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In the Name of God بسم الله

TRUE LOVE

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To be very direct you are responsible for the situation you are in. You obsessed over someone and continue to do so, even though he is a mere mortal who will one day die just like the rest of us.

@MexicanVato is speaking the truth. A man can't be uncondtionally loved, only loved for what he provides.

Life goes on. It's up to you now whether you want to move on or not. Be grateful for everything that Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) has given you. 

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Posted (edited)
On 9/18/2017 at 6:40 AM, Guest Nuha said:

It is like one day i think Allah will make him realze..he will start missing me..he will come begging to me..inshallah..other day it is like he played with me otherwise he wouldnt hav thought of anyothrr girl ..this cycle repeats ..how much i try to forget him the other day i miss him more..i dont knw what he actually wanted ..did he really loved me or not

he didnt play you if he didnt even know you liked him in the first place 

On 5/2/2021 at 11:04 PM, Guest Nuha said:

am the same girl. After these many years i have still not forgotten me . Justwas busy with day to day activities and when lockdown happened i am realizing i have not forgotten him. After thesse many yrs saw his photos tears ran from my eyes. How badly i want to be with him.  My love has again resurfaced... Ihad just become busy nothing else... I feel regret remorse each nd everyday... Whyi didnt give him hint.. Why i never responded to him... Pleasebrothers nd sisters help me.. I cant discuss this matter with anyone... The person who loved me so much  and i also did but i didnt show him ... He should have asked before getting married... But i also didnt give him any hint that i live him back

He moved on with his life its time you move on with yours. Just abandon the idea completely it will never happen. I think you should get help as @Uni Student said and when you are ready you should get married. Just dont enter a marriage while still thinking about this guy all the time because ur husband will probably be mad if he find out.

Edited by Khurasani
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On 5/2/2021 at 10:59 PM, Mahdavist said:

 

This obsessive culture is a form of pollution that comes from fantasy (previously fictional books

Fictional books are meant to be a creative outlet, and there’s always an audience for every genre. Are you suggesting that all books are bad to read, or that romance novels are bad? If it is the latter, then you don’t enjoy romance books, that’s fine, but I think most people can separate a romance novel from real life romance. Romance novels don’t have anything to do with romantic infatuation. 
 

To the OP:

I’m a little bit confused. It sounds like you are experiencing regret rather than actually being in love with someone you don’t know. It sounds like you may be depressed if you’re ruminating over a guy you’ve never dated or had any real emotional connection with. You don’t need to be upset, try to move on. How would you like it if you got married, and your husband’s ex still wanted him, and she was upset and crying over your photos together, etc.? Wouldn’t that make you feel uncomfortable? I think you have to understand that while regret is normal, it’s not appropriate to be pining over a man that is not meant for you. I don’t think you have an illness, I think you are simply very naive and sheltered. You would benefit from talking to a professional on how to deal with romantic love and infatuation. 

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6 hours ago, Mahdavist said:

I'm suggesting that one needs to know how to differentiate between fantasy and real life. 

That’s exactly what I said. That people know the difference between romance novels, which are fiction, and real love. What I don’t understand is how romance novels have anything to do with the OP.

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6 hours ago, Guest Love? said:

That’s exactly what I said. That people know the difference between romance novels, which are fiction, and real love. What I don’t understand is how romance novels have anything to do with the OP.

I believe he was saying that OP had a fantasy in her head from these sources

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Brothers and sisters, the OPs post is from 2017. I do not know if its even relevant. But being a chicano ima just say love dont exist lol. There can be surface level love, but true hollywood unconditional love, nah not likely. Allahu alim. 

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5 minutes ago, Uni Student said:

Which Latina hurt my guy:ranting: hahaha

My akhi got jokes. Hey I've done mutah with 3 arabs too :P 

What is your view akhi?

Edited by MexicanVato
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On 5/6/2021 at 9:05 PM, MexicanVato said:

My akhi got jokes. Hey I've done mutah with 3 arabs too :P 

What is your view akhi?

i disagree with the statement below but i also have no experience so i cant say much

On 5/6/2021 at 8:07 PM, MexicanVato said:

There can be surface level love, but true hollywood unconditional love, nah not likely.

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17 minutes ago, Guest Nuha said:

Wasn't  he meant for me ?   I  am living in great regret .  It was mutual. How can i marry someone i dont love

Do not marry anyone while you are still obsessed with this man. 

If you can't move on, I recommend talking with a therapist. Life does go on.

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4 hours ago, Guest Nuha said:

Wasn't  he meant for me ?   I  am living in great regret .  It was mutual. How can i marry someone i dont love

Many of us all have scars on our heart. That’s just life in this dunya. It really sucks, but you seem young. There will be plenty of opportunities to fall into the womanly love you desire. Sabr. You have to understand that there is no controlling another person. So you can’t make him want to marry you. Rejection is part of life for both male and female. I do not believe there is the “one” for everyone, but indeed there may be compatibility. I’m confident that you will find a compatible husband inshaallah. 

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@MexicanVato thanyou for kind words.. But he didnt reject. It  is that he thought i was not interested  i didnt show him interest .. He made all efforts.. I thought he will ask by end of college but he didnt .. He just kept following.. 

