Jump to content
Guests can now reply in ALL forum topics (No registration required!) ×
ShiaChat.com
Guests can now reply in ALL forum topics (No registration required!)
In the Name of God بسم الله

Sunni and Shia marriage

Rate this topic


Recommended Posts

  • Basic Members

Salam W Alaykum

I am in a very confusing situation right now.. I have been stressing too much about it.

I am originally a Shia Lebanese and live abroad with my family and have been doing it ever since I was kid. I always had in mind that I would marry a Lebanese girl since Lebanese suffer of extreme nationalism. For the past 3 months I have been dating an Iraqi girl who I adore and admire. I enjoy every second with her. When we first started talking she told me that her father is Sunni and her mother is Shia but she has very little knowledge of both, so she told me doesn't count herself as either. When we would go out, we would kiss (I know, haram) but I kissed her and then told her that what we are doing is wrong and we should do Mut'a (she was married before and I asked a Sheikh about it and he told me it is permissible). She was reacted in a negative way and didn't like the idea because in her point of view, kissing and such are not haram because we live in a different era etc.

But I explained to her that that is not the way I see it and so on. After about 1.5 month I managed to convince her to do Mut'a and we are both happy. My goal with this girl is to marry her but right now she tells me she is more into Sunni because of her father (he is not even living with her) and her view on Shia is bit weird because she has only a couple of friends of Shia and they were bad people and her mother didn't teach her a lot. Right now, we are in a critical situation where I told her that if I want to marry her, I am expecting her to pray, eat halal food only and fast and I would prefer if she would be Shia and I told her that I could prove to her why Shia is wrong using Sunni and Shia hadith. But she is very upset and I know her point of view on religion is a little bit European since she grew up here. But I am willing to sacrifice a lot to change her mind and we are almost on the edge of breakup because of this. Please what are your views on this ? I am really stressing about this and in my opinion, if she is Sunni but loves Ahlul Bayt I would not have a lot of problems with it but I would still worry about my children since I prefer them to be Shia..

Please, ANY ADVICE/OPINIONS WOULD BE EXTREMELY APPRECIATED.

AC

Link to post
Share on other sites

Brother you are a follower of Ahlulbayt (as). Do what a Muslim should do and teach her the traditon of the Holy Prophet's Family (as). Increase your knowledge of Ahlulbayt tradition, practice it and teach it to her so that she may be of the knowledgeable and become a Shia too. Also ask Allah to strengthen you to refrain from your lusts and seek forgiveness from Allah. :)

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Veteran Member

I think the crux of the problem is that she is not as religious as you would like her to be. Not to mention that, at this point in time, she is disinclined to convert to Shi'ism.

Don't get married in the belief that you will sort out the matter later. This is only going to get worse when kids come into the picture.

I'd advise you to ask yourself hard questions and tread carefully.

Best wishes.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Advanced Member

You can teach the kids both sides and they can decide when older. Can't really blame her, shia are weird when they beat themselves with blades until they are all covered in blood. Especially with those images on internet and those hysterical sheikhs screaming ya Hussein and beating themselves, so it may turn her off. However Sunnis are not far into falling into extremisms also like the salafists. Both can be moderate and know how to respect different views, is only scholarly disagreement after all, no need to get sectarian. Sunnis cannot decide if a Shafi'i praying behind a Hanifa is haram or if Ashari is kufr and Athari is also kufr or maturudi I kufr, if one can ask intercession from graves or not and what is shirk exactly and is a Bidah, they don't even know which books constitute the authentic six precisely. If Sunnis can tolerate this much disagreement why can't they tolerate the shias?

Edited by SunniBrother
Link to post
Share on other sites

@SunniBrother to consider Shias as extremists goes to show for your ignorance. To not understand as to why Shias beat themselves over Husayn (as) is a shame. Let me make this clear for you:The Grandson of the Holy Prophet (SAWA) got beheaded by a tyrant. If you cannot understand why people would be in so much grief then please do not consider us weird or extremists because it is a means of compassion, love and rememberance over a Great Man, the grandson of the most beloved creature to Allah, alhamdulillah. 

