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The Prophet once said, “I am astonished at a man who beats his wife, whereas it is he himself more than his wife who deserves beating.”

“One should never torture one’s wife physically or otherwise, because whoever does so has violated the norms set by the Almighty and his Messenger,” said the Prophet.

“How does anyone of you beat his wife as he beats his stallion and then embrace her?” said the Prophet.

The Prophet, who was a prime example of ethical leadership, never struck any woman, animal, or any person who was aggressive toward him. Aisha, wife of the Prophet, once said, “The Prophet never hit a servant, or a female, or anyone else, except in performing jihad (defending Islam).”

Book: https://www.al-islam.org/a-new-perspective-women-islam-fatma-saleh-moustafa-al-qazwini/chapter-7-disciplinary-action

 

Has Islam Permitted The Man To Punish His Wife?

The answer of this question can be inferred with precision from the anecdote of the honourable Prophet of Islam when he rhetorically asks those who have incorrect behaviour:

"How can you embrace your wife with the same hand that you beat her with?"

Through this meaningful expression, it is clear that our holy Prophet who is the authority on Islamic divine rules, by this question and answer, seriously disapproved beating and punishing of the wife by the husband.

To those who use verse 33 of Chapter “The Woman” of the Glorious Quran, to prove discrimination between men and women, it is necessary to explain logical and correct meaning of this verse before explaining our reasons in this regard:

The Woman
Sura - 4 The Woman

الرِّجَالُ قَوَّامُونَ عَلَى النِّسَاءِ بِمَا فَضَّلَ اللَّهُ بَعْضَهُمْ عَلَىٰ بَعْضٍ وَبِمَا أَنْفَقُوا مِنْ أَمْوَالِهِمْ ۚ فَالصَّالِحَاتُ قَانِتَاتٌ حَافِظَاتٌ لِلْغَيْبِ بِمَا حَفِظَ اللَّهُ ۚ وَاللَّاتِي تَخَافُونَ نُشُوزَهُنَّ فَعِظُوهُنَّ وَاهْجُرُوهُنَّ فِي الْمَضَاجِعِ وَاضْرِبُوهُنَّ ۖ فَإِنْ أَطَعْنَكُمْ فَلَا تَبْغُوا عَلَيْهِنَّ سَبِيلًا ۗ إِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ عَلِيًّا كَبِيرًا

[4:34] Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore, the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in the (the husband’s) absence what Allah would have them guard. As to those women on whose part you fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (next) refuse to share their beds, (and last) do dharb (have separation); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance) for Allah is Most High, great (above you all)

For understanding of the real meaning of this verse, please pay attention to the following points.

Meaning Of Responsible (Protector And Maintainer)

The word "Responsible" in this verse means to be in charge of protection and maintenance of the family. For this reason in lexical meaning, the word “Responsible"; applies to whoever understands effective responsibility. Since the responsibility of undertaking and providing the subsistence and supporting the financial requirements of a family, according to Islam, is on man, the overlord in this verse of the Quran, has introduced men as the supporter of women. The men are responsible for undertaking the subsistence of life and providing the expenses of the family members.

Encouraging righteous women

Those who have question regarding this verse in the Glorious Quran did not pay enough attention to this verse which encourages and exalts the proper characteristics of righteous and benefactor women, who are devoutly obedient, courteous, modest and chaste, compared to the admonished disloyal and disobedient women. Therefore, the rule of encouraging and appreciating its correct meaning is superior to the threat to and affliction pain on women.

What is the meaning of "Disloyalty and ill- conduct” in this verse?

It is obvious that every difference in opinion and taste in even trivial affairs of the family like selecting the colours of clothing or the kinds of food and so on do not mean "disloyalty and ill-conduct”". Because intellectuals never accept that these differences in taste or opposition in trivial affairs are causes to punish or injure the wife. Therefore, the literal meaning of the word "rebellion" is women who disobey divine rules and without any reason, harm her matrimonial relationship or betray her husband.

Prevention of Disobedience and Rebellion

Obviously, there are some of the members in each society who break the laws and are rebellious. However, the rules of each society provide different methods in order to prevent committing of crimes and controlling them. It is not limited to men or women or any other specific group but all of the people in the society should follow them.

The Glorious Quran discusses the ways of admonishing disobedient men, women and all the lawbreakers. At the end of the above verse, the Quran explains some of the ways of preventing and controlling the disobedient women who infract the sanctity of the divine laws.

In this verse, the three recommended steps in response to preventing disobedience and rebelliousness are as follows:

• Admonish and advise as the first measure;

• next refuse to share their beds; and

• lastly have dharb (separation) from them.

