Basic Members Sword of God Posted December 4, 2017 Basic Members Report Share Posted December 4, 2017 Good Evening brothers and sisters, I have gone through a hard year of decision making when it comes to a woman in whom i was going to marry. I have been a devote follower of Ahlul Bayt (AS) for all my life. I currently live in Kuwait. 3 years ago, I met a special woman while studying at university. When I first saw her I was overwhelmed with emotions; she was a respected sister in Islam. We used to talk on campus and became great friends in university. I wasn't ready financially to contact her father, and dint feel like he would accept me, being just a student. I decided to wait till graduation and prayed to God that he hastens that day and to instill me patience; was graduating in a year. However, love got the best of the both of us, and we decided to do something I personally didn't want to do; we exchanged numbers. During that time, we talked and texted a lot, which sadly also caused many expectations (Good mornings, asking how we are, etc...) and hence, drama started to happen. Although we had our ups and downs, we were still committed and determined to marry one another. Earlier this year (2017), almost 3 years into our relationship, I graduated and started to work and save up dowry (mahr) money. I contacted the father and he refused me, along with her mother. The main reason was nationality, for she was a Kuwaiti citizen and I was a Canadian (originally half Egyptian half Kuwaiti). The father stated that he worried about his daughter's future stability as marrying a Kuwaiti man would have lots of benefits (Housing, etc...). Nevertheless, I continued my prayers, du3as, and constant night prayers (salaat allayl). I came back and called the father during spring and he completely rejected me and told me to never call again, he also went to the daughter and changed her number, told her that he doesn't want anything to do with me, and if he figures out anything, she would be in trouble. To make matters worse, he even decided to find a man for her, and he was quick about it. She rejected the men he told her about, and during this time we didn't talk (almost 2 months). Finally, he called me and told me suddenly that he is sorry and that he had to tell me something. I went to see the father at a coffee shop, in where he told me that he was so sorry for his mistreatment. At this point I thought my prayers have been answered, and was really emotional while being around him. It wasn't until he told me something that has had me in deep depression since. The father told me that he was forcing his daughter into arranged marriage so that I wouldn't interfere in her life, and that they argued a lot at home and she even ran away to her cousin's house and slept there for a few days. She told him also that if you don't let me marry the man i want (me), I wont accept another man. He then threatened her and told her that I will put this man (Me) in jail for talking to you, and that she should better move on and become more "Wise". She told him "Ok". He then told me that she came home recently crying, crying her soul and was screaming in agony. When her parents asked her what happened she kept saying that its their fault, its their fault. Apparently, due to her parents rejecting me and forcing her into arranged marriage, and literally telling her that she will not marry me, the girl decided to chill around the wrong crowd at university, in where she met a man, or lets just say a "Wolf", who was Kuwaiti, and he told her that he is interested in her and all these lies. The girl being in depression, in denial, and angry, (Still not an excuse) decided to go out with this man to a nearby coffee shop, in where he locked the doors, drove off, parked somewhere, and tried to physically abuse her. Apparently, he almost went all the way, while beating her down till she was almost unconscious. Only thing we knew was he almost took her virginity, but he pretty much did everything else. He kicked her out of the car and drove off. She called her dad and went right to the police station, and it turns out that the man was not in university but only visiting. The cops are still under investigation. At this moment, I was speechless, hurt, and seriously pouring tears without saying a single word. The father was also tearing. He told me to please come and see his daughter. I went over and I just remember arguing with her, angry: Why did you do that? Where is your faith? Where is your fear of God? What happened? How could you even get into a car with a man you meet a week ago? WHY?!! The father calmed me down but I ignored what had happened to her or being there for her, as I was furious and sad. It is unlike her to do anything like this. She admitted her fault but also tried to blame the environment she was in lately, but that isn't a proper reason, no matter the situation. I decided to tell the father that I will need time to decide if I want to marry or not. Less than a month later, in Ramadhan 2017, I took a journey to Karbala, followed by Mecca and Madina. I was in deep prayers about the situation and it seriously affected me while I was on the journey. I felt intense feeling of betrayal, hate, rage, and ground bottom depression.I had 2 voices in my head, one telling me to be strong and forgive, while the other telling me to move on and that the relationship was cursed due to your haram actions of talking to her for years prior to meeting the father. When I got back, the father kept calling me and informing me that the girl has been in full repentance and prayers, her face has become lightened, and she changed completely; not only has she gone back to her good ways, but she has become way stronger in faith. He even mentions that he doesnt recognize his daughter anymore, that she has become to what he explained as the light of his house. I believed him because I know the feeling of a sinner when they truly repent. Allah is ever merciful, ever forgiving, and compassionate to all of us. She got back to university in September and all I heard from certain male friends that I know is that she is constantly at the prayer room between classes, while only goes to class and back home. Since September I haven't heard anything about her and I felt that I moved on, although when remembering the situation I still felt angry and sad, I kept my head high and focused on my work life. It wasn't until recently. Last Tuesday, while at work, I had one of my students tell me that she has a sister named the same name as my ex. This random saying suddenly happened to bring about an intense feeling and a flash of memories, even she the girl has been seriously off my mind. I started to notice that I suddenly became tired and sat down. Although I was constantly asking God to pardon my thoughts, forgive, and heal me at the moment, the emotions came more intense, and this time it wasn't rage, it was remembering what I loved about the woman. I was trying to convince myself that I am done with her, while claiming that these thoughts are from my waswas or a devil, I wasn't able to win. I realized I still cared for her, and felt like I had finally forgiven her for what she did. I didn't know if this was a sign that I could move on in peace, or a sign to call her dad and make the marriage happen. Still, I was shocked at my own feelings for being this way, and so suddenly at this moment while working. Surprisingly, her father called me, and informed me that his daughter has been constantly asking Allah for me to forgive her, and to find it in my heart to accept her, that she is a changed woman, a better woman than ever, and to at least remove the bad image I had of her. This call shocked me because what I felt earlier wasn't normal at all. Could her prayers been answered? Now my problem is this: I don't know if I should continue with her in marriage or not. Do i have feelings? Yes, I do. They aren't as strong as they were, but its still there, and although I am fully over what happened, its still judging my decision. I know if I get back with her, it would be beautiful for her relationship with Allah, and will definitely strengthen it; for she has been in repentance and is praying that Allah forgives her and changes my heart. What are some hadiths on this issue? About cheating, forgiving someone? What would you believe is best in Allah's eyes for me to do? At the end, I want to please Allah over anything. I did an estekhara about whether I should marry her or not, while at Karbala when I was there, and it turned out to be "Jayed" or "Sadeqa". My heart is neutral about this, its not against her and not with her, I really just want to please my creator after these sins. This issue has been a chaotic and emotional roller coaster. What would you do? VirtueNeverDies 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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