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In the Name of God بسم الله
Inner Peace

Thoughts 2018

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7 hours ago, laithAlIRAQI said:

Is arbaeen 31 October this year? Anyone knows?

Salam in Iran it is  30 October in Calendar.

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9 hours ago, Sumerian said:

Just got notified I have a wedding to go to, but I'm not gonna go. I'll act like I'm going but just when the wedding ceremony starts I'll dip and go somewhere else.

Man, that's not cool! You should let the organizer know instead of bailing at the last minute.

Edited by ali_fatheroforphans

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19 minutes ago, ali_fatheroforphans said:

Man, that's not cool! You should let the organizer know instead of bailing at the last minute.

He never knew I came, I wasn't specifically invited. I was forced to go by some fam members, I don't even know who got married and don't really care either.

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10 hours ago, IbnSina said:

Meanwhile israeli scum "soldiers" cheer on as they shoot unarmed Palestinians:

 

This reminds me of the movie Schlindler's List  where the Komandant of a Nazi labor camp shot  people for sport and laughs.

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On 4/11/2018 at 3:14 AM, ali_fatheroforphans said:

Just because an angry emoji is introduced, don't use it like an immature kid for any answer you disagree with. 

Just saying.

I still think the sad emoji looks confused. 

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On 4/9/2018 at 9:34 PM, rkazmi33 said:

I heard in a documentary about Scientology that every member gives  around $300,000 to the organization during a life-time. I feel that Shias are also becoming like that. I feel pressure from my community to increase my yearly income up to $100000. They tell me to either buy a house, start a business, or get admission in college to get masters or professional degree. I don't think I will get admission in a professional college, getting a masters degree won't increase my income, and of course my business will fail. I don't need to earn $100,000 a year because my expenses are not that much. But community has like 15 different projects and for those projects, they are always asking for money. I know a couple of middle aged people who have a debt of $200,000-$300,000. They don't earn a lot of money but I know they didn't collect all this debt due to poor spending habits. My guess is they spent a lot of money due to the community (socializing, maintaining living standard). Their income is not going to increase and they will probably die without paying their debt. My question is will they be held responsible for all this debt? I have a feeling I will also end up owing a lot of debt because people keep asking me for money. Are we becoming inspired by Scientology and is it really fair to expect each and every Shia in the west to contribute 200K or 300 K towards the community? 

The most ridiculous demand is they expect community to pay for education of students who are enrolled in professional colleges. All professional students take loans and pay off the loans later because they earn a lot of money after getting their degrees. Why Shia students cannot do the same? Why do I have to pay their fees? What will I get in return? 

I don't know what community you are a part of but absolutely no one expects that where I'm at. Also: nobody makes that much money.

But overall if you are able to provide an interest-free loan to someone who otherwise would be taking an interest loan, that's an opportunity you should jump on because the blessings are innumerable.

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17 hours ago, Sumerian said:

He never knew I came, I wasn't specifically invited. I was forced to go by some fam members, I don't even know who got married and don't really care either.

Let's face it, he's getting married to have sex, not to look at your face.

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4 hours ago, ali_fatheroforphans said:

Just because an angry emoji is introduced, don't use it like an immature kid for any answer you disagree with. 

Just saying.

I was very tempted to angry face react to this post just to be contrary, but I somehow managed to resist.

I hope nobody takes the reaction emojis too seriously. Human interaction in real life isn't a set of buttons. They are just meant to be fun and supportive of our fellow members.

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1 hour ago, ali_fatheroforphans said:

Have a job interview tomorrow, I'm feeling nervous. Can you guys make a dua that it goes well (inshallah).

inshaAllah the interview is a positive experience and you get the best job for you. 

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On April 11, 2018 at 2:27 AM, baradar_jackson said:

I don't know what community you are a part of but absolutely no one expects that where I'm at. Also: nobody makes that much money.

But overall if you are able to provide an interest-free loan to someone who otherwise would be taking an interest loan, that's an opportunity you should jump on because the blessings are innumerable.

Doctors, pharmacists, engineers with few years of experience, and even some scientists, people in sales all make at least $100,000 a year. It takes me at least 2 years to save $10000. If I give that money to someone, and he/ she refuses to pay back, what will I do? It's not fair that I have to sacrifice 2 years of my hard work for someone who can earn that much money in 1 month. In case you start telling me that I should trust my Shia community, I already mentioned that there are few people who are in huge debts: 200 K to 300 K. If tomorrow, I need money,  rich people from community won't come to help me. They will blame me for 'wasting' my money and for being weak: not being able to stand up to bullies and protect my money. 

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12 hours ago, rkazmi33 said:

Doctors, pharmacists, engineers with few years of experience, and even some scientists, people in sales all make at least $100,000 a year. It takes me at least 2 years to save $10000. If I give that money to someone, and he/ she refuses to pay back, what will I do? It's not fair that I have to sacrifice 2 years of my hard work for someone who can earn that much money in 1 month. In case you start telling me that I should trust my Shia community, I already mentioned that there are few people who are in huge debts: 200 K to 300 K. If tomorrow, I need money,  rich people from community won't come to help me. They will blame me for 'wasting' my money and for being weak: not being able to stand up to bullies and protect my money. 

