the “skinny face” ideal. It’s sad, either way. Hope that ideal doesn’t spread. All South Korean woman undergoing cosmetic surgery looked better before. 

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44 minutes ago, Islandsandmirrors said:

I do see some Muslim woman follow trends, but from what I observed, they tend to be in the minority, since certain things have yet to be considered acceptable in the Muslim social sphere. 

Non-binarys tend to preach, “I don’t have a gender” while dressing like men. They don’t respond to pronouns and become quite offended if you do so, even accidentally. My thoughts is that non-binary woman are just gay who want to have an excuse to dress and behave like men. “Non-binary” is something to hide behind. 

With veganism, the ideaology begins its premise tends to draw a cult-like following on people who typically don’t have religion, which I’m sure you noticed. It’s less of the argument that meat is unhealthy, and more along the lines of, “I love animals too much, so how can I eat them?” Way of thinking. They think it’s morally wrong to consume animal products, and in my opinion, when you don’t follow religion, you tend to set your own moral rights and wrongs within society and look elsewhere.

as with South Korea—plastic surgery is massive to attain the skinnier face, as they consider less defined features, male or female, as the cultural/western ideal and more attractive. However, ironically, the western ideal, for both men and woman, are defined features such as strong jawline, pronunced cheeks, etc.

plastic surgery in South Korea is less about feminization and more about the “skinny face” ideal. It’s sad, either way. Hope that ideal doesn’t spread. All South Korean woman undergoing cosmetic surgery looked better before. 

Very educational post, thank you so much. I think while they come out looking quite feminine, those features aren't considered a feminine ideal here anyway.  Why any guy would get rid of their Jaw-line defeats me - the same applies to women. I guess if things are extreme, but i had read somewhere based upon some academic research that strong-cheekbones and a strong jaw-line are desirable for both - so it would be wrong to claim its only a masculine thing. In fact, these features are extremely sought after in the media at least.

You know, if someone wants to be a non-binary, pansexual, polyamorous, vegan atheist, i have got to the point where it makes me question the reality of existence. What will be next?

Oh, and this is Jaden Smith, Will Smiths son:

rs_634x1024-150410095824-634.Jaden-Smith

Edited by Intellectual Resistance

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I find this funny, cause It is true, we men lost our value, we spend more time on games.... 

Females study, work and do everything that we men do, so our voice lowly faded away. 

THAT IS SADLY A FACT, we men need to change. 

No offense to all the men.

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On 1/21/2018 at 7:19 AM, Sisterfatima1 said:

i saw this guy get angry at his wife and then left her with her crying child and all heavy shopping and watching her struggle to carry her child and all the shopping she had I felt sorry for her and helped her carry her shopping to near the car where her husband was waiting 

What has made you to felt sorry for her? 

Anger of her husband in a crowded shopping mall?
Her crying child?
or Her heavy shopping? 

We don't know what caused the husband to anger so much that he left her with crying child & heavy shopping. May be he was angry on her for doing extra-ordinary expenses which you have indicated as "heavy shopping". 

I think with the very limited knowledge you shared here, we should not judge anyone's morality. Showing anger is not immoral, some times it is the demand of the situation to display anger. 

Lets assume for a while (and we can only assume in any case as our knowledge is limited), in that "heavy shopping", she did the "israaf" or "tabzeer". Now we have verses in Quran which says"

"innahu la yuhibbul musrifeen" and "innal mubazzireena kanu ikhwan ashshayateen". What is your opinion now?

وَلاَ تُسْرِفُواْ إِنَّهُ لاَ يُحِبُّ الْمُسْرِفِينَ

إِنَّ الْمُبَذِّرِينَ كَانُواْ إِخْوَانَ الشَّيَاطِينِ وَكَانَ الشَّيْطَانُ لِرَبِّهِ كَفُورًا

How can anyone express his disliking to an act? Would you help your husband in "israaf" or "tabzeer"?  Would you expect that your husband should help you in these sort of prohibited acts? 

Edited by Salsabeel

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4 hours ago, Salsabeel said:

What has made you to felt sorry for her? 

