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In the Name of God بسم الله
Sisterfatima1

When did men stop being men

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Salam 

I am at the shopping centre with my mum

i saw this guy get angry at his wife and then left her with her crying child and all heavy shopping and watching her struggle to carry her child and all the shopping she had I felt sorry for her and helped her carry her shopping to near the car where her husband was waiting 

I am just shocked where is the manhood to leave a woman to struggle 

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You know the most unattractive trait I find in someone?

Someone who acts like a kid and storms off. This is something that makes me cringe.

It's like a little kid running away from his mum, stomping his foot and frowning, just because he can't have lollies.

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Sure, people can say 'But you don't know about the situation which is occurring at home with them', but the reality is in this situation this man has let his wife down. Regardless if they are having issues at home behind the scenes, a husband should still aid his family in all situations possible rather then let them struggle. Isn't that what 'going the extra mile' is about and also where true compassion in ones heart is, when against even all the negative things, you still uphold what is true and right?

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Oh, I thought this thread was going to be about men bashing. 

Instead, I found a scenario of a loser. Poor women who have to deal with men like that, Jeez. And in public, too! 

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I will say though that it sounds like an individual problem more than a man-problem/societial issue. Men still hold doors, are respectful and gentlemenly. 

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I'm not defending this guy you are talking about but in general men stopped being men when women stopped asking for them and settled for children in mens bodies.

If women had higher standards for men, then they would live up to that but their standards is a reflection of their own self image and todays society and the "modern view" on women is there to make sure you lower your self image so you can go and buy all these stuffs to try and fix it, make you look like the overrated celebrities that they so insistingly tell you that they are the concept of beauty on earth.

Make up and revealing clothes, the less you wear, the more male attention you get, the more male attention you get the more good you can feel about yourself because you get that confirmation you need that your self confidence lacks. Your concept of self worth comes out of what people think of and say about you who cares about dignity am I right?

Welcome to the modern progressive society. 

When you ask most women today what they are looking for in a guy they will say something so intelligent as: someone that can make me laugh.

And so they marry clowns and now we are all laughing at his behavior. 

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1 hour ago, IbnSina said:

When you ask most women today what they are looking for in a guy they will say something so intelligent as: someone that can make me laugh.

This is so true man. I've heard several women say "we just want a cute, goofy and a fun guy" - like that is all they look for in a guy. Women really need to ask themselves "how do I define a real man".

Edited by ali_fatheroforphans

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Salaam Alaykum

I also have seen some pictures like this. I saw some men back in Iran give the key to their wife to open garage when they want to park the car in the house. One time it was rainy, and I saw a family in a car came back to their house, and the man gave the key to his wife to open garage. He was sitting in the car and watching her wife opening the door.It's very inappropriate.

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zzz Ohh please, I had to forcefully agree to my warning just to repost. I am sure this will be reported too.

Men stopped being men....... read it in a book from 0BC

Women stopped being women..... same

Across the whole of the internet, you will find the same responses from the single men!. OMG I am a real man, I would do X, Y, Z.. Cool story. Real men arent single and on the net claiming they are real.

When you, the Real men see something wrong, do you ACT? or walk away as usual then bash on the net about it....

Women, stop this nonsense, you are as responsible for such  behaviors but do it in a different manner. Covert and overt methods.

Each families have their own problems, if when we find such behaviors outside, why does no one ever intervene?. Real men and women will always act.

Just another emotional post with emotional responses.

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33 minutes ago, monad said:

Just another emotional post with emotional responses.

But she said she did intervene: she helped the mother carry her shopping to the car. The OP was upset by the man's childish display and wanted to discuss. This is a discussion forum after all. 

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10 hours ago, Islandsandmirrors said:

Oh, I thought this thread was going to be about men bashing. 

Instead, I found a scenario of a loser. Poor women who have to deal with men like that, Jeez. And in public, too! 

Me too. I thought this was going to be about the feminization of men. 

 

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49 minutes ago, notme said:

But she said she did intervene: she helped the mother carry her shopping to the car. The OP was upset by the man's childish display and wanted to discuss. This is a discussion forum after all. 

fair play, I generally spend 1sec reading forum posts.

