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Guest Nuha

TRUE LOVE

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Guest Nuha

I am the type of girl who didn't even look at boys . I hated the girls in school who all the time talked abt boys , went in dates etc etc . I was totally against all this . One or two boys followed me in high school but i never looked or talked to them it would shatter my conscience. I could nt even think of loving a boy . In first year of college i came to know a boy liked me . From the very first day i developed strong feelings for him ..the first day my heart went racing .i felt nauseated . I became very tensed. I even cried in room . I was nt knowing what was happening to me . This continued but i never thought of doing anything.. i thought time would pass nd it will be ok.  But after a year it continued my feelings became intense . He was always around me. He followed me everywhere . Then we had those eye contacts  .i didnt want to look at him but whenever i looked he was always looking at me. Still i never talked neither i had any intension of doing anything wrong. My feelings grew and grew .not seeing him around made my eyes water. Not seeing him besides made me worry. I began to get jealous. Now i was totally mad at him . He was on my mind day and night .he had occupied my mind to the extent that in every dream i say him..but i could never think of going in relation . He talked to me one or two times formally . Now btech passed now mtech was about to end..this following staring etc etc continued. Now i knew i would die without him and could nver think of any other boy.. i thought when he proposes me i will tell him to wait till my turn of marriage comes and i will tell my parents. I never had any ill thought. But my world turned upside down.during last yr of colg i came to know since one yr he was dating other a girl outside college. i cried ..i didnt eat anything for 5days.it was like my life ended. My heart ached .you people cannt imagine the pain i felt. Then i ignored him..he still comtinued his action i dont know why..i still loved him deeply and madly..but i couldnt think of marrying bad charactered person..each time i saw him my heart ached..each and everyday i cried ..i still hoped for things to go good..with time nothinh changed seeing him hurtrd me ..all day he was on my mind..but i ignored him badly...time passed i now knew i would die without him so i hoped he leaves the girl..i prayed to Allah ..nothing happened college ended..i got job in a company and he also got job but in other company... but i still.madly and intensely in love with him.. i follow him on instagram and look at his pictures day and night. ..one more year passed..now this is my second year of job and i have nt seen him in two years...still there is nt on day when he is nt on my mind ...he is married now...and i cannt think of any other boy...seeing his pictures make me cry...remembering the years when he was the reason i would always be happy..each day them was like heaven..he was always besides me....still i keep on thinking why he played with my heart..when he was dating other girl why he still gave me hope...here am i still praying to Allah that he comes to me...there arr girls ho flirt with boys..who change there bfs like clothes..when i did nothinh wronh with anyone why this happened to me...why didnt Allah save me from the start..on one hand i feel depressed all day ..i always miss him ..i know i can never love anyone..so i pray to Allah that he realises but on other hand i think it is sin to pray for a married person...what will i do without him ..how can i forget a person who has been on my mind 365× 7yrs ...why this happened to.me who has never chatted ..texted or raised her head infront of boys and still i am the same person who never chats with boys..he was the only one i fell in love 

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I believe 

26 minutes ago, Guest Nuha said:

why this happened to.me who has never chatted ..texted or raised her head infront of boys

In all honesty, there are worse things. A crush is a crush, you end up getting used to it. I do recommend you to take distance, though. For several obvious reasons.

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23 hours ago, Guest Nuha said:

why didnt Allah save me from the start.

A necessary experience for you to turn into a person you're today.

Quote

how can i forget a person who has been on my mind 365× 7yrs ...

This might work or might not depending on how much you're committed to change yourself: Get married to a momin (pious) guy.

You can't change your past but you can still have control over your future.

Sincerely,
Zavon.

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2 hours ago, Guest Nuha said:

.i know i can never love anyone..

False. You feel like this because he had captured your imagination for several years. Keep a distance for few years. Do not stalk him on social media and you will slowly forget him. As one of the brother said, get married to a pious guy and it will all be normal. 

He was never that interested in you, otherwise he wouldn't have dated another girl. You are a good girl. You never looked onto a na-mahram. Realize your worth and don't be deluded by satan. 

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Guest Eeny, meeny, miny, monad

Every time I read these posts, I cringe, not at the experience but why such persons never had any decent friends or family members to educate them on how emotions work and the experiences that occur in life. This is nothing to be ashamed about either.

This is not a big deal as you are making it out. This is called growing up and it time for you to really grow up too.

As we mature into little fledglings, our hormones are far superior then our intellect. The reason for this is to create the next generation of humans [edit] to carry the game on. Without these raging hormones, the human race would become extinct as this is seen via how older age folk become too picky when it comes to marriage. The hormones are calmer and intellect wiser, the ideas much exaggerated.

