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Zehra Fatima

Is it right to avoid my mom

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Salaam people... 

My parents got divorced when I was 1 year old. Now the issue here is I'm 15 now and my mom is trying to contact me but I always say that I'm busy and stuff. Is it right to say that and avoid her cause honestly I don't want to talk to her IDK I'm just very confused and I need help. If I ask my dad this he be's like its your life.......... 

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25 minutes ago, Zehra Fatima said:

Salaam people... 

My parents got divorced when I was 1 year old. Now the issue here is I'm 15 now and my mom is trying to contact me but I always say that I'm busy and stuff. Is it right to say that and avoid her cause honestly I don't want to talk to her IDK I'm just very confused and I need help. If I ask my dad this he be's like its your life.......... 

Salaam Alaykum

No you can't say that to your mom. Talk with her, and let her to talk with you.

Avoiding your mom breakers her heart. Don't do that.

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Breaking up relations with one's family is one of the biggest sins in Islam. I would advise you call your mom and talk to her, and never avoid her ever again even if she wronged you.

A man approached the Holy Prophet (S) and enquired, “What is the worst deed in the eyes of Allah?”

The Holy Prophet (S) replied:

“To attribute partners to Allah.”

The man then asked, “After this which is the worst sin?”

The Holy Prophet (S) said:

“To sever relations”.

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It might be hard to get into contact with someone who you have never had a connection with, and now wants to reach out to you, especially if they never spoke to you or were part of your life. If your Dad is aware of what is going on (a responsible Family member) to protect you from any sort of danger, then get back in contact with your mother, and have an open mind about what might be the future. 

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I’d encourage you to maintain small-talk with your mom. But don’t avoid her entirely.

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4 hours ago, Zehra Fatima said:

My parents got divorced when I was 1 year old. Now the issue here is I'm 15 now and my mom is trying to contact me but I always say that I'm busy and stuff. Is it right to say that and avoid her cause honestly I don't want to talk to her IDK I'm just very confused and I need help. If I ask my dad this he be's like its your life.......... 

Salam. Your parents divorced for their own reasons. It might have been painful for them or at least it was stressful. Their divorce had nothing to do with you and I'm sure your mother loves you, even though you think she does not even know you. Not having contact with you has probably caused her a lot of sleepless nights and she worries about you. If she felt threatened by your Dad or his family, it might be that after all these years she is brave enough to contact you. Is she living in another country? Although you don't know her well, she is your mother and you could let her call you. It doesn't mean that you have to do anything that you don't want to do. She probably isn't going to ask you to go live with her. She just wants to hear your voice, get to know you, and talk about your separation from her. She might want to say she is sorry that she left you. 

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To the [edit] responders ( Amir and Hassan ), why do not you think before you reply. Your laziness will end up causing problems for situations you have no insight in.

This isnt some simple case of severing ties, it is more about how to go about building ties with a parent they havent probably seen in 14 years.

A) There was a divorce, where the child went to one parent at the age of 1

B ) Now at the age of 15, the mother wants to contact the teen.

C) There has been probably a gap of 14 years.

D) The teen is in a confused and in a nervous state, not knowing what the outcome would be. She isnt here looking for religious guilt tripping, what she needs is reassurance that  contacting her biological mother will be a benefit.

Do I really have to simply this for you guys?.

Edited by Hameedeh
Inappropriate language removed.

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Hassan and Amir, the problem is not severing relationships but building a relationship, the OP is nervous and scared, she has never had a relationship with her mom and is wondering what to do. How can you sever ties that don't exist? I agree with monad, quit it with the emotional blackmailing.

@Zehra Fatima Well, your father is right, it is your life and I know how strange it feels to have someone reappear suddenly in your life. You don't want to talk to her, that's perfectly fine but it wouldn't hurt to talk to her just once. Find out why she is calling you.

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^^^

Bismehe Ta3ala 

Assalam Alikum Brother Monad

please brother Monad, you can get your point across without namecalling.

People make mistakes, point them out, but be gentle about it.

 

مُّحَمَّدٌ رَّسُولُ اللَّهِ وَالَّذِينَ مَعَهُ أَشِدَّاء عَلَى الْكُفَّارِ رُحَمَاء بَيْنَهُمْ

 

Al-Fath (The Victory) 48:29
 
48:29 MUHAMMAD is God's Apostle; and those who are [truly] with him are firm and unyielding [43] towards all deniers of the truth, [yet] full of mercy towards one another. 