Anger of her husband in a crowded shopping mall?
Her crying child?
or Her heavy shopping? 

We don't know what caused the husband to anger so much that he left her with crying child & heavy shopping. May be he was angry on her for doing extra-ordinary expenses which you have indicated as "heavy shopping". 

I think with the very limited knowledge you shared here, we should not judge anyone's morality. Showing anger is not immoral, some times it is the demand of the situation to display anger. 

Lets assume for a while (and we can only assume in any case as our knowledge is limited), in that "heavy shopping", she did the "israaf" or "tabzeer". Now we have verses in Quran which says"

"innahu la yuhibbul musrifeen" and "innal mubazzireena kanu ikhwan ashshayateen". What is your opinion now?

وَلاَ تُسْرِفُواْ إِنَّهُ لاَ يُحِبُّ الْمُسْرِفِينَ

إِنَّ الْمُبَذِّرِينَ كَانُواْ إِخْوَانَ الشَّيَاطِينِ وَكَانَ الشَّيْطَانُ لِرَبِّهِ كَفُورًا

How can anyone express his disliking to an act? Would you help your husband in "israaf" or "tabzeer"?  Would you expect that your husband should help you in these sort of prohibited acts? 

What extent will you guys go to prove husband was not at fault. Lol

Wife doing israaf, be a 'man' put your foot down right there and tell her she is going over budget, instead of throwing a tantrum outside later which is neither going to bring back the lost money nor is such resolution of issues good for marriage in the long term.

The point me and other sisters are trying to drive home is,its not okay to leave your wife with a little child and heavy things to carry in a public place. No matter how big the disagreement is,even if you have decided to divorce her over it, show some self control at the moment, take them home with you and address the issues in the privacy of your home. 

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On 1/22/2018 at 7:52 AM, starlight said:

The point me and other sisters are trying to drive home is,its not okay to leave your wife with a little child and heavy things to carry in a public place. No matter how big the disagreement is,even if you have decided to divorce her over it, show some self control at the moment, take them home with you and address the issues in the privacy of your home. 

The person who is acting like that in public is probably going to go to next level: physical violence in the 'privacy of home' and that's okay. I hate those men who pretend to be so nice in public and they are monsters in private. They are more dangerous. To all the men defending that man: next time Saudi Arab kills Shias, I will start defending their actions and come up with lame excuses like these. In Islam a wife is considered a slave or a prisoner. I don't know why would any free person want to become a slave or prisoner. 

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Sure, we don't know the backstory.

For all we know, the tantrum throwing man-child didn't even earn the money for the shopping that his wife carried. 

Maybe the wife is an absolute terror and the husband is usually pretty level headed and kind and just lost his temper this once. 

We can't judge the people.

But we most certainly can and should judge the action. To those guys trying to justify it, I can't help but assume that you find his tantrum perfectly acceptable. 

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I think everyone here is getting a bit too emotional. There is no need to slaughter the guy from every direction possible.

I do admit that he did something very immature, but it doesn't mean that he's a guy who abuses his wife all the time at home. For goodness sake, he just lost it for a second and probably decided to walk away and not create a scene. They probably forgot about it now.

Edited by ali_fatheroforphans

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On 1/21/2018 at 10:19 AM, Sisterfatima1 said:

Salam 

I am at the shopping centre with my mum

i saw this guy get angry at his wife and then left her with her crying child and all heavy shopping and watching her struggle to carry her child and all the shopping she had I felt sorry for her and helped her carry her shopping to near the car where her husband was waiting 

I am just shocked where is the manhood to leave a woman to struggle 

Reading this actually made me kinda mad.. 

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Brothers,

No-one denies some women can be the most distant, vicious, cheating, and horrific spouses [as men can be too] not claiming this woman was - we don't know the full story.

But when there's a child involved [public or private in front of them] , and in public, that is not the place to act like was done. 

Some people laugh at my claim a man should even carry his wife if she needs help and tires, but that itself means making her do the carrying is a big no-no if you have the ability. If you don't then that's another issue entirely and no problem.

Men have denser bones, bigger frames, far more ability to gain muscle, are stronger, and even mentally far more aggressive and strong-minded. Picking on someone because of perceived superior strength is cowardice, it's not being a man. 

