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In the Name of God بسم الله
Guest Maysam

How to deal with a broken heart

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Guest Maysam

Salam. 

Let me get straight to the point this time: This year I have lost connection to alot of people. I was not in any pre-marital relationship or anything similar; I'm talking about the heartbreak you experience after losing some of your CLOSEST friends and family members. I have lost people who - I thought - were going to stay and be with me for the rest of my life but then things changed and certain circumstances arised out of nowhere and they ended up parting ways. 

It has left me in such a pitiful and miserable mental state, you cannot even begin to imagine; to the point where my overall life and career and grades are being severely affected because no matter how hard I try to focus on myself, I fall into this bottomless hole of sadness, depression and emptiness. It's like filling a void inside of me with memories from the past but it distracts me so much from everyday-life. It's almost like I have lost connection to myself and my own life. And no one can really tell what I'm going through because I might seem okay but I'm not fine at all. This is the worst I have ever felt.
I want to feel better and move on and I'm aware of how Allah only helps those who help themselves first (=take the first step). And since I don't know where else to turn to for advice (I haven't told anyone actually), I'm just going to ask you people. 
It would mean alot to me if you took your time and read my question. 
Thanks. 

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45 minutes ago, Guest Maysam said:

This year I have lost connection to alot of people. I was not in any pre-marital relationship or anything similar; I'm talking about the heartbreak you experience after losing some of your CLOSEST friends and family members. I have lost people who - I thought - were going to stay and be with me for the rest of my life but then things changed and certain circumstances arised out of nowhere and they ended up parting ways. 

Salam. When you are hurting, it's really depressing. However, I would say take some time and focus on getting stronger. Relax and think about how you can help yourself. Eat right, get enough sleep, exercise every day, even if it is just walking. Don't let yourself get stressed out.

I am sorry that you lost family and friends. Are they upset that you reverted to Islam? If that is the reason, then please give it time. When I told my family that I became a Muslim, they took it personally and felt hurt that I had rejected Christianity. Over time my family understood that I was still the very same person but my way of worshiping God was different. 

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16 hours ago, Guest Maysam said:

Salam. 

Let me get straight to the point this time: This year I have lost connection to alot of people. I was not in any pre-marital relationship or anything similar; I'm talking about the heartbreak you experience after losing some of your CLOSEST friends and family members. I have lost people who - I thought - were going to stay and be with me for the rest of my life but then things changed and certain circumstances arised out of nowhere and they ended up parting ways. 

It has left me in such a pitiful and miserable mental state, you cannot even begin to imagine; to the point where my overall life and career and grades are being severely affected because no matter how hard I try to focus on myself, I fall into this bottomless hole of sadness, depression and emptiness. It's like filling a void inside of me with memories from the past but it distracts me so much from everyday-life. It's almost like I have lost connection to myself and my own life. And no one can really tell what I'm going through because I might seem okay but I'm not fine at all. This is the worst I have ever felt.
I want to feel better and move on and I'm aware of how Allah only helps those who help themselves first (=take the first step). And since I don't know where else to turn to for advice (I haven't told anyone actually), I'm just going to ask you people. 
It would mean alot to me if you took your time and read my question. 
Thanks. 

Salaam Alaykum Brother

I lost my uncle last year in a car accident. My brother feet were injured, and he is still in the process of medical care after one year. My second brother got emotional problems. He felt guilty because he was driver. I don't know what to say about my beloved mother. She lost her father and her sister twenty years ago, and her brother last year. I loved my uncle, he helped us a lot. My concern at that moment was my mother that how she is going to handle it. Alhamdulillah my mum is good now emotionally.

I was upset for first two days, but after that I tried to accept it that some day my uncle have to go. He helped us and I remember that we had good times together, but now it's all gone. TBH I couldn't believe that my uncle's life is gone, and he is in afterlife. It was very hard for me to believe. One thing that came to my mind was trying to be a better person because you don't know when is your turn. That is very important.