@rkazmi33

I second that. I know that in Islam you are supposed to lend money to your family, friends and community but I can tell you from my personal experience that it is the quickest way to turn friend to foe. My husband is a good man and on the whole, he always sees the good in other people too. I have to admit, when I first married him I was super credulous and believed in sugary idioms like "you can kill with kindness" etc. etc. So, we have both grown in terms of seeing the world for what it really is, and sadly it's not a very nice place. We personally have had many bitter experiences of lending money to family and people in the community. On the whole, at first they come to you with a story about how they've hit pit bottom but they promise that they have a way of recouping their money. They inevitably bring God and religion into it. We first lent a very good friend from mosque some money. We had a maulana as a witness and we drew up an agreement about how much money we were lending him together with the dates on which, and the amounts, that he would return. This man gave my husband a complete run around, stopped coming to mosque and stopped answering our phone calls. Some people in the community said that if they were in my husbands place they would have broken his house's front door down and beaten him up. But, my husband is no thug. This was quite a substantial amount of money so we ended up going to court. We won the case and this guy is still not repaying the money even though the court has ordered him to. Which means our only option is to go to court again to get it actioned. 

On other occasions where we've lent money to people we felt like we've had to chase the person no end to get the money returned and even then, they act like they are doing you a massive favour by returning it!

My husband and I have realised and concluded that there are other ways to gain sawab than lending people money so we now just politely say NO. Though I have to admit that my husband's relative asked to borrow £2000 recently. We said we'd get back to him. This person has always been very good to us and we were struggling on how to come to a decision. Finally I said to my husband that we just have to accept that if we give this money to him, effectively we have to accept that we are writing it off and that it will never get returned. Mentally, we have to process that it is a 'gift' for the pleasure of Allah and if it does get returned to us then we should consider it to be an added bonus. 

Moral of the story - don't lend what you can't do without if it's not returned. 

But, please don't allow my experiences to put you off from lending family and friends money - I'm just saying that ultimately be prepared that it may never (READ AS MOST PROBABLY WON'T) ever be returned . Also, no matter how close or reliable you may think that person is, always draw up a contract clearly citing how much money is being lent and how/when/in what installments it will be returned. Ensure you have independent witnesses too.

I have to tell you though that I think that Allah has blessed us in other ways in return. Alhumdulillah I have two healthy, bright, well spoken children who are excelling in academics and sports. They have a keen interest in Islam too which makes me immensely proud. All the money in the world couldn't have got me more wonderful children ShukarAllah and I am eternally grateful to Allah for this return gift. 

 

Edited by Aflower

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@Aflower  nearly the same here.

There was this Sudanese widow who got it into her head she owed me $186 although l took her to the grocery depot and said she could have this stuff for her birthday.

She "doesn't have anything" but she insisted a few months later when she gave it back. Yet, all but one of the others don't pay and the exception pays in dribbles.

One of the really crooked stunts one of the lraqis' did was to borrow from many people and then after a while declared bankruptcy and the whole mess wound-up in receivership. He ended up with several hundred thousand dollars doing that.

Edited by hasanhh

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11 hours ago, Hamodiii said:

I hate when people tell you be truthful, but when they hear it, they get mad.

Then they ask why do you lie?

Well, there are several ways of saying the same thing.

For example:

Could you please help me with the dishes? I feel kind of tired today and I would really appreciate it.

Versus:

Why do I always have to do the dishes? You never help with anything at all. You better help me clean these or I will get angry at you.

Basically two lines saying the same thing but in two different manners/ways.

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19 minutes ago, IbnSina said:

Well, there are several ways of saying the same thing.

For example:

Could you please help me with the dishes? I feel kind of tired today and I would really appreciate it.

Versus:

Why do I always have to do the dishes? You never help with anything at all. You better help me clean these or I will get angry at you.

Basically two lines saying the same thing but in two different manners.

Quite funny. Problem is, truthful can hurt, which is hard and diffucult.

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@Aflower I am glad your husband didn't try to beat that guy. I have met plenty of people who try to provoke me and when I am yelling, they make videos of me and then threaten me that they will send me to jail. This is how they take people's money. There was a case of a man in my community who had a physical fight with his wife, now he pays large portion if his monthly income to lawyers. I have seen plenty of men get away with all kind of abuse. If this guy is paying such High price for one incident, something tells me he is the victim. I am surprised why are there so many entitled people in our   community. And scholars don't help by constantly giving lectures on community rights. It would be easier for me to accept if money was used for someone who really needed help. But when you work hard to earn money and then work equally hard to save that money and people spend it on clothes, make up, restaurants or other luxuries, it hurts so much. It's one thing to ask people for money, it's disgusting when Shias make gangs, call themselves like Hezbollah and start blackmailing and threatening people to give them money. 

I am glad Allah rewarded you with great children. I hope they keep making you proud. 

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