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molaayi_from_lahore

should i do Muta?

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@molaayi_from_lahore

You asked me somewhere how to do Muta? Can't teach you that! But I can teach you this that learning the fiqh rules about Mutah and Nikah Daem are extremely important, because without these you would surely fall in Zana. Same are learning the rules of fiqh of doing business because without this you would surely fall in usury (from hadith of 1st Imam).

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@molaayi_from_lahore

To answer one of your questions here, most women (sister @starlight is an exception, you won't find many wise women like her among Shia unfortunately) are either DUMB or SELFISH when it comes to holding on to their husbands.

Take a poll from all SC members, you won't be able to find one married woman who offered her husband to marry her unmarried cousin / friend / bff / relative for the sake of her well-being, or for the sake of her Imam or her Creator Allah swt. Shia married women instead would see their loved ones among women slip into destitute, psychological issues, health issues, abuse, orphans going rouge, homes destroyed, she being the victim of bad people, but would not encourage their husbands to man up and take a second wife.

This to tell you, there is a time and place to get advice from women, this is not the topic. Simply put, Shia women become the mothers and daughters of Yazeed when it comes to helping other Shia women. 

Edited by Irfani313

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@molaayi_from_lahore

Second thing, fear Allah swt, do not expose your aura' (arabic one) in front of us or others. Some people commented on Lahore connection, unfortunately (in my observation, others are free to differ), Punjabi culture, as beautiful and charming it is, lacks seriously on the front of "respecting women". I have yet to see a Punjabi truly respectful of women, MC, BC, you know what I mean, cursing is so common that even a father would use it for his son if he is slightly mad at him. This is my observation after spending a decade of my life in beautiful Punjab, and after losing so many good friends just because they could not control their cultural lingo baggage.

Would love to hear Br. @Darth Vader comments on it. May Allah swt save all of us from making false judgements.

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@molaayi_from_lahore

Hope you are not bored from this long lecture.

So while you should repent and feel extremely ashamed of yourself in insulting your wife in front of us, you have every right to marry another muslima, in timed marriage or in nikah daem, however you see fit as long as you can be fair to both. You DO NOT need the permission of your 1st, 2nd, or 3rd wife to take 4th wife, or nth Muta wife or the permission of your Marja' because Allah swt has already given you this right. For you the most paramount thing is to safeguard yourself from Zina; this includes Zina of thoughts, Zina of eyes (porn), Zina of jism (mastur...), Zina of words (flirtation), Zina of ears (punjabi culture mujras), and other forms of Zina.

In your grave and on the day of judgement, it will be you standing without any of us SC members in front of the Lord of the Universes answering following questions regarding your sexual partners.

1. Were they halal?

2. Were you a human with them or an animal with them?

3. Were you moderate about it? Or were you excessive in it?

 

 

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It really makes me upset that some people here judged OP based on his few comments here. Probably he already found out that he should more considerate on his current wife and family. We cannot make such judgements that he doesn't love his wife. We really don't know anything from his family.

To the OP: Whatever is your final decision, try to respect your wife and if you decided to get a second wife, don't forget your first wife. Spend your time half half between your wives. Never forget her. Spend your money %100 fair for both, and always be afraid of Zolm. Mazloum dua is VERY close to be accepted by Allah. Please also remember that all women lose their form after marriage and child birth, so find a bigger reason for getting married.

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@molaayi_from_lahore

Lastly, why don't you marry a widow from Quetta, Karachi, or Parachinar, whose husbands have become the victim of Shia genocide in Pakistan? In all seriousness, why not marry one from each city, start with mutah and then make it permanent nikah?

You asked my method of doing mutah, my experience is that any marriage that doesn't give me spiritual growth, I consider it a waste of my money, time, and emotions. A humble advice, never seek marriage for "only" satisfying your desires, utilize this wonderful and one of the most beautiful and most forgotten sunnah (at least on Ind/Pk/Iran Shias) of our Prophet and Aimah (may peace and blessing of Allah swt on them eternally) as a ladder to get closer to Allah swt and his Chosen Ones. 

Peace -     

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Justice doesn't mean just spending time. His first wife probably doesn't want to spend time with him. His second wife also needs to share all the responsibilities. In our culture, a big responsibility is dealing with in-laws and the endless list of rights all the people have. He admitted in his posts that his wife fulfills a lot of responsibilities. So his other wives also need to deal with the in laws and share all the abuse. They also need to become mothers of his children. It's funny how people are commenting on punjabi culture like all other cultures are perfect.

This is a problem in most eastern cultures. I have also seen people from Karachi, Islamabad. They just use more subtle and psychological methods for abuse. 

Edited by rkazmi33

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4 hours ago, IbnMariam said:

1. What does this even mean? Is there some contradiction between doing mut'ah and providing for/taking care of you're family? It's nonsense.

2. That will increase the urges but that's besides the point.. Why do you and other posters speak as if sexual urges are some sort of poison that the devil places in man's psyche? God put the love of women in men, it's not hard to understand.

1. What I meant was there is a contradiction between the OP's reasons for doing mutah and his responsibility for his family, not necessarily mutah by itself.