Probably these suggestions wouldn't remediate emotional burden that you feel now, but I think praying at prime time, daily exercise, and salatullayl can help you to be up again.

One more thing is that I do Fatihah and Ziarat Ahl Ghobour زیارت اهل قبور for my uncle everyday after Fajr. I know that this is the only way that I can show my love to him and remember him.

BE UP AGAIN

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Alhamdulillah for everything.

I know how hard it is to be depressed. I also know how hard it is to see people leave. Please don’t put pressure on yourself to have everything sorted out as quickly as possible. Be kind to yourself. Healing takes a lot of time and patience. Keep up your studies and 5 daily prayers, even if you don’t feel like doing them at all. It’s the smallest things, done consistently, that are the biggest achievements. Try talking things out with someone you’re still connected to. If you don’t feel comfortable doing that, try counselling. Talk to Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى as well. Pour your heart out and make lots of dua for a solution. You will always have Him to turn to.

May Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى help you get out of this situation, replace the people you have lost, and fill your life with love and happiness. May Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى reward you each time you get up to do something for yourself, be it studying or prayers, because I know even the simplest tasks become so hard to do when you feel empty. 

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Bismillah

Salaam

Brother, I give my condolences to you. What everyone before me has stated is absolutely correct. I understand your pain, it is indeed hard to lose someone you love dearly. My father taught me that we must make the thought clear in our small minds that nothing here lasts forever except what Allah (S.W.T) wills, his father passed away when he was a mere toddler. My mother has taught me the same, when her father passed away decades ago. You must put your trust in Allah (S.W.T), and thank him for what you currently have. Know, that He knows better than anyone everything that happens is because of his will. You should place your trust in him to give you happiness. You should also pray for those who departed  this world, and for the Hidaayat for those who left you for wrongful reasons, and for yourself as well, you should have the Prophet (S.A.W.W) and his Progeny (A.S) as a Waseela, and InshaAllah your prayer to gain happiness will be answered. A way to realise how fortunate you are, is by thinking about the Ghurbat of our Masoomeen, how they passed away, how their Sahabah and Progeny passed away, especially for Imam Hussain (A.S). Think of the Ghurbat of Imam Musa Kazim (A.S), whose whole youth was trampled by the Zulm of those who were against what Allah (S.W.T) wanted. Once you think of their plights and lives, InshaAllah you will feel better. I hope you use this feeling of sadness to get closer to Allah (S.W.T). Another way to vent out your sadness can be by doing something you enjoy. You should also consider writing about your tale, whether in prose or poetry. InshaAllah Allah (S.W.T) will answer your calls of distress.

W.Salaam

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Guest Maysam

When I was typing my question yesterday I really was not expecting such magnificent answers and advice; thank you all for hearing me out. Actually feels alot better now that I know that so many other fellow Shias/human-beings are going through the same stuff as I am and that I'm not alone.
I just hope that I'm not annoying anybody with my many ''sob stories'' recently; it's just that 2017 has been a year full of transitions for me and ALOT has changed. 

On 2.12.2017 at 12:45 PM, Hameedeh said:

Salam. When you are hurting, it's really depressing. However, I would say take some time and focus on getting stronger. Relax and think about how you can help yourself. Eat right, get enough sleep, exercise every day, even if it is just walking. Don't let yourself get stressed out.

I am sorry that you lost family and friends. Are they upset that you reverted to Islam? If that is the reason, then please give it time. When I told my family that I became a Muslim, they took it personally and felt hurt that I had rejected Christianity. Over time my family understood that I was still the very same person but my way of worshiping God was different. 

Sister Hameedah, you are such a kind soul. You know what to say and when to say it; this really picked me up. Some of my relatives I lost due to ''family feuds'' and deaths, some friends left me hanging because I wanted to follow a more Islamic lifestyle (if that makes any sense?). Guess I will have to be patient, focus on myself again and pray for the BEST outcome because that's all I can do atm.
 

