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i want to get married

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Guest guest7

Disclaimer: ranting

I have a problem, I am a female and my mother is not interested in me getting married any time soon. People have asked and she usually just makes it out to seem as if I am a livestock being sold to the highest bidder(he has to have his graduates degree, make money, have ahklaq, not have a opinionated mom, move to my city, be religious, tall, dark AND handsome :confused:) . I work and have completed my education so naturally I would like to get married but every time I express that I am open to get married she scoffs and tells me to not act desperate and to be patient for when someone worthy comes along. I dont even feel like a women anymore because I have to always act like I am uninterested in affection. The reality is that I am not a teenager that just wants to get married so I can wear a dress and have a party. I have an established career and have enough money to take care of myself if the marriage hypothetically flops. It just seems to me that my mother finds any excuse and I didnt think this to be true until recently when someone that I am personally acquainted with had his mom ask for my hand. He has a very pleasing personality, is educated and I find him attractive but because my mom thinks his mother would be too involved she was against it(without asking for my opinion). I found about this weeks later when she incidentally told me as if it was something funny. She also referred his mom to a friend of hers who has many daughters that are unmarried. I got angry, felt very lonely and misunderstood. I want to have relations, start a family, have kids, and I am afraid of sinning..ie:start a haram relationship. I feel like the excuses she makes up do not make sense and maybe her intent is to keep me with her for the rest of her life :grin: !!!and!!! I am a realist, I cant be beautiful all my life!!!!! the older one gets, the harder it is unfortunately. 

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24 minutes ago, Guest guest7 said:

He was why would she simply deny it so quickly without my opinion and not tell me about it until weeks later? Am I missing something

Salam. Tell your mother if the perfect suitor comes and you marry him and then he moves you to another country, you don't want that to happen! Tell her you want to live near her, so you need to marry someone who will be near, like her friend's son (muslim, shia, from my home country, educated, lives in my city and has good ahklaq. My mom is even friends with his mom!). 

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Maybe your mother is waiting for someone that she knows to get a job. Believe me, I have heard of parents not accepting a 'stranger' to marry their daughter because they have a nephew in mind. Do you have a male cousin that needs to find a job before he can get married? To you? 

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Guest guest7

My mother has no one specific in mind except a perfect non-existent avatar. I live in the west and all my cousins are overseas. she finds them unbearable so I dont think so, and if she was holding off for someone she would have told me. Honestly I think she is just afraid of me leaving but cant outright say it so she places standards that are practically impossible to fill. Ive been sold a false reality, i felt like my mother was being very selective because "im such a great catch" but now I see it differently because i feel like there was literally nothing wrong with the boy that asked for my hand. He was muslim, shia, from my home country, educated, lives in my city and has good ahklaq. My mom is even friends with his mom! why would she simply deny it so quickly without my opinion and not tell me about it until weeks later? Am I missing something

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13 hours ago, Guest guest7 said:

Disclaimer: ranting

I have a problem, I am a female and my mother is not interested in me getting married any time soon. People have asked and she usually just makes it out to seem as if I am a livestock being sold to the highest bidder(he has to have his graduates degree, make money, have ahklaq, not have a opinionated mom, move to my city, be religious, tall, dark AND handsome :confused:) . I work and have completed my education so naturally I would like to get married but every time I express that I am open to get married she scoffs and tells me to not act desperate and to be patient for when someone worthy comes along. I dont even feel like a women anymore because I have to always act like I am uninterested in affection. The reality is that I am not a teenager that just wants to get married so I can wear a dress and have a party. I have an established career and have enough money to take care of myself if the marriage hypothetically flops. It just seems to me that my mother finds any excuse and I didnt think this to be true until recently when someone that I am personally acquainted with had his mom ask for my hand. He has a very pleasing personality, is educated and I find him attractive but because my mom thinks his mother would be too involved she was against it(without asking for my opinion). I found about this weeks later when she incidentally told me as if it was something funny. She also referred his mom to a friend of hers who has many daughters that are unmarried. I got angry, felt very lonely and misunderstood. I want to have relations, start a family, have kids, and I am afraid of sinning..ie:start a haram relationship. I feel like the excuses she makes up do not make sense and maybe her intent is to keep me with her for the rest of her life :grin: !!!and!!! I am a realist, I cant be beautiful all my life!!!!! the older one gets, the harder it is unfortunately. 

What about your dad?

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5 hours ago, Ali0007 said:

I think there is something else going on

do you support your family?

I help with finances and organize what needs to be payed off for the month. I split this responsibility with my eldest brother but if I were to move out tomorrow I am sure he would easily be able to take complete responsibility. 

3 hours ago, Ron_Burgundy said:

What about your dad?

My dad has a second wife and lives with her overseas

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You should talk to your mom

and tell this is the right time for you to get married after few years you will not find a suitable match 

and why wait and then settle for less

i don't wanna hurt your feelings 

maybe your mom don't want you to get married now and move out 

bcoz if you get married then the whole financial burden will be on your brother 

and plus the marriage cost too

may be i m wrong

but there is nothing wrong in talking to her about it

you can talk to her about mutah if thats an option for you

so you can fulfil your needs in a halal way

 

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On 10/23/2017 at 4:24 PM, Guest guest7 said:

My dad has a second wife and lives with her overseas

:salam:

:bismillah:

Siblings? I think you mom is afraid. People speak from their experience and I don't know what happened between your mom and dad, but i think she is just afraid that you don't face the same things like she did. So if you like someone you should talk to your mom and let her know that you will be fine.  Insha'Allah. 

