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In the Name of God بسم الله

Should I tell someone

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shiatalii

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As salaam alaykum

I am a young sister living in a western country.

My whole family is born and raised Shias.

I obviously go to school, but I can't say that my grades are great. I've got really bad grades before as well, and when my dad saw them he got mad and beat me up. Before asking why mom doesn't do anything. She obviously tries to stop him but he ends up with hitting her as well. I'm not talking about a slap, I am talking about full on beating up. Now in my situation I don't really have any of my mom's side of the family here, my dad's side of the family wouldn't really do much if I told them. Obviously as a Shia, in many muslim communities they don't really do much about things like this. He has done it before but now it's worse than ever. He has threatened to forcefully marry me off when I turn 18, (I'm 16, almost 17) and to send me to another country. I have been born and raised in a western country. For some this may just seem like a threat, but I don't doubt him actually doing this. He also threatened to throw me out of the house but my mom stopped him.

I don't know what to do, honestly a part of me has started to hate him. He says a lot of bad things to me such as you've always been a trouble since the day you were born and all that. He isn't like this everyday but it happens whenever he gets mad at me.

I was so close to telling somebody, but I didn't. If I tell someone, I'll most likely will be put in foster care, but then I don't know what he'll do to my mom and sibling, and I don't want to go away from her. And she'll probably be mad at me if I do. I don't have a phone right now either so I'm writing this on my laptop. But I'm really scared, and I don't know what to do.

Please keep me and my family in your Duas.

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This is a very dangerous situation with many possible bad outcomes. 

In my opinion, you need to speak openly and honestly with your mother about family counseling or options for separating the entire family from him. 

Duas for your family. 

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It isn't just physical abuse, but emotional as well.

Which hurts even more, I am in a situation, where he has taken everything from me, my phone and literally everything else I own.

I feel so alone, and I made so many duas, but it feels like Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى isn't answering any of my duas. I am scared for my mom's and my own life. 

Please make as many duas as possible for me.

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I’m so sorry to hear about this. You need to try and change the situation by taking appropriate steps to get away from your dad. And not just you—everyone is in danger of their lives, here. You need to help yourself. You can’t expect a miracle from Allah without taking appropriate action. 

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Well your dad isnt allowed to use physical violence, not sure which religion he has learned that from. Seems to me that is more of a dominance issue.

Now, narration wise, it does impose guilt on the child to respect parents whether they are good or wicked, although, to treat a wicked parent with kindess while they are violent is practically irrational. I wonder what the divines would answer to all those children who got abused or murdered by their wicked parents, because they thought, one must treat them kindly.

The objective to treating someone with kindness is that, eventually they to would change and come to realise their mistake, thus atoning for their wrong doings. However, scars always stay, and atonement occurs when the evil doer loses power.

Muslims are to quiet in such matters and the problem in your situation is that, any external source will cause problems, even if it is a solution. You have to face the consequences either way, be it getting more beatings, married off at 18 or your mum and you leaving the home, using social care. Both will comes with struggles and responsbilities. But one must not cower in fear.

Edited by monad
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2 hours ago, monad said:

objective to treating someone with kindness is that, eventually they to would change and come to realise their mistake, thus atoning for their wrong doings. However, scars always stay, and atonement occurs when the evil doer loses power.

This puts blame on the victim. Rarely do people change. It’s not because of kindness that one will learn how to treat someone—that person must decide to change on his own.

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@shiatalii The answer is always and forever, yes. Yes, you should tell somebody, you should never be beaten or harmed in any shape or form. You should never see your mother be beaten by your father. Your safety and security is of the utmost importance,  don't let anybody tell you different.

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Never accept abuse from anyone! Get help for the other people around you suffering brother and mother etc. "Death with dignity is better than a life of humiliation"

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Salaam Alaykum

Your family situation is difficult. I understand what you saying. My brothers and sisters here will do dua for you and your family.

I really don't know what to say except telling you to be patient ان الله مع الصابرین.