The meaning of admonishment and advice is clear. But other two ways, "refusing to share their beds" and "separation", need more explanations.

Allamah Tabatabai in "Tafsir Al Mizan" has expressed that the expression, "refuse to share their beds", does not mean to break-up the marriage and leave the bed totally, but it means to remain living together and just separating their beds or the husband turning his face and paying no attention to her. Other interpreters believe that it means the total separation of man from their beds.

What is the meaning of “dharb" in this verse?

The word "dharb" in Arabic language has different meanings. It has different meanings in different dictionaries. For instance, in the book, "Lesan Al Arab", it means: achieve and invoke. In order to prove this meaning for "dharb", refer to a poem of "Kumait" who is a famous literal Arabian poet. In this poem he argued that “dharb" is request and the “dharaba" also means requested.

Also, in "Lesan Al-Arab" the word “dharb" means prevention or prohibition, and it says "I do dharb one person from other person". It means that I prevent him. Also others hold that the term means "to separate or keep away".

In this book the term “dharb" means "to separate or keep away".

Therefore, this word has different meanings and it does not mean "beat" only. Even some of the intellectuals believe that the word " dharb" in this verse, is not necessarily "beat the woman", but means demand and request for getting their attention by the help of psychological ways, and preventing them from committing actions of guilt and by Islamic legal system.

Also Islamic traditions interpreting this verse, conclude that the purpose of “dharb" in this verse is not related to hurt somebody as commonly believed.

With regards to the anecdotes told by some of the great commentators of the Glorious Quran, like Tabarsi in "Majma Al-Bayan" and Allameh Tabatabai in "Tafsir Al Mizan" it is found from an authentic justifiable book such as "Wasail Al-Shia", that Imam Ja’far Sadiq (a.s.) while explaining "dharb" says: “Beat your wife with a toothbrush”. It is obvious that, the purpose of this word in this verse is not to smack and beat by lash and whip but is a very delicate way of catching the attention of the other side.

For this reason, the Prophet of Islam Muhammad (s.a.w.w.) told some of the men who beat their wife in astonishment:

"How do you embrace your wife while you beat her?"

To whom is this verse address to?

As mentioned, the word “dharb" in this verse does not mean to beat or strike as is commonly understood. But if someone considers that it as a physical punishment, then here is a question: "To whom is this verse addressed to and who is responsible for preventing rebellious women when they are disobedient? Is this verse addressed to husbands and can these husbands punish or admonish their disobedient wives, or are the legal authorities and justice system responsible for it?”

Our answer to this question is as follows:

According to the rules of admonishment and prohibition and penal laws in Islam, the advice to disobedient wives regarding this matter can be made by their husbands, relatives and acquaintances. Husbands do not share the beds with them. But, legal authorities and judges are responsible for carrying punishment including corporal punishment and no one else can proceed to punish the women by themselves. For instance, the Glorious Quran states:

"And (as for) the man and the woman who steals, cut off their hands as a punishment for what they have earned".(5:38)

It is obvious that, common people are not addressed in this verse. Therefore, no individual person can punish a thief and cut off his hand. Punishment for thieves should be operated in special conditions. For example:

• The value of the stolen goods is equal to or exceeding the specified amount.

• A person who steals due to hunger and poverty is not liable to punishment.

• He commits the crime by breaking and entering the property of the owner.

Obviously, the judge is responsible for recognizing the mentioned conditions in Islamic Jurisprudence as he is expected to know the principles of Islamic Jurisprudence. There are several other conditions related to the issue which the lay people are not familiar with.

This Islamic rule shall be applied when punishing disobedient women. Therefore, the court of justice and judges, who knows the rights and Islamic Jurisprudence and the principles of the civil law are responsible for recognizing women’s disobedience or rebellion. An ordinary person without any knowledge about legal laws is not authorized to evaluate his wife's behaviour and judge it as disobedience and rebellion and act like a judge and punish his wife.

Conclusion

As mentioned, it is clear that firstly: the word "dharb" in this verse of the Chapter “The Woman”, does not mean to beat or strike. Secondly, if we consider the word "dharb" in this verse means to punish physically the disobedient person, the authorized judge is responsible for recognizing and determining the type of the crime and its punishment.

Therefore, Islam does not authorize and permit a man to punish his wife on his own recognition.

 

Book: https://www.al-islam.org/some-questions-related-womens-rights-islam-sayyid-rida-husayni-nasab/has-islam-permitted-man-punish

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He can't hit you without reason, in Qur'an there is three stage to act upon when the woman is disloyal or ill-conduct (she acts as if she is above her husband, disobeys him, ignores him, dislikes him, and so forth.):

As to those women on whose part you fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (next) refuse to share their beds, (and last) do dharb (have separation); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance) for Allah is Most High, great (above you all)

If he just hit you while there is no reasoning for disloyalty, then it is not allowed and Haram. 

