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Hugo Boss

I am in a dilemma!

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Assalamu wa3laikum.

So, this is my first year in high school, and a girl (12 days ago) went up to me and all of a sudden began to talk to me (she is not a Muslim & drinks alcohol in like 3 days a week). Well, I thought since she was not a Muslim and just began to have a conversation, I cant just be rude to her so I began to have a conversation. Then she asked for my Snapchat... Ya Allah... This is where I got suspicious of something, but I did not believe it. When she added me, for 12 days STRAIGHT she has been sending me heart emojis in her streak snaps. I thought "well, she might do that to every person"... but it turns out, she was doing that TO ME ONLY!! while in high school, she noticed that I do not get "too close" to any girl. So, she came close up to me, and I backed off. She then began to chase me (to touch me) and as we know, it is haram to touch the opposite gender. So. In high school, in your first year, you are being chased by a girl. BUT WAIT, THERE IS MORE! She then just did this 10 minutes ago. This was the snap she just had sent me "Streak my bby <3" So, I came to the conclusion that she... has a crush on me. A non-Muslim which has admitted to having kissed countless of men & drinks alcohol regularly has a crush on... me. Please if you have any advice, tell me. If you don't please make dua for me. And I cant just be rude to her, and just not even respond to her. So, should I act like a weirdo and risk my whole reputation or?

Now, I am not frustrated or anything. You can crack a joke (as long as it is halal though). And again, dont blame her, it isn't her fault for Allah SWT creating me beauti- heheheehehe.

Edited by Hugo Boss

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Just be honest with her. Tell her Muslims don't date and don't marry non-Muslims. If you can work it into casual conversation, she can save face by pretending she was never interested in you in that way. 

Unless of course you are open to dating just not her, in which case it becomes trickier to not hurt her feelings with your rejection. 

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I went through a similar situation once. Just be honest with her, and tell that you DONT want anything with her. I don't think you should put the responsibility on your religion (that is not easily understood in the West, rather it is misunderstood and just brings social trouble that can escalate with time). My advice is that you perform some taqiyyah and make sure she understand you just dont want anything with her because you just don't, no need to mention your religious beliefs for such a thing.

In the other hand, it is also a test. You may want something with her, I don't know. In such a case, do some introspection and reflect on your desires to reach a level of conviction between your beliefs and your desires. It becomes ridiculous when someone says he doesnt want something and his face and gestures tell otherwise. Best of luck and inshaAllah Allah aids you in this proccess to avoid any social problem this may carry.

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Hugo, just say you don't want anything to do with her. She will go bother some other guy instead of you. If she touches you again, tell a teacher. I don't know what it is like in Denmark but inappropriately touching somebody in school will get you suspended in the US.

Edited by Gaius I. Caesar

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Sorry to ruin your hopes but she doesn't have a crush on you (tho I'm not 100% sure), because If a girl was really into you, she would feel a bit more shy to act like that around you. 

From what I know, some girls like to mess with guys even if they aren't into them. It is just their personality and what their like.

I was pretty shy in high school and these two girls were touching me just to annoy me during class. I know for a fact that they didn't wanna go out or anything.

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Talk with her and try to invite her to Shiite Islam. If you found her understanding and willing to convert and IF you are interested, don't blame her for her past. She doesn't know anything about correct way of living(=Islam). If she was willing to convert and make her past correct, but you cannot forgive her for her past, respectfully reject her(you have this right islamically). At any case you don't have right to disrespect her.

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On 11/30/2017 at 5:49 PM, AmirAlmuminin Lover said:

Talk with her and try to invite her to Shiite Islam. If you found her understanding and willing to convert and IF you are interested, don't blame her for her past. She doesn't know anything about correct way of living(=Islam). If she was willing to convert and make her past correct, but you cannot forgive her for her past, respectfully reject her(you have this right islamically). At any case you don't have right to disrespect her.

since when did I disrespect her? Didn't mention names. And what do you mean by her past shall be forgiven? Since when did I look on that? And when I say she drinks, what I mean by that is that SHE IS DRINKING CURRENTLY. So she could go wild. What I mean by saying she has herself said (heard it with my own ears) that she has been with a lot of men, (and acts like it was nothing) then how do I not know that she is still not going out with a lot of men? AND LASTLY. How should I invite her to Ahlulbayt then? It's not easy when you live in the system of Dajjal. But here is what I do: Be nice. For my actions' are greater than my voice when it comes to religion. Then when I am asked about Islam, that is when things will get interesting. But thank you for your long reply!

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19 hours ago, ali_fatheroforphans said:

Sorry to ruin your hopes but she doesn't have a crush on you (tho I'm not 100% sure), because If a girl was really into you, she would feel a bit more shy to act like that around you. 

From what I know, some girls like to mess with guys even if they aren't into them. It is just their personality and what their like.

I was pretty shy in high school and these two girls were touching me just to annoy me during class. I know for a fact that they didn't wanna go out or anything.