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Moderators
26 minutes ago, AfricanShia said:

@SunniBrother to consider Shias as extremists goes to show for your ignorance. To not understand as to why Shias beat themselves over Husayn (as) is a shame. Let me make this clear for you:The Grandson of the Holy Prophet (SAWA) got beheaded by a tyrant. If you cannot understand why people would be in so much grief then please do not consider us weird or extremists because it is a means of compassion, love and rememberance over a Great Man, the grandson of the most beloved creature to Allah, alhamdulillah. 

The grief should making you sure to follow the path of Imam Hussain (as) everyday, instead to go to public and to hit yourself with blades in that particular day and then normally continue your life. His sacrifice is greatest for all those who wants to purify their soul and be victorious for remembering Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى and be thankfulness for all situations Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى gives.

Edited by Dhulfikar
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Veteran Member
8 hours ago, Deceptive223 said:

Salam W Alaykum

I am in a very confusing situation right now.. I have been stressing too much about it.

I am originally a Shia Lebanese and live abroad with my family and have been doing it ever since I was kid. I always had in mind that I would marry a Lebanese girl since Lebanese suffer of extreme nationalism. For the past 3 months I have been dating an Iraqi girl who I adore and admire. I enjoy every second with her. When we first started talking she told me that her father is Sunni and her mother is Shia but she has very little knowledge of both, so she told me doesn't count herself as either. When we would go out, we would kiss (I know, haram) but I kissed her and then told her that what we are doing is wrong and we should do Mut'a (she was married before and I asked a Sheikh about it and he told me it is permissible). She was reacted in a negative way and didn't like the idea because in her point of view, kissing and such are not haram because we live in a different era etc.

But I explained to her that that is not the way I see it and so on. After about 1.5 month I managed to convince her to do Mut'a and we are both happy. My goal with this girl is to marry her but right now she tells me she is more into Sunni because of her father (he is not even living with her) and her view on Shia is bit weird because she has only a couple of friends of Shia and they were bad people and her mother didn't teach her a lot. Right now, we are in a critical situation where I told her that if I want to marry her, I am expecting her to pray, eat halal food only and fast and I would prefer if she would be Shia and I told her that I could prove to her why Shia is wrong using Sunni and Shia hadith. But she is very upset and I know her point of view on religion is a little bit European since she grew up here. But I am willing to sacrifice a lot to change her mind and we are almost on the edge of breakup because of this. Please what are your views on this ? I am really stressing about this and in my opinion, if she is Sunni but loves Ahlul Bayt I would not have a lot of problems with it but I would still worry about my children since I prefer them to be Shia..

Please, ANY ADVICE/OPINIONS WOULD BE EXTREMELY APPRECIATED.

AC

Brother - in some ways, it is a simple choice. AhlulBayt or her?

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Basic Members
7 hours ago, AfricanShia said:

Brother you are a follower of Ahlulbayt (as). Do what a Muslim should do and teach her the traditon of the Holy Prophet's Family (as). Increase your knowledge of Ahlulbayt tradition, practice it and teach it to her so that she may be of the knowledgeable and become a Shia too. Also ask Allah to strengthen you to refrain from your lusts and seek forgiveness from Allah. :)

@AfricanShia @Marbles @AfricanShia @SunniBrother @Dhulfikar @shiaman14 @Panzerwaffe That's my thought right now. I will give her more time to teach her by actions and not by words. My cousin told me something: "If she really falls in love with you, she will eventually start looking deeper into your beliefs". She gave me hope but I don't want to hope too much. We still got like 3-4 years before marriage/engagement.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Basic Members
1 hour ago, Marbles said:

I think the crux of the problem is that she is not as religious as you would like her to be. Not to mention that, at this point in time, she is disinclined to convert to Shi'ism.

Don't get married in the belief that you will sort out the matter later. This is only going to get worse when kids come into the picture.

