should i do Muta?

[Islandsandmirrors 3,245]

3 minutes ago, molaayi_from_lahore said:

If you are in a long distance relationship with someone, leave the idea aside. They are crap.

Excuse you. I will not take advice from an arrogant person like you. 

[Islandsandmirrors 3,245]

3 minutes ago, molaayi_from_lahore said:

Even if it is from culture, is it bad? is it against any Islamic or Quranic principle. A man should share each and every home chore with his wife - this mentality is from your culture (i am assuming that you are a Westerner), why don't you get out of this mentality.

I'm saying that not all middle eastern/indo-pak/whatever culture is good. Some ideas are very undated and stupid.

There's nothing wrong with helping out your wife so the household chores are 50/50. 

[molaayi_from_lahore 19]

11 minutes ago, Islandsandmirrors said:

Excuse you. I will not take advice from an arrogant person like you. 

Trust me, you won't get anything out of this long distance relationship. They are just a waste of time and emotions (and sometimes money also)

I have seen such examples in which people weep/repent at the end of it.

Edited September 6, 2017 by molaayi_from_lahore

[molaayi_from_lahore 19]

12 minutes ago, Islandsandmirrors said:

I'm saying that not all middle eastern/indo-pak/whatever culture is good. Some ideas are very undated and stupid.

There's nothing wrong with helping out your wife so the household chores are 50/50. 

What if a man is out for his business/work from morning 10 till night 8 and then comes home very tired and his wife demands that he should cook and do the dishes bla bla ?

Would you like such culture?

Edited September 6, 2017 by molaayi_from_lahore

[Islandsandmirrors 3,245]

2 minutes ago, molaayi_from_lahore said:

What if a man is out for his business/work from morning 10 till night 8 and then comes home very tired and his wife demands that he should cook and do the dishes bla bla ?

Would you like such culture?

What if a woman is a mother, working full time, and her husband still demands that she cooks and cleans like a slave? 

Edited September 6, 2017 by Islandsandmirrors

[molaayi_from_lahore 19]

7 minutes ago, Islandsandmirrors said:

What if a woman is a mother, working full time, and her husband still demands that she cooks and cleans like a slave? 

slaves cook and clean? where have you observed that? 

[Islandsandmirrors 3,245]

1 minute ago, molaayi_from_lahore said:

slaves cook and clean? where have you observed that? 

I'm not going to waste my breath on someone who is arrogant.

[Muslim96 84]

23 hours ago, molaayi_from_lahore said:

hey Ali, I know it is quite common in Australia for husbands and wives to share home chores but it is very unusual and against the norms in sub-continent culture. Only wives are responsible for all major home chores cooking, washing, ironing, cleaning etc. By the way, I have Aussy citizenship as well :-)

Wow, such an idol for the next generation. Our Prophet sas. helped in the household, are you better than him?

Either you are a big troll or a lost man. You think you are strong, but muscles do not define the strenght of a man. You have no strength if you look down on your wife. May Allah swt. guide us all.

[molaayi_from_lahore 19]

8 minutes ago, Muslim96 said:

Wow, such an idol for the next generation. Our Prophet sas. helped in the household, are you better than him?

Either you are a big troll or a lost man. You think you are strong, but muscles do not define the strenght of a man. You have no strength if you look down on your wife. May Allah swt. guide us all.

I do not look down on her. I respect her very much and try to keep her happy. But doing these all these home chores is not my thing. I have a lot of other tasks to do.

[Muslim96 84]

3 minutes ago, molaayi_from_lahore said:

I do not look down on her. I respect her very much and try to keep her happy. But doing these all these home chores is not my thing. I have a lot of other tasks to do.

Tasks Like looking for another wife?

Brother, you do not fulfill requirements to have a second wife. If you do not want her anymore then divorce her and give her the chance to have a man at her side that loves and appreciates her and does not look for ways to get another girl just because she got some weight. Let her be happy and then you are free to do whatever you want.

Edited September 6, 2017 by Muslim96

[molaayi_from_lahore 19]

14 minutes ago, Islandsandmirrors said:

I'm not going to waste my breath on someone who is arrogant.

But it is better than uselessly surfing the Facebook walls and posting pouting pics on instagram. Come on, you can do it.

[molaayi_from_lahore 19]

10 minutes ago, Muslim96 said:

Tasks Like looking for another wife?

Brother, you do not fulfill requirements to have a second wife. If you do not want her anymore then divorce her and give her the chance to have a man at her side that loves and appreciates her and does not look for ways to get another girl just because she got some weight. Let her be happy and then you are free to do whatever you want.