Inshallah she doesn't

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15 hours ago, Hugo Boss said:

since when did I disrespect her? Didn't mention names. And what do you mean by her past shall be forgiven? Since when did I look on that? And when I say she drinks, what I mean by that is that SHE IS DRINKING CURRENTLY. So she could go wild. What I mean by saying she has herself said (heard it with my own ears) that she has been with a lot of men, (and acts like it was nothing) then how do I not know that she is still not going out with a lot of men? AND LASTLY. How should I invite her to Ahlulbayt then? It's not easy when you live in the system of Dajjal. But here is what I do: Be nice. For my actions' are greater than my voice when it comes to religion. Then when I am asked about Islam, that is when things will get interesting. But thank you for your long reply!

I also didn't say that you disrespected her. You said can I be rude to her? I said no you cannot. I said eject her respectfully.

I know how you feel. Something similar happened to me when I was at Chicago Millennium Park, and I just answered her questions then left. I was afraid of doing sin or anything. I just left the scene.

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Bismillah

Salaam

Perhaps it would be appropriate for you to simply treat her as a friend. The nature of human beings is unpredictable... It may in fact be true that she may be doing this in order to simply annoy you. It may even be that she may "like" you. In either case, I do not recommend faking any feelings for her, or telling her to scurry off. In my personal and perhaps flawed opinion, it would be better for you to possibly just remain as friends. Chances are that eventually she will stop "chasing" after you. You must remember always good sir, that what your faith has taught you. In some cases, a choice may be difficult, such as if she say, wants a "hi-five". It would be better for you to come up with any excuse, but please avoid lying. I do understand such a situation may be tough and/or awkward, but you should remember that Allah (S.W.T) is the giver of everything you have, so His commands must always come first (this does not mean that you should be an extremist, Allah dislikes extremism). Though, if such an act happens that is against Allah (S.W.T)'s commands, you should ask Him for forgiveness, as he is the most Merciful.

TLDR: Just play it cool and act as a friend. Avoid touches, and if such a matter happens, then ask Allah (S.W.T) for forgiveness. May He help you in your situations.

W.Salaam

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On 1/12/2017 at 8:10 PM, MuhammadAqdas110 said:

Bismillah

Salaam

Perhaps it would be appropriate for you to simply treat her as a friend. The nature of human beings is unpredictable... It may in fact be true that she may be doing this in order to simply annoy you. It may even be that she may "like" you. In either case, I do not recommend faking any feelings for her, or telling her to scurry off. In my personal and perhaps flawed opinion, it would be better for you to possibly just remain as friends. Chances are that eventually she will stop "chasing" after you. You must remember always good sir, that what your faith has taught you. In some cases, a choice may be difficult, such as if she say, wants a "hi-five". It would be better for you to come up with any excuse, but please avoid lying. I do understand such a situation may be tough and/or awkward, but you should remember that Allah (S.W.T) is the giver of everything you have, so His commands must always come first (this does not mean that you should be an extremist, Allah dislikes extremism). Though, if such an act happens that is against Allah (S.W.T)'s commands, you should ask Him for forgiveness, as he is the most Merciful.

TLDR: Just play it cool and act as a friend. Avoid touches, and if such a matter happens, then ask Allah (S.W.T) for forgiveness. May He help you in your situations.

W.Salaam

well, I have tried in my other school to say that it is against my religion to touch a girl... it made it even worse. Not just that, but also MUSLIM GIRLS went running after me, because they know I cant touch them (they were not so religious), but still also non-Muslims made it worse for me, when I said it was against my religion. So, all this time I have been saying "well, if you want to have diseases on your hand, then come with that high five". & I will show them my hand. My hands are very VERY dry-skinned, so once a week, it will just begin to bleed. Now of course this does not spread, but I do that to keep the troubles away. And thanks for your long reply! 

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LOL. I agree with Notme. First tell her the truth respectfully that you can't be in a relationship with her. If she doesn't listen, then block her on snapchat, and avoid her as much as possible. If she attacks you (happens my dude) then you should tell a teacher that she wont leave you alone. But do that as a last resort, to avoid an awkward moment with your teacher :book:'

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Hi the muslims according to Quran can marry & have relationship with non muslims but it's for a limited time you can be with her for a limited timeme but you must examine her if she accepts Islam the relationship can be temporary but if they did not accept Islam you must take apart .

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You must explain your condition of to her that if she want to be with you must follow Islamic rules until she has any relation with you.

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On 12/6/2017 at 10:50 AM, Hugo Boss said:

thanks, but my intention is not marrying her!

This is the proper thought pattern, no worries.

Girls are more open now and it isn't always about sex, but you don't yet know what she is. 

You could be the token Muslim, the forbidden fruit, or someone she sees value in and wants to get to know and understand. Treat her like the latter until she proves otherwise. Let her know you are not comfortable with the touchy thing, and don't be led by the hand anywhere. Ask many questions, (avoid romance), chances are she will teach you what you need to be wary of. Don't be disappointed when the novelty wears off.

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On 11/30/2017 at 1:23 PM, Hugo Boss said:

Assalamu wa3laikum.