I'd advise you to ask yourself hard questions and tread carefully.

Best wishes.

I am a religious man "in the mind". I don't go to a lot of majles but I have religion 24/7 in my mind. My life is based on religion. I don't always do the extra stuff like Salat Al-Layl and such so I am not the ideal religious Shia Muslim and the only thing I require from her is to stay away from haram food, pray and fast so that my children will learn the core of Islam and I would teach them about Ahlul Bayt

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Advanced Member
1 hour ago, AfricanShia said:

@SunniBrother to consider Shias as extremists goes to show for your ignorance. To not understand as to why Shias beat themselves over Husayn (as) is a shame. Let me make this clear for you:The Grandson of the Holy Prophet (SAWA) got beheaded by a tyrant. If you cannot understand why people would be in so much grief then please do not consider us weird or extremists because it is a means of compassion, love and rememberance over a Great Man, the grandson of the most beloved creature to Allah, alhamdulillah. 

Since when beating yourself in public with blades, harming and deforming the creation of Allah is purification? There are other ways to remember and grief and show steadfastness like donating blood or fasting if you want.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Advanced Member
21 minutes ago, Dhulfikar said:

Do all Sunnis (not salafis) respect the 12 imams of Ahlulbait (as)?

No doubt brother. Especially sufis have a great love for Imam Ja'afar (r.a). But classical sunnism Is Sufism. Those affected by Salafism are corrupted and cannot be regarded as traditional Sunni.

Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, SunniBrother said:

Since when beating yourself in public with blades, harming and deforming the creation of Allah is purification? There are other ways to remember and grief and show steadfastness like donating blood or fasting if you want.

Fasting is not a form of grief in Islam. Rather a praise to Allah. Maybe some people cant express their grief properly.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Advanced Member
2 hours ago, SunniBrother said:

Since when beating yourself in public with blades, harming and deforming the creation of Allah is purification? There are other ways to remember and grief and show steadfastness like donating blood or fasting if you want.

What about giving kids candy because Ashura is believed to be a day of victory by some sunni's?

One hadith says it was already a custom of the mushrikin in Mecca.

The other hadith says that the jews in Medina schooled the Prophet s.a.w.a.s. about Ashura.

To make it more confusing there are the stories of various Prophets on the Day of Ashura added to the first two narrations. Where did all these stories come from if the Prophet s.a.w.a.s. did not even knew what this day was about and which Prophet was connected to it yet on the Day of Ashura we'll hear a list of stories about Prophets and their victories on the Day of Ashura with the Tragedy of Karbala not even mentioned.

Edited by Faruk
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Veteran Member
3 hours ago, SunniBrother said:

You can teach the kids both sides and they can decide when older. Can't really blame her, shia are weird when they beat themselves with blades until they are all covered in blood. Especially with those images on internet and those hysterical sheikhs screaming ya Hussein and beating themselves, so it may turn her off. However Sunnis are not far into falling into extremisms also like the salafists. Both can be moderate and know how to respect different views, is only scholarly disagreement after all, no need to get sectarian. Sunnis cannot decide if a Shafi'i praying behind a Hanifa is haram or if Ashari is kufr and Athari is also kufr or maturudi I kufr, if one can ask intercession from graves or not and what is shirk exactly and is a Bidah, they don't even know which books constitute the authentic six precisely. If Sunnis can tolerate this much disagreement why can't they tolerate the shias?

It really is such a tough choice for this poor girl.

On the one side, we have people who scratch themselves and scream for Hussain (as).
On the other side, we have suicide bombers who kill themselves and all the innocent people around them.

Such a tough choice....

2 hours ago, SunniBrother said:

Since when beating yourself in public with blades, harming and deforming the creation of Allah is purification? There are other ways to remember and grief and show steadfastness like donating blood or fasting if you want.

you missed suicide bombing. Purified and 70+ virgins.

2 hours ago, SunniBrother said:

Sunnis not necessarily deny the imams. There are many Sufis with practices like Eid Ghadir, nothing wrong with that.