You liked a guy, you assumed he liked you, he looked at you and as you found him attractive you believed you were destined to be with him. With such ideas, you created a little dream inside your head that grew larger by the day, until you made it into a delusion.  Considering you two had a few conversations does not mean anything, this is not a movie. Perhaps in the movies a guy looks a girl and it means he is into you, but in real life, looking could mean many things.

many of us talk to he opposite genders everyday, many look at us the way we want them to look at us and we do the same. Humans get attracted to each other, randomly, even the married look at the single ones in that way. It all depends on the day, the emotions, the escape they need. A perhaps they may have had an argument at home, go to school or work, and a gender type may make them feel good for that day, thus impressing upon their mind a feeling towards them. it does not mean they act upon it, if they are educated they go home and resolve that problem.

I am sure many can admit they had genders look at them with intense interest, but they too found it distasteful if they had no attraction to them, or better yet, if they did converse or considered whether they were compatible or not. God did not test you or played a game with you, in fact it was just two humans trying it out whether one was right or wrong for their own dreams. It did no happen, move along, go live life and find a person that likes you and be happy. The more you get stuck in this dream the worse you will get. No need to pray for the other person, do not look at their instasham or Fakebook, concentrate on YOU. YOUR LIFE not HIS/HER.

There are way better girls/guys out there.

I charge a million for therapy lessons. If you need more, you need to work smart for the next year for your next session

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Honestly speaking, it wasn't your fault as you didn't know what bad is hidden when you develop love for someone yourself without taking into consideration the social impediments. These kind of things are meant to get you stronger and not weaker.  Since you know the hazards now, so you should never again let yourself fall into same pit again. If you can marry now, find a good guy and get married. What is gone can't comeback. 

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14 hours ago, Guest Nuha said:

i thought when he proposes me i will tell him to wait till my turn of marriage comes and i will tell my parents.

Salam. When you 'heard' that he liked you, was around you, looked at you, and even spoke to you, you should have told your mother. Do you think he was going to wait for years to propose to you, to wait for you to have your 'turn' to get married, because others in your family need to marry before you can? He needed a wife and he waited for a year, then he married someone else. Forget him, because he belongs to another woman. I'm sure there is somebody else for you, because Allah will help you to find the husband you need.

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Guest anonymousgirl

well, I'm sure you'll find someone else .. just keep distance.

what I wonder ;

how can one fall so deep in love without speaking to that person (or barely speaking)

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19 minutes ago, Guest anonymousgirl said:

how can one fall so deep in love without speaking to that person (or barely speaking)

See Monad's answer:

10 hours ago, Guest Eeny, meeny, miny, monad said:

You liked a guy, you assumed he liked you, he looked at you and as you found him attractive you believed you were destined to be with him. With such ideas, you created a little dream inside your head that grew larger by the day, until you made it into a delusion. 

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Girl, stop looking at his pictures. Hes  probably in the hospital now delivering his 5th child. If it was true love- he would've met with your family and married you. It's time for operation Memory Cleanse. Find  u someone who will be proud to ask your hand from your parents and spoil you.

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سبحان الله

Verily,

The path of those who think about the past,

Have hardship,

Verily,

From hardship comes ease,

Indeed,

From hardship will be ease,

Amusement,

The attachment to you is a harm,

But indeed,

Losing harm is a relief.

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Guest No where

Dear sister,

As a brother i would like u to move on. My situation was worse and its still is than urs. Even i have never spoken to any girl or used to stare at them but recently a girl appraoched me we started speaking to each other then suddenly i fell in love with her. Even though i told her everything but she was a devorcee and she really played with my emotions. I have gone through a same situation looking at her instagram and all that. She was also used to me so was i but suddenly she changed. I was goings nuts with her behaviour. I lost everything even my emaan i guess. And now she disrespects me so much that if there is some other guy in my shoes he would have committed a suicide. But alhumdulillah we have taken our separate path but one thing is for sure given the person i am i never curse anyone but i do to her. What she has done to me i cant forget and will never forgave. But the worse part is the girl has changed me. I was a bit closer to Allah which i am not anymore. The trick is to move on and shut him or her from ur life completely. I came at a stage where idont wana live my life. Just pray to god it will be fine sister 

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Guest Nuha
9 hours ago, Hameedeh said:

Salam. When you 'heard' that he liked you, was around you, looked at you, and even spoke to you, you should have told your mother. Do you think he was going to wait for years to propose to you, to wait for you to have your 'turn' to get married, because others in your family need to marry before you can? He needed a wife and he waited for a year, then he married someone else. Forget him, because he belongs to another woman. I'm sure there is somebody else for you, because Allah will help you to find the husband you need.

