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In the Name of God بسم الله

should i do Muta?

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@realizm advice is correct. You cannot and will not change a man's perspective if he has already chosen his destiny. Rather, this thread might even act as an encouragement rather than to be taken as advice by him. I do not think it is correct to let this thread give a justification feeling for his actions. Judging from what we read from one side (i.e. in this case, only his side) over the internet has shown to be just as rotten fruits.

May Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى guide everyone on the correct path and emphasize their prayers, duas and good deeds.

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6 hours ago, Salsabeel said:

Paa jee, manji te uttay sawar ho jao. Tusi thallay pare achay nai lagde.

(Brother, get back to your bed. You are not looking good lying down.)

I don't speak Punjabi but I understand a little and I think it is a very romantic language.

Urdu can also be romantic but it is also very sober.

If you want to stop our Molaayi friend from falling into the arms of another woman, it might be a good idea to speak to him in Urdu.  

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1 hour ago, baqar said:

Urdu can also be romantic but it is also very sober.

If you want to stop our Molaayi friend from falling into the arms of another woman, it might be a good idea to speak to him in Urdu.  

:) I am not Panjabi speaking but know a little bit.

Regarding brother Molaayi, I just remember a dialogue from the movie of James Bond i.e., "If you want to shoot, just shoot, dont talk".

In Urdu we say "jo garajte hain, baraste nahi". 

So dont take him seriously, he is just kidding here.

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On 9/5/2017 at 6:56 AM, Irfani313 said:

Would love to hear Br. @Darth Vader comments on it. May Allah swt save all of us from making false judgements.

About what? Muta? I've nothing more to say. Respecting women? We all do, except the illiterate and arrogant kind who don't respect men either.

This whole woman (to man) and sex issue is a huge inconvenience for everyone. I recently read a hadith which said that the next human, those who will come after us, will not have women / opposite sexes. Pretty much sums up my point.

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On 07/09/2017 at 1:35 PM, Salsabeel said:

In Urdu we say "jo garajte hain, baraste nahi". 

One second thought, I think it is quite cavalier to be having this sort of a joke in a forum that is available to our sisters as well. 

There used to be a BROTHERS forum some years ago.

It would have been OK to put this thread there but NOT here.

That forum doesn't exist now. 

It is somewhat of a masculine boast (or even sexist) to be discussing this sort of thing in the presence of our sisters.

Why?

Because the fact is that the muta' is available to married men but not to married women.

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11 hours ago, baqar said:

One second thought, I think it is quite cavalier to be having this sort of a joke in a forum that is available to our sisters as well. 

There used to be a BROTHERS forum some years ago.

It would have been OK to put this thread there but NOT here.

That forum doesn't exist now. 

It is somewhat of a masculine boast (or even sexist) to be discussing this sort of thing in the presence of our sisters.

Why?

Because the fact is that the muta' is available to married men but not to married women.

I think it is good to talk and chat about muta in presence of ladies. May be anyone of them is widow or divorced or a single mother :blush: and she decides to settle with someone.

Edited by molaayi_from_lahore
Smell ng
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10 minutes ago, molaayi_from_lahore said:

I think it is good to talk and chat about muta in presence of ladies. May be anyone if them is widow or divorced or a single mother :blush: and she decides to settle with someone.

Surah Al-Mumenoon, Verse 97:

وَقُل رَّبِّ أَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنْ هَمَزَاتِ الشَّيَاطِينِ

And say: O my Lord! I seek refuge in Thee from the evil suggestions of the Shaitans;

(English - Shakir)

Surah Al-Mumenoon, Verse 98:

وَأَعُوذُ بِكَ رَبِّ أَن يَحْضُرُونِ

And I seek refuge in Thee! O my Lord! from their presence.

(English - Shakir)

 

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25 minutes ago, molaayi_from_lahore said:

What are you implying here

He gave you advise to get back to the right path and not follow the whisperings of shaytan who took your control of yourself. Self control is very important in islam and you seem very desperate so I would be worried. And no, whe should not include the innocent sisters in obviously unislamic thoughts that you hinted at with that post. If they are looking for a man they can search on their own.