However what is find annoying is terms such as

I am just shocked where is the manhood to leave a woman to struggle  and rest of the men are loser nonsense.

 

Women want equality, yet they complain when things do not go there way and blame that men are men. This is nothing short of hypocricy and manipulative behavior. Rather, the correct observational complaint would be that, another human was acting inappropriately with another human they had established a matrimonial contract with, where they did not follow the laws of ethics or moral mercy. But this would not illict a typical gender bias, where each gender would defend their superiorirty and conditioned behaviors according to societical rules. Yes, we can argue that society needs a gender structure where each genders is required to behave in a particular manner to create balance. If intelligence were the norm, I am sure she wouldnt have married him in the first place. Both exchanged something for something each had, the problems in that scenario is that of the man showing dominance and where the woman believed the dominance. If she had left the shopping, the story would have unfolded differently. The power would have moved on to her. Then we realise all arguments are nothing short of each individuals wanting to take the dominant position.

I'd rather call out the incorrect behavior then pretend one gender is better then the other. It is nothing short of child like responses.

 

52 minutes ago, starlight said:

A gentleman will always treat her woman with respect at least in public. The conflicts can be settled in private. If a woman is having melt down or lost control over her emotions that's no excuse for the man to act likewise.

If my imaginery wife were throwing a tantrum, I too would walk way too. I have seen tantrums in real life, and when persons intervened, I saw the smirk on the womens face. Thats when I knew, she knew, SHE GOT HIM!. So, yes, it is all about knowing when and who is pretending and actually really upset.

 

Edited by monad

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The Prophet -s- said: the best of you are the best of you for your wives [the best of you are those who have the best behavior toward their wives] and the worst of you are the worst of you with your wives.

Even if the wife was blameful, he should not have left her alone with the child. Similarly, the wife should not leave her child when she is angry at her husband.

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We all know men and women are different ; they sometimes operate on an entirely different set of logical rules and have different emotional realities. Treat women kindly, as the Messenger of Allah [saw] has advised. Men will never truly understand how the female mind operates, and Aristole and Plato themselves gave up on it. They are more complex, and one must be patient, and understanding. 

EDIT: Leaving a woman alone with a crying child and heavy shopping is cruel. Men need to be men. Any man with the ability to do so should be able to carry double or triple his wife body weight, with ease. He therefore should be able to easily carry not only the shopping bags, but also the child and i kid you not, even his wife if she's tired. 

Edited by Intellectual Resistance

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"O you who have believed, it is not lawful for you to inherit women by compulsion. And do not make difficulties for them in order to take [back] part of what you gave them unless they commit a clear immorality. And live with them in kindness. For if you dislike them - perhaps you dislike a thing and Allah makes therein much good." - Noble Quran

 
 

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28 minutes ago, monad said:

 

If my imaginery wife were throwing a tantrum, I too would walk way too. I have seen tantrums in real life, and when persons intervened, I saw the smirk on the womens face. Thats when I knew, she knew, SHE GOT HIM!. So, yes, it is all about knowing when and who is pretending and actually really upset.

 

If she's with your imaginary child, then it's best to just bear with it. The point where you ignore tantrums and just let it pass without showing you're bothered or taking the bait is when no child is involved. Children come first - always. As for knowing if they are pretending or really upset, there's a nobel prize for than with a one million dollar reward. Don't bother trying to put a logic to that, humans are not so simple.

Edited by Intellectual Resistance

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58 minutes ago, Smiles786 said:

Me too. I thought this was going to be about the feminization of men. 

 

This

Where have the Lumber Jack beards and strong, tough men gone? These days we have Shia men wearing skinny jeans, and dressed like they are anime characters not having a back-bone. I blame the media, i truly do for the decline in men. It's all about being effeminate these days. SubhanAllah i'm disgusted by what i see in the Mens section these days [shops]. Some men now wear make up as well.

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On another note: the same thing has happened with women—they cut their hair like men and other girls and gay men say it’s “cute”. 

Trust me: “cute” hair is almost never a compliment. 