If there have been disloyalty from your part, he have no right to hit you right away, he need to do the following stages mentioned in Quran.

Quote

he is my husband and a man so he can do whatever he want to no one can stop him.. 

This is totally wrong, He can't do whatever he wants.

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No.

Nobody has a right to abuse anyone, with or without "reason". There might be circumstances in which hitting is allowed, but it's never encouraged and it never should be to the point that it causes even a temporary red mark or fear. 

If you are in a "western" country you should go directly to the authorities and they will provide you with shelter in a safe place. If you are in a location that the police or social services will not intervene, you are in a much more difficult position, but you still need to get away, either permanently or until he changes. 

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Guest Monad the superior

after 1400 of Islam and muslims have not even learned the basics of humanity. What have these clergymen been teaching their people?. Anyone know or dare confront these robed aristocrats?. Instead of lamenting over the dead or the distraction of how the enemies are trying to subvert the sect, perhaps these clergymen should be harsh in their reaproachment within their communities regarding such behaviour, unless the agree with it. There are terrible cases that go unheard to the masses but are spoken of to the minority of helpless listener's. Come on you children, how vocal are thou in regards to your imams but quiet in questionings authority.

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This is a really tough situation because society around you will enable his behaviour and generally not protect you.  You need to be very careful.  I would say that you do whatever you can to avoid further beatings for now as they could lead to permanent physical damage.  In the mean time try and find someone who can help you in this situation and carefully work out a plan to get physical protection.  If the police in your area has a good reputation then you can contact them, but it is really best to seek help from someone you trust.  Since you do not have a family perhaps reach out to old friends or anyone that can be of any help. I would not confront him from a position of weakness, he is far too dangerous.

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Is husband allowed allowed to hit his wife for no reason???my husband hit me for no reason and when i ask him he just says that he have permission to hit me from Allah so that i dont get misled in any case he says as he is my husband and a man so he can do whatever he want to no one can stop him.. he is all i have in this whole world but when he do this to me all i want is to end my life plz help me and guide me what i should do.. keep on with him or raise my voice for this unjust.. what Allah AND HIS PROPHET P.B.U.H AND AHLUL BAIT A.S says about it

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Why does he hit you without having any reason? Is he sadist? How old are you? Dont you have family or relatives? Where do you live? Do you have kids? If he is such a crazy ill-tempered man who even justifies his cruel behaviours instead of apologizing, then divorce him and dont let your life go to waste.

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No i am not disloyal to him... im totally loyal and obeys him what ever he says... i dont meet any one i dont talk to any one he dont let me even to his family members.. i dont go to any one house.. my husbamd dnt talk to me... im left all alone by him.. i dont go any where witjout him.. i dont ask him to buy me anything.. infact he buy me anything he like... even now je font know i have posted a question if he come to know he will kill me... i dont do amy thing that he has not given me permission but now im really fedup and want a solution.. he dont let me use Internet as well but only in front of him.. i dont lnow what to do.. he is not letting me libe with him nor he is willing to let me go i fnt know what to do

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17 minutes ago, shadow_of_light said:

Why does he ha you witout having any reason? Is he sadist? How old are you? Dont you have family or relatives? Where do you live? Do you have kids? If he is such a crazy ill-tempered man who even justifies his cruel behaviours instead of apologizing, then divorce him and dont let your life go to wast... 

Im 32 Years old dnt have parents... we Have donE love marriage so other relatives dnt meet me any more and Those who do want to meet my husbnd dnt let them meet me.. he quarels so much with everyone that no one dares to come infront of him not even his Father 

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On 9/8/2017 at 7:14 AM, ktk said:

Is husband allowed allowed to hit his wife for no reason???my husband hit me for no reason and when i ask him he just says that he have permission to hit me from Allah so that i dont get misled in any case he says as he is my husband and a man so he can do whatever he want to no one can stop him.. he is all i have in this whole world but when he do this to me all i want is to end my life plz help me and guide me what i should do.. keep on with him or raise my voice for this unjust.. what Allah AND HIS PROPHET P.B.U.H AND AHLUL BAIT A.S says about it

Salaam Alaykum

It deeply made me upset. I'm sorry for that. Where do you live? How old are you? Do you have kids?

Husband cannot beat his wife at all. There is a big punishment in Islam for these kind of men. Talk with your husband thoroughly. If it didn't work, talk with your family and his family. Talk with a Sheikh of your mosque to guide your husband. Talk with a person that your husband believes him as a good person. He doesn't have permission to beat you.