Edited by Intellectual Resistance

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On 1/22/2018 at 12:06 PM, Intellectual Resistance said:

Some people laugh at my claim a man should even carry his wife if she needs help and tires, but that itself means making her do the carrying is a big no-no if you have the ability. If you don't then that's another issue entirely and no problem.

I don't understand why you are putting so much emphasis on a man's ability to carry his wife. You say that a woman feels more protected but we don't live in caves that we have to listen to our animal instincts. This is the age of all kinds of weapons, a man's physical strength is not going to do much when he has to compete with weapons. Also, many skinny and short people can gain a lot of power over people if they have intelligence and ability to manipulate. So, I don't understand why would a woman feel more protected with a man who has physical strength. Also you mentioned that if wife is tired, man can show he cares by picking up the wife. In my personal opinion, I would much prefer it if the man doesn't demand so much work from me or it's better if he tries to help me while I am doing the work. There are many men who demand a lot of work and at the end of the day, they do a small gesture like picking up wife for a few steps, or making her breakfast and they expect wives to be happy with such small gestures. This happens in movies, too many people are trying to imitate movies, they look silly and honestly small gestures don't matter when you have to work hard for years and years. Just try to be a good human being and don't try to imitate movies exactly. Every couple's situation is different and I think every husband can use common sense to determine what his wife needs. I would really like to know where do such kind of people live who deal with kids and all the responsibilities and still they have time to analyze every feature of their spouse's face and body. Celebrities get paid to look perfect, that's why they are able to spend so much time and resources on their looks. If any ordinary person expects his/ her spouse to look like a celebrity, I think that person is insane and too demanding. 

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On 1/21/2018 at 11:10 PM, Islandsandmirrors said:

It was one of the signs that the Hour is drawing closer. 

It’s no wonder that people are so confused and messed-up—It’s Shaitan’s playground, afterall. The Quran frequently mentions that believers are few (in comparison to the majority) on earth. While it doesn’t surprise me that so many people are misguided, it’s surprising how much worse it’s getting.

When I was working at Pandora (the jewelry, not radio station.) I had to deal with THREE lesbian couples. Three. In a month’s span. And the media takes their image and makes it mainstream and now, suddenly, long hair is “out” and short hair is “modern and trendy”. Why? To cause confusion between the sexes. Now men are sporting “vegan beards” and partaking in Pride Day nonesense. 

And don’t get me started on the “non-binary vegans”. 

That's so sad honestly

They were even showing a gay couple 

ON A KIDS SHOW!!!

Like how disturbing is that

How am I even gonna let my future children even watch normal kid shows?

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14 minutes ago, 3wliya_maryam said:

That's so sad honestly

They were even showing a gay couple 

ON A KIDS SHOW!!!

Like how disturbing is that

How am I even gonna let my future children even watch normal kid shows?

That’s crazy! On a kid’s show?! What show was this? 

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9 minutes ago, 3wliya_maryam said:

There were two little girls who were so young and had two dads. So I could clearly tell that they were showing a gay couple

I haven’t heard of ABC kids, but showing a gay couple is absolute insanity. So sad that they are trying to introduce that kind of stuff on kids’ shows. 

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2 hours ago, rkazmi33 said:

I don't understand why you are putting so much emphasis on a man's ability to carry his wife. You say that a woman feels more protected but we don't live in caves that we have to listen to our animal instincts. This is the age of all kinds of weapons, a man's physical strength is not going to do much when he has to compete with weapons. Also, many skinny and short people can gain a lot of power over people if they have intelligence and ability to manipulate. So, I don't understand why would a woman feel more protected with a man who has physical strength. Also you mentioned that if wife is tired, man can show he cares by picking up the wife. In my personal opinion, I would much prefer it if the man doesn't demand so much work from me or it's better if he tries to help me while I am doing the work. There are many men who demand a lot of work and at the end of the day, they do a small gesture like picking up wife for a few steps, or making her breakfast and they expect wives to be happy with such small gestures. This happens in movies, too many people are trying to imitate movies, they look silly and honestly small gestures don't matter when you have to work hard for years and years. Just try to be a good human being and don't try to imitate movies exactly. Every couple's situation is different and I think every husband can use common sense to determine what his wife needs. I would really like to know where do such kind of people live who deal with kids and all the responsibilities and still they have time to analyze every feature of their spouse's face and body. Celebrities get paid to look perfect, that's why they are able to spend so much time and resources on their looks. If any ordinary person expects his/ her spouse to look like a celebrity, I think that person is insane and too demanding. 