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26 minutes ago, Zehra Fatima said:

Thank you everyone, 

I did talk to her today for a minute and Idk it just seemed weird however I did talk..... 

That's good to hear, if it is too awkward and bothersome for you, you do not have to continue. I can't imagine what it is like not having a relationship with your mother for your entire life and all sudden she starts calling you. I can understand why you would be confused about this situation.

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Bismehe Ta3ala,

Assalam Alikum Sister Zehra,

Brave girl you are, Mash'Allah.  Take it one step at a time.  Relationships take time, don't worry you will get through this ice breaker and Insh'Allah slowly things will work out for the both of you.

M3 Salamah, FE AMIN Allah 

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16 hours ago, Hαssαn said:

Breaking up relations with one's family is one of the biggest sins in Islam. I would advise you call your mom and talk to her, and never avoid her ever again even if she wronged you.

A man approached the Holy Prophet (S) and enquired, “What is the worst deed in the eyes of Allah?”

The Holy Prophet (S) replied:

“To attribute partners to Allah.”

The man then asked, “After this which is the worst sin?”

The Holy Prophet (S) said:

“To sever relations”.

“Fatima (..), the daughter of the Holy Prophet (..), sent for Abu Bakr (after he became caliph following the death of the Holy Prophet (..) claiming from him her inheritance left for her by the Messenger of Allah from what Allah had bestowed (specifically) upon him in Medina and Fadak and what was left from the fifth (khums) of the income from Khaybar. Abu Bakr refused to hand over anything from it to Fatima (..).

Then, Fatima (..) became angry with Abu Bakr and forsook him and did not talk to him till the end of her life. When she died, her husband, Ali ibn Abu Talib, buried her at night. He did not inform Abu Bakr about herdeath and performed the funeral prayers for her personally”

(al-Bukhari, Vol. 5, p. 177; Vol. 8, p. 185; Muslim, Vol. 5, pp. 153-155; al-Bayhaqi, Vol. 4, p. 29; Vol. 6, pp. 300-301; Ibn Sa`d, Vol. 2, part 2, p. 86; Ahmed ibn Hanbal, Vol. 1, p. 9; al-Tabari, Vol. 1, p. 1825; Ibn Kathir, Tarikh, Vol. 5, pp. 285-286; Ibn Abul-Hadid, Vol. 6, p. 46 and Wafa’ al- Wafa’,Vol. 3, p. 995).

In this regard, Umm Ja`far, the daughter of Muhammad ibn Ja`far, narrated the following about the request of Fatima (..), who was nearing her death, to Asma’ daughter of `Umays: “When I die, I want you and Ali to wash me and do not allow anyone to go into my house.”

When she died, Aisha came to enter, but Asma’ said to her, “Do not enter.” Aisha complained to Abu Bakr (her father) saying, “This Khath’amiyya (woman from the tribe of Kath’am) intervenes between us and the daughter of the Messenger of Allah (..).” Abu Bakr came out, stood at the door and said, “O Asma’! What makes you prevent the wives of the Prophet (..) from entering to see the daughter of the Messenger of Allah?” Asma’ replied, “She had herself ordered me not to allow anyone to enter.” Abu Bakr said, “Do what she has ordered you”

(Hilyat al- Awliya’, Vol. 2, p. 43; Al-Sunan al-Kubra, Vol. 3, p. 396; Vol. 4, p. 334;Ansab al-Ashraf, Vol. 1, p. 405; Al-Isti`ab, Vol. 4, pp. 1897-1898; Usd al-Ghaba, Vol. 5, p. 524; Al-Isaba, Vol. 4, pp. 378-379).

Fatima (..) had also made a request to Imam Ali ibn Abu Talib (..) that she must be buried at night, that no one should come to her, that Abu Bakr and Umar should not be notified about her death and burial, and that

Abu Bakr should not be allowed to perform the funeral prayer for her.

When she died, Ali washed and buried her in the dark of the night without notifying Abu Bakr and Umar. So, these two were not aware of her burial.