Try to be closer to your siblings and your mother. Try to have a happy environment at least among yourselves(your, your siblings, and your mother). Try to talk with Imam of your nearby mosque, and ask him for help. Usually they keep your secrets and try to be helpful.

I will do dua for your family

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8 hours ago, shiatalii said:

If I tell someone, I'll most likely will be put in foster care, but then I don't know what he'll do to my mom and sibling, and I don't want to go away from her.

 Absolutely not true, your mother will keep you two and you will probably live with her at a homeless shelter or abuse shelter.

Edited by Gaius I. Caesar
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5 hours ago, monad said:

Well your dad isnt allowed to use physical violence, not sure which religion he has learned that from. Seems to me that is more of a dominance issue.

Where does it say you're not allowed to hit your kid as a form of discipline ...? You're not allowed to leave a mark. That's the only thing I'm aware of. I'm pretty sure most asian kids got beat growing up. Naughty chair/corner is a western thing. We have the 2 chances rule at my house. First time, you're told why it's wrong. Second time you're reminded why it's wrong and given a warning. The third time, you're beat. You skip to number 3 if you did something obviously wrong or disrespect a parent. 

Judging the situation using only your perspective without your father's is biased. But if the scale is truly skewed and you/your family is in harms way- do involve someone of authority. There are mawlana/sheikhs you can call and speak to in confidence. Perhaps you can try and speak to one of them to seek islamic advice/guidance. 

Forced marriage is haram. Your marriage would be void. Your "husband" would be raping you. Your father must be aware of this. Perhaps they are words said in anger?

My mother used to say "if you're not going to pursue education and work on your career, we'll marry you off." I'd ask if that was a threat and she always replied "well, what other milestone do you want to hit?" She said she'd marry me off not as a form of punishment, but to help me move forward and progress in life. Something my mum would also say in arabic, "a stagnant river is a rotten river. Life needs to flow like a river. You'll always need to be moving." If you're not going to succeed in your education/career, you need to aspire to succeed in another aspect of life. 

If you happen to get bad grades again, ask your father to help you. Ask him to help you find tutors to help with the subjects you're struggling with. Before your exams, show him your revision plan and let him know how hard you're trying. When you're doing homework, sit in front of him so he sees you studying.

If you get good grades, he won't benefit from it. You will. Remember, your parents didnt have a former experience as parents. This is the first time they are acting as parents. They will make mistakes. I appreciate that some mistakes are unforgivable, so it doesn't excuse abuse. Often, they mimick the actions of their own parents- especially utilising methods that worked and influenced them growing up. There aren't any healthy/sane parents who want to hurt their child. Perhaps your father isn't aware of the damage he is causing.

This might sound odd, but write a letter to him. Saying things out loud can be very difficult, and if your father has a short temper he probably won't hear you out. You might also experience a slip of the tongue and say something disrespectful/rude to trigger him. When you write, you can formulate your words better and phrase them in a respectful manner with much more ease. Give it to him and ask him to read it in full. Express your thoughts, your feelings and your efforts to improve your grades. If you feel he wouldn't appreciate this and might beat you because it's disrespectful, then don't do it. In that case, I'm not sure what to do... 

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14 minutes ago, yusur317 said:

This is the first time they are acting as parents. 

No, she has a brother and I hardly think that beating your wife is a mistake, she is trying to protect the OP from the husband.

Quote

Before asking why mom doesn't do anything. She obviously tries to stop him but he ends up with hitting her as well. I'm not talking about a slap, I am talking about full on beating up.

The OP father's doesn't care about the damage, sis. He is an abuser and a spineless and selfish coward, plain and simple.

Edited by Gaius I. Caesar
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17 minutes ago, Gaius I. Caesar said:

No, she has a brother and I hardly think that beating your wife is a mistake, she is trying to protect the OP from the husband.

The OP father's doesn't care about the damage, sis. He is an abuser and a spineless and selfish coward, plain and simple.

I don't know the family circumstance. Whatever is happening, i hope God will assist them and bring harmony to their home. 