Sister, Salam,

This isn't about looks or getting a good physique, though that's the bonus. The idea is strength and intimidating dangerous people who might start on you or your family on account you are Muslim. Nothing more or less. I never mentioned cooking, but if a guy can cook and practise being great, that is going to certainly make a marriage easier. If he can out-cook her, this will increase his respect in her eyes.

A man is not just who he is on the outside, it's who he also is inside. However, it helps if a man works his way to halal strength, halal size, and uses the principles Allah has created to make his other half feel protected , especially with the thuggery these days.

Edited by Intellectual Resistance

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2 hours ago, Intellectual Resistance said:

Sister, Salam,

This isn't about looks or getting a good physique, though that's the bonus. The idea is strength and intimidating dangerous people who might start on you or your family on account you are Muslim.

Wasalam! Remember the muslim girl who was killed during Ramzan? She was with a large group of people around 15, I am sure some of them were guys. And on the other side, there was only one guy who kidnapped her and killed her. A person who is dangerous is not going to care about someone's physique (he is going to use a weapon). Also, fighting requires mental strength more than physical strength. I knew a guy who was always working on his body, but he never went out of the house. He only used his physical strength to terrorize the women in his family but when he had to deal with men, he was the biggest coward. In my experience, people who care about looks are always arrogant, superficial, and immodest, and they don't care about inner beauty at all. They fail to fulfill their responsibilities because stress and all the pressures of practical life can damage the looks. In fact, I know many men and women who were good looking when they were young, but after just few years of handling responsibilities, they now look old and average. 

Edited by rkazmi33

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When did Muslims stop being Muslim?  There was one a couple years ago that ran over a bunch of people in Paris.  And then I saw one drinking alcohol with his girlfriend (NOT MARRIED!). 

And don't get me started on all those women who stopped being women.  Not wanting to have children, or even neglecting their children when they have them.

I didn't read through the whole thread, but I feel like my sarcasm might show that you can't just go around making generalizations about any group you want, because someone can just do the same to you.  But of course we all think we're special and nothing applies to us.

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On 1/22/2018 at 7:12 PM, coldcow said:

I didn't read through the whole thread, but I feel like my sarcasm might show that you can't just go around making generalizations about any group you want, because someone can just do the same to you. 

We've already covered generalizations, and also judgement without full background information. There was also a bizarre little aside about how much weight men should be able to carry. I'm not sure what remains to be said. 

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7 minutes ago, notme said:

We've already covered generalizations, and also judgement without full background information. There was also a bizarre little aside about how much weight men should be able to carry. I'm not sure what remains to be said. 

I figured as much, but thought it wouldn't hurt to add more.

Interesting thing to your aside, I remember seeing an old man and his old wife carrying a car battery into the parts store.  The wife was carrying it in and he was walking with her.  Some dude took the battery from her and said to him "how can you make a woman carry such heavy weight\."  I remember feeling so bad for the old man, who looked like a farmer type in his overalls, probably in his 80's and he didn't have much meat on him at all.   He just looked sad and said he can't lift things because of his arthritis.  

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On 1/21/2018 at 5:32 AM, AmirAlmuminin Lover said:

Salaam Alaykum

I also have seen some pictures like this. I saw some men back in Iran give the key to their wife to open garage when they want to park the car in the house. One time it was rainy, and I saw a family in a car came back to their house, and the man gave the key to his wife to open garage. He was sitting in the car and watching her wife opening the door.It's very inappropriate.