Islam is not just sex, sorry. Instead of spending 24h thinking about that we should think about the important things, everywhere muslims are dying of hunger and because of wars. Better pray for them and control your "high sex drive".

Sorry for the harsh words but someone had to say it.

May Allah swt. guide us all.

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4 hours ago, molaayi_from_lahore said:

I think it is good to talk and chat about muta in presence of ladies. 

I am sorry, no.

I think it is a very macho approach to be discussing all this in presence of respectful women, whether married or unmarried.

Not only macho, I think it is outright rude and selfish.  

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On 9/7/2017 at 9:47 PM, Darth Vader said:

 recently read a hadith which said that the next human, those who will come after us, will not have women / opposite sexes.

 

On 9/8/2017 at 0:13 AM, Darth Vader said:

I read it in a facebook shia group recently. I don't remember the reference. Maybe Usool Kafi.

I never heard of a new creation after us humans. Sounds strange. If marriage is the Sunnah of Prophet Muhammad SA, why would a new creation be without opposite gender?

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On 9/8/2017 at 2:35 PM, molaayi_from_lahore said:

I think it is good to talk and chat about muta in presence of ladies. May be anyone of them is widow or divorced or a single mother :blush: and she decides to settle with someone.

Why would a mother want to put her children through such chaos? 

Although I guess one who would might be a good match for a man who abandons his wife when she needs him. 

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Upi

On 9/4/2017 at 6:46 PM, Irfani313 said:

@molaayi_from_lahore

To answer one of your questions here, most women (sister @starlight is an exception, you won't find many wise women like her among Shia unfortunately) are either DUMB or SELFISH when it comes to holding on to their husbands.

Take a poll from all SC members, you won't be able to find one married woman who offered her husband to marry her unmarried cousin / friend / bff / relative for the sake of her well-being, or for the sake of her Imam or her Creator Allah swt. Shia married women instead would see their loved ones among women slip into destitute, psychological issues, health issues, abuse, orphans going rouge, homes destroyed, she being the victim of bad people, but would not encourage their husbands to man up and take a second wife.

This to tell you, there is a time and place to get advice from women, this is not the topic. Simply put, Shia women become the mothers and daughters of Yazeed when it comes to helping other Shia women. 

I really do not think this is a very kind statement. I lived in a dual partnership with the first wife for years with my current husband. She left us to pursue her conversion to Christianity. Many of the women who have posted in this subject have lived in a western society and are not familiar with the more than one wife practice. Many men in a western society cannot afford to support a second or third wife. Evidently you missed that detail. On your behalf, I would change the words dumb or selfish to ignorant. No wise women amongst the shia? I know of many but because of the separation of the genders you as a man shouldn't know of any. And I am grateful for the kind wife that welcomed me an my five orphan children children when my first husband was murdered. As they stated when I was a sunni, Allah knows best.

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On 5.9.2017 at 3:46 AM, Irfani313 said:

@molaayi_from_lahore

To answer one of your questions here, most women (sister @starlight is an exception, you won't find many wise women like her among Shia unfortunately) are either DUMB or SELFISH when it comes to holding on to their husbands.

Take a poll from all SC members, you won't be able to find one married woman who offered her husband to marry her unmarried cousin / friend / bff / relative for the sake of her well-being, or for the sake of her Imam or her Creator Allah swt. Shia married women instead would see their loved ones among women slip into destitute, psychological issues, health issues, abuse, orphans going rouge, homes destroyed, she being the victim of bad people, but would not encourage their husbands to man up and take a second wife.

This to tell you, there is a time and place to get advice from women, this is not the topic. Simply put, Shia women become the mothers and daughters of Yazeed when it comes to helping other Shia women. 

Wow what a troll. Are you serious? So just because a woman says no to a second woman she is bad? That is rude towards all shia sisters and I hope you apologise for that. Are you sure you are a good husband to your wife? Are you sure she is 100% happy with you? Are you sure you would be able to "man up" and care for two wives and all their children? And to keep them 100% satisfied and happy and be there when they need you, always?