2. I know that sexual urges are natural but if left unchecked and unrestrained, it can lead to serious issues. Urges aren't a sin.

21 minutes ago, AmirAlmuminin Lover said:

 

Besides if it really were an issue for the OP, he would gone to his wife anyway regardless of her appearance. From what I have read, sounds like he is looking for an excuse to do mutah, regardless of the implications in the future. 

3. Rinse the yute? What does that mean? Sorry dude, but I don't speak gangsta. I hope it doesn't mean what I think it does, besides it was addressed to E.L. King.

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2 hours ago, rkazmi33 said:

Justice doesn't mean just spending time. His first wife probably doesn't want to spend time with him. His second wife also needs to share all the responsibilities. In our culture, a big responsibility is dealing with in-laws and the endless list of rights all the people have. He admitted in his posts that his wife fulfills a lot of responsibilities. So his other wives also need to deal with the in laws and share all the abuse. They also need to become mothers of his children. It's funny how people are commenting on punjabi culture like all other cultures are perfect.

This is a problem in most eastern cultures. I have also seen people from Karachi, Islamabad. They just use more subtle and psychological methods for abuse. 

I will provide a separate home to my 2nd and 3rd wives.

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3 hours ago, Irfani313 said:

@molaayi_from_lahore

Hope you are not bored from this long lecture.

So while you should repent and feel extremely ashamed of yourself in insulting your wife in front of us, you have every right to marry another muslima, in timed marriage or in nikah daem, however you see fit as long as you can be fair to both. You DO NOT need the permission of your 1st, 2nd, or 3rd wife to take 4th wife, or nth Muta wife or the permission of your Marja' because Allah swt has already given you this right. For you the most paramount thing is to safeguard yourself from Zina; this includes Zina of thoughts, Zina of eyes (porn), Zina of jism (mastur...), Zina of words (flirtation), Zina of ears (punjabi culture mujras), and other forms of Zina.

In your grave and on the day of judgement, it will be you standing without any of us SC members in front of the Lord of the Universes answering following questions regarding your sexual partners.

1. Were they halal?

2. Were you a human with them or an animal with them?

3. Were you moderate about it? Or were you excessive in it?

brother, your response really appreciated

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6 hours ago, ali_fatheroforphans said:

Is it harram for the male to cook food? You're clearly an ungrateful person. Your wife is busy making you delicious food, while you just keep doing ab crunches. Now you're proud of your six packs and feel that your wife is not up to your standards. 

Now you complain about her not having time to go to the gym because she is busy doing house chores. We're living in the 21st century man, you can also help you wife a bit. Don't you want to follow the example of Imam Ali (as) who would help his wife with the house chores?

hey Ali, I know it is quite common in Australia for husbands and wives to share home chores but it is very unusual and against the norms in sub-continent culture. Only wives are responsible for all major home chores cooking, washing, ironing, cleaning etc. By the way, I have Aussy citizenship as well :-)

Edited by molaayi_from_lahore
sentence

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20 minutes ago, molaayi_from_lahore said:

hey Ali, I know it is quite common in Australia for husbands and wives to share home chores but it is very unusual and against the norms in sub-continent culture. Only wives are responsible for all major home chores cooking, washing, ironing, cleaning etc. By the way, I have Aussy citizenship as well :-)

Bro what you need is a maid. A good, hardworking maid.

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Just now, molaayi_from_lahore said:

I also said that we don't allow maids to cook for fmaily.

Then make peace with the fact that you can't have everything:dry: A wife can't make 'rotis' for you and your family and then take care of other needs too.

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43 minutes ago, molaayi_from_lahore said:

 but it is very unusual and against the norms in sub-continent culture. 

Fair enough man. So you shouldn't blame her for being chubby. I mean, I would even find it hard to build a good body and cook for myself.

Otherwise you can go back to Australia and start taking her to the gym :)

 

Edited by ali_fatheroforphans

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4 hours ago, molaayi_from_lahore said:

hey Ali, I know it is quite common in Australia for husbands and wives to share home chores but it is very unusual and against the norms in sub-continent culture. Only wives are responsible for all major home chores cooking, washing, ironing, cleaning etc. By the way, I have Aussy citizenship as well :-)

No its not against or unusual... If you are that much concern about her then you can, you should help her unless its only an other excuse for you to neglect her!!

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@molaayi_from_lahore i am sorry for all the harsh words...

But seriously brother you need to work out for your own emotions...

If above are all the excuses you are making to justify your "no more feelings" for her then don't make them.. Don't involve her brother!! Its you and only you and you know that well...

If you don't love her anymore then go straight through it, you want to have loving wife then go you have full permission from Allah.. But don't disrespect her even if your heart don't misses a beat by seeing her!! Respect her for the sake of those years which you guys spend together,protect her infront of people.. Tell her that you want another wife she won't stop you if she respects your feeling don't break her completely by hiding your second marriage..she is the mother of your children, don't make it difficult for your childeren...