Um, in my family my mom does the same thing. But my dad offers but my mom has this "I want to do it" attitude. And ironically if my dad refuses her offer then she starts yelling at him and says things like "why do you pamper me?!". Now it has gotten to a point where my dad has to ask my mom if she wants something done for her. Because if he does it and she wanted to do it, yet again she will start protesting in a loud manner. And does not matter if she struggles, he will not help her lest he risk her yelling at him. And from what I can tell, my mom isn't the only woman like this. 

Again, I think you are too quick to judge. 

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On 1/22/2018 at 7:52 AM, starlight said:

What extent will you guys go to prove husband was not at fault. Lol

I was expecting this comment. Lol 
 

On 1/22/2018 at 7:52 AM, starlight said:

Wife doing israaf, be a 'man' put your foot down right there and tell her she is going over budget, instead of throwing a tantrum outside later which is neither going to bring back the lost money nor is such resolution of issues good for marriage in the long term.

That was just an assumption. I am not viewing this story like you or other sisters are viewing and that is why I have highlighted some key points of that story which prohibited me to judge the morality of that person like you are doing with using the word "tantrum", I would prefer to call it anger instead of tantrum because to me he does not went out of control any where. Lets see what I have highlighted first:
 

On 1/22/2018 at 3:08 AM, Salsabeel said:

i saw this guy get angry at his wife and then left her with her crying child and all heavy shopping and watching her struggle to carry her child and all the shopping she had I felt sorry for her and helped her carry her shopping to near the car where her husband was waiting 

Why he was waiting her in his car? If it was a tantrum, he would have left her completely & drive away in his car instead of waiting for her right there in the parking lot of that shopping center.

Now what I am viewing, I am viewing the relationship of those two persons who are husband & wife. Their relationship is based on two things as mentioned in Quran:
1. Love
2. Mercy

وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً إِنَّ فِي ذَلِكَ لَآيَاتٍ لِّقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ

In my analysis I am willing to keep these two things in their relationship. We dont know who ignited the fire, what caused the anger, whatever happened was not pleasant for the people who are observing it but in these sort of relationship, this happens. One do mistake then realize & then excuses for his wrongdoing & other forgives that mistake. A smile and a hug sometimes is sufficient to remove all misunderstandings. So dont try & act as a judge in these sort of situations where your knowledge is very limited & where relationships are based on mawaddat & rehmat. 

On 1/22/2018 at 7:52 AM, starlight said:

,even if you have decided to divorce her over it, show some self control at the moment, take them home with you and address the issues in the privacy of your home. 

A husband cannot do mistakes, he should be a ma'soom? And if husband has done mistake he cannot realize his mistake & he cannot feel sorry for his anger or whatever wrong he has done? Come on sister! 

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A lot of people questioning why i have emphasised carrying ones spouse or having the strength to.

The reality is i never claimed it should be the 'norm'. In this case, a woman is carrying the bags and the kids, and her husband storms off. Sure, we don't know the context and i am not going to comment on any specific case, but generally a woman will lose that feeling of being protected. It is beyond scientific fact women want to feel protected and 'safe' with their partners, and want to feel stable and secure.

You can do this by having a strong, determined personality. You can do this by working hard on a career route. One other way i recommended is also being strong. If you could hypothetically not only carry her, but also the shopping bags and the kids too. The potential of being able to do that alone is enough to make her feel secure in the marriage, and safe, and inshAllah contribute to a working relationship. 

Edited by Intellectual Resistance

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On 1/21/2018 at 10:00 AM, Intellectual Resistance said:

SubhanAllah.

This was a prediction of the end of days. Women dressing as men, men dressing as women. Let every man who reads this and wears items of clothing like 'Skinny Jeans' burn it in fire and i am not even joking, those items of clothing are a work of Shaytaan. Don't even donate that to charity. Sometimes i can't even tell the difference these days , the lines are blurred, and we are in the era of 'Atheist, pansexual, non-binary, vegans'. It truly is so confusing and i pray for the next generation.

Bro, a young,'progressive' mom in her mid-20s, from one of the top-notch universities having a degree in one of the liberal arts, made up her mind that her eight months -old son is 'gender-fluid' because he happened to pick up a barbie doll instead of a soft-ball stuffed with cotton at a garage sale!