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55 minutes ago, Guest Nuha said:

@MexicanVato thanyou for kind words.. But he didnt reject. It  is that he thought i was not interested  i didnt show him interest .. He made all efforts.. I thought he will ask by end of college but he didnt .. He just kept following.. 

If he didn't propose, that's the same as rejection for all practical purposes in most cultures. We assume men will propose, and women will be shy and modest. 

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@notme . It was not easy as we were from different cultural backgrounds. I  had heard he had told his friend she(means I ) knows it all (that he likes me ) if she wants she has to tell   ... Maybehe waited and tgen thought i was not interested and didnt propose out of fear ?  Is it possible ? 

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I am not understanding even after he was now with other girl he used ti follow me and do all stuff... Maybe he was still waiting........??? 

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Then sometimes i convine myself if he was meant for me it would hav happened.... But then i didnt take any action.. Showedhim no sign

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18 minutes ago, Guest Nuha said:

Then sometimes i convine myself if he was meant for me it would hav happened.... But then i didnt take any action.. Showedhim no sign

Ukhti, tranquila calm down. Okay if he was following whatever that means and never asked, it is because he is not confident. He may be shy. I used to be timid when I was younger and alhamdulilah I grew out of it. But if a man doesn’t make a move so to speak it will be difficult getting a female interested because us men are suppose to take action. If I waited around for some woman to say she likes me I’ll likely have slim pickings. He likes fears rejection if you really think he was into you. Give him my contact info I’ll sort him out lol. 

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@MexicanVato   but he never felt shy in doing all other things.. Always following . Sitting next to me or behind me... He did everything.. Wht he never asked.. Whyhe dated that girl if he was that into me... Even when he was dating other girl he fought with a boy for talking to me he used to get jealous.. But i never understood i used to think he is not beung loyal to her. Maybe he is not good charactered.. But now i think maybe he was still waiting

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53 minutes ago, Guest Nuha said:

If someone will solve this whole thing for me so that i can live in peace.. Please.. Was It my mistake ? 

As-salam alaykom Sister,

What you have experienced is UNREQUITED LOVE.   It is unhealthy.

You could cross the line into stalking, which is a crime. He or his wife could notify the police if they suspected that you have an obsession with him. It is very disturbing to the married couple if an outside person has a strong fancy for either the wife or the husband. If a man had a strong fancy for another man's wife, he could call the police or maybe beat him up. Husbands and wives do not like this, in fact it is illegal and a psychological problem.

We are one Umma. You must respect your bother's right to marry the woman that he loves.

That woman was not you.

He does not love you. In fact, if he loses his patience, he might end up hating you.

 

Fortunately Allah Subahanhu wa Ta'ala works in Wonderous and Miraculous Ways.

I assume that during all these years of pinning away for a man who did not want/chose you to marry; you kept your Chasity.

Probably you had no interest in anyone. Then your UNREQUITED LOVE was a Blessing in disguise, because it protected you from dating and flirting with other boys. You are still innocent and worthy of an Excellent marriage to a man who also guarded his Chastity.

See the positive and prepare yourself to move on to a healthy and satisfying marriage. In sha Allah you will be Blessed with many children.

Do not delay starting your family.

 

What Is Unrequited Love?

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39 minutes ago, Guest Nuha said:

Always following . Sitting next to me or behind me... He did everything.. Wht he never asked.. Whyhe dated that girl if he was that into me... Even when he was dating other girl he fought with a boy for talking to me he used to get jealous.. But i never understood i used to think he is not beung loyal to her. Maybe he is not good charactered..

If he managed to date someone else, I think you can rule out shyness. I think he has bad character and just enjoyed noticing that you admired him. If he's still pursuing you now, definitely he has bad character. He is married. He made his choice. Unless you are ready to bear the burden of being a homewrecker and you're ok that he's a bad guy who will always cheat, move on. 

Again, if you're having trouble getting over your obsession, please talk with a therapist. 

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Guest Nuha

@Tabassum Iman thankyou i liked every bit wht u wrote. But i see him from fake account . Idont have my own . Iam not disturbing anyone.. Idont talk to him..... One thing i want to ask  how was it even unrequited ??????  . One  of his frnds only had told me he likes you and then all his action.. He used to stay near me.. Seetime when i go to college enter class that tym only.. Waitfor me while leaving... Sit around me .. Manythings  i cant even write... How was it even unrequited ?? After coming to know he likes me then only i started hving feelings  . 

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Ahlan wa Sahlan, I am glad to help you.

It was Unrequited because he did not actually love you back. 

He went through a legal ceremony with another woman, and that is a promise of a lifetime love.

Did he write letters promising his love to you? Did he write you letters promising to marry you?

I want to see the proof of his love for you.

Show me any true messages or letters from him in writing that he loves you.

If you can not show me any written messages/letters from him saying that he loves you, then you have no proof.

It is your misunderstanding or infatuation and our minds can plays tricks on us.

You have been stung by Cupid's arrow and it is painful. The Dajjal will games and can make his friends tell you anything you want to hear.

If a man loves wants to marry you, he will put in writing as a proof for everyone to see.

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