Edited by Islandsandmirrors

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6 minutes ago, Islandsandmirrors said:

On that note: the same thing has happened with women—they cut their hair like men and other girls and gay men say it’s “cute”. 

Trust me: “cute” hair is almost never a compliment. 

SubhanAllah.

This was a prediction of the end of days. Women dressing as men, men dressing as women. Let every man who reads this and wears items of clothing like 'Skinny Jeans' burn it in fire and i am not even joking, those items of clothing are a work of Shaytaan. Don't even donate that to charity. Sometimes i can't even tell the difference these days , the lines are blurred, and we are in the era of 'Atheist, pansexual, non-binary, vegans'. It truly is so confusing and i pray for the next generation.

 

Edited by Intellectual Resistance

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On 1/21/2018 at 10:00 AM, Intellectual Resistance said:

SubhanAllah.

This was a prediction of the end of days. Women dressing as men, men dressing as women. Let every man who reads this and wears items of clothing like 'Skinny Jeans' burn it in fire and i am not even joking, those items of clothing are a work of Shaytaan. Don't even donate that to charity. Sometimes i can't even tell the difference these days , the lines are blurred, and we are in the era of 'Atheist, pansexual, non-binary, vegans'. It truly is so confusing and i pray for the next generation.

It was one of the signs that the Hour is drawing closer. 

It’s no wonder that people are so confused and messed-up—It’s Shaitan’s playground, afterall. The Quran frequently mentions that believers are few (in comparison to the majority) on earth. While it doesn’t surprise me that so many people are misguided, it’s surprising how much worse it’s getting.

When I was working at Pandora (the jewelry, not radio station.) I had to deal with THREE lesbian couples. Three. In a month’s span. And the media takes their image and makes it mainstream and now, suddenly, long hair is “out” and short hair is “modern and trendy”. Why? To cause confusion between the sexes. Now men are sporting “vegan beards” and partaking in Pride Day nonesense. 

And don’t get me started on the “non-binary vegans”. 

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I agree with @Islandsandmirrors and @Intellectual Resistance

So many Muslims don't fit this verse, which gives us a visual representation of a true believer. I hope I fit this verse one day too.

Surah Al Muminum:

Certainly will the believers have succeeded

They who are during their prayer humbly submissive

And they who turn away from ill speech

And they who are observant of zakah

And they who guard their private parts

Except from their wives or those their right hands possess, for indeed, they will not be blamed -

But whoever seeks beyond that, then those are the transgressors 

And they who are to their trusts and their promises attentive

And they who carefully maintain their prayers

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On 1/21/2018 at 10:10 AM, Islandsandmirrors said:

It was one of the signs that the Hour is drawing closer. 

It’s no wonder that people are so confused and messed-up—It’s Shaitan’s playground, afterall. The Quran frequently mentions that believers are few (in comparison to the majority) on earth. While it doesn’t surprise me that so many people are misguided, it’s surprising how much worse it’s getting.

When I was working at Pandora (the jewelry, not radio station.) I had to deal with THREE lesbian couples. Three. In a month’s span. And the media takes their image and makes it mainstream and now, suddenly, long hair is “out” and short hair is “modern and trendy”. Why? To cause confusion between the sexes. Now men are sporting “vegan beards” and partaking in Pride Day nonesense. 

And don’t get me started on the “non-binary vegans”. 

Truly, so many of the signs of the end of times are coming to pass.

Three you say? Let me let you in on something much worse. I know it must have been a little strange to in Pandora, but now from brothers i know/female relatives who have informed me, even Shia women are now beginning to act like many non-Muslim women do, in blurring the lines between sexuality. It's just such a strange time we live in. I can't say much more than that because it would frighten many.

Apparently 2018 is going to be the year of Buzz-cuts. Women are starting to look like men and men like women and some people like aliens. It's a mess i tell you. Please get started on non-binary vegans, i need to inform myself of the reality in the wilderness.