Muhammad ibn Umar al-Waqidi (130/747-207/823) said the following: “It has been proven to us that Ali (..) performed her funeral prayers and buried her at night accompanied by al-Abbas (ibn Abdul- Muttalib) and (his son) al-Fadl and did not notify anyone.” It was for this reason that the burial place of Fatima (..) is hidden and is unknown, none alive is sure about it

(Al-Mustadrak, Vol. 3, pp. 162-163; Al-Musannaf, Vol. 4, p. 141; Ansab al-Ashraf, Vol. 1, pp. 402, 405; Al-Isti`ab, Vol. 4, p. 1898; Usd al-Ghaba, Vol. 5, pp. 524-525; Al- Isaba, Vol. 4, pp. 379-380; al-Tabari, Vol. 3, pp. 2435-2436; Ibn Sa`d, Vol. 8, pp. 19-20; Wafa’ al-Wafa’, Vol. 3, pp. 901-902, 904, 905; Ibn Abul-Hadid, Vol. 16, pp. 279-281).

 

Just curious Bibi Fatima (a.s) didn't talk to Abu bakar so why can't we just ignore some of our relatives? 

Edited by Ron_Burgundy

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Asslamunalykum.

Bismillahirrahman nir rahim.

I think it is ur time to return her favour of keeping u for 9 months.

And never reply in the same manners as others.there should be a difference between good and bad.and may Allah favours you with a respect and with all good qulaity girl against this favour.inshallah ameen.

Khuda hafix va eltimase dua.

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45 minutes ago, Ron_Burgundy said:

“Fatima (..), the daughter of the Holy Prophet (..), sent for Abu Bakr (after he became caliph following the death of the Holy Prophet (..) claiming from him her inheritance left for her by the Messenger of Allah from what Allah had bestowed (specifically) upon him in Medina and Fadak and what was left from the fifth (khums) of the income from Khaybar. Abu Bakr refused to hand over anything from it to Fatima (..).

Then, Fatima (..) became angry with Abu Bakr and forsook him and did not talk to him till the end of her life. When she died, her husband, Ali ibn Abu Talib, buried her at night. He did not inform Abu Bakr about herdeath and performed the funeral prayers for her personally”

(al-Bukhari, Vol. 5, p. 177; Vol. 8, p. 185; Muslim, Vol. 5, pp. 153-155; al-Bayhaqi, Vol. 4, p. 29; Vol. 6, pp. 300-301; Ibn Sa`d, Vol. 2, part 2, p. 86; Ahmed ibn Hanbal, Vol. 1, p. 9; al-Tabari, Vol. 1, p. 1825; Ibn Kathir, Tarikh, Vol. 5, pp. 285-286; Ibn Abul-Hadid, Vol. 6, p. 46 and Wafa’ al- Wafa’,Vol. 3, p. 995).

In this regard, Umm Ja`far, the daughter of Muhammad ibn Ja`far, narrated the following about the request of Fatima (..), who was nearing her death, to Asma’ daughter of `Umays: “When I die, I want you and Ali to wash me and do not allow anyone to go into my house.”

When she died, Aisha came to enter, but Asma’ said to her, “Do not enter.” Aisha complained to Abu Bakr (her father) saying, “This Khath’amiyya (woman from the tribe of Kath’am) intervenes between us and the daughter of the Messenger of Allah (..).” Abu Bakr came out, stood at the door and said, “O Asma’! What makes you prevent the wives of the Prophet (..) from entering to see the daughter of the Messenger of Allah?” Asma’ replied, “She had herself ordered me not to allow anyone to enter.” Abu Bakr said, “Do what she has ordered you”

(Hilyat al- Awliya’, Vol. 2, p. 43; Al-Sunan al-Kubra, Vol. 3, p. 396; Vol. 4, p. 334;Ansab al-Ashraf, Vol. 1, p. 405; Al-Isti`ab, Vol. 4, pp. 1897-1898; Usd al-Ghaba, Vol. 5, p. 524; Al-Isaba, Vol. 4, pp. 378-379).

Fatima (..) had also made a request to Imam Ali ibn Abu Talib (..) that she must be buried at night, that no one should come to her, that Abu Bakr and Umar should not be notified about her death and burial, and that

Abu Bakr should not be allowed to perform the funeral prayer for her.

When she died, Ali washed and buried her in the dark of the night without notifying Abu Bakr and Umar. So, these two were not aware of her burial.

