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In the Name of God بسم الله

My family and Hijab

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  • Basic Members

okay so I really don't know how to start all of this...

I am a 19 year old girl, started wearing a hijab when I turned 13 years old - Me, still super young, didn't have any idea what was happening, somehow got forced into wearing it because everyone scared me. or let me just say, there was no other option. Turning 15, I told my parents that I didn't want to wear it anymore. They got extremely mad, my mom cried her heart out, it was like seeing them have a mental breakdown. I got really scared so I kept wearing it. Turning 18 and starting uni, which also made me live in a different country, I decided to just tell them that I'm taking it off and did it. The problem here is, that I can't bear seeing my mom cry... And I can't talk to her either about this topic.. Born and raised in Europe, which zero arabic friends, makes it way too hard for me to actually wer hijab with everyone around you judging and treating in such a different way... She just doesn't get it. I really don't know what to do in that kind of situation... I really don't want to force myself to do something I'm super uncomfortable with but I don't want to see my mom cry and know that she's sad. It just breaks my heart and makes me cry myself into sleep.. I'm really clueless..

I just found that forum because I can't talk to anyone about this. Does anyone maybe have an idea what I could do right now?.. Am I just "forced" to wear it? is there no other way out?

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Start with a Salamu Alaikum,

I see the reason you dislike wearing the hijab is that you can't stand the burden of others judging you. Hijab is for men and women.

It's all about modesty. The reason women have hijab stricter than men is because due to their biological nature, they have a greater chance of attracting men.

It may be tough but know that you are pleasing Allah when you wear it and guard your modesty. Seeing your mother cry is one of the worst possible things, please for the sake of your mother, keep wearing your hijab. She raised you and took care of you since you were young, and now she sees you following the majority; surely this has crushed her heart. I don't know what I would feel if I were in her position.

You don't lose anything by wearing hijab, if people still judge and treat you like some weird person, then they are the ones living backwards lives, not you.

Final advice, read about Zainab bint Ali (a) and try to take example from her.

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If you're certain you want to keep it off, know that time will heal. It could just heal enough to leave a scar (a reminder that upsets her) or she could eventually completely overlook it. It's a natural reaction and should'v been expected. You'r intentionally comitting sins and you'v left yourself open to temptation. Leading life religiously will also be more difficult without the hijab. Religious men are less likely to approach you for your hand in marriage. Your mum's vision of you and your future has a crack. Many thoughts are racing through your mother's head. Give her some time to work through them. Your job is to do your best to reassure her. 

But if she's still upset after a long time and it bothers you, sit down and have a think about why you took it off. Make a list for reasons to keep it on and reasons to take it off. Look at the list and see which ever factors are most important to you. Make a decision based on that.

Do you still think it's wajib? If not, share your reasons with your parents. They might agree or they might convince you otherwise. At the very least they'll appreciate your perspective on the matter.

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Salaam Alaykum Sister

First of all, it's rational to share your problem with other people who see your situation from outside.

I see why you don't want to wear Hijab. I understand you. People are looking strange at you, their behaviour is different, etc. I also understand why your mum cries and is worried about your Hijab. BUT there is something common in these two scenarios. Do you know what is it?

You are concerned about what people, your mother on one side and prejudiced people on the other side, think about you.

One of the reasons of following a specific ideology, you can call it religion, is to be free of all other people. You only need to follow Allah and whatever he tells you to do. If I were you, I would think which side is in accordance with my religion and then I ignore the other side. Following religion is not easy. People also make fun of me because I pray and fast and refuse to shake hand. People who want to admire you because of your appearance are not good people. Put them in trash bin.

I see some girls at school who come to class with Hijab. They are very strong and smart students. May Allah bless them. I pray for Hijabi women to be stronger in religion and in their personal life.

Hazrat Fatemeh Zahra is looking at you whenever you go out. What do you think when she sees you without Hijab? Taking off Hijab just because some people look at you strange. Those people don't deserve anything.

I wish you follow religion. Your beloved mother is right on this matter. May Allah bless you and your mother.

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Your mother does have a right to be concerned and it is normal that she gets emotional based on the fact that you don't want to wear hijab. There are a lot of thoughts that might be going on in her head, such as "what did I do wrong in raising my daughter", "I can't stand my daughter going away from the straight path", "I can't watch her sin" etc.

My advice for you is to ask yourself "does religion really matter to me?". No one wants to follow a religion based on personal desires and temptations. At the end of the day, Hijab is compulsory in all books of Islamic jurisprudence and you will be sinning everyday by not wearing hijab. This is a divine law from Allah and you need to be submissive to Allah if religion really matters to you.

Why women wear hijab? Well I think this is very subjective and you need to try to find a way hijab can influence your life in a positive way. No one says following religion can always be easy - you do need to make some sacrifices. However I can assure that the experience will be rewarding and worth it. Not wearing Hijab is physical but it negatively affects your soul - which is everlasting.

Don't be influenced by your friends who may not be Muslims. Also, if they judge you for wearing hijab, then they are not real friends.


Edited by ali_fatheroforphans
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