23 hours ago, AmirAlmuminin Lover said:

Salaam Alaykum Brother

I lost my uncle last year in a car accident. My brother feet were injured, and he is still in the process of medical care after one year. My second brother got emotional problems. He felt guilty because he was driver. I don't know what to say about my beloved mother. She lost her father and her sister twenty years ago, and her brother last year. I loved my uncle, he helped us a lot. My concern at that moment was my mother that how she is going to handle it. Alhamdulillah my mum is good now emotionally.

I was upset for first two days, but after that I tried to accept it that some day my uncle have to go. He helped us and I remember that we had good times together, but now it's all gone. TBH I couldn't believe that my uncle's life is gone, and he is in afterlife. It was very hard for me to believe. One thing that came to my mind was trying to be a better person because you don't know when is your turn. That is very important.

Probably these suggestions wouldn't remediate emotional burden that you feel now, but I think praying at prime time, daily exercise, and salatullayl can help you to be up again.

One more thing is that I do Fatihah and Ziarat Ahl Ghobour زیارت اهل قبور for my uncle everyday after Fajr. I know that this is the only way that I can show my love to him and remember him.

BE UP AGAIN

Very sorry to hear about your loss, brother. I'll be up again inshallah, I made that promise to myself yesterday because this feeling of misery has to stop. 

 

22 hours ago, asaravastu said:

Alhamdulillah for everything.

I know how hard it is to be depressed. I also know how hard it is to see people leave. Please don’t put pressure on yourself to have everything sorted out as quickly as possible. Be kind to yourself. Healing takes a lot of time and patience. Keep up your studies and 5 daily prayers, even if you don’t feel like doing them at all. It’s the smallest things, done consistently, that are the biggest achievements. Try talking things out with someone you’re still connected to. If you don’t feel comfortable doing that, try counselling. Talk to Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى as well. Pour your heart out and make lots of dua for a solution. You will always have Him to turn to.

May Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى help you get out of this situation, replace the people you have lost, and fill your life with love and happiness. May Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى reward you each time you get up to do something for yourself, be it studying or prayers, because I know even the simplest tasks become so hard to do when you feel empty. 

That has always been the problem, I'm always too mean to myself and end up hurting myself in the process. Thanks for your sweet words. 

 

21 hours ago, MuhammadAqdas110 said:

Bismillah

Salaam

Brother, I give my condolences to you. What everyone before me has stated is absolutely correct. I understand your pain, it is indeed hard to lose someone you love dearly. My father taught me that we must make the thought clear in our small minds that nothing here lasts forever except what Allah (S.W.T) wills, his father passed away when he was a mere toddler. My mother has taught me the same, when her father passed away decades ago. You must put your trust in Allah (S.W.T), and thank him for what you currently have. Know, that He knows better than anyone everything that happens is because of his will. You should place your trust in him to give you happiness. You should also pray for those who departed  this world, and for the Hidaayat for those who left you for wrongful reasons, and for yourself as well, you should have the Prophet (S.A.W.W) and his Progeny (A.S) as a Waseela, and InshaAllah your prayer to gain happiness will be answered. A way to realise how fortunate you are, is by thinking about the Ghurbat of our Masoomeen, how they passed away, how their Sahabah and Progeny passed away, especially for Imam Hussain (A.S). Think of the Ghurbat of Imam Musa Kazim (A.S), whose whole youth was trampled by the Zulm of those who were against what Allah (S.W.T) wanted. Once you think of their plights and lives, InshaAllah you will feel better. I hope you use this feeling of sadness to get closer to Allah (S.W.T). Another way to vent out your sadness can be by doing something you enjoy. You should also consider writing about your tale, whether in prose or poetry. InshaAllah Allah (S.W.T) will answer your calls of distress.