To other users:

If you're couple, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't beat your wife. Don't upset your spouse. Please be understandable. Some people are single and they are waiting for a day to get married. Then you are married and disobey Allah by beating your wife? Don't break Imam Zaman's heart.

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23 minutes ago, E.L King said:

@Khomeinist the view that dharb doesn't mean strike is an unpopular view, and Sayyed Nassab is known for his liberal views.

As to the O.P, a husband cannot hit his wife for no reason.

I'm not knowledgable enough to disagree or discuss the points in his book (or call certain views unpopular). I merely quoted the other part since it needed some clarification before OP would read the conclusion.

The husband does not have the right to hit his wife for no reason nor is he allowed to do whatever he wants.

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1 hour ago, ktk said:

Is husband allowed allowed to hit his wife for no reason???

Sorry? But why would you want to hit your wife for no reason???? That's wrong..

The Prophet once said, “I am astonished at a man who beats his wife, whereas it is he himself more than his wife who deserves beating.”

I couldn't agree more...

Edited by SeyedMoAbbas

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Furthermore, anyone who uses fear to control people is not a man, but just a sad, pathetic bully. That kind of person is not worthy of any kind of respect or obedience from anyone. 

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On 9/8/2017 at 8:13 AM, ktk said:

Im 32 Years old dnt have parents... we Have donE love marriage so other relatives dnt meet me any more and Those who do want to meet my husbnd dnt let them meet me.. he quarels so much with everyone that no one dares to come infront of him not even his Father 

Where do you live?

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2 hours ago, ktk said:

Im 32 Years old dnt have parents... we Have donE love marriage so other relatives dnt meet me any more and Those who do want to meet my husbnd dnt let them meet me.. he quarels so much with everyone that no one dares to come infront of him not even his Father 

Do you have kids? Do you have siblings, uncles, aunts, grandparents? They cannot be indifferent to your problems. No matter if your marrige was not convenstional, you are still their daughter/ sister. So go and talk with them about your problem.

Have you tried to discuss with him about his behaviour to find out what makes him angry and behave like that? Has he ever talked with a counselor or psychologist?

If he really beats you for no reason and instead of feeling remorse, justifies his behaviours and believes that he has the right to beat you, then he is a dangerous person and you are not safe as long as you live with him and in such cases, I think, the best solution is to divorce.

Now, do you have a job or any source of income? If no, then try to find an appropriate job because as long as you are dependent on your husband (and considering that your parents are not alive), you cannot easily dare to divorce.

This time if he beats you, report his misbehavior to police. Have courage and dont allow him to oppress you.

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3 hours ago, ktk said:

No i am not disloyal to him... im totally loyal and obeys him what ever he says... i dont meet any one i dont talk to any one he dont let me even to his family members.. i dont go to any one house.. my husbamd dnt talk to me... im left all alone by him.. i dont go any where witjout him.. i dont ask him to buy me anything.. infact he buy me anything he like... even now je font know i have posted a question if he come to know he will kill me... i dont do amy thing that he has not given me permission but now im really fedup and want a solution.. he dont let me use Internet as well but only in front of him.. i dont lnow what to do.. he is not letting me libe with him nor he is willing to let me go i fnt know what

I have just seen this post. This is terrible. You are his wife not his slave. You will become extremely deppressed if you continue living with him. If he cannot trust you, why did he marry you?

PS: dont forget to clear your history.

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On 9/8/2017 at 10:50 AM, shadow_of_light said:

Do you have kids? Do you have sibings, uncles, aunts, grandparents? They cannot be indifferent to your problems. No matter if your marrige was not convenstional, you are still teir daughter/ sister. So go and talk with them about your problem.

Have you tried to discuss with him about his behaviour to find out what makes him angry and behave like that? Has he ever talked with a counselor or psychologist?

If he really beats you for no reason and instead of feeling remorse, justifies his behaviours and believes that he has the right to beat you, then he is a dangerous person and you are not safe as long as you live with him and in such cases, I think, the best solution is to divorce.

Now, do you have a job or any source of income? If no, then try to find an appropriate job because as long as you are dependent on your husband (and considering that your parents are not alive), you cannot easily dare to divorce.