It was nt that i would hav told him to wait coz others were to marry first..it was i would nt like to go on date..hold hands ..if my parents would know they would kill me..i could nt have told them at that tym coz that tym i was like a kid seriously..if he really loved me ,do u think he would hav told me once ...how could he marry any other women if he liked me ??

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Guest Nuha

In two years i have not seen him what more distance can there be..when i dont see his insta or twitter  for days i go mad..i am living only on false hopes ..can a miracle happen and he comes back to me ?

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Guest Nuha
22 hours ago, Zavon said:

A necessary experience for you to turn into a person you're today.

This might work or might not depending on how much you're committed to change yourself: Get married to a momin (pious) guy.

You can't change your past but you can still have control over your future.

Sincerely,
Zavon.

I don't have any control...i tried really hard to forget him..but nothing changed..he is still on my mind and in  my heart  all the time..i still cry for him every now nd then...now only Allah can do a miracle..i hav asked for him in every prayer...do u think something can happen

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Guest Nuha
18 hours ago, Guest Eeny, meeny, miny, monad said:

Every time I read these posts, I cringe, not at the experience but why such persons never had any decent friends or family members to educate them on how emotions work and the experiences that occur in life. This is nothing to be ashamed about either.

This is not a big deal as you are making it out. This is called growing up and it time for you to really grow up too.

As we mature into little fledglings, our hormones are far superior then our intellect. The reason for this is to create the next generation of humans [edit] to carry the game on. Without these raging hormones, the human race would become extinct as this is seen via how older age folk become too picky when it comes to marriage. The hormones are calmer and intellect wiser, the ideas much exaggerated.

You liked a guy, you assumed he liked you, he looked at you and as you found him attractive you believed you were destined to be with him. With such ideas, you created a little dream inside your head that grew larger by the day, until you made it into a delusion.  Considering you two had a few conversations does not mean anything, this is not a movie. Perhaps in the movies a guy looks a girl and it means he is into you, but in real life, looking could mean many things.

many of us talk to he opposite genders everyday, many look at us the way we want them to look at us and we do the same. Humans get attracted to each other, randomly, even the married look at the single ones in that way. It all depends on the day, the emotions, the escape they need. A perhaps they may have had an argument at home, go to school or work, and a gender type may make them feel good for that day, thus impressing upon their mind a feeling towards them. it does not mean they act upon it, if they are educated they go home and resolve that problem.

I am sure many can admit they had genders look at them with intense interest, but they too found it distasteful if they had no attraction to them, or better yet, if they did converse or considered whether they were compatible or not. God did not test you or played a game with you, in fact it was just two humans trying it out whether one was right or wrong for their own dreams. It did no happen, move along, go live life and find a person that likes you and be happy. The more you get stuck in this dream the worse you will get. No need to pray for the other person, do not look at their instasham or Fakebook, concentrate on YOU. YOUR LIFE not HIS/HER.

There are way better girls/guys out there.

I charge a million for therapy lessons. If you need more, you need to work smart for the next year for your next session

I don't agree with anything u wrote.i  didnt assume anything..it was not thay i wanted a boy to love me.i had seen enough of all this in high school but i never fell for anyone. I developed feelings for him before even looking at him. Why r u saying that i assumed ? Ever1 in our branch knew it

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Guest Nuha
8 hours ago, Guest anonymousgirl said:

well, I'm sure you'll find someone else .. just keep distance.

what I wonder ;

how can one fall so deep in love without speaking to that person (or barely speaking)

I dont want anyone else.i can never love anyone else.i am in a mess .i am stuck neither can i go into past nor can i move onto future..if only Allah showers mercy on me and he comes to me

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Guest Nuha
7 hours ago, Miss Wonderful said:

Girl, stop looking at his pictures. Hes  probably in the hospital now delivering his 5th child. If it was true love- he would've met with your family and married you. It's time for operation Memory Cleanse. Find  u someone who will be proud to ask your hand from your parents and spoil you.

I think even if he is with 5th child, i still will have that ray of hope

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Just like you, about 8 years ago, I fell for a girl I never talked to. Just like you, I was the kinda guy that never talked to girls or tried getting into a relationship because I'm really not a fan of temporary relationships. I've always wanted a permanent one! So, I decided to wait until I get married and not waste time on any temporary relationships.

