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In the Name of God بسم الله
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molaayi_from_lahore

should i do Muta?

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10 minutes ago, MariyahLaleh said:

Good question. Im not even sure he is the same madhab.

He hasn't given you any reasons to question his religion so please refrain from such comments. Thank you.

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For @molaayi_from_lahore

For those who have abandoned your wives because they gave birth and lost their original physique or figure, shame on you. She lost her pretty body to have your kids, the product of your love. So why don't you honour her instead.

You should always have in your mind that you are married to the most beautiful woman on earth, and when she is ninety-nine years, she will still be the most beautiful woman on earth. Never compare her to another woman. Don't compare your wives body to any woman who has not paid the price to bear your children.

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Just now, Fakeha said:

Not interested in that.. But he scared me!! I am scared of getting married.. Are all men thinks the same way?? :(

No not at all. I was Sunni, a widow with five young children and my shia husband married me without hesitation. He paid for my nursing education and my bachelors degree as my mahr. He raised and cared for my 5 eldest kids and insisted they be raised Sunni till they could make the decision. Never had a sunni man even inquire beyond knowing i had five fatherless children. My kids call him pops but know the legacy of their birth father. I finally became shia last year. Actions speak louder than words. If a man treats his mother with respect and treats you nicely then he is the man, whether rich or poor.

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14 minutes ago, starlight said:

He hasn't given you any reasons to question his religion so please refrain from such comments. Thank you.

By that I was referring whether he is sunni or shia, beyond that not my call,  Many general Muslims from the world relate to Maliki, Shafii, Hanafi, Hanabali and JAFARI as madhabs not sects: to them the Ummah is one. Not questioning his religion in any context. Let me assure you since I have not been always Shia and some others think in different contexts. Allah alone may judge. Also his madhab would indicate if he is from Lahore whether or not he lived in the Pakistan or Indian Lahore. most hanifis moved north.

 

Edited by MariyahLaleh
add info

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4 minutes ago, MariyahLaleh said:

No not at all. I was Sunni, a widow with five young children and my shia husband married me without hesitation. He paid for my nursing education and my bachelors degree as my mahr. He raised and cared for my 5 eldest kids and insisted they be raised Sunni till they could make the decision. Never had a sunni man even inquire beyond knowing i had five fatherless children. My kids call him pops but know the legacy of their birth father. I finally became shia last year. Actions speak louder than words. If a man treats his mother with respect and treats you nicely then he is the man, whether rich or poor.

At this very moment, i am so thankful to your husband... He is a spark of hope between all this :)

May Allah bless you both and your family with the best :)

And of course, Welcome to the family in faith:grin:

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1 hour ago, rkazmi33 said:

I know what type of person OP is because my ex husband was from same city Lahore. If anyone asked him about me, I am sure he would describe me in exact same words. He wasn't so careful when he passed remarks at me in private. He didn't work because he belonged to a rich family. His only purpose in life was to work on his body and flirt with girls. I won't give any benefit of doubt to the OP. 

100% of people who drink water die.

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All the guy said is he wants to take a second wife because the first completely let herself go, and you've all lost your heads, frothing at the keyboard with countless posts trying to tear him to shreds. Is this how you all treat your problems in real life? My lord, have some composure. 

I don't see the logic in people holding him responsible for his wife's mental health, she has her own agency and he's not God, it has no relevance to his option to marry other women.

Edited by IbnMariam

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4 minutes ago, IbnMariam said:

All the guy said is he wants to take a second wife because the first completely let herself go, and you've all lost your heads, frothing at the keyboard with countless posts trying to tear him to shreds. Is this how you all treat your problems in real life? My lord, have some composure. 

I don't see the logic in people holding him responsible for his wife's mental health, she has her own agency and he's not God, it has no relevance to his option to marry other women.