This forum keeps getting crazy sometime. Thank Allah swt. most of us are rational and wiser than this.

May Allah swt. guide us all.

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@Irfani313 you seem to show signs of a cognitive distortion from stating that not doing mutah will make one suffer from psychological issues and "being the victim of bad people" and "homes destroyed."

Last time I checked, you won't die from not doing mutah. Everyone always tells you to check your urges until you're married, and now that someone has a wife, it's okay to stray? Either you are suffering from a cognitive distortion or want to make sisters feel guilty by using rhetoric.

Edited by Islandsandmirrors
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@Muslim96 @rkazmi33 @Islandsandmirrors

Islam allows it.Our Masoomeen (as) practised it.Why is polygamy so much of a problem now that someone even suggesting it starts to get insulted?  

What if the sister @MariyahLaleh 's husband's first wife had reacted as all of you are reacting now? Where would she be with her five little kids? 

10 hours ago, Muslim96 said:

Are you sure you are a good husband to your wife? Are you sure she is 100% happy with you? Are you sure you would be able to "man up" and care for two wives and all their children? And to keep them 100% satisfied and happy and be there when they need you, always?

Lol.How is this even relevant? How many people in a monogamous relationship can claim that their spouse and kids are 100% happy with them? 

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1 hour ago, starlight said:

@Muslim96 @rkazmi33 @Islandsandmirrors

Islam allows it.Our Masoomeen (as) practised it.Why is polygamy so much of a problem now that someone even suggesting it starts to get insulted?  

What if the sister @MariyahLaleh 's husband's first wife had reacted as all of you are reacting now? Where would she be with her five little kids? 

Lol.How is this even relevant? How many people in a monogamous relationship can claim that their spouse and kids are 100% happy with them? 

Islam allows many wifes to those that can support all. Do you really think Islam just says go and take 4 wives and do not bother about thinking if you can care for them?

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8 minutes ago, Muslim96 said:

Islam allows many wifes to those that can support all. Do you really think Islam just says go and take 4 wives and do not bother about thinking if you can care for them?

The OP did say that he has the resources to support multiple wives and is willing to do it. But my post was not concerning the OP's situation specifically I am talking about the unacceptance in general that Muslims have for this halal practice.  There was another thread a while back and had similar responses from most people. 

I am not saying every man is fit to take multiple wives, nor that it's the solution to all marital problems but there is no need for such extreme reaction either.

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Just now, starlight said:

The OP did say that he has the resources to support multiple wives and is willing to do it. But my post was not concerning the OP's situation specifically I am talking about the unacceptance in general that Muslims have for this halal practice.  There was another thread a while back and had similar responses from most people. 

I am not saying every man is fit to take multiple wives, nor that it's the solution to all marital problems but there is no need for such extreme reaction either.

But I was not anwering in general but to OP specifically so that does not concern me. I asked him if he is sure that his wife is happy. Because if he cannot keep ONE wife happy and be a good man to her he will never be able to be a good man to multiple wives. That is all I said, can't speak for the others if you meant them.

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1 hour ago, starlight said:

Lol.How is this even relevant? How many people in a monogamous relationship can claim that their spouse and kids are 100% happy with them? 

I think what @Muslim96 means by that is that some people do not put effort to please their spouses. 

I think you can find couples who are extremely happy with their spouses, although rare because many people marry emotionally incompatible people. 

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Just now, Muslim96 said:

asked him if he is sure that his wife is happy. Because if he cannot keep ONE wife happy and be a good man to her he will never be able to be a good man to multiple wives.

Obviously you are not married and know nothing about the dynamics of marriage. Was Prophet Muhammad  (saw) able to keep Hafsa and Ayesha happy?  Was Imam Hasan (as) able to keep Ja'ada happy?

Being happy depends a lot more on the person 's own state of mind than external factors.Some people will whine and complain about their perfectly reasonable spouses (and in laws, and neighbours and the weather) while you will see others happier and content with little. 