I've felt the same the way, and people tell you to keep distance and you'll feel better, but it doesn't happen. It doesn't work that way. Though, it's true, the more you stalk him, the more it'll hurt. The thing is, even though you're not a little girl anymore, you're confusing attraction with love. Us, being social animals, crave interaction with other humans. Once we find something special in someone, we end up losing it, our mind!

Look, I'm not even sure if anyone will be able to help you here but you definitely can help yourself. Try to accept the things you cannot change or end up losing. It took me about 4 years of Hell being in that so-called love to realize it wasn't. It was simply attraction. How? Two more girls approached me later on and I ended up getting attracted to one of them and unlike before, I actually chatted (and wasted time) with her for 2 whole years until I pushed her away and cried like a little girl because of it. 

Yes, I do miss her, the one I fell for 8 years ago. In fact, she now lives just a few minute's walk away. But a replacement does work! You won't be able to forget him, yes. But you will be able to replace him if you accept that he's out of your reach and that you need to move on. You don't need a memory wipe course, you need an acceptance course!

18 hours ago, Guest Eeny, meeny, miny, monad said:

Every time I read these posts, I cringe, not at the experience but why such persons never had any decent friends or family members to educate them on how emotions work and the experiences that occur in life. This is nothing to be ashamed about either.

Couldn't agree more!

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Guest Nuha
5 hours ago, Guest No where said:

Dear sister,

As a brother i would like u to move on. My situation was worse and its still is than urs. Even i have never spoken to any girl or used to stare at them but recently a girl appraoched me we started speaking to each other then suddenly i fell in love with her. Even though i told her everything but she was a devorcee and she really played with my emotions. I have gone through a same situation looking at her instagram and all that. She was also used to me so was i but suddenly she changed. I was goings nuts with her behaviour. I lost everything even my emaan i guess. And now she disrespects me so much that if there is some other guy in my shoes he would have committed a suicide. But alhumdulillah we have taken our separate path but one thing is for sure given the person i am i never curse anyone but i do to her. What she has done to me i cant forget and will never forgave. But the worse part is the girl has changed me. I was a bit closer to Allah which i am not anymore. The trick is to move on and shut him or her from ur life completely. I came at a stage where idont wana live my life. Just pray to god it will be fine sister 

It is like one day i think Allah will make him realze..he will start missing me..he will come begging to me..inshallah..other day it is like he played with me otherwise he wouldnt hav thought of anyothrr girl ..this cycle repeats ..how much i try to forget him the other day i miss him more..i dont knw what he actually wanted ..did he really loved me or not

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Guest Nuha
48 minutes ago, Shian e Ali said:

Just like you, about 8 years ago, I fell for a girl I never talked to. Just like you, I was the kinda guy that never talked to girls or tried getting into a relationship because I'm really not a fan of temporary relationships. I've always wanted a permanent one! So, I decided to wait until I get married and not waste time on any temporary relationships.

I've felt the same the way, and people tell you to keep distance and you'll feel better, but it doesn't happen. It doesn't work that way. Though, it's true, the more you stalk him, the more it'll hurt. The thing is, even though you're not a little girl anymore, you're confusing attraction with love. Us, being social animals, crave interaction with other humans. Once we find something special in someone, we end up losing it, our mind!

Look, I'm not even sure if anyone will be able to help you here but you definitely can help yourself. Try to accept the things you cannot change or end up losing. It took me about 4 years of Hell being in that so-called love to realize it wasn't. It was simply attraction. How? Two more girls approached me later on and I ended up getting attracted to one of them and unlike before, I actually chatted (and wasted time) with her for 2 whole years until I pushed her away and cried like a little girl because of it. 

Yes, I do miss her, the one I fell for 8 years ago. In fact, she now lives just a few minute's walk away. But a replacement does work! You won't be able to forget him, yes. But you will be able to replace him if you accept that he's out of your reach and that you need to move on. You don't need a memory wipe course, you need an acceptance course!

Couldn't agree more!

Just like you recently one more boy was doing the same things.but i have zero interest for anyone else.i know i will never forget him or replace him

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1 hour ago, Guest Nuha said:

Just like you recently one more boy was doing the same things.but i have zero interest for anyone else.i know i will never forget him or replace him

Well, if you have zero interest in moving on and will never forget him, why bother coming here for help? Of all the people that tried to help you out here or give you advice, you've completely ignored them. Not sure if you're just a Troll or you simply just wanted to share your sad love story. Either way, this discussion is going nowhere. 