Successor of Prophet - Imam Ali (as) or Caliph Abu Bakr?

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Advanced Member
4 hours ago, SunniBrother said:

shia are weird when they beat themselves with blades until they are all covered in blood.

As if that is what Shi'ism is all about. I should believe you'll know better after being a certain time on shiachat.

I am against self-mutilation but I rather have people beating themselves up than people celebrating that day as the victory of the Prophets a.s. trying to cover up what really happened and thereby making a diabolical attempt to turn something blasphemous into something beautiful.

Edited by Faruk
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Advanced Member
7 minutes ago, Faruk said:

What about giving kids candy because Ashura is believed to be a day of victory by some sunni's?

One hadith says it was already a custom of the mushrikin in Mecca, The other hadith says that the jews in Medina schooled the Prophet s.a.w.a.s. about Ashura.

No brother. The Prophet (s.a.w.s) ordered to fast on that day because Muslims are closer to Musa (a.s) then the Jews. Grief doesn't stop one for praising Allah. In fact the martyrdom of Hussein (r.a) is a honor Allah gave him to die as Islam greatest martyr. I don't agree giving candies to commemorate, this is wrong, maybe salafis do and this doesn't make sense since we are supposed to fast. This can be viewed as many forms and fasting to praise Allah on that day should be a form of thanks for saving Islam through Hussein (r.a) martyrdom like when Musa (a.s) crossed the red sea liberating Bani Israel from the Pharaoh oppression and allowing them to worship Allah in the same manner Hussein (r.a) martyrdom saved Islam from the destruction at the hands of Yazid (l). So why shouldn't we praise Allah while remembering Hussein (r.a)?

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Advanced Member
6 minutes ago, shiaman14 said:

It really is such a tough choice for this poor girl.

On the one side, we have people who scratch themselves and scream for Hussain (as).
On the other side, we have suicide bombers who kill themselves and all the innocent people around them.

Such a tough choice....

you missed suicide bombing. Purified and 70+ virgins.

Successor of Prophet - Imam Ali (as) or Caliph Abu Bakr?

Why are you bashing me? Are you Muawiyah who bash people who don't agree with you? Are you a opressor? My aqeedah is not anyone business

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Advanced Member
9 minutes ago, SunniBrother said:

No brother. The Prophet (s.a.w.s) ordered to fast on that day because Muslims are closer to Musa (a.s) then the Jews. Grief doesn't stop one for praising Allah. In fact the martyrdom of Hussein (r.a) is a honor Allah gave him to die as Islam greatest martyr. I don't agree giving candies to commemorate, this is wrong, maybe salafis do and this doesn't make sense since we are supposed to fast. This can be viewed as many forms and fasting to praise Allah on that day should be a form of thanks for saving Islam through Hussein (r.a) martyrdom like when Musa (a.s) crossed the red sea liberating Bani Israel from the Pharaoh oppression and allowing them to worship Allah in the same manner Hussein (r.a) martyrdom saved Islam from the destruction at the hands of Yazid (l). So why shouldn't we praise Allah while remembering Hussein (r.a)?

How can a muslim believe that the Jews thaught Muhammad s.a.w.a.s. about the deen?

Second of all this is the belief of the Umayyads who tried to cover up the Tragedy and make something beautiful of it.

The intention was surely not based on the interpretation that the martyrdom of Imam Hussain a.s. was a victory over injustice.

They considered it a victory because they just plainly killed him a.s. and covered it up with the story that the Jews thaught Muhammad s.a.w.a.s. about the victory of Musa a.s.

It's actually a double blasphemy.

1. to consider the murder of Imam Hussain a.s. a victory

2. to teach that the jews thaught Muhammad s.a.w.a.s.

Edited by Faruk
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Veteran Member
3 minutes ago, SunniBrother said:

Why are you bashing me? Are you Muawiyah who bash people who don't agree with you? Are you a opressor? My aqeedah is not anyone business

did I say anything about you? I merely pointed out facts...similar to what you did.

