[MATURE] Sexual Etiquette

[Saraharvey]

Asalaam alaykum dear Shiachat members!

Does anyone know a good book about s** from (Shia) Islamic perpectives? I am engaged. I very much like to increase my knowledge and learn more as it could be very beneficial to my relationship, and I could teachs my fiancee too. It's very important for me to learn more about this subject. It would be good if the book covers as much as possible every aspect or islamic s**ual principle.

I read in Dutch and English, but Farsi as well. Sorry about my English. I hope you've understood me.

Thanks alot and may Allah bless you all.

Sara

[Hameedeh]

27 minutes ago, Saraharvey said:

Does anyone know a good book about s** from (Shia) Islamic perpectives? I am engaged. I very much like to increase my knowledge and learn more as it could be very beneficial to my relationship, and I could teachs my fiancee too. It's very important for me to learn more about this subject. It would be good if the book covers as much as possible every aspect or islamic s**ual principle.

I read in Dutch and English, but Farsi as well. Sorry about my English. I hope you've understood me.

Salam. ShiaChat has a topic about family and women's issues, so I am sure some of the books mentioned there will help you. Two books that I remember are called Heavenly Path and Marriage and Morals in Islam:

http://www.shiachat.com/forum/topic/30563-books-on-family-and-womens-issues/

[Saraharvey]

9 minutes ago, Hameedeh said:

Salam. ShiaChat has a topic about family and women's issues, so I am sure some of the books mentioned there will help you. Two books that I remember are called Heavenly Path and Marriage and Morals in Islam:

http://www.shiachat.com/forum/topic/30563-books-on-family-and-womens-issues/

Thanks alot sister. ❤

Sara

[Ron_Burgundy]

1 hour ago, Saraharvey said:

Asalaam alaykum dear Shiachat members!

Does anyone know a good book about s** from (Shia) Islamic perpectives? I am engaged. I very much like to increase my knowledge and learn more as it could be very beneficial to my relationship, and I could teachs my fiancee too. It's very important for me to learn more about this subject. It would be good if the book covers as much as possible every aspect or islamic s**ual principle.

I read in Dutch and English, but Farsi as well. Sorry about my English. I hope you've understood me.

Thanks alot and may Allah bless you all.

Sara

https://www.al-islam.org/from-marriage-to-parenthood-heavenly-path-abbas-and-shaheen-merali/chapter-2-sexual-etiquette#sexual-etiqutte-islam 

[Saraharvey]

Asalaam Alaykum,

I have got another question; when is the best time to talk about intimacy with one's fiancee? For example six months after engagement or could it be shortly or straight away?

How should one bring up the subject and in what kind of mannerism or way should I talk? Is it proper for a girl to be the first one talking about this subject , knowing that he doesn't even know about some of the basic rules or principles of intimacy whiting Islam?

I would be very glad if you could answer. I have no one else to ask. This is stressing me.

Thank you!

Sara

[ShiaChat Mod]

6 hours ago, Saraharvey said:

Is it proper for a girl to be the first one talking about this subject , knowing that he doesn't even know about some of the basic rules or principles of intimacy whiting Islam?

Salam. When the two of you talk to each other there should be no lust between you, because you are not married yet. Talk about normal things, what the two of you will do, such as education or career, where to live (apartment or house), what to buy (furniture, dishes), where to go on your honeymoon. You can ask about having children, such as has he thought about how many children he wants or how long to wait before having children (male and female birth control methods), but these kind of talks might scare him. If you talk about intimate things before the wedding night, he might get the idea that you are already sexually active. 

Read "Handling Sexual Urge before Marriage" in Chapter 3 of this book:

http://www.al-islam.org/marriage-and-morals-islam-sayyid-muhammad-rizvi

Edited December 14, 2017 by ShiaChat Mod
Link

[Ayuoobi]

6 hours ago, Saraharvey said:

, knowing that he doesn't even know about some of the basic rules or principles of intimacy whiting Islam?

...you seem to be a lot more religious than this guy?

This could be an issue in the marriage, no?

I think you should calm down and let him take the lead. And maybe hint you want to have this conversation. (After you have a permanent or temporary marriage contract so you can talk about sexual details in a halal manner inshaAllah.)

[Saraharvey]

1 hour ago, Ayuoobi said:

...you seem to be a lot more religious than this guy?

This could be an issue in the marriage, no?

I think you should calm down and let him take the lead. And maybe hint you want to have this conversation. (After you have a permanent or temporary marriage contract so you can talk about sexual details in a halal manner inshaAllah.)

Thank for your reply brother. We already had our nikkah. We are mahram. Is it still inappropriate to talk about intimacy? I have read somewhere one should not talk much about these things and also should not try to engage intimitaly as this could cloud one's judgement for decision. What so you think? 