I wish the life would have been so simple but I can't. I have kids and I guess we have to bear each other for their sake until they become adults.

Edited September 6, 2017 by molaayi_from_lahore

[Muslim96 84]

1 minute ago, molaayi_from_lahore said:

I wish but I can't. I have kids and I guess we have to bear each other for their sake until they become adults.

I am sorry for your wife then.

May Allah swt. guide us all to the right path.

[molaayi_from_lahore 19]

9 minutes ago, Muslim96 said:

I am sorry for your wife then.

May Allah swt. guide us all to the right path.

Being a woman yourself, you can't feel the situation and using just your emotional mind, rather than the logical mind.

[Gaius I. Caesar 8,761]

2 minutes ago, molaayi_from_lahore said:

I wish the life would have been so simple but I can't.

That's right, you are an adult with responsibilities. Why not just be pleased with a woman who loves your children and decided to marry you?

[molaayi_from_lahore 19]

6 minutes ago, Gaius I. Caesar said:

That's right, you are an adult with responsibilities. Why not just be pleased with a woman who loves your children and decided to marry you?

But there seems no harm in being pleased with two women or may be three, who both will love me and respect my children.

I am not running away from my responsibilities.

[Muslim96 84]

2 minutes ago, molaayi_from_lahore said:

Being a woman yourself, you can't feel the situation and using just your emotional mind, rather than the logical mind.

I am a man brother.

[molaayi_from_lahore 19]

8 minutes ago, Muslim96 said:

I am a man brother.

a married one?

[Gaius I. Caesar 8,761]

1 minute ago, molaayi_from_lahore said:

But there seems no harm in being pleased with two women or may be three, who both will love me and respect my children.

I am not running away from my responsibilities.

 Then why do I get the impression that you are running away from  your responsibilities?

Besides mutah is advised against if causes fitnah.

 

[molaayi_from_lahore 19]

7 minutes ago, Gaius I. Caesar said:

 Besides mutah is advised against if causes fitnah.

At last we come to the crux of the discussion. Excellently and concisely described. Really appreciated.

By the way, can you point out to some ahle'bayt saying in support of this philophsy I believe there would be one/some.

[Gaius I. Caesar 8,761]

13 minutes ago, molaayi_from_lahore said:

At last we come to the crux of the discussion. Excellently and concisely described. Really appreciated.

This is something you are failing to grasp, the crux. If you do mutah, you are risking the stability of your family and bringing more unhappiness into your life. There is no guarantee that you will ever be happy with wife 2, 3 and 4 or a mutah marriage. From what I see in this thread, it appears that you are making the situation harder on yourself than it has to be. Just love and cherish the one you are already married to.

13 minutes ago, molaayi_from_lahore said:

By the way, can you point out to some ahle'bayt saying in support of this philophsy I believe there would be one/some.

I will try to see if I can find some for you, insha'Allah.

Edited September 6, 2017 by Gaius I. Caesar

[Inner Peace 99]

40 minutes ago, molaayi_from_lahore said:

I wish the life would have been so simple but I can't. I have kids and I guess we have to bear each other for their sake until they become adults.

Not commenting on this specific case but just wanted to mention that staying with someone if you're unhappy for the sake of children only is not always the better option. It's not healthy for the parents or the kids. Sometimes it's healthier for children to have divorced parents on good terms who co-parent respectfully and responsibly. Happier parents usually provide a better up bringing for their children whether that be with their children's other parent or not. Being in an unhappy marriage doesn't necessarily set a better example or provide a more stable household for the children than a "broken" household. As taboo as divorce is in many cultures, it simply means a relationship didn't work out. Just something to consider. 

Edited September 6, 2017 by Inner Peace

[Gaius I. Caesar 8,761]

1 hour ago, Inner Peace said:

As taboo as divorce is in many cultures, it simply means a relationship didn't work out. Just something to consider. 

Inner Peace is right, @molaayi_from_lahore, it's really good advice and worthy of consideration.

[starlight 14,887]

Just now, Gaius I. Caesar said:

Inner Peace is right, @molaayi_from_lahore, it's really good advice and worthy of consideration.

Man,stop this! 

You and others don't support him taking on a second wife, fine! But don't drive him towards divorce. There is no valid reason for divorce in this case.Falling out of love is NO valid grounds for divorce. 'I love you but I am not in love with you' is just western crap. 

I had decided not to reply in this thread any more but I couldn't stop myself after seeing the last half a dozen posts.

