PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HELP ME

[Guest anonymous]

Alsalamu Alaykum,

I'm a 16 yr old girl. I'm badly strugginling with the following:

- (undiagnosed) bulimia, depression, self harm and anxiety

- masturbation (every several weeks), I wathced porn three times but I've been able not to ( so far )

- lonliness

 

I pray (without any concnetration), I listen and read Quran weekly (only to feel good about myself), I fast (but I hate it), I give sadaqah (when I utterly mess up)

I don't spend most of my time on my phone, I usually read books, draw, photograph, edit and write

I stopped listening to music (but still listen to muslim songs by Sami Yusuf and Maher Zain)

I used to make an oath to Allah not to masturbate, but I only end up breaking it every single time

I have been trying to do everything in my power to be positive and stop masturbating

I really do know I'm supposed to feel horrible. But I just feel empty. I breakdown every several days, but that's pretty much the closest I get to emotions

The only thing I can always strongly feel is pain. Pain when people stab my back, pain knowing I'm the one who handed them the knife (again)

I smile and nod when appropriate, I can make conversation, but tbh, it's all just an act

Telling my parents useless because they have 0% understanding and -1000000% will to try to understand

I know I deserve to burn in hell, but something inside me keeps telling me I will not, that Allah will forgive me as long as I keep trying to repent 

Please bring me back to my senses 

Talk to me about the punishments that awiats the transgressors  

Tell me what to do

It's 1 AM, I have major important exams coming up and I can't focus on anything, I keep walking around the house for no reason, thinking, talking to myself 

I had a dream I was mastrubating and since ever since I woke up I was fighting the urges until I lost as usual a few hours ago

What should I do

[Bakir]

You require goals and motivations in order to put your efforts in one direction. Otherwise, emptiness will strike you day after day. Besides, lack of concentration and even masturbation can be a consequence of the need to take distance from your reality, and that is a serious problem you should stop as soon as possible, because worse problems will follow and may be intolerable to you.

You may have reached that point in which you must seek help (at least it seems so to me after reading your post). Consider doing yourself a favour and visit an expert who may bring an order to your life.

Also, in my opinion, I think you should focus on taking care of yourself and getting rid of all bad thoughts towards your own self and the people that surround you. It's not the best idea to ask about which terrible tortures await the transgressors, because that won't solve your problems in any way.

Edited September 16, 2017 by Bakir

[Abu Nur]

Quote

I used to make an oath to Allah not to masturbate, but I only end up breaking it every single time

Please don't do that. It is always serious matter to make oath to Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى. Watching these forbidden sites usually is possible when you are alone with your own room or when there is no one around you and when you feel empty and have this desires of yourself. Have you tried to make possible to be with the family constantly, or open the door of your room so you can't easily to do it?

Quote

but something inside me keeps telling me I will not, that Allah will forgive me as long as I keep trying to repent 

That is true Sister. But the only way to repent from this act is to totally abandon it and never do it again. If you keep saying that to yourself that I will now repent and never do it agein, it is highly possible that you come agein to it and agein, thats why one should not only say by words but try very hard to do anything to never going back to sinning.  

The problem is your nafs that makes you satisfied for doing it again and again because of its pleasure, thus the nafs wants constantly sinning because the nafis loves to do sinning. There is an beautiful verse that describe this :

And I do not acquit myself. Indeed, the soul (nafs) is a persistent enjoiner of evil, except those upon which my Lord has mercy. Indeed, my Lord is Forgiving and Merciful." Q:12:53

Everyday ask Allah Mercy constantly, because it Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى mercy that can take you out from sinning! Try to remember Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى often, because it is truly helps.

Edited September 16, 2017 by Dhulfikar

[AfricanShia]

Just stop doing it. No more. You know its Haraam so stop. Take a cold shower or bath everyday and stay in it for 10 minutes to get rid of the sexual desires. Dont eat meat, fast if you can and pray and ask Allah for forgiveness. The longer you stay away from it, the easier it gets. Masturbation causes anxiety and other mental health problems and causes damage to the body. The longer you stay away from it, the more disgusting you will feel about it.

[Guest Gold Monad]

Let us understand the underlining issues of why and where did this happen.

(undiagnosed) bulimia, depression, self harm and anxiety  <----  Find out the causes, why, the hows, the thoughts, the idea that led to this. When you fix this, then you can fix the next step.

Your 2nd problem stems from the first problem. This is no different then substance abuse, it is an addiction to feeling good to distract one self from other problems. You see the pattern?. You have two choices. Help your self or dont help your self. If you help your self, you will have a higher chance of succeeding in life. A good healthy body, will equate to a healthy mind, to a good career, husband, kids, house, car, sofas, kitchens, gardens, cloths, plenty of hajj and ziyarat trips to feel special. You get the picture right?.

http://charlesduhigg.com/the-power-of-habit/

you need a plan, that starts of daily, then weekly, monthly, yearly, until a new idea and habit is ingrained into your mind. There are no miracles, like anything, you just have to replace the bad ideas with the good.