Lots of times both husband and wife are good people but unhappy in a marriage due to cultural differences, family politics or financial issues.Bottom line,  it's a spouse duty to take care of their husband/wife but no one's responsible for anyone's happiness.

 

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11 minutes ago, starlight said:

Obviously you are not married and know nothing about the dynamics of marriage. Was Prophet Muhammad  (saw) able to keep Hafsa and Ayesha happy?  Was Imam Hasan (as) able to keep Ja'ada happy?

Being happy depends a lot more on the person 's own state of mind than external factors.Some people will whine and complain about their perfectly reasonable spouses (and in laws, and neighbours and the weather) while you will see others happier and content with little. 

Lots of times both husband and wife are good people but unhappy in a marriage due to cultural differences, family politics or financial issues.Bottom line,  it's a spouse duty to take care of their husband/wife but no one's responsible for anyone's happiness.

 

Wow, so you say the Prophet sas. was not a good husband to them? That is where our discussion ends then.

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1 hour ago, Muslim96 said:

Wow, so you say the Prophet sas. was not a good husband to them? That is where our discussion ends then.

When did I say that?  Now I am really doubting your comprehension skills.lol. 

My point was that some persons would not be happy even with the best of humans (Masomeen as) but looks like that's a difficult point for you to grasp.

[edit]since you implied that it's a husband's job to keep wives 100% happy so if there is anyone who is saying that Prophet (saw) wasn't a good enough husband its you because Ayesha wasn't happy with him(saw)

Edited by starlight
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On 9/2/2017 at 7:52 AM, molaayi_from_lahore said:

I am 31, physically fit and healthy person (hint:6 packs), athletic body and , alhmadulillah a high above-average income. I am married for last 5 years. I want to do Muta for the below reasons:

1- very high sex drive

2- my wife has become very fat. at the time of our marriage she was 46 kilograms and now she is 88 KG. imagine my situation... the attraction is ENDED totally

3- My wife has some psychological issues as well due to which there are a lot of troubles.

4- many pretty girls keep proposing me and flirting with me due to my good looks and a good social status.

If i do Muta with someone and we feel compatible enough for each other I can convert it into a permanent one.

what are your thoughts and suggestions for me. Please do not recommend fasting. I know that already.

I wish i could meet you in person so i could beat the crap out of you. 

People like you are disgrace to us. If you have above average income have you ever though of spending some money on your wife? Get a maid and take her to gym with you. work with her and make her a good diet plan. Trust me you sound like a desperate looser. 

You just need to get laid thats why you are asking us that if you could do mutah or not. Have you talked to your wife that you have a high sex drive and you dont find her attractive thats why you want to have some mutah. You need your first wife's permission to have 2nd wife. Also, i know its just an excuse for you to have an other woman. People like you are never satisfied and always looking for more. after 2nd marriage you gonna o for another girl. 

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@starlight! I am really disappointed in you. You have been in an abusive relationship, and you know very well our culture. You don't need to see documented proofs like a judge and you can see all the signs of abuse, still you fail to show any empathy for his wife. I don't have a problem with him doing mutah, I have a problem with his dishonesty. He is not doing justice to his wife and there's no way he will do justice with his wife after bringing more women in the relationship. He clearly thinks she is inferior to him, but he doesn't want to leave her just because she is an ego boost for him. There are so many relationships in our culture like this, where one spouse is superior to other and that spouse becomes a saint among people. While he/she constantly abuses the other partner, but still he/she always receives complements and sympathy from people. If you don't like your spouse, find someone you like and leave the poor person alone. But men are right when they say that a woman is the biggest enemy of another woman. If the abused women support abusers like this and don't show any support or empathy to other abused women, what can you expect from other people? This cycle and this sick culture will always remain like this. In jungle full of animals, the animals at the bottom of food pyramid attack each other. It's the same with women, they take abuse from men and then they attack each other. I can understand, you live in that culture and you are at the bottom of food chain. You can only survive by making sure other women remain in abusive relationships. A husband is not responsible for making his wife, but he is responsible for not abusing her in any way. No one should be happy with abuse. 