Edited September 6, 2017 by starlight

[molaayi_from_lahore 19]

7 minutes ago, starlight said:

Man,stop this! 

You and others don't support him taking on a second wife, fine! But don't drive him towards divorce. There is no valid reason for divorce in this case.Falling out of love is NO valid grounds for divorce. 'I love you but I am not in love with you' is just western crap. 

I had decided not to reply in this thread anymore but I couldn't stop myself after seeing the last half after seeing the last half a dozen. 

Thank you. I am praying the same old prayer right now (but in my heart)

[realizm 2,781]

Should we really go on with this discussion about a man who obviously already made up his mind, or if not, should really man up and act on his own without involving a lot of polemics between opposite genders and cultures ?

Edited September 6, 2017 by realizm

[baqar 1,366]

2 hours ago, molaayi_from_lahore said:

I am praying the same old prayer right now. 

What will you do when your second wife bcomes fat? 

I would say - just stay with your first wfe, brother.

You are a Molaayi.

Molaayis are men who can make sacrifices for others.

Live up to your name., 

[Islandsandmirrors 3,245]

8 hours ago, molaayi_from_lahore said:

I do not look down on her. I respect her very much and try to keep her happy. But doing these all these home chores is not my thing. I have a lot of other tasks to do

You think you respect her, but you don't, from your actions and words. 

[Islandsandmirrors 3,245]

5 hours ago, starlight said:

You and others don't support him taking on a second wife, fine! But don't drive him towards divorce. There is no valid reason for divorce in this case.Falling out of love is NO valid grounds for divorce. 'I love you but I am not in love with you' is just western crap. 

Why wouldn't it be a valid grounds for divorce? 

If the wife isn't loved and cherished like she deserves to be by a man who really knows her worth, don't you think she deserves that? 

My aunt and her husband have fallen out of love years ago, are miserable together, and are only with each other for the sake of the kids. All they do is fight, and that constant fighting is a recipe for depression and anxiety in children, especially as they get older.

Who says you have to stay in a loveless marriage? 

[rkazmi33 1,218]

I don't believe a word he says about staying with his wife for his kids. I didn't have any kids. My ex hated me from day one ( I wasn't overweight, but for him I was always fat and ugly) but he didn't want to divorce me. The OP is an arrogant person, he NEEDS his wife as a punching bag and ego boost. He is a narcissist and narcissists never leave their victims alone. By the way I really admire the patience of all the people who are trying to convince him. In his mind, he can never do anything wrong and he will come up with excuse for everything. 

[starlight 14,887]

@Islandsandmirrors Sorry, I am not going to reply.Have decided not to waste any more time here. 

#signingOut

[Islandsandmirrors 3,245]

24 minutes ago, rkazmi33 said:

I don't believe a word he says about staying with his wife for his kids. I didn't have any kids. My ex hated me from day one ( I wasn't overweight, but for him I was always fat and ugly) but he didn't want to divorce me. The OP is an arrogant person, he NEEDS his wife as a punching bag and ego boost. He is a narcissist and narcissists never leave their victims alone. By the way I really admire the patience of all the people who are trying to convince him. In his mind, he can never do anything wrong and he will come up with excuse for everything. 

Exactly, he just wants her for the ego boost. His posses the victim mentality that many psychological abusers and narcissists have: they are the hero in their own minds.

[molaayi_from_lahore 19]

4 hours ago, starlight said:

@Islandsandmirrors Sorry, I am not going to reply.Have decided not to waste any more time here. 

#signingOut

No, please stay here, you are my only hope so far....

Edited September 6, 2017 by molaayi_from_lahore

[molaayi_from_lahore 19]

5 hours ago, rkazmi33 said:

The OP is an arrogant person, he NEEDS his wife as a punching bag and ego boost. He is a narcissist and narcissists never leave their victims alone.

 

 

4 hours ago, Islandsandmirrors said:

Exactly, he just wants her for the ego boost. His posses the victim mentality that many psychological abusers and narcissists have: they are the hero in their own minds.

OH MY GOD... laughing out loud fell from bed.... ROFL... hahahaha 

[Urwatul Wuthqa 3,166]

50 minutes ago, molaayi_from_lahore said:

 

OH MY GOD... laughing out loud fell from bed.... ROFL... hahahaha 

Paa jee, manji te uttay sawar ho jao. Tusi thallay pare achay nai lagde.

(Brother, get back to your bed. You are not looking good lying down.)

Edited September 6, 2017 by Salsabeel