So, this is my first year in high school, and a girl (12 days ago) went up to me and all of a sudden began to talk to me (she is not a Muslim & drinks alcohol in like 3 days a week). Well, I thought since she was not a Muslim and just began to have a conversation, I cant just be rude to her so I began to have a conversation. Then she asked for my Snapchat... Ya Allah... This is where I got suspicious of something, but I did not believe it. When she added me, for 12 days STRAIGHT she has been sending me heart emojis in her streak snaps. I thought "well, she might do that to every person"... but it turns out, she was doing that TO ME ONLY!! while in high school, she noticed that I do not get "too close" to any girl. So, she came close up to me, and I backed off. She then began to chase me (to touch me) and as we know, it is haram to touch the opposite gender. So. In high school, in your first year, you are being chased by a girl. BUT WAIT, THERE IS MORE! She then just did this 10 minutes ago. This was the snap she just had sent me "Streak my bby <3" So, I came to the conclusion that she... has a crush on me. A non-Muslim which has admitted to having kissed countless of men & drinks alcohol regularly has a crush on... me. Please if you have any advice, tell me. If you don't please make dua for me. And I cant just be rude to her, and just not even respond to her. So, should I act like a weirdo and risk my whole reputation or?

Now, I am not frustrated or anything. You can crack a joke (as long as it is halal though). And again, dont blame her, it isn't her fault for Allah SWT creating me beauti- heheheehehe.

well if you are so hot and irresistible, might as well not fight it. Just do mutah with her so you wont feel guilty about her touching you. You may scare her off by discussing temporary marriage OR really interest her in mutah and Islam in general.

And just because you do mutah, does not mean you have to consummate the marriage.

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23 hours ago, shiaman14 said:

well if you are so hot and irresistible, might as well not fight it. Just do mutah with her so you wont feel guilty about her touching you. You may scare her off by discussing temporary marriage OR really interest her in mutah and Islam in general.

And just because you do mutah, does not mean you have to consummate the marriage.

hm.. but did you know that a law of mutah marriage is, that you cannot do it to a woman who is... kinda (I dont want to utter this word, but I need to). SOMEONE WHO IS KINDA "SL*TTY" I A WAY. So, I cant. (and even if I had the chance, I would not)

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On 12/6/2017 at 11:45 AM, Son of Placid said:

This is the proper thought pattern, no worries.

Girls are more open now and it isn't always about sex, but you don't yet know what she is. 

You could be the token Muslim, the forbidden fruit, or someone she sees value in and wants to get to know and understand. Treat her like the latter until she proves otherwise. Let her know you are not comfortable with the touchy thing, and don't be led by the hand anywhere. Ask many questions, (avoid romance), chances are she will teach you what you need to be wary of. Don't be disappointed when the novelty wears off.

I have and her friends have told her that I DO NOT WANT TO TOUCH HER. I treat her with respect, for if I had not, I would have just thrown her away within a sec. She yesterday created a facebook, and the profile picture says enough about her. Of course, I am not going to post it, since it can be tracked to her profile. But yea, once you see that profile pic, there is no needs of having her prove herself. But thank you for taking your time to write this!

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3 minutes ago, Hugo Boss said:

hm.. but did you know that a law of mutah marriage is, that you cannot do it to a woman who is... kinda (I dont want to utter this word, but I need to). SOMEONE WHO IS KINDA "SL*TTY" I A WAY. So, I cant. (and even if I had the chance, I would not)

Akhi, I thought only mutah with prostitutes is haram. Even if she's very... you know... I still think you can do Mut'ah with her. And like brother Shiaman said, if she won't agree at least you'll scare her away.

"Heyyyyyyyy wanna be my third wife?"

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1 hour ago, Hugo Boss said:

hm.. but did you know that a law of mutah marriage is, that you cannot do it to a woman who is... kinda (I dont want to utter this word, but I need to). SOMEONE WHO IS KINDA "SL*TTY" I A WAY. So, I cant. (and even if I had the chance, I would not)

you did not mention that previously. Also, what br @Mansur Bakhtiari said is true.

Of course, this is all predicated on all of this being true rather than imaginary.

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1 minute ago, Son of Placid said:

Not sure I'd be encouraging mutah, (aka the whole boyfriend/girlfriend sex thing by another name) on a boy in his first year of high school. 

I am right there with you but I guess kids mature early in Scandinavia since the girl is apparently s&&&y alcoholic.

Of course, this is all predicated on all of this being true rather than imaginary.

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On 7/12/2017 at 5:42 PM, Mansur Bakhtiari said:

Akhi, I thought only mutah with prostitutes is haram. Even if she's very... you know... I still think you can do Mut'ah with her. And like brother Shiaman said, if she won't agree at least you'll scare her away.

"Heyyyyyyyy wanna be my third wife?"

hehe... well, I can always scare people away. First I need them to call me this "you are sick" then I will say "aww. thanks for the compliment. When you say I am sick, it is as if you are saying there is a cure" :DDD 

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