Edited by rkazmi33
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26 minutes ago, Ron_Burgundy said:

are you kidding me? Is it all about looks? 

he is entitled to having a marraige... if it was wrong Allah z would have made it haram.. she has a responsibility to stau attractive to him in any way.. if he doednt get his satisfaction from her.. he is permited to get it from someone else or divorce.. you are still a kid.. come back in 20 years and let me know...

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10 minutes ago, kirtc said:

he is entitled to having a marraige... if it was wrong Allah z would have made it haram.. she has a responsibility to stau attractive to him in any way.. if he doednt get his satisfaction from her.. he is permited to get it from someone else or divorce.. you are still a kid.. come back in 20 years and let me know...

You don't know paki culture man.. wife are like slaves... of course she won't get a time for herself. Aren't we supposed to help her out. Husband is her responsibility to an entire family (brothers sister and parents). 

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13 minutes ago, kirtc said:

he is entitled to having a marraige... if it was wrong Allah z would have made it haram.. she has a responsibility to stau attractive to him in any way.. if he doednt get his satisfaction from her.. he is permited to get it from someone else or divorce.. you are still a kid.. come back in 20 years and let me know...

Kirtc I am not a kid. I am married man and i know my responsibilities. I know there difference between love and lust.

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38 minutes ago, rkazmi33 said:

@starlight! I am really disappointed in you. You have been in an abusive relationship, and you know very well our culture. You don't need to see documented proofs like a judge and you can see all the signs of abuse, still you fail to show any empathy for his wife. I don't have a problem with him doing mutah, I have a problem with his dishonesty. He is not doing justice to his wife and there's no way he will do justice with his wife after bringing more women in the relationship. He clearly thinks she is inferior to him, but he doesn't want to leave her just because she is an ego boost for him. There are so many relationships in our culture like this, where one spouse is superior to other and that spouse becomes a saint among people. While he/she constantly abuses the other partner, but still he/she always receives complements and sympathy from people. If you don't like your spouse, find someone you like and leave the poor person alone. But men are right when they say that a woman is the biggest enemy of another woman. If the abused women support abusers like this and don't show any support or empathy to other abused women, what can you expect from other people? This cycle and this sick culture will always remain like this. In jungle full of animals, the animals at the bottom of food pyramid attack each other. It's the same with women, they take abuse from men and then they attack each other. I can understand, you live in that culture and you are at the bottom of food chain. You can only survive by making sure other women remain in abusive relationships. A husband is not responsible for making his wife, but he is responsible for not abusing her in any way. No one should be happy with abuse. 

I couldn't agree more. I could tell you that this person is not treating his wife correctly. And i don't know who would get laid with a married man on the name of mutah. 

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3 hours ago, starlight said:

Obviously you are not married and know nothing about the dynamics of marriage. Was Prophet Muhammad  (saw) able to keep Hafsa and Ayesha happy?  Was Imam Hasan (as) able to keep Ja'ada happy?

I don't think comparing ordinary people to the the Prophet (AS) is really fair or a decent assessment. Most people do not strive to be good and patient toward their spouses, and especially not someone like the OP, who clearly is arrogant and conceited. You're comparing a good person who would treat his wives justly and fairly, to a person who is doing the bare minimum and giving little to none emotional support, compassion, understanding, and intimacy. The OP thinks lowly of his wife, and her weight gain is just an excuse as a way to want out.

While someone's happiness is their own responsibility, most people are selfish and do not put in effort to please their spouses. If the person is willing to put in the emotional effort to be truly good to his/her spouse and emotionally invested, then a person will be and stay in a happy marriage. Unhappy marriages, for most people, exist because of general incompatibility and usually because a man fails to cherish and respect and love his wife the way she deserves.

I think that you seem to blame his wife for gaining weight, and that she shouldn't be surprised that he is straying. There's more to marriage and love than just looks. 

If a man is not willing to respect and love his wife after she's had children, then 

1. He doesn't deserve her

2. He was never really in love to begin with. 

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