W.Salaam

It's so easy to forget what the Prophet (saw) and his progeny (as) had to battle when you're focussing on your own problems. Cannot even begin to compare my hardships with theirs; thank you alot for the reminder. And yes, I decided to write down my thoughts few weeks ago in a journal, has been quite helpful everytime sadness overcame me completely. 

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On 2/12/2017 at 11:52 AM, Guest Maysam said:

Salam. 

Let me get straight to the point this time: This year I have lost connection to alot of people. I was not in any pre-marital relationship or anything similar; I'm talking about the heartbreak you experience after losing some of your CLOSEST friends and family members. I have lost people who - I thought - were going to stay and be with me for the rest of my life but then things changed and certain circumstances arised out of nowhere and they ended up parting ways. 

It has left me in such a pitiful and miserable mental state, you cannot even begin to imagine; to the point where my overall life and career and grades are being severely affected because no matter how hard I try to focus on myself, I fall into this bottomless hole of sadness, depression and emptiness. It's like filling a void inside of me with memories from the past but it distracts me so much from everyday-life. It's almost like I have lost connection to myself and my own life. And no one can really tell what I'm going through because I might seem okay but I'm not fine at all. This is the worst I have ever felt.
I want to feel better and move on and I'm aware of how Allah only helps those who help themselves first (=take the first step). And since I don't know where else to turn to for advice (I haven't told anyone actually), I'm just going to ask you people. 
It would mean alot to me if you took your time and read my question. 
Thanks. 

Bismillahi al rahmani al raheem.

Salam wa 3laykum, inshallah this will be a help for you

What you are going through is almost the same as what Prophet Ayoub (3) went through. He was tested with loss of everything imaginable (apart from his faith alhamdullilah). He was given a lot of risch & wealth by Allah SWT, and all of a sudden, he lost it all. Even his close friends left him. And when he passed his test, everything came back to him. So do not see this as a heartbreaking moment, but a test. Or you can be put as the example of Muslim ibn Aqeel RA. When the people of Kufa just left him faster than the speed of light! But that did not make him stop and surrender, till the very end. So why see the negative even? We all have to rely on Allah SWT. You never know if those close friends of yours would have been a cause of you to go to hell!? Remember the story of Prophet Musa & Khidr (3), when Khidr (3) killed a child, JUSTLY!! If that child wasn't got rid off, he would have grown up and made his parents leave the path of Allah SWT. So instead, Allah SWT gave them another child, this time a girl. From that girl came around 70 Prophets from her progeny. So who knows, maybe Allah SWT granted your prayers when you said "*Guide us to the straight path*- the path of those whom *you bestowed a favor,* not those who have envoked (Your) anger or those of those who are astray" - Surah Al Fatiha verse 6-7

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On 12/2/2017 at 5:52 AM, Guest Maysam said:

I'm talking about the heartbreak you experience after losing some of your CLOSEST friends and family members.

Did they die or did they just go their seperate ways from you ?

On 12/2/2017 at 5:52 AM, Guest Maysam said:

It has left me in such a pitiful and miserable mental state, you cannot even begin to imagine; to the point where my overall life and career and grades are being severely affected because no matter how hard I try to focus on myself, I fall into this bottomless hole of sadness, depression and emptiness. It's like filling a void inside of me with memories from the past but it distracts me so much from everyday-life. It's almost like I have lost connection to myself and my own life. And no one can really tell what I'm going through because I might seem okay but I'm not fine at all. This is the worst I have ever felt.

I know I'm gonna sound bad for saying this but I'll say it anyway. Just man up and deal with it.

I know that's a cold thing to say but you know what life is cold. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps and move on to whatever it is that you need to deal with or handle. Those things aren't going to wait for you (or anyone else for that matter), you have to brush these things off, no matter how rough they may be.

That being said...my best to you in overcoming these things. If they're just emotional in nature then just shrug your shoulders and move on. 

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