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10 hours ago, yusur317 said:

Where does it say you're not allowed to hit your kid as a form of discipline ...?

who told you physical violence is the way?. Care to source any narrations of your divines beating their children or others into obedience?. There is/was physical violence based on the type of crime, as a form of punishment on criminals to deter the general populace. When intellect or reasoning powers cannot be upheld, violence is used on the weak or children to instil fear to follow and obey. Do not worry, I go beatings when I was young, I just got use to it, be it in school or at home, we use to laugh when we did, which would make it even worse. but for others it breaks them. Even when these types get use to it, their smiles or laughter while being beaten is not as how one would be laughing when they are happy, it becomes sinister. These type of happiness is, either that individual is wating for their turn to inflict revenge or they have stopped carring. This is more dangerous then me clenching my gluteus maximus to lessen the effect of the caning. :hahaha: Yes, some younglings need it, especially, when they have surpassed their limits.

Your advice is good, but to claim an adult has not practiced his reasoning powers regarding violence and behavior due to habit is incorrect. This is nothing but stubbornness. I know a few people, who are good folk, but they cannot control their anger. I understand, that in them, this emotion is vehemetly stronger then many, that a slight irritation that does not go according to their view can make them behave aggressively. But over the years, when we discuss and I give them pointers from what I have read, regarding reason, with this they do not  errupt as they would with others. This proves, education with them on applying thinking power is what makes all of us improve, be it with time. The question then comes down to is, what are all these types of humans who attend the mosques in hordes, actually learning from them or even from their work to television life. Clearly they are either low in intellect or stubborn in changing behavior. Low intellect would not be a good excuse as all intellect is a matter of education.

The other part of cognitive dissonance is that the op wrote

" My whole family is born and raised Shias. "

the assumption that being shia, this behavior should not occur in the household. Which is correct. One cannot go and cry for imam hussain and curse yazid then come home and behave like the ones that they cursed. Ofcourse, we must adress as to why the op is getting bad grades, why is she slacking, why is there no motivation in being better, what steps is she taking to improve her education etc. Also what is the motive of the parents for their childrens success, is to reputation, retirement plan, or making sure their children do not struggle like they did.

Edited by monad
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26 minutes ago, monad said:

who told you physical violence is the way?. Care to source any narrations of your divines beating their children or others into obedience?. There is/was physical violence based on the type of crime, as a form of punishment on criminals to deter the general populace. When intellect or reasoning powers cannot be upheld, violence is used on the weak or children to instil fear to follow and obey. Do not worry, I go beatings when I was young, I just got use to it, be it in school or at home, we use to laugh when we did, which would make it even worse. but for others it breaks them. Even when these types get use to it, their smiles or laughter while being beaten is not as how one would be laughing when they are happy, it becomes sinister. These type of happiness is, either that individual is wating for their turn to inflict revenge or they have stopped carring. This is more dangerous then me clenching my gluteus maximus to lessen the effect of the caning. :hahaha: Yes, some younglings need it, especially, when they have surpassed their limits.

Your advice is good, but to claim an adult has not practiced his reasoning powers regarding violence and behavior due to habit is incorrect. This is nothing but stubbornness. I know a few people, who are good folk, but they cannot control their anger. I understand, that in them, this emotion is vehemetly stronger then many, that a slight irritation that does not go according to their view can make them behave aggressively. But over the years, when we discuss and I give them pointers from what I have read, regarding reason, with this they do not  errupt as they would with others. This proves, education with them on applying thinking power is what makes all of us improve, be it with time. The question then comes down to is, what are all these types of humans who attend the mosques in hordes, actually learning from them or even from their work to television life. Clearly they are either low in intellect or stubborn in changing behavior. Low intellect would not be a good excuse as all intellect is a matter of education.

