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AmirAlmuminin Lover

Do you shake hand?

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2 hours ago, ali_fatheroforphans said:

I don't initiate a handshake, but if a girl offers then I find it hard to reject

I do the same. 

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6 hours ago, AmirAlmuminin Lover said:

I don't think it's awkward. I did that a lot, and I will do that again in future. People have differences, and each individual needs to understand the other person. I did that one time at job interview in a big room including of 25 applicants, CEO, and vice president. Receptionist at school told me the beauty of this is that we are different, but we can understand each other. It's normal. Most people have some kind of fear. I remember how much I was afraid of doing this when I came to US, but it's a rudimentary thing for me now.

If you do what you are supposed to do and don't make a big deal out of it, be sure that other people also wouldn't realize these differences.

The norm of greeting is shaking hands. Unless your around Muslim people, I’m sure you wont have a problem. If we think of outside of our religion and culture, the norm is shaking hands. No need to be offended if someone wants to shake your hands.

Everyone has their idea of what is appropriate and what is not. If you havea problem shaking hands, put some gloves like @Hassan- have stated. 

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1 minute ago, AmirAlmuminin Lover said:

Yes it's the norm of western culture, but I don't want to follow it. I know putting on gloves is OK according to some Maraji. The reason I didn't do that at the beginning is because I wanted it to become something normal for me. Those who accept it, are open-minded and can be my friend. Those who behave me like weirdo, I try to be away from them. I use it as a tool to know other people as well.

Alhamdulillah it's something normal to me now. My view of shaking hand is something like Hijab. Initially, 40 years ago, Muslims were behaved weirdo because of their Hijab, but now it's normal to see Hijabi women everywhere. This shaking hand will become something normal inshaallah with help of all Muslims.

Well then if this is your normal, it is fine. I wish you the best of luck.

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16 minutes ago, Son of Placid said:

Never knew handshakes were a problem. What makes it haram?

Nothing wrong with handshaking, the problem is touching the opposite gender. In Islam it is impermissible to touch the opposite gender unless they are close relatives or married.

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1 minute ago, Hassan- said:

Nothing wrong with handshaking, the problem is touching the opposite gender. In Islam it is impermissible to touch the opposite gender unless they are close relatives or married.

Ahh, k. My mistake. Mahram, not a term I'm familiar with.

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I personally try to avoid it. I used to feel very self conscious about this when I first started working because the majority of my coworkers are guys, but I've found that most people don't really care whether I do or don't return a handshake or a hug, so I dont see why I should overthink it.  

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1 hour ago, Islandsandmirrors said:

What are you talking about? Even hijabi woman shake hands... 

@LadyNadine

That’s haram and our Marja’s tell us this. It’s also logical that you want to save skin to skin contact for your future spouse. Many cultures avoid physical contact when greeting with women. Islam also has its own opinion on this. 

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@ali_fatheroforphans

@Wholehearted Shi'a

Salam brothers and im sorry for interfering but since u said it here in public i have to reply and im saying this considering u as brothers for me.

if u r shy to reject handshaking with any girl,ask ur self this question,aren't u shy from Allah who said it's haram?who U should be shy from? Allah or that girl??

Always do what make Allah satisfied even if the whooole world is not satisfied 

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3 hours ago, Zaho said:

f u r shy to reject handshaking with any girl,ask ur self this question,aren't u shy from Allah who said it's haram?who U should be shy from? Allah or that girl?

I am afraid of offending people. For example when my vacation work started pretty recently, during induction I was taken inside several offices and many senior women offered a handshake. It was so hard to reject all of them and on top of that, my supervisor was with me.

I am not justifying it or anything, but I admit I am weak when it comes to handshake. Allah knows my intention and how I normally would never initiate a handshake. It is when other people forcefully place their hand right in front of my body, that I fail 

Edited by ali_fatheroforphans

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@ali_fatheroforphans

yeah i can see that u r embarresed,and no intentions deep inside..but try something,before u face any woman just put ur hand on ur chest and time after another they will know that u have traditions and ur own religion that they must respect,and time after time they will avoid embarresing u..its hard but its JIHAD and u will be get awarded by Allah inshalla..

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2 hours ago, Zaho said:

@ali_fatheroforphans

yeah i can see that u r embarresed,and no intentions deep inside..but try something,before u face any woman just put ur hand on ur chest and time after another they will know that u have traditions and ur own religion that they must respect,and time after time they will avoid embarresing u..its hard but its JIHAD and u will be get awarded by Allah inshalla..

That is the reason I don't wear gloves or I don't keep stuff in my hands to keep them busy. People see it, then they realize it is my tradition and religion. A lot of times it's us who make it big by over thinking, but for other people it's very normal.

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Or you can do tawriyya (double meaning). So say someone put their hand out to shake your hand, and you say "I've gotten sick" with the intention that you have been sick before - however the person in front of you would think you are sick now. And you can use other double meaning phrases to get yourself out of this situation.

This is not lying and is halal as per Sistani.