Muhammad ibn Umar al-Waqidi (130/747-207/823) said the following: “It has been proven to us that Ali (..) performed her funeral prayers and buried her at night accompanied by al-Abbas (ibn Abdul- Muttalib) and (his son) al-Fadl and did not notify anyone.” It was for this reason that the burial place of Fatima (..) is hidden and is unknown, none alive is sure about it

(Al-Mustadrak, Vol. 3, pp. 162-163; Al-Musannaf, Vol. 4, p. 141; Ansab al-Ashraf, Vol. 1, pp. 402, 405; Al-Isti`ab, Vol. 4, p. 1898; Usd al-Ghaba, Vol. 5, pp. 524-525; Al- Isaba, Vol. 4, pp. 379-380; al-Tabari, Vol. 3, pp. 2435-2436; Ibn Sa`d, Vol. 8, pp. 19-20; Wafa’ al-Wafa’, Vol. 3, pp. 901-902, 904, 905; Ibn Abul-Hadid, Vol. 16, pp. 279-281).

 

Just curious Bibi Fatima (a.s) didn't talk to Abu bakar so why can't we just ignore some of our relatives? 

This only concerns ones family, Abu Bakr was not related to Fatima (as) in any way.

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On 12/27/2017 at 2:47 PM, Ron_Burgundy said:

I thought Abu Bakar was a father of Bibi Ayesha. 

I'm assuming you think since Aisha was the wife of the Prophet (s) it somehow links Abu Bakr to Fatima (as) as relatives. This doesn't make Abu Bakr and Fatima (as) related in any way. But even if they were related, it would be wajib to dissociate from a man like Abu Bakr, and Qati' Rahm would not apply in this situation.

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19 hours ago, Zehra Fatima said:

Now the issue here is I'm 15 now and my mom is trying to contact me but I always say that I'm busy and stuff.

Is she trying to contact you afer 14 years ? or have you been in contact with her the whole time?

19 hours ago, Zehra Fatima said:

I always say that I'm busy and stuff.

I'm assuming you're not a fan of your Mom. Why is that ?

19 hours ago, Zehra Fatima said:

Is it right to say that and avoid her cause honestly I don't want to talk to her

Again...why the animosity towards your Mom ?

19 hours ago, Zehra Fatima said:

I'm just very confused and I need help.

Best approach will be for you to realize and handle the emotions that you are consciously or even sub-consciously feeling towards your Mom. Once you get that cleared up as well as understand why you feel the way you feel towards her then you will better be able to handle and deal with your feelings. After that you can begin to have a stronger and more clearly defined relationship with her.

Gotta identify the issues before you can work on them. That'll allow for a more reasonable relationship.

On a side note, regardless of how you feel about her, she is still the one that brought you into this world after 9 months in her womb. You owe your existence to her. 

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7 hours ago, Gaius I. Caesar said:

Hassan and Amir, the problem is not severing relationships but building a relationship, the OP is nervous and scared, she has never had a relationship with her mom and is wondering what to do. How can you sever ties that don't exist? I agree with monad, quit it with the emotional blackmailing.

"Now the issue here is I'm 15 now and my mom is trying to contact me but I always say that I'm busy and stuff. Is it right to say that and avoid her cause honestly I don't want to talk to her"

Seems like it's severing relations to me... Anyways, I don't want to have a debate here and ruin this topic for the sister, let's leave it at that.

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21 hours ago, Hassan- said:

Breaking up relations with one's family is one of the biggest sins in Islam. I would advise you call your mom and talk to her, and never avoid her ever again even if she wronged you.

A man approached the Holy Prophet (S) and enquired, “What is the worst deed in the eyes of Allah?”

The Holy Prophet (S) replied:

“To attribute partners to Allah.”

The man then asked, “After this which is the worst sin?”

The Holy Prophet (S) said:

“To sever relations”.

Salam bro,

how about the two following scenarios?

1. Family member has become atheist

2. Family member has insulted (not cursed) Prophet(s) and/or imams

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9 minutes ago, Hussaini624 said:

Salam bro,

how about the two following scenarios?

1. Family member has become atheist

2. Family member has insulted (not cursed) Prophet(s) and/or imams

Look at the chatroom I responded.

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5 hours ago, Al-Basharat Mehdi said:

Asslamunalykum.

Bismillahirrahman nir rahim.

I think it is ur time to return her favour of keeping u for 9 months.

And never reply in the same manners as others.there should be a difference between good and bad.and may Allah favours you with a respect and with all good qulaity girl against this favour.inshallah ameen.

Khuda hafix va eltimase dua.

wa'alaikumussalam

spot on bro.

mother is not like any other person. treat her well however much injustice we think she has done to us. 

we all won't be here were it not for her (and our father). 

Edited by justAnothermuslim

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