The other part of cognitive dissonance is that the op wrote

" My whole family is born and raised Shias. "

the assumption that being shia, this behavior should not occur in the household. Which is correct. One cannot go and cry for imam hussain and curse yazid then come home and behave like the ones that they cursed. Ofcourse, we must adress as to why the op is getting bad grades, why is she slacking, why is there no motivation in being better, what steps is she taking to improve her education etc. Also what is the motive of the parents for their childrens success, is to reputation, retirement plan, or making sure their children do not struggle like they did.

He does it to make sure I don't struggle as my parents did, but the way he "teaches" me is not really a way someone learns from.

I just lack motivation in studying and I find it hard, but I've been trying more this semester, more than before at least.

The 6 other semesters I got grades, I got bad grades then as well, so I understand his disappointment, but still I don't get more motivation when he beats me up.

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27 minutes ago, monad said:

who told you physical violence is the way?. Care to source any narrations of your divines beating their children or others into obedience?. There is/was physical violence based on the type of crime, as a form of punishment on criminals to deter the general populace. When intellect or reasoning powers cannot be upheld, violence is used on the weak or children to instil fear to follow and obey. Do not worry, I go beatings when I was young, I just got use to it, be it in school or at home, we use to laugh when we did, which would make it even worse. but for others it breaks them. Even when these types get use to it, their smiles or laughter while being beaten is not as how one would be laughing when they are happy, it becomes sinister. These type of happiness is, either that individual is wating for their turn to inflict revenge or they have stopped carring. This is more dangerous then me clenching my gluteus maximus to lessen the effect of the caning. :hahaha: Yes, some younglings need it, especially, when they have surpassed their limits.

Your advice is good, but to claim an adult has not practiced his reasoning powers regarding violence and behavior due to habit is incorrect. This is nothing but stubbornness. I know a few people, who are good folk, but they cannot control their anger. I understand, that in them, this emotion is vehemetly stronger then many, that a slight irritation that does not go according to their view can make them behave aggressively. But over the years, when we discuss and I give them pointers from what I have read, regarding reason, with this they do not  errupt as they would with others. This proves, education with them on applying thinking power is what makes all of us improve, be it with time. The question then comes down to is, what are all these types of humans who attend the mosques in hordes, actually learning from them or even from their work to television life. Clearly they are either low in intellect or stubborn in changing behavior. Low intellect would not be a good excuse as all intellect is a matter of education.

The other part of cognitive dissonance is that the op wrote

" My whole family is born and raised Shias. "

the assumption that being shia, this behavior should not occur in the household. Which is correct. One cannot go and cry for imam hussain and curse yazid then come home and behave like the ones that they cursed. Ofcourse, we must adress as to why the op is getting bad grades, why is she slacking, why is there no motivation in being better, what steps is she taking to improve her education etc. Also what is the motive of the parents for their childrens success, is to reputation, retirement plan, or making sure their children do not struggle like they did.

And it would be one thing, if my mom was the one beating me, but it's my dad, and honestly even before this time, I haven't felt comfortable around him for a while.

He also says things that makes it worse, like calling me names and all, and that I'm a shame

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10 hours ago, Gaius I. Caesar said:

No, she has a brother and I hardly think that beating your wife is a mistake, she is trying to protect the OP from the husband.

The OP father's doesn't care about the damage, sis. He is an abuser and a spineless and selfish coward, plain and simple.

I am the oldest sibling, but I've got a little sister, 2 years younger than me.

And sometimes my cousins (twin cousins the same age as my little sister) comes over, and he expects me to 'tutor' them in math or English , and when I don't get it, he kind of gets annoyed, like what do you do in your classes, or like you learned all this 2 years ago why don't you get it now.

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10 hours ago, yusur317 said:

Forced marriage is haram. Your marriage would be void. Your "husband" would be raping you. Your father must be aware of this. Perhaps they are words said in anger?

My mother used to say "if you're not going to pursue education and work on your career, we'll marry you off." I'd ask if that was a threat and she always replied "well, what other milestone do you want to hit?" She said she'd marry me off not as a form of punishment, but to help me move forward and progress in life. Something my mum would also say in arabic, "a stagnant river is a rotten river. Life needs to flow like a river. You'll always need to be moving." If you're not going to succeed in your education/career, you need to aspire to succeed in another aspect of life. 