Google "house glass stone"

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Veteran Member
10 minutes ago, SunniBrother said:

No brother. The Prophet (s.a.w.s) ordered to fast on that day because Muslims are closer to Musa (a.s) then the Jews. Grief doesn't stop one for praising Allah. In fact the martyrdom of Hussein (r.a) is a honor Allah gave him to die as Islam greatest martyr. I don't agree giving candies to commemorate, this is wrong, maybe salafis do and this doesn't make sense since we are supposed to fast. This can be viewed as many forms and fasting to praise Allah on that day should be a form of thanks for saving Islam through Hussein (r.a) martyrdom like when Musa (a.s) crossed the red sea liberating Bani Israel from the Pharaoh oppression and allowing them to worship Allah in the same manner Hussein (r.a) martyrdom saved Islam from the destruction at the hands of Yazid (l). So why shouldn't we praise Allah while remembering Hussein (r.a)?

Fasting Myth debunked:

 

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Advanced Member
1 hour ago, AfricanShia said:

Then why are you Sunni in the first place?

Because only people with problems of identity and personality seek monolithic solutions like the Salafis. People who don't have mental problems or identity crisis have no problems with different views emanating from the same divine source of guidance (Qur'an). Islam was never monolithic, deal with it.

Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, SunniBrother said:

Because only people with problems of identity and personality seek monolithic solutions like the Salafis. People who don't have mental problems or identity crisis have no problems with different views emanating from the same divine source of guidance (Qur'an). Islam was never monolithic, deal with it.

Denying servants of Allah like the Ahlulbayt (as) is not Islamic. Its called being a Heretic. Deal with that. 

Link to post
Share on other sites
12 hours ago, Deceptive223 said:

Salam W Alaykum

I am in a very confusing situation right now.. I have been stressing too much about it.

I am originally a Shia Lebanese and live abroad with my family and have been doing it ever since I was kid. I always had in mind that I would marry a Lebanese girl since Lebanese suffer of extreme nationalism. For the past 3 months I have been dating an Iraqi girl who I adore and admire. I enjoy every second with her. When we first started talking she told me that her father is Sunni and her mother is Shia but she has very little knowledge of both, so she told me doesn't count herself as either. When we would go out, we would kiss (I know, haram) but I kissed her and then told her that what we are doing is wrong and we should do Mut'a (she was married before and I asked a Sheikh about it and he told me it is permissible). She was reacted in a negative way and didn't like the idea because in her point of view, kissing and such are not haram because we live in a different era etc.

But I explained to her that that is not the way I see it and so on. After about 1.5 month I managed to convince her to do Mut'a and we are both happy. My goal with this girl is to marry her but right now she tells me she is more into Sunni because of her father (he is not even living with her) and her view on Shia is bit weird because she has only a couple of friends of Shia and they were bad people and her mother didn't teach her a lot. Right now, we are in a critical situation where I told her that if I want to marry her, I am expecting her to pray, eat halal food only and fast and I would prefer if she would be Shia and I told her that I could prove to her why Shia is wrong using Sunni and Shia hadith. But she is very upset and I know her point of view on religion is a little bit European since she grew up here. But I am willing to sacrifice a lot to change her mind and we are almost on the edge of breakup because of this. Please what are your views on this ? I am really stressing about this and in my opinion, if she is Sunni but loves Ahlul Bayt I would not have a lot of problems with it but I would still worry about my children since I prefer them to be Shia..

Please, ANY ADVICE/OPINIONS WOULD BE EXTREMELY APPRECIATED.

AC

Salaam Alaykum

Look at my words as your brother.

Probably most of the comments here didn't solve be your problem. From what I read, it is very important to you to have Shia kids. That is good. The thing is that NEVER sacrifice on this goal.