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On 10/23/2017 at 7:38 AM, Guest guest7 said:

Disclaimer: ranting

I have a problem, I am a female and my mother is not interested in me getting married any time soon. People have asked and she usually just makes it out to seem as if I am a livestock being sold to the highest bidder(he has to have his graduates degree, make money, have ahklaq, not have a opinionated mom, move to my city, be religious, tall, dark AND handsome :confused:) . I work and have completed my education so naturally I would like to get married but every time I express that I am open to get married she scoffs and tells me to not act desperate and to be patient for when someone worthy comes along. I dont even feel like a women anymore because I have to always act like I am uninterested in affection. The reality is that I am not a teenager that just wants to get married so I can wear a dress and have a party. I have an established career and have enough money to take care of myself if the marriage hypothetically flops. It just seems to me that my mother finds any excuse and I didnt think this to be true until recently when someone that I am personally acquainted with had his mom ask for my hand. He has a very pleasing personality, is educated and I find him attractive but because my mom thinks his mother would be too involved she was against it(without asking for my opinion). I found about this weeks later when she incidentally told me as if it was something funny. She also referred his mom to a friend of hers who has many daughters that are unmarried. I got angry, felt very lonely and misunderstood. I want to have relations, start a family, have kids, and I am afraid of sinning..ie:start a haram relationship. I feel like the excuses she makes up do not make sense and maybe her intent is to keep me with her for the rest of her life :grin: !!!and!!! I am a realist, I cant be beautiful all my life!!!!! the older one gets, the harder it is unfortunately. 

Salam alaikum

I’d like to know what is your situation right now because I am also in a similar situation currently.

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On 10/23/2017 at 9:08 AM, Guest guest7 said:

Disclaimer: ranting

I have a problem, I am a female and my mother is not interested in me getting married any time soon. People have asked and she usually just makes it out to seem as if I am a livestock being sold to the highest bidder(he has to have his graduates degree, make money, have ahklaq, not have a opinionated mom, move to my city, be religious, tall, dark AND handsome :confused:) . I work and have completed my education so naturally I would like to get married but every time I express that I am open to get married she scoffs and tells me to not act desperate and to be patient for when someone worthy comes along. I dont even feel like a women anymore because I have to always act like I am uninterested in affection. The reality is that I am not a teenager that just wants to get married so I can wear a dress and have a party. I have an established career and have enough money to take care of myself if the marriage hypothetically flops. It just seems to me that my mother finds any excuse and I didnt think this to be true until recently when someone that I am personally acquainted with had his mom ask for my hand. He has a very pleasing personality, is educated and I find him attractive but because my mom thinks his mother would be too involved she was against it(without asking for my opinion). I found about this weeks later when she incidentally told me as if it was something funny. She also referred his mom to a friend of hers who has many daughters that are unmarried. I got angry, felt very lonely and misunderstood. I want to have relations, start a family, have kids, and I am afraid of sinning..ie:start a haram relationship. I feel like the excuses she makes up do not make sense and maybe her intent is to keep me with her for the rest of her life :grin: !!!and!!! I am a realist, I cant be beautiful all my life!!!!! the older one gets, the harder it is unfortunately. 

 

I don't appreciate such over protective ambitious parents. This is a sickness and this is against the very spirit of Islam.

 

Edited by Waseem162

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On 10/23/2017 at 4:38 AM, Guest guest7 said:

tall, dark AND handsome :confused:)

 

On 10/23/2017 at 5:31 AM, Guest guest7 said:

My mother has no one specific in mind except a perfect non-existent avatar.

 

9 hours ago, Waseem162 said:

 

I don't appreciate such over protective ambitious parents. This is a sickness and this is against the very spirit of Islam.

  

I agree it is sad that parents have this mentality. I would not call it over-protective parents but rather a prejudice and selfish mentality.

If I met such parents I would tell them I am getting married to their daughter and not to them. However if I was a millionaire of course they would embrace me with open arms and forget about their carefully constructed list. So much about loving parents jeez

Edited by Murtaza1

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We cannot judge your mom that fast based on what you wrote but one day you will be a mom and you might think the same, but just remember these thing: 

- What you think is good husband your mom might  see it differently, Parents always think  far ahead about their kids, i do not think anyone is against their kids happiness.

- If you think he is good, polite and respectful person and your mom still denying him, the best way to talk to Sheikh and Sayyed and get him involved because at the end it is your choice.

I do not know how old are you but if you still young that could be why, we are mostly driven by our emotions and feelings which our families sees it differently. Our religion encourages the early marriage and if you find the person who is religious, respectful and polite go for it. your family will have no reason to say No.

But if you are in age that you can make your own decision and if you find a good person you think he can provide the spiritual and physical support, you can go for it even if your mom says No. she will eventually accept it

Pray to Allah about it, he will make it simple

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Bismehe Ta3ala,

Assalam Alikum

According to the Share3a your wali al amir is your father.  If a man wants to marry you, he needs to get permission from your father.

M3 Salamah, FE AMIN Allah

 

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