Yeah, but this is my father and he didn't say it in a way like if you're not going to pursue education, we'll marry you off. He said; in a year when you turn 18 we're going to marry you off and send you back home. And honestly it's not that unbelievable that he said it

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2 hours ago, shiatalii said:

And sometimes my cousins (twin cousins the same age as my little sister) comes over, and he expects me to 'tutor' them in math or English , and when I don't get it, he kind of gets annoyed, like what do you do in your classes, or like you learned all this 2 years ago why don't you get it now.

I doubt your dad remembers anything from what he studied when he was young or even a few years back. Intellect or remembrance is part of repetition, practice or emotional connections. I get the same issues even to this day in old age. Only difference is I can talk back with reason and satire to show the ignorance of the accusations regarding not being successful. Problem with humans is, that, they only care for success and reputation. Each person has value according to what value they bring to the ones near them.

2 hours ago, shiatalii said:

Yeah, but this is my father and he didn't say it in a way like if you're not going to pursue education, we'll marry you off. He said; in a year when you turn 18 we're going to marry you off and send you back home. And honestly it's not that unbelievable that he said it

Your father should be told, home is where you reside now, it isnt from whatever eastern country he came from. This is nothing but cultural ignorance. As someone suggested speak to your local sheikh. Click on my profile there is a YT link regarding best methods to study by Martin Lodbel. You also need to figure out what you want in life and do it. Life is hard, but you must always push your self to become better.

Edited by monad
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He cannot force you out of the country.

All you have to do is when he gets you into the airport, when you get to TSA just say, "l have a ______".

Then you can tell your story to the Feds in complete safety.

There are also women shelters and stuff until then.

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Islam doesnt allow us to oppress others nor are we allowed to let others oppress us.

Does your father beat you merely for your bad grades?! Is there anything else which makes him angry or does he suffer from any mental disorder?

Children are divine gifts and parents are supposed to protect them and keep them safe.

Try to talk with him in a logical respectful way and let him know your feelings. But if he continues abusing you, then ask others,for example your close relatives specially your grandparents, to help you.

Edited by shadow_of_light
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On 12/24/2017 at 4:42 AM, monad said:

who told you physical violence is the way?.

I didn't say that. You said her dad wasn't allowed to use physical punishment, questioning which religion allowed for it. I pointed out, ours does. You are allowed to use physical means. 

Care to source any narrations of your divines beating their children or others into obedience?

I asked you for a source, you didn't provide any. Despite there being some narrations where our Imams command not to beat a specific child, these are certain cases concerning individual people seeking advice regarding their situation. The general rule is, physical punishment is allowed as a last resort. Have a thorough read through this:  https://www.al-islam.org/principles-upbringing-children-ayatullah-ibrahim-amini/chapter-74-physical-punishment 

There is/was physical violence based on the type of crime, as a form of punishment on criminals to deter the general populace. When intellect or reasoning powers cannot be upheld, violence is used on the weak or children to instil fear to follow and obey.

So when God's reasoning doesn't work, and we continue to commit our sins, aren't we punished with hell fire too? Isn't that more severe than a slap on the wrist for stealing? 

Do not worry, I go beatings when I was young, I just got use to it, be it in school or at home, we use to laugh when we did, which would make it even worse. but for others it breaks them. Even when these types get use to it, their smiles or laughter while being beaten is not as how one would be laughing when they are happy, it becomes sinister. These type of happiness is, either that individual is wating for their turn to inflict revenge or they have stopped carring. This is more dangerous then me clenching my gluteus maximus to lessen the effect of the caning. :hahaha: Yes, some younglings need it, especially, when they have surpassed their limits.

There is abuse and there is discipline. Abuse is wrong. If you received physical punishment appropriately, it should not scar you.