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Guest Nuha
12 hours ago, Shian e Ali said:

Well, if you have zero interest in moving on and will never forget him, why bother coming here for help? Of all the people that tried to help you out here or give you advice, you've completely ignored them. Not sure if you're just a Troll or you simply just wanted to share your sad love story. Either way, this discussion is going nowhere. 

I want to move on but i am nt able to..some days i do my work and dont think abt him and afterwards i begin to miss him harder..first my thinking was like if he was meant for me he will be mine anyway .everything is destined..but now i know everythingb is nt predestined it is btw free will and destiny..so i regret not  making any effort..dont be rude i posted here coz i need serious help and i cant discuss it with anyone. I even hate to go out of my home as each and everything  hurts me..the rain ..the sunshine..every single thing hurts me

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5 hours ago, Guest Nuha said:

I don't have any control...i tried really hard to forget him..but nothing changed..he is still on my mind and in  my heart  all the time..i still cry for him every now nd then...now only Allah can do a miracle..i hav asked for him in every prayer...do u think something can happen

That means: you aren't committed enough to change your situation then.

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Guest Monadenhauer
Quote

I developed feelings for him before even looking at him

This is not possible Unless you dreamt of the person, but guess what, I generally dream of people before I see them. Yes, the first time, I thought it was special, then years later I realised it is just that I am a special snowflake. Right now your ego has been hurt, you want to make him think, NO DAMMIT IT, I AM SPECIAL TOO, better then your current lady, this is why men always own women, female emotions are always weaker once the heart has been captured.

women tend to be quite annoying with their stubbornness, and men who act like women are alike too. Read the following as a punishment. Child like males - (90% of SC ), do not read the following and assume you know it all.

Essays of Schopenhauer, by Arthur Schopenhauer

[Mod Note: Guest Monadenhauer wants you to read the very long Chapter 5 of the book Essays of Schopenhauer. See the link:]

https://ebooks.adelaide.edu.au/s/schopenhauer/arthur/essays/chapter5.html

Edited by Hameedeh
To add the Mod Note.

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5 hours ago, Guest Nuha said:

It was nt that i would hav told him to wait coz others were to marry first..it was i would nt like to go on date..hold hands ..if my parents would know they would kill me..i could nt have told them at that tym coz that tym i was like a kid seriously..if he really loved me ,do u think he would hav told me once ...how could he marry any other women if he liked me ??

Listen, males are exactly same as females in feelings  If he is around you, he likes you and if he got married then you have lost importance in his life so why you care for someone who don't care about you. It's really complicated for both genders to disclose their feelings for males think may be they would hear a big no and a shoe lolz  And girls think that they would be rejected. So, if you were serious should have talked within limitations without holding hands and date type things. And you could have asked for marriage that would have been most appropriate and easier then just looking. 

Now time has passed. You should find another guy, there isn't scarcity of good guys in the world.  

Don't live in past.

Edited by Sindbad05

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Guest Nuha

@Bakir @Zavon @Sirius_Bright @Sindbad05 @Hameedeh @Miss Wonderful @Kazemi @E.L King @Shian e Ali

On 9/17/2017 at 3:25 PM, Hameedeh said:

See Monad's answer:

 Imam al-Sadiq (عليه السلام), when asked about infatuation, replied, ‘Hearts that are empty of the remembrance of Allah are given to taste by Allah the love of other than Him.’ [Amali al-Saduq, p. 531, no. 3]....is it the reason I love him so deeply..

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14 hours ago, Guest Nuha said:

 Imam al-Sadiq (AS), when asked about infatuation, replied, ‘Hearts that are empty of the remembrance of Allah are given to taste by Allah the love of other than Him.’ [Amali al-Saduq, p. 531, no. 3]....is it the reason i love him so deeply..

Imam Jafar al Sadiq a.s replied in context to infatuation. What do you think about what was the condition of your attraction towards that guy ? Were you infatuated by his personality or attracted by morals and behavior. Have you loved him due to being of good faith or good personality. If you loved him due to good faith, then you loved him due to Allah and if you loved him due to his personality, then you loved him due to materialistic aims and one who has materialism in his spirit, will learn one day that materials do not live by his side always. And if one learns such lesson with the departure of materialistic sooner, it would be much better. 

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On 18-9-2017 at 9:08 AM, Shian e Ali said:

Well, if you have zero interest in moving on and will never forget him, why bother coming here for help? Of all the people that tried to help you out here or give you advice, you've completely ignored them. Not sure if you're just a Troll or you simply just wanted to share your sad love story. Either way, this discussion is going nowhere. 

exactly 

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