Go and look at S.Korea and Japan, Shia women - real Shia women- are obsessed with male K-pop bands. I thought one direction and JB was going to the extreme, but those Japanese 'boy bands' i have read academic articles on, and basically plastic surgery is massive in South Korea. Many men seek to try to look more effeminate, because culturally now those features are 'highly desirable'. Seriously, pencil thin eye-brows, make up-, girly hair and very skinny jeans.

maxresdefault.jpg

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1 hour ago, Intellectual Resistance said:

Any man with the ability to do so should be able to carry double or triple his wife body weight, with ease. He therefore should be able to easily carry not only the shopping bags, but also the child and i kid you not, even his wife if she's tired. 

I don't know about all that! 

I have a mental image now of a poor burdened man, weighted down with bags of pumpkins, watermelons, flour, and milk jugs, dainty and useless wife and spoiled child perched nonchalantly atop, and it looks like oppression to me. 

A fair middle path is the only correct one.

Edited by notme

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7 minutes ago, notme said:

I don't know about all that! 

I have a mental image now of a poor burdened man, weighted down with bags of pumpkins, watermelons, flour, and milk jugs, dainty and useless wife and spoiled child perched nonchalantly atop, and it looks like oppression to me. 

LOL sister that made me laugh.

On a more serious note, a man should be strong enough to be capable of this. Men have much thicker bones, more muscle mass, and find it far easier to gain strength and muscle than the average woman does. Men are also on average much taller and dwarf women. 

If there's that much shopping, then he ought to get a trolley or something to help. However let us assume they only bought like one KG chicken wings, one KG steak, ONE kg chops, maybe lettuce, fruits, and say in the other bag 8kg of Flour. In this instance, if they had to walk it all the way to town, and say the wife is feeling very tired because it is a hot summer day, i seriously don't see why she and the baby could not hitch a ride with the husband on his back, as he carried the shopping.

I made it quite clear, men should be able to lift twice or thrice the body weight of their spouses. This means they should physically be able to handle carrying her weight + a baby [let us say who ways no more than ten or twenty pounds], as well as shopping that would weigh around say 10-20 pounds. 

This might not be the norm, but for sure it is going to make a woman feel loved, cared for and protected. A woman shouldn't make her husband do this all the time, but some days when she does feel tired, he needs to learn to step up.

EDIT: "perched nonchalantly". The way you described that, and the way you weaved those words are almost author like. You should seriously consider creative writing.

Edited by Intellectual Resistance

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On 1/21/2018 at 9:42 AM, Intellectual Resistance said:

If she's with your imaginary child, then it's best to just bear with it. The point where you ignore tantrums and just let it pass without showing you're bothered or taking the bait is when no child is involved. Children come first - always. As for knowing if they are pretending or really upset, there's a nobel prize for than with a one million dollar reward. Don't bother trying to put a logic to that, humans are not so simple.

I suggest to stop assuming imaginery scenarios. Check shiachat stats regarding the typical responses  from the single youth as yours from its early conception. Then compare that with the same ones who got married. As always, try and I understand my initial post. I am not here to babysit.

All these posts regarding mens strenght. blah blah....... It tells me more about the lack of feeling like men then being men. Just be a good human and live a good life.

All the single folk seems to know more about love and marriage...................................................:blabla:

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On 1/21/2018 at 11:14 AM, monad said:

I suggest to stop assuming imaginery scenarios. Check shiachat stats regarding the typical responses  from the single youth as yours from its early conception. Then compare that with the same ones who got married. As always, try and I understand my initial post. I am not here to babysit.

Brother, why should the kids suffer if a man has argued with his wife? Surely the Kids are the red line no? 

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2 minutes ago, Intellectual Resistance said:

I made it quite clear, men should be able to lift twice or thrice the body weight of their spouses.

I believe you are underestimating the weight of most women, or assuming no man will ever marry a tall or athletic or overweight woman. Twice my weight would be approximately my husband's weight. He's bigger than most guys and I'm about average weight and height. Are you saying he should be able to carry one and a half times his own body weight, and for smaller men, more than that?

4 minutes ago, monad said:

It tells me more about the lack of feeling like men then being men. Just be a good human and live a good life.

Agree with this. All of it. 

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