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On 1/22/2018 at 2:36 PM, Intellectual Resistance said:

Sister, Salam,

This isn't about looks or getting a good physique, though that's the bonus. The idea is strength and intimidating dangerous people who might start on you or your family on account you are Muslim. Nothing more or less. I never mentioned cooking, but if a guy can cook and practise being great, that is going to certainly make a marriage easier. If he can out-cook her, this will increase his respect in her eyes.

A man is not just who he is on the outside, it's who he also is inside. However, it helps if a man works his way to halal strength, halal size, and uses the principles Allah has created to make his other half feel protected , especially with the thuggery these days.

As someone who comes from a family where my dad is the main cook, and the main person to do household chores while having a job. I am sorry to say but women can be just as ungrateful as men. Heck my dad literally gives my mom breakfast in bed. Yet all of this and she does not respect my dad in any way for this. Not a single compliment (despite the fact she does like how his food tastes since she does take seconds). And despite having little knowledge of cooking still tries to compete with my Dad when it comes to cooking. She says "you don't need to cook for me. I can cook for myself. I never asked for any of this. I can cook better than you." 

Edited by Guest Account Ali

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On 1/21/2018 at 10:11 AM, Intellectual Resistance said:

LOL sister that made me laugh.

On a more serious note, a man should be strong enough to be capable of this. Men have much thicker bones, more muscle mass, and find it far easier to gain strength and muscle than the average woman does. Men are also on average much taller and dwarf women. 

If there's that much shopping, then he ought to get a trolley or something to help. However let us assume they only bought like one KG chicken wings, one KG steak, ONE kg chops, maybe lettuce, fruits, and say in the other bag 8kg of Flour. In this instance, if they had to walk it all the way to town, and say the wife is feeling very tired because it is a hot summer day, i seriously don't see why she and the baby could not hitch a ride with the husband on his back, as he carried the shopping.

I made it quite clear, men should be able to lift twice or thrice the body weight of their spouses. This means they should physically be able to handle carrying her weight + a baby [let us say who ways no more than ten or twenty pounds], as well as shopping that would weigh around say 10-20 pounds. 

This might not be the norm, but for sure it is going to make a woman feel loved, cared for and protected. A woman shouldn't make her husband do this all the time, but some days when she does feel tired, he needs to learn to step up.

EDIT: "perched nonchalantly". The way you described that, and the way you weaved those words are almost author like. You should seriously consider creative writing.

 

 

On 1/21/2018 at 2:58 PM, Wared said:

I find this funny, cause It is true, we men lost our value, we spend more time on games.... 

Females study, work and do everything that we men do, so our voice lowly faded away. 

THAT IS SADLY A FACT, we men need to change. 

No offense to all the men.

 

On 1/22/2018 at 12:35 PM, rkazmi33 said:

I don't understand why you are putting so much emphasis on a man's ability to carry his wife. You say that a woman feels more protected but we don't live in caves that we have to listen to our animal instincts. This is the age of all kinds of weapons, a man's physical strength is not going to do much when he has to compete with weapons. Also, many skinny and short people can gain a lot of power over people if they have intelligence and ability to manipulate. So, I don't understand why would a woman feel more protected with a man who has physical strength. Also you mentioned that if wife is tired, man can show he cares by picking up the wife. In my personal opinion, I would much prefer it if the man doesn't demand so much work from me or it's better if he tries to help me while I am doing the work. There are many men who demand a lot of work and at the end of the day, they do a small gesture like picking up wife for a few steps, or making her breakfast and they expect wives to be happy with such small gestures. This happens in movies, too many people are trying to imitate movies, they look silly and honestly small gestures don't matter when you have to work hard for years and years. Just try to be a good human being and don't try to imitate movies exactly. Every couple's situation is different and I think every husband can use common sense to determine what his wife needs. I would really like to know where do such kind of people live who deal with kids and all the responsibilities and still they have time to analyze every feature of their spouse's face and body. Celebrities get paid to look perfect, that's why they are able to spend so much time and resources on their looks. If any ordinary person expects his/ her spouse to look like a celebrity, I think that person is insane and too demanding. 