[AmirAlmuminin Lover]

15 hours ago, Guest anonymous said:

Alsalamu Alaykum,

I'm a 16 yr old girl. I'm badly strugginling with the following:

- (undiagnosed) bulimia, depression, self harm and anxiety

- masturbation (every several weeks), I wathced porn three times but I've been able not to ( so far )

- lonliness

 

I pray (without any concnetration), I listen and read Quran weekly (only to feel good about myself), I fast (but I hate it), I give sadaqah (when I utterly mess up)

I don't spend most of my time on my phone, I usually read books, draw, photograph, edit and write

I stopped listening to music (but still listen to muslim songs by Sami Yusuf and Maher Zain)

I used to make an oath to Allah not to masturbate, but I only end up breaking it every single time

I have been trying to do everything in my power to be positive and stop masturbating

I really do know I'm supposed to feel horrible. But I just feel empty. I breakdown every several days, but that's pretty much the closest I get to emotions

The only thing I can always strongly feel is pain. Pain when people stab my back, pain knowing I'm the one who handed them the knife (again)

I smile and nod when appropriate, I can make conversation, but tbh, it's all just an act

Telling my parents useless because they have 0% understanding and -1000000% will to try to understand

I know I deserve to burn in hell, but something inside me keeps telling me I will not, that Allah will forgive me as long as I keep trying to repent 

Please bring me back to my senses 

Talk to me about the punishments that awiats the transgressors  

Tell me what to do

It's 1 AM, I have major important exams coming up and I can't focus on anything, I keep walking around the house for no reason, thinking, talking to myself 

I had a dream I was mastrubating and since ever since I woke up I was fighting the urges until I lost as usual a few hours ago

What should I do

Salaam Alaykum

Your comment is so inspirational and beautiful. Be sure that Allah will help you and takes your hand.

About your problem, most of them are due to masturbation. Anxiety, lack of self-confidence, and thinking and wandering around house are results of masturbation(I had research about this, so be sure). How you can overcome this problem? Just one thing: Talking with Imam Mahdi for one or two minutes before going to bed(Imam Sadegh said: " Mahdi enjoys when young people talk with him"). Ask Imam to take your hand and help you

PLEASE DO THIS JUST FOR ONE OR TWO WEEKS, and see the results. No matter if you again broke your promise to Allah and Mahdi at the beginning, but renew your promise and keep going. Never lose, keep going and be strong. I'm sure you will become a good practicing Muslimah.

I'm sorry for myself. You know you do sin and you are upset about it, but I don't know what am I doing in this world and I'm happy for nothing. Appreciate Allah for giving you this pure repentance feeling and be strong to avoid violating Allah's boundaries. This morning I asked Imam Mahdi to take your hand and help you.

و من الله توفیق

Edited September 16, 2017 by AmirAlmuminin Lover

[AmirAlmuminin Lover]

15 hours ago, Guest anonymous said:

Alsalamu Alaykum,

I'm a 16 yr old girl. I'm badly strugginling with the following:

- (undiagnosed) bulimia, depression, self harm and anxiety

- masturbation (every several weeks), I wathced porn three times but I've been able not to ( so far )

- lonliness

 

I pray (without any concnetration), I listen and read Quran weekly (only to feel good about myself), I fast (but I hate it), I give sadaqah (when I utterly mess up)

I don't spend most of my time on my phone, I usually read books, draw, photograph, edit and write

I stopped listening to music (but still listen to muslim songs by Sami Yusuf and Maher Zain)

I used to make an oath to Allah not to masturbate, but I only end up breaking it every single time

I have been trying to do everything in my power to be positive and stop masturbating

I really do know I'm supposed to feel horrible. But I just feel empty. I breakdown every several days, but that's pretty much the closest I get to emotions

The only thing I can always strongly feel is pain. Pain when people stab my back, pain knowing I'm the one who handed them the knife (again)

I smile and nod when appropriate, I can make conversation, but tbh, it's all just an act

Telling my parents useless because they have 0% understanding and -1000000% will to try to understand

I know I deserve to burn in hell, but something inside me keeps telling me I will not, that Allah will forgive me as long as I keep trying to repent 

Please bring me back to my senses 

Talk to me about the punishments that awiats the transgressors  

Tell me what to do

It's 1 AM, I have major important exams coming up and I can't focus on anything, I keep walking around the house for no reason, thinking, talking to myself 

I had a dream I was mastrubating and since ever since I woke up I was fighting the urges until I lost as usual a few hours ago

What should I do

Last night I was at my friend's apt. He lives in an apt with his friend, but he didn't tell landlord anything about this. I wanted to pray there, but I knew it is wrong. I decided to go out of that apt because of this. It was 10 pm. That time I checked ShiaChat and I saw your comment. When I read your comment, I became more inspired by my decision. If you are upset about sin and looking for a way to avoid it, why shouldn't I be like this. Finally, I reserved a hotel at 10 pm for that night for $314 (expensive because I booked at night for that night). I also requested Uber to go there at that night, then I told my friend let's go out I want to talk with you. I told him what you are doing is wrong and I want to go somewhere else to pray. I booked a hotel and Uber. He said I should cancel it. I said I won't. I wanna leave here. Finally he talked with his roommate and they had a friend whom his house was legal, and I went there and prayed.