Your advice is good, but to claim an adult has not practiced his reasoning powers regarding violence and behavior due to habit is incorrect. This is nothing but stubbornness. I know a few people, who are good folk, but they cannot control their anger. I understand, that in them, this emotion is vehemetly stronger then many, that a slight irritation that does not go according to their view can make them behave aggressively. But over the years, when we discuss and I give them pointers from what I have read, regarding reason, with this they do not  errupt as they would with others. This proves, education with them on applying thinking power is what makes all of us improve, be it with time. The question then comes down to is, what are all these types of humans who attend the mosques in hordes, actually learning from them or even from their work to television life. Clearly they are either low in intellect or stubborn in changing behavior. Low intellect would not be a good excuse as all intellect is a matter of education.

I agree that anger and a short temper have no place in a child's upbringing. My advice regarding the letter was to help her father realise how his actions are affecting his daughter. Perhaps this way, he might change his approach. What I meant concerning being first time parents, is that often they don't appreciate the impact of their actions. I know this because I have seen how much my parents have changed their approach and communication with both myself and my brother over the years. They grow and develop just as we do. We just don't realise it because, well, children and teenagers are very self-centred. Young adults are often too. 

The other part of cognitive dissonance is that the op wrote

" My whole family is born and raised Shias. "

the assumption that being shia, this behavior should not occur in the household. Which is correct. One cannot go and cry for imam hussain and curse yazid then come home and behave like the ones that they cursed. Ofcourse, we must adress as to why the op is getting bad grades, why is she slacking, why is there no motivation in being better, what steps is she taking to improve her education etc. Also what is the motive of the parents for their childrens success, is to reputation, retirement plan, or making sure their children do not struggle like they did.

I honestly overlooked the part about his beating of her mother. That is extremely inappropriate and points to abuse. To push her away is one thing, but to beat her is another. His temper definitely plays a role. Through it, the aim and purpose of his actions to correct her behaviour is lost. All it does in this case, is cause further damage to his relationship with his wife and daughter. 

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Just now, shadow_of_light said:

Islam doesnt allow us to oppress others nor does it allow to let others oppress us.

Does your father beat you merely for your bad grades?! Is there anything else which makes him angry or does he suffer from any mental disorder?

Children are divine gifts and parents are supposed to protect them and keep them safe.

Try to talk with him in a logical respectful way and let him know your feelings. But if he continues abusing you, then ask others,for example your close relatives specially your grandparents, to help you.

My father beats me up because of my grades, he has a short temper, and he sometimes gets really mad at small things.

I only have my fathers side of the family in this country, and I only have a grandmother, my grandfather left my father, uncles and my aunt when they were really young, so I've never met him before.

My fathers side of the family knows that he has hit my mom, when me & my younger siblings were younger, my dad used to either take his anger out from other things on my mom, or blame my mom for everything. They knew and they told him to stop and that we're kids and that we shouldn't see things like that, I've got some pretty terrifying memories from my childhood.

But the thing is we haven't talked to them for a while now (like 2 almost 3 years), so I don't think they would care, and if they did do something, they would just tell me to take school seriously, and tell him that he shouldn't hit me that hard or something like that. But that honestly wouldn't matter. He has tried several times, and asked us for forgiveness and said that but still I just want what's best for you, and I know what's best for you more than you do. Like he puts the blame on me even then.

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Just everyone, please keep me and my family in your Duas. Please pray for me and pray that Allah helps me make the right decision and that my father's anger calms down,

He has been saying some stuff to me that hurts. Like you're not my daughter, I'm so ashamed of you and that I've always brought misery with me from the day I was born, and that he prays to God that I die quick. And that it would better if he just heard that I got ran by a train or something, bc at least they would mourn just a month or something instead of me always bringing 'fire' to the house. He says that I make his life hell, so now he'll make mine. He always says pretty harsh things when he's mad, but he has never said things like this before.

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19 hours ago, shiatalii said:

My father beats me up because of my grades, he has a short temper, and he sometimes gets really mad at small things.