Also at times like this I am reminded of how a Sunni hadith like this has merit. And while I question the hellfire bit of this hadith the rest seems pretty, how shall I say, on point...

 

It was narrated that ‘Abd-Allah ibn ‘Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “I was shown Hell and I have never seen anything more terrifying than it. And I saw that the majority of its people are women.” They said, “Why, O Messenger of Allah?” He said, “Because of their ingratitude (kufr).” It was said, “Are they ungrateful to Allah?” He said, “They are ungrateful to their companions (husbands) and ungrateful for good treatment. If you are kind to one of them for a lifetime then she sees one (undesirable) thing in you, she will say, ‘I have never had anything good from you.’” (Narrated by al-Bukhari, 1052) 

 

Btw. Does anyone here know if we have a similar Shia Sahih hadith like this?

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On 1/22/2018 at 7:28 AM, rkazmi33 said:

The person who is acting like that in public is probably going to go to next level: physical violence in the 'privacy of home' and that's okay. I hate those men who pretend to be so nice in public and they are monsters in private. They are more dangerous. To all the men defending that man: next time Saudi Arab kills Shias, I will start defending their actions and come up with lame excuses like these. In Islam a wife is considered a slave or a prisoner. I don't know why would any free person want to become a slave or prisoner. 

And husbands are considered overglorified pack mules for their wives. Why the heck should I earn money for a wife who does not care about my sexual needs, spends my money on useless things, and above all else is ungrateful. Before the 20th century the majority of Muslim wives were like this. If anyone is to complain, it is us men. And nowadays since women work and also become more and more masculine maybe you can finally understand what us men have had to deal with in terms of you lot for thousands upon thousands of years. 

 

And speaking of excuses. A prediction. I feel as if you are the type of person to make a million excuses when a woman does something, anything bad. But I invite you to defend yourself on this. 

 

Are you done with your emotional ranting?

Edited by Guest Account Ali

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As usual, the bitter experience of ones own life is projected on to others. If we stopped arguing through our genders and debate based on action and worth it might take us somewhere. Unfortunately we are dealing with a multitude of behavioural issues.

G-Ali - I last recalled, you mentioned your mum was a psychiatrist, yet behaves almost as a child vying for dominance when it comes to your father. You should illict it from her and get to the bottom of it. It claimed that When the eyes roll in a relationship, its over, as hatred has imbued.

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Meet "the man." Age 26, lives in an apartment with a few other guys, works in some office cubicle 9-5, then comes home to play video games in his underwear and chow down on microwaveable trash. In 1965 "the man" would have been married, possibly a father, and maybe even looking towards buying a new house. But "the man" has different priorities today. Who needs marriage when you can hook up with hundreds of women in a week? Who can afford a family when home prices in some areas average almost a million dollars? "The man" has become so immersed in materialism that even those who marry (becoming a minority nowadays) still have a myriad of problems financially and mentally, which probably affected how that man treated his wife. 

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30 minutes ago, Mansur Bakhtiari said:

Meet "the man." Age 26, lives in an apartment with a few other guys, works in some office cubicle 9-5, then comes home to play video games in his underwear and chow down on microwaveable trash. In 1965 "the man" would have been married, possibly a father, and maybe even looking towards buying a new house. But "the man" has different priorities today. Who needs marriage when you can hook up with hundreds of women in a week? Who can afford a family when home prices in some areas average almost a million dollars? "The man" has become so immersed in materialism that even those who marry (becoming a minority nowadays) still have a myriad of problems financially and mentally, which probably affected how that man treated his wife. 

Beautiful post - very revealing as well.  Society is going down the drain and the current generation [my Millennial generation] are extremely backward generally. 

Edited by Intellectual Resistance

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17 hours ago, AbdusSibtayn said:

Bro, a young,'progressive' mom in her mid-20s, from one of the top-notch universities having a degree in one of the liberal arts, made up her mind that her eight months -old son is 'gender-fluid' because he happened to pick up a barbie doll instead of a soft-ball stuffed with cotton at a garage sale!

SubhanAllah.

May Allah hasten the appearance of Imam al-Mahdi AJFS.

We are desperately awaiting you O Imam. 

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