There is a good example of Shia-Sunni marriage in your story. Your girl family is Shia-Sunni marriage, and you see that this marriage ended up with a kid(this girl) that has LITTLE knowledge of both(shiite and Sunnism). She doesn't follow each of them the way she should do. Kissing non-mahram is Haram in both Shiite and Sunnism.

Another point is that you want to think of marriage with this girl with the HOPE of making her a PRACTICING Shia one day. What if she NEVER wanted to be practicing Muslim? You said she considers kissing(sort of Zena) Halal. There is a high chance that maybe she doesn't want to be religious.

Brother! Kissing non-mahram is Haram. Why didn't you save yourself? Why didn't you wait till Allah send you his Halal? Be very regretful on this and ask Allah for forgiveness and never do that again.

In your post I see that you are willing to show some sort of flexibility and sacrifice for this problem. What kind of flexibility and sacrifice did she show to you? You are planning for marriage, and family is TWO-SIDED sacrifice.

Whatever you do, don't make your decision when you have some children. That time is too late to get rid of this situation.

 

Prophet: " عقود (marriage contracts) have been written in skies before". Trust Allah and be wise.

Link to post
Share on other sites
9 hours ago, SunniBrother said:

ou can teach the kids both sides and they can decide when older. Can't really blame her, shia are weird when they beat themselves with blades until they are all covered in blood. Especially with those images on internet and those hysterical sheikhs screaming ya Hussein and beating themselves, so it may turn her off.

This is not from Islam, as it is haram to beat your body until you cause it harm. 

They are overdoing it. 

Chest-breating, on the other hand, is a cultural way of expressing grief and is acceptable.

Link to post
Share on other sites
7 hours ago, SunniBrother said:

Since when beating yourself in public with blades, harming and deforming the creation of Allah is purification? There are other ways to remember and grief and show steadfastness like donating blood or fasting if you want.

It is not purification to beat yourself with a blade. That is not a part of Islam as your body has a right over you. 

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Veteran Member
On 9/13/2017 at 4:56 PM, SunniBrother said:

Because only people with problems of identity and personality seek monolithic solutions like the Salafis. People who don't have mental problems or identity crisis have no problems with different views emanating from the same divine source of guidance (Qur'an). Islam was never monolithic, deal with it.

I agree completely with your view

But as the sectarian divide deepened the more rigid deeply entrenched viewpoints have become more and more popular

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Basic Members

UPDATE

So me and the girl decided to seperate for 1 month just to clear our minds. She started crying a lot when we were talking and I started crying too since my feelings are too strong for this girl. I really want to give it another shot but with some rules. That she will raise my children and teach them praying, fasting, eating halal food ONLY and I can take care of the rest when it comes to Ahlulbayt etc´and if she agrees upon it I might give it a shot.

One thing though that made me worry is that her family (her cousins, not her own family) drink alcohol when celebrating something but she and her mother who she lives with don't drink. That made me a bit worried since my family and alcohol don't mix together. But she agreed that she would not let our children drink if we ever would have children. And we texted a bit this morning and we are talking about sacrificing for each other. So I will see what she has to tell me.

Only time will tell.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Veteran Member
9 hours ago, Deceptive223 said:

UPDATE

So me and the girl decided to seperate for 1 month just to clear our minds. She started crying a lot when we were talking and I started crying too since my feelings are too strong for this girl. I really want to give it another shot but with some rules. That she will raise my children and teach them praying, fasting, eating halal food ONLY and I can take care of the rest when it comes to Ahlulbayt etc´and if she agrees upon it I might give it a shot.

One thing though that made me worry is that her family (her cousins, not her own family) drink alcohol when celebrating something but she and her mother who she lives with don't drink. That made me a bit worried since my family and alcohol don't mix together. But she agreed that she would not let our children drink if we ever would have children. And we texted a bit this morning and we are talking about sacrificing for each other. So I will see what she has to tell me.

Only time will tell.

Children always follow their mothers - almost always.

While she may let you raise your children as shia, she will never be able to instill the love of the Ahlul Bayt into them as a shia mother would.

Sushi children end up being nothing usually.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...