This story that happened to me last night, was inspired by your comment.

[AmirAlmuminin Lover]

15 hours ago, Guest anonymous said:

Alsalamu Alaykum,

I'm a 16 yr old girl. I'm badly strugginling with the following:

- (undiagnosed) bulimia, depression, self harm and anxiety

- masturbation (every several weeks), I wathced porn three times but I've been able not to ( so far )

- lonliness

 

I pray (without any concnetration), I listen and read Quran weekly (only to feel good about myself), I fast (but I hate it), I give sadaqah (when I utterly mess up)

I don't spend most of my time on my phone, I usually read books, draw, photograph, edit and write

I stopped listening to music (but still listen to muslim songs by Sami Yusuf and Maher Zain)

I used to make an oath to Allah not to masturbate, but I only end up breaking it every single time

I have been trying to do everything in my power to be positive and stop masturbating

I really do know I'm supposed to feel horrible. But I just feel empty. I breakdown every several days, but that's pretty much the closest I get to emotions

The only thing I can always strongly feel is pain. Pain when people stab my back, pain knowing I'm the one who handed them the knife (again)

I smile and nod when appropriate, I can make conversation, but tbh, it's all just an act

Telling my parents useless because they have 0% understanding and -1000000% will to try to understand

I know I deserve to burn in hell, but something inside me keeps telling me I will not, that Allah will forgive me as long as I keep trying to repent 

Please bring me back to my senses 

Talk to me about the punishments that awiats the transgressors  

Tell me what to do

It's 1 AM, I have major important exams coming up and I can't focus on anything, I keep walking around the house for no reason, thinking, talking to myself 

I had a dream I was mastrubating and since ever since I woke up I was fighting the urges until I lost as usual a few hours ago

What should I do

Last night I was at my friend's apt. He lives in an apt with his friend, but he didn't tell landlord anything about this. I wanted to pray there, but I knew it is wrong. I decided to go out of that apt because of this. It was 10 pm. That time I checked ShiaChat and I saw your comment. When I read your comment, I became more inspired by my decision. If you are upset about sin and looking for a way to avoid it, why shouldn't I be like this. Finally, I reserved a hotel at 10 pm for that night for $314 (expensive because I booked at night for that night). I also requested Uber to go there at that night, then I told my friend let's go out I want to talk with you. I told him what you are doing is wrong and I want to go somewhere else to pray. I booked a hotel and Uber. He said I should cancel it. I said I won't. I wanna leave here. Finally he talked with his roommate and they had a friend whom his house was legal, and I went there and prayed.

This story that happened to me last night, was inspired by your comment.

[Afsaneh14]

19 hours ago, Guest anonymous said:

Alsalamu Alaykum,

I'm a 16 yr old girl. I'm badly strugginling with the following:

- (undiagnosed) bulimia, depression, self harm and anxiety

- masturbation (every several weeks), I wathced porn three times but I've been able not to ( so far )

- lonliness

 

I pray (without any concnetration), I listen and read Quran weekly (only to feel good about myself), I fast (but I hate it), I give sadaqah (when I utterly mess up)

I don't spend most of my time on my phone, I usually read books, draw, photograph, edit and write

I stopped listening to music (but still listen to muslim songs by Sami Yusuf and Maher Zain)

I used to make an oath to Allah not to masturbate, but I only end up breaking it every single time

I have been trying to do everything in my power to be positive and stop masturbating

I really do know I'm supposed to feel horrible. But I just feel empty. I breakdown every several days, but that's pretty much the closest I get to emotions

The only thing I can always strongly feel is pain. Pain when people stab my back, pain knowing I'm the one who handed them the knife (again)

I smile and nod when appropriate, I can make conversation, but tbh, it's all just an act

Telling my parents useless because they have 0% understanding and -1000000% will to try to understand

I know I deserve to burn in hell, but something inside me keeps telling me I will not, that Allah will forgive me as long as I keep trying to repent 

Please bring me back to my senses 

Talk to me about the punishments that awiats the transgressors  

Tell me what to do

It's 1 AM, I have major important exams coming up and I can't focus on anything, I keep walking around the house for no reason, thinking, talking to myself 

I had a dream I was mastrubating and since ever since I woke up I was fighting the urges until I lost as usual a few hours ago

What should I do

It breaks my heart to hear that you are going through this. I ,too, as a teen had bulimia and  a number of other mental illnesses. I can understand how it is difficult to simply live- it affects every single aspect- spiritual, social, education- you name it.

The root cause of nearly all these things, especially masturbation, is low self-esteem. You feel horrible about yourself; and you, without realizing are looking for ways too feel good about you. This can be changed if you could see the worth you have in the eyes of Allah. Allah loves all his creations- surely he would want them to love thsemselves too.

Imam Ali (as) once said "The worth of a person is according to his courage (confidence)"

Inshaallah you should definitely try your best to get some sort of help. Even if it is just speaking kn here, or to a friend. 

Another thing is that you must remember Allah isn't called "the most merciful" for no reason. Allah's love and mercy for you has no bounds, so long as you know you are sincere.

Edited September 16, 2017 by Afsaneh14