This time if he beats you, report his misbehavior to police. Have courage and dont allow him to oppress yoha

I live in pakistan.. I have other relatives but becoz of my marriage No one even want to see my face .And i dont have permission to contact or meet any one then how can i tell them. And Now he is so aggressive with me he has staRted saying tjat if i ever try to leave him he is going to kill me n i know he can as he has beaten me so hard he bursted my cheek frm inside n my jaw.. i dint kniw what to do . He is not letting me live with him nor letting me leave him.. Thank u all so much for answering me ..cAn anyone of u do istikhara for me that what i should do. [EDIT]

[MOD NOTE: The names of this member, her mother, the abusive man and his mother were all removed. Please do not post personal information that can be used to identify you or someone else. Information can be harvested by scammers and spammers.]

Edited by Hameedeh
To edit the post and add the Mod Note.

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On 9/8/2017 at 12:03 PM, Ron_Burgundy said:

Man not being a man. Man who hits woman is coward. Period. 

And OP be like this next time he tries to hit you

Woman-Hitting-Man.jpg

 

On 9/8/2017 at 8:01 AM, ktk said:

No i am not disloyal to him... im totally loyal and obeys him what ever he says... i dont meet any one i dont talk to any one he dont let me even to his family members.. i dont go to any one house.. my husbamd dnt talk to me... im left all alone by him.. i dont go any where witjout him.. i dont ask him to buy me anything.. infact he buy me anything he like... even now je font know i have posted a question if he come to know he will kill me... i dont do amy thing that he has not given me permission but now im really fedup and want a solution.. he dont let me use Internet as well but only in front of him.. i dont lnow what to do.. he is not letting me libe with him nor he is willing to let me go i fnt know what to do

In reference to the post by Ron Burgundy, that is horrible advice. The man being the man will be more physically powerful will only be more enraged and pummel her to the ground. It may be self defense, but that is like saying if a shark attacks you, you should punch it in the face. While not realizing that will further enrage the shark and you won't live to tell the rest. 

Unless he goes too far and tries to kill the OP, please don't "attack" him back. Try your best to use your arms or something to block his hits, and try to get a mahram male involved to instead help you against your husband. It could be your father, brother, uncle, etc. 

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On 9/8/2017 at 7:14 AM, ktk said:

what Allah AND HIS PROPHET P.B.U.H AND AHLUL BAIT A.S says about it

He hasn’t this authority & his prayers is not acceptable if hurt you without reason

From the viewpoint of the hadithsProphet Muhammad, peace be upon him: Whosoever floods a person or a Muslim face, God will shatter his bones on the Day of Resurrection, and shall be folded up until he comes to hell, unless he repents.

http://ahlolbait.com/tags/حدیث-درباره-کتک-زدن

اتخذّ امرأته فليكرمها، فانما امرأة احدكم لعبة فمن اتخذها فلايضيعها»

Imam Sadiq (AS) narrates from his father: "When you marry a woman, respect her. He is the source of your peace. Do not hurt women and do not harm their rights. , (Baharalanavar, v. 100, p. 224).

 

1. پيامبرصلى الله عليه وآله فرمود: «من در شگفتم از كسى كه زن خود را مى‏زند؛ در حالى كه خودش براى كتك خوردن، سزاوارتر است! زنانتان را نزنيد كه قصاص دارد». قال النبى‏صلى الله عليه وآله: «انّى اتعجَّب ممن يضرب امرأته و هو بالضرب اولى منها، لا تضربوا نساءكم بالخشب فان فيه القصاص»، (بحارالانوار، ج 100 باب احوال الرجال والنساء، ص 249، حديث 238).

 

1. The Prophet (peace be upon him), Allah, said: "I am surprised at the one who beats his wife, while he is more deserving to be beaten! Do not take your women who have retribution. (Baharalanavar, v 100 Baab Ahvaz al-Rajael Va al nis p249, Hadith 238).

http://porseman.org/q/show.aspx?id=170295

 

http://www.beytoote.com/religious/sundries/reasonably3-hurting-prayer.html

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On 9/8/2017 at 7:14 AM, ktk said:

Is husband allowed allowed to hit his wife for no reason???my husband hit me for no reason and when i ask him he just says that he have permission to hit me from Allah so that i dont get misled in any case he says as he is my husband and a man so he can do whatever he want to no one can stop him.. he is all i have in this whole world but when he do this to me all i want is to end my life plz help me and guide me what i should do.. keep on with him or raise my voice for this unjust.. what Allah AND HIS PROPHET P.B.U.H AND AHLUL BAIT A.S says about it

HI 

If you cant feel the pain and unjust happening to you, then what can other suggests you? There are only 2 sides to every story 

Yes or No

Bare or Leave

People who justify their acts which are hurtful to other person, has no room for learning or improving. 

Sadly, The world has very few people who are respectful to others in every way and that few can't be counted under anything. 

One cant be thought how/who and why to RESPECT.

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