Sara

[Ashvazdanghe]

Chapter 2: Sexual Etiquette

Sexual Etiqutte in Islam

Sexual intercourse and the sexual relationship with a legal spouse are governed by nature, and at the same time is a sunnah of the Prophets and the Ahlul Bayt (as). It has even been referred to as the most pleasurable thing in life. A group of companions and Shī°as of Imām as-Ŝādiq (as) narrate that the Imām asked us: “What is the most pleasurable thing?” We said: “There are many pleasurable things.” Imām said: “The most pleasurable thing is making love with (your) spouses.”1

https://www.al-islam.org/from-marriage-to-parenthood-heavenly-path-abbas-and-shaheen-merali/chapter-2-sexual-etiquette

http://www.duas.org/matri.htm

http://www.islamic-laws.com/

• 1. Wasāil ash-Shī~a, vol. 20, pg. 23, no. 24927

Edited December 14, 2017 by Hameedeh
[Mod Note: Large fonts were reduced in size.]

[ema]

It is important to know for any women/girls before marriage if fiance is not affected by pervert-like ideas given by bad friends, internet, or other influences that might harm her health.

What if he was a serial muta doer who is very unhealthy physically and psychologically? It is essential to make sure he has clean mind and body. Ideally, it is good to have professionally prepared questionnaire for him to answer under oath. Then professionally analyzed. There are many dangerous activities out there that can kill us.

[Ashvazdanghe]

Salam even muta has its limits & rules for both men & women you must look at it as permanent marriage but in a limited time thus it's rule prevents everybody to do it serialy it's a misunderstanding of non shia Muslims that see it as a prostitution  for women after end of period of mutah must  pass iddah time based on text of holy Quran &men can't be multiple women at one time & they must remain loyal until end of time of mutah but they don't have iddah that is because physical & mentally differences of men &women

Edited December 14, 2017 by Ashvazdanghe

[Gaius I. Caesar]

1 hour ago, ema said:

What if he was a serial muta doer

There is no such thing as a serial muta doer, yes I am sure  some have abused and misused it but observing the iddah like @Ashvazdanghe mentioned would make it really hard to do serially.

[AmirAlmuminin Lover]

@Saraharvey

@notme

@Hameedeh

Having knowledge in this area is very important for marriage and your husband, but it would be better of you asked this question in private from a married sister.

Edited December 14, 2017 by AmirAlmuminin Lover

[Hameedeh]

33 minutes ago, AmirAlmuminin Lover said:

Having knowledge in this area is very important for marriage and your husband, but it would be better of you asked this question in private from a married sister.

Sisters who are Advanced member can contact the SCG - Sisters Consultancy Group. See this topic:

Discussion Of Private And Personal Matters SISTERS

http://www.shiachat.com/forum/topic/22292-discussion-of-private-and-personal-matters-sisters/

Brothers who are Advanced member can contact the BCG - Brothers Consultancy Group

http://www.shiachat.com/forum/topic/22293-discussion-of-private-and-personal-matters-brother/

[notme]

3 hours ago, ema said:

Ideally, it is good to have professionally prepared questionnaire for him to answer under oath. Then professionally analyzed. 

It's a good idea, but it's easy for decievers to lie, even under oath.

Marriage is always a risk. Best to look carefully at who he associates with, who are his friends, and what is his family like. (Or her friends and family, for potential husbands, but the risk is greater for women.)

[notme]

35 minutes ago, Hameedeh said:

Sisters who are Advanced member can contact the SCG - Sisters Consultancy Group. See this topic:

Discussion Of Private And Personal Matters SISTERS

http://www.shiachat.com/forum/topic/22292-discussion-of-private-and-personal-matters-sisters/

Talking about book recommendations in public is fine. To be honest, there are questions I don't feel comfortable answering even privately, and for those she should ask her mother or married sibling, or refer to the books.

[Saraharvey]

1 hour ago, notme said:

Talking about book recommendations in public is fine. To be honest, there are questions I don't feel comfortable answering even privately, and for those she should ask her mother or married sibling, or refer to the books.

Asalaam alaykum,

Thank you for your reply. You see this is the problem. When there aren't enough people who you could ask your questions (anything which comes up into your mind) you'll be left without any support and wondering how things work. This will be even hard er when you have to enlighten your future to be hisband as well. Believe sister I have noticed there's hardy anyone from my community or mosque (where I live) who could provide logical, sensible, beneficient and important information about this subject. 