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17 hours ago, AmirAlmuminin Lover said:

To the OP: Whatever is your final decision, try to respect your wife and if you decided to get a second wife, don't forget your first wife. Spend your time half half between your wives. Never forget her. Spend your money %100 fair for both, and always be afraid of Zolm. Mazloum dua is VERY close to be accepted by Allah. Please also remember that all women lose their form after marriage and child birth, so find a bigger reason for getting married.

But he doesn't love his first wife, truly. A person who is grateful and in love with his spouse would never leave or go after other woman just for the sake of some extra pounds. Leaving your wife and going after attractive woman is not love, but lust. 

A man who thinks like the OP will never be satisfied with his first, second, third wife because he will find some excuse to check out on them. If he's finding an excuse now, he will find more if he gets a second wife. He will never treat them justly because he seems to blame and resent his wife for not meeting his shallow standards. 

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On September 3, 2017 at 4:38 PM, starlight said:

@AfricanShia Marrying an ahle kitab isn't allowed even after wife's permission and permission isn't needed when marrying a Muslim women. So, asking permission from wife is moot point at least for Sistani followers! :)

Marrying ahle kitab (Christian or Jewish) is haram whether it is permanent or Muta?

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Just now, Pearl178 said:

Marrying ahle kitab (Christian or Jewish) is haram whether it is permanent or Muta?

Yes,if he already has a Muslim wife he cannot take an ahle kitab woman in either a permanent or temporary marriage.

Based on obligatory precaution one cannot take a non Muslim woman even as a first wife.

(Sistani Rulings)

 

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8 minutes ago, starlight said:

Yes,if he already has a Muslim wife he cannot take an ahle kitab woman in either a permanent or temporary marriage.

Based on obligatory precaution one cannot take a non Muslim woman even as a first wife.

(Sistani Rulings)

what about other major marjas? anyone says that it is allowed and perfetly fine?

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4 minutes ago, molaayi_from_lahore said:

what about other major marjas? anyone says that it is allowed and perfetly fine?

Sorry, but I have no idea. Agha Sistani is my marja so I only know his rulings. 

You can check the khamenei rulings from here:  khamenei.ir

 

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The OP is not a troll and a toll image was removed. The OP has an older topic 'What Are My Options For A 2nd Wife' that was locked two years ago. So he has unresolved issues that he wants to discuss. No images allowed in this serious topic.

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1. Someone who wants to mentally and emotionally check out (and probably already has) of a relationship by getting a second wife solely for the reason of she getting chubby is shallow and doesn't even deserve his wife or any woman for that matter. Unless, of course, he stops his arrogant and ungrateful mindset and changes his way. There are some people out there, like me, who want to get married but can't yet due to struggles such as distance. You have a wife, OP. There are people struggling to get married right now. There are people who don't have anyone to turn to for any sort of comfort and are not taken care of. Instead of thinking of yourself, think of your wife, and how you can show your appreciation and love towards all she does for you.

2. Get out of the mentality that a woman must do all the housework. That sort of thinking is from culture, not from Islam, and you must learn to discard cultural values that would do more harm than good.

3. Since this has been going on for a couple of years, it's not "mutah" that the OP wants, but rather, he's stuck in a loveless marriage to a woman he never really loved, but lusted after and wants out, so he must be willing to do couples therapy and if all else fails, cut the cord loose. Your wife deserves someone who treats her well and learns to love her, not treat her miserably. Therapy, both individual and couples therapy, will allow both you to look deeper within yourselves and perhaps any family dynamics that shaped your perception of each other, and most importantly, couple's therapy can bring you two closer together. 

Try couple's therapy before doing mutah for the wrong (and shallow) reasons.

Edited by Islandsandmirrors

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Just now, Gaius I. Caesar said:

Or divorce, but the OP is adamant about not divorcing.

That's what I was thinking too, and mentioned. But since he doesn't want to divorce, he must do couple's therapy. Mutah won't fix his problem - he needs to change his mindset. 

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5 minutes ago, Islandsandmirrors said:

That's what I was thinking too, and mentioned. But since he doesn't want to divorce, he must do couple's therapy. Mutah won't fix his problem - he needs to change his mindset. 

But he probably doesn't see the point of therapy, and if that is the case, he should talk to his wife and apologize for ignoring her issues, lusting after that Christian woman last time and not appreciating her for sharing her life with him. 

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1 minute ago, Salsabeel said:

May you advise what is couple's therapy? 

Quote

Couple therapy is a means of resolving problems and conflicts that couples have not been able to handle effectively on their own. It involves both partners sitting down with a trained professional to discuss their thoughts and feelings. The aim is to help them gain a better understanding of themselves and their partner, to decide if they need and want to make changes, and if so, to help them to do so.

http://www.camh.ca/en/hospital/health_information/a_z_mental_health_and_addiction_information/couple_therapy/Pages/couple_therapy_whatis.aspx @Salsabeel

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6 hours ago, Islandsandmirrors said:

2. Get out of the mentality that a woman must do all the housework. That sort of thinking is from culture, not from Islam, and you must learn to discard cultural values that would do more harm than good.

 

Even if it is from culture, is it bad? is it against any Islamic or Quranic principle. A man should share each and every home chore with his wife - this mentality is from your culture (i am assuming that you are a Westerner), why don't you get out of this mentality.

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