I only have my fathers side of the family in this country, and I only have a grandmother, my grandfather left my father, uncles and my aunt when they were really young, so I've never met him before.

My fathers side of the family knows that he has hit my mom, when me & my younger siblings were younger, my dad used to either take his anger out from other things on my mom, or blame my mom for everything. They knew and they told him to stop and that we're kids and that we shouldn't see things like that, I've got some pretty terrifying memories from my childhood.

But the thing is we haven't talked to them for a while now (like 2 almost 3 years), so I don't think they would care, and if they did do something, they would just tell me to take school seriously, and tell him that he shouldn't hit me that hard or something like that. But that honestly wouldn't matter. He has tried several times, and asked us for forgiveness and said that but still I just want what's best for you, and I know what's best for you more than you do. Like he puts the blame on me even then.

I think someone must mediate and talk with your father and make him aware of your feelings and negative outcomes of his behaviour. Try to talk with him when he is happy and calm. Can you stay at your grandmother's home a few days a week? Dont think that she wont care...you are her granddaughter and she cannot be indifferent to your problems.

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Salam, 

Sister, I am very sorry for your situation. May Allah(s.w.a) help you. 

As a father myself with children who are approaching the teenage years, trying to raise them in 'The West' with all the bad influences around them, I can tell you that it is a big struggle every day to see your kids surrounded by all these anti Islamic influences and then try to push them back the other direction toward Islam. So you need to recognize this and realize that he is under a tremendous amount of pressure because of this. At the same time, it is not acceptable in Islam to beat your children. That is for sure. He should be mature enough to control his anger because there are big consequences both in this life and the next for letting your anger get out of control. 

If you are reasonably sure that this situation is at a point where your life / long term health is at risk because of this abuse, then you need to get yourself away from him and out of the situation. That is for sure. I think going the route of the State System / foster care is the very last option, you should try to go to family first. But whatever way you do it, you need to get out. Period. 

If you are reasonably sure that his abuse is not life / health threatening, then you should try to work with whatever family you have access to and who you think might have an influence on him to change. You should approach this family member and  tell them about the situation and ask them for help. You should try to keep this confidential and do it in a way that preserves his dignity.

Also, he cannot 'marry you off'. An Islamic marriage is not valid without the full knowledge and consent of both the husband and wife, otherwise the marriage is null and void in Islam. 

Salam. 

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On 23/12/2017 at 2:45 PM, shiatalii said:

As salaam alaykum

I am a young sister living in a western country.

My whole family is born and raised Shias.

I obviously go to school, but I can't say that my grades are great. I've got really bad grades before as well, and when my dad saw them he got mad and beat me up. Before asking why mom doesn't do anything. She obviously tries to stop him but he ends up with hitting her as well. I'm not talking about a slap, I am talking about full on beating up. Now in my situation I don't really have any of my mom's side of the family here, my dad's side of the family wouldn't really do much if I told them. Obviously as a Shia, in many muslim communities they don't really do much about things like this. He has done it before but now it's worse than ever. He has threatened to forcefully marry me off when I turn 18, (I'm 16, almost 17) and to send me to another country. I have been born and raised in a western country. For some this may just seem like a threat, but I don't doubt him actually doing this. He also threatened to throw me out of the house but my mom stopped him.

I don't know what to do, honestly a part of me has started to hate him. He says a lot of bad things to me such as you've always been a trouble since the day you were born and all that. He isn't like this everyday but it happens whenever he gets mad at me.

I was so close to telling somebody, but I didn't. If I tell someone, I'll most likely will be put in foster care, but then I don't know what he'll do to my mom and sibling, and I don't want to go away from her. And she'll probably be mad at me if I do. I don't have a phone right now either so I'm writing this on my laptop. But I'm really scared, and I don't know what to do.

Please keep me and my family in your Duas.

May Allah nd Muhammad o Ale Muhammad s.a.w bless u nd ur family a happy life and help u nd those who are suffering from domestic violence...

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