Greetings,

Sara

[Saraharvey]

23 hours ago, Ron_Burgundy said:

https://www.al-islam.org/from-marriage-to-parenthood-heavenly-path-abbas-and-shaheen-merali/chapter-2-sexual-etiquette#sexual-etiqutte-islam 

Than you brother.

Sara

[Saraharvey]

12 hours ago, ShiaChat Mod said:

Salam. When the two of you talk to each other there should be no lust between you, because you are not married yet. Talk about normal things, what the two of you will do, such as education or career, where to live (apartment or house), what to buy (furniture, dishes), where to go on your honeymoon. You can ask about having children, such as has he thought about how many children he wants or how long to wait before having children (male and female birth control methods), but these kind of talks might scare him. If you talk about intimate things before the wedding night, he might get the idea that you are already sexually active. 

Read "Handling Sexual Urge before Marriage" in Chapter 3 of this book:

http://www.al-islam.org/marriage-and-morals-islam-sayyid-muhammad-rizvi

Dear Shiachat MOD,

Thanks for your advice(s)

[Saraharvey]

12 hours ago, Ayuoobi said:

...you seem to be a lot more religious than this guy?

I am not very sure.....but it does worry me sometimes. Is it possible for someone to chance a bit and get more religious for the sake of his wife?

[Saraharvey]

9 hours ago, Ashvazdanghe said:

Chapter 2: Sexual Etiquette

Sexual Etiqutte in Islam

Sexual intercourse and the sexual relationship with a legal spouse are governed by nature, and at the same time is a sunnah of the Prophets and the Ahlul Bayt (as). It has even been referred to as the most pleasurable thing in life. A group of companions and Shī°as of Imām as-Ŝādiq (as) narrate that the Imām asked us: “What is the most pleasurable thing?” We said: “There are many pleasurable things.” Imām said: “The most pleasurable thing is making love with (your) spouses.”1

https://www.al-islam.org/from-marriage-to-parenthood-heavenly-path-abbas-and-shaheen-merali/chapter-2-sexual-etiquette

http://www.duas.org/matri.htm

http://www.islamic-laws.com/

• 1. Wasāil ash-Shī~a, vol. 20, pg. 23, no. 24927

Thanks for your reply brother. 

[notme]

10 hours ago, Saraharvey said:

Thank for your reply brother. We already had our nikkah. We are mahram. Is it still inappropriate to talk about intimacy? I have read somewhere one should not talk much about these things and also should not try to engage intimitaly as this could cloud one's judgement for decision. What so you think? 

Sara

There is no engagement, from an Islamic point of view.  You have had nikkah, therefore you are married and can discuss any subject without any need for modesty.  The time for clouded or clear judgement has passed.  You should stay within culturally acceptable limits, but to exceed them will only result in community gossip, not sin.  

[Hameedeh]

53 minutes ago, Saraharvey said:

Thank you for your reply. You see this is the problem. When there aren't enough people who you could ask your questions (anything which comes up into your mind) you'll be left without any support and wondering how things work. This will be even hard er when you have to enlighten your future to be hisband as well. Believe sister I have noticed there's hardy anyone from my community or mosque (where I live) who could provide logical, sensible, beneficient and important information about this subject. 

Salam. If you and your husband are not living together, it is better not to discuss sexual things over the phone or Skype, etc. If you are living together, then it is natural to speak to each other on any subject. See the links that were posted above.

[Saraharvey]

1 hour ago, notme said:

There is no engagement, from an Islamic point of view.  You have had nikkah, therefore you are married and can discuss any subject without any need for modesty.  The time for clouded or clear judgement has passed.  You should stay within culturally acceptable limits, but to exceed them will only result in community gossip, not sin.  

What are those culturally acceptable limits? 

[Saraharvey]

1 hour ago, Hameedeh said:

Salam. If you and your husband are not living together, it is better not to discuss sexual things over the phone or Skype, etc. If you are living together, then it is natural to speak to each other on any subject. See the links that were posted above.

Can you please state the reason(s) why we shouldn't discuss about these things? 

Thank you sister,

Sara

[notme]

7 minutes ago, Saraharvey said:

What are those culturally acceptable limits? 

I don't know your culture as well as you do.

[Hameedeh]

10 hours ago, Saraharvey said:

Can you please state the reason(s) why we shouldn't discuss about these things? 

Sister, it's better if I send you a PM. The young people here will read this topic, even though the topic title has the Mature label.

[Ashvazdanghe]

The environment of Skype & phone & other social nerworks are valunarable  to exposing private information & not suitable for mature relations.

[ManofIslam]

Sister Sara: I'm a brother; but my advice would be to pray about your worries and concerns, in relation to this situation that you have mentioned, and then when you and your husband are living together, then just let Nature take it's course?!