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7 hours ago, Al Hadi said:

@LadyNadine

That’s haram and our Marja’s tell us this. It’s also logical that you want to save skin to skin contact for your future spouse. Many cultures avoid physical contact when greeting with women. Islam also has its own opinion on this. 

I know it is haram but what’s makes it haram is behind the man and his mind. In Islam, men are sexual beings. They can’t control themself. However, if you look at other cultures and religions there is no issue. Handshaking isn’t address or even a problem. 

We can’t raise the men to be open minded and not think dirty, so let’s excuse them by avoiding them and not fix their mentality. 

There isn’t anything sexual about a handshake. It is how you interpret that is.

Edited by LadyNadine

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@AmirAlmuminin Lover

yeah that's what should happen and may be by time im sure he will solve it coz he truely fear Allah but the environment and his work affect him and he sees that he is obliged to do such thing

i ask Allah to make it easy for him to pass this emtehan(exam).

 

@Sumerian

its true also,this is a way to solve some problems,may be in the begining he can use this act but at the end they must know and respect his religion 

 

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Just now, ali_fatheroforphans said:

Actually you could also say "my hand is very sweaty". You're a genius man :) I'm soo trying this next time.

Thanks bro, but how is that double meaning? That sounds like lying to me if your hands aren't, maybe you have an explaination.

I would have said "my hands have gotten sweaty" with the intention of past tense.

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1 hour ago, Sumerian said:

Or you can do tawriyya (double meaning). So say someone put their hand out to shake your hand, and you say "I've gotten sick" with the intention that you have been sick before - however the person in front of you would think you are sick now. And you can use other double meaning phrases to get yourself out of this situation.

This is not lying and is halal as per Sistani.

Salaam Alaykum Brother

I don't think it's a good way of doing that. I know that تقیه has some conditions. I don't know whether it can be applied on this or not. Usually when you are in danger, you use تقیه, but this case is a simple everyday thing that we need to deal with.

Best solution is to confront our fear and respectfully explain our limitation to other people before handshake.

Edited by AmirAlmuminin Lover

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20 hours ago, Hassan- said:

That’s haram. To avoid awkward situations from rejecting a hand shake from someone, just wear gloves before you meet them and shake their hands with the gloves on.

Yeah right. Gloves in the office.

And actually what does it change if you wear gloves. Do you have the right to touch a woman's hair because she wears hijab ? And do gloves reduce the contact ?

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22 hours ago, AmirAlmuminin Lover said:

Do you shake hand with non-mahram?

Don't under normal circumstances but sometimes have done so. Read ruling from Sistani Sb. on this . As per him, one should avoid it as much as he can but if necessary its permissible. 

https://www.sistani.org/english/qa/01207/

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1 hour ago, realizm said:

Yeah right. Gloves in the office.

And actually what does it change if you wear gloves. Do you have the right to touch a woman's hair because she wears hijab ? And do gloves reduce the contact ?

Some scholars have ruled that shaking hands while gloved is permitted. 

It doesn't make sense to me either. 

My advice for those who find it awkward to explain handshake avoidance: offer to carry and set up visual displays for meetings, help the coffee or tea server, occupy yourself with armloads of documents and just offer a smile and nod to colleagues and clients. In short, keep your hands busy with other things and the handshake will be easily forgotten. If you clue your supervisor in, he or she will probably be willing to help. 

Another advice: if you live in a predominantly non-Muslim country, just avoid all handshakes, not only those with the opposite gender. Trust me on this one, it'll make it less socially weird. 

Edited by notme
Added thought.

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3 hours ago, LadyNadine said:

I know it is haram but what’s makes it haram is behind the man and his mind. In Islam, men are sexual beings. They can’t control themself. However, if you look at other cultures and religions there is no issue. Handshaking isn’t address or even a problem. 

We can’t raise the men to be open minded and not think dirty, so let’s excuse them by avoiding them and not fix their mentality. 

There isn’t anything sexual about a handshake. It is how you interpret that is.

Well it’s not exclusive to men, it’s haram for women to shake hands too. I don’t think that you can say specifically Allah made that rule for that specific reason unless you bring some kind of Hadith to back it up. There could be a multitude of reasons why it is haram for BOTH genders but we just can’t understand them or know them all yet cause of our limitations. 

Aside from that even I personally think skin to skin contact should be reserved to spouse in an unlimited way and In a limited way with close family. But just going and touching random strangers simply due to the pressures of society I don’t think I can really accept that. 

In the end I just want people to encourage people to avoid haram.

Edited by Al Hadi

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7 hours ago, LadyNadine said:

I know it is haram but what’s makes it haram is behind the man and his mind. In Islam, men are sexual beings. They can’t control themself. However, if you look at other cultures and religions there is no issue. Handshaking isn’t address or even a problem. 

We can’t raise the men to be open minded and not think dirty, so let’s excuse them by avoiding them and not fix their mentality. 

There isn’t anything sexual about a handshake. It is how you interpret that is.

In Islam both gender can be sexual. Men are not the only gender to have urges. Besides that, touching a non mahram in general is wrong. I do admit it is difficult in a handshaking situation with bosses etc but do what I do, place your hand over your heart, smile, and greet the person.

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