I dont see anyone being torn to shreds. I think separating these questions by gender would be a wise move if it can be done. The sisters see the world from a different point of view than a man would. The brother as I mentioned has his rights, and maybe this question is better asked somewhere in a male only forum. I wish him the best in his endeavors. The ladies have their rights too, might be a good time to close this thread and lower our gazes. And men are responsible for the maintenance and well being in general of their wives in Islam, its in the quran and to each his or her own. Not for us to question.

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10 minutes ago, IbnMariam said:

you've all lost your heads, frothing at the keyboard with countless posts trying to tear him to shreds. Is this how you all treat your problems in real life? My lord, have some composure. 

All I was doing was playing the devil's advocate to infuriate the sisters.:sorry:

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Just now, starlight said:

All I was doing was playing the devil's advocate to infuriate the sisters.:sorry:

Dont worry, it is getting to be too much of a locker room....I have to agree we need to back down. we still love you! :cuddle:

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9 hours ago, rkazmi33 said:

Well it's just my word vs your word. This is not an exception, it does happen. Most women do get over weight after having kids. 

If gluttony is condemned, then higher sex drive is also condemned. Looks are important but fulfilling responsibilities is much more important. Even men who really earn halal living, work hard at their jobs and go through stress, start looking old in few years. 

It is an exception. I never denied females gaining weight after pregnancy, I am denying that it is normal that females gain 30-40kg after pregnancy. That's not normal, for any human being.

A higher drive is not actually condemned at all. 

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On 9/3/2017 at 6:59 AM, Fakeha said:

@molaayi_from_lahore i have a question or suggestion i don't know!! 

What if your second wife became heavy after you guys settled down?? Will your heart be free for another one?? What about the third one?? Will it end somewhere??will you stop somewhere??

I cannot say anything at this point. It may or may not be...

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23 hours ago, starlight said:

Then you haven't met enough women back home. Desi men aren't cruel and desi women and not oppressed so please stop generalising.  (This is coming from someone who was married to a physically abusive man,so I can be anything but biased towards desi men here)

What's stopping women from taking care of kids and remaining fit? There is only one reason (other than any medical problems) lack of self control and laziness.Obesity isn't just being over weight. It's an irresponsible mindset.

I have been married,had kids, have worked(job +100% of the housework) and gotten a degree and haven't been over weight a day in my life. I have a over a dozen colleagues who will tell you the same.

Seriously, how many minutes does it take to do planks? Or run up and down the stairs? 

you are a single mother? how old are your kids?

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Someone asked me in this thread that why I don't bring her a housemaid to help in chorse. We have already a housemaide helping her in home chores but not all. There are some things in home which can only be taken care of by my wife and we (our family generally) do not like maids to do those stuff for us e.g. cooking meals and doing some personal stuff with children etc... So she has to do that herself. We can't hire any cheff or housemaid to cook 'roti' or daily meals for us (partly due to hygenic conditions) and such tasks take a lot of time so she cannot go to gym. 

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I am really impressed with the way the O.P articulated himself despite the insults and abuse coming his way. 

However, what I would say to you brother is exposing another believer's shortcomings is gheeba, so I would suggest you change the way you speak about your wife. Focus on the reasons to why you want to do mut'ah without mentioning the shortcomings of your wife.

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Someone who exposes his wife's shortcomings like the way the OP has doesn't respect or love his wife at all. 

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1 hour ago, Gaius I. Caesar said:

@E.L King What abuse coming the OP's way? I don't see it, I think the OP should focus less on mutah and more on the family as his first priority. He can keep working out to lower his urges. I am surprised that you didn't say anything about the women flirting with him, had it been me, I would have been told to go to a different gym.

Don't you notice that he is so proud of being center of attraction for women?? 

I agree with the family ,priority thing.. 

Edited by Fakeha

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2 hours ago, Gaius I. Caesar said:

@E.L King What abuse coming the OP's way? I don't see it, I think the OP should focus less on mutah and more on the family as his first priority. He can keep working out to lower his urges. I am surprised that you didn't say anything about the women flirting with him, had it been me, I would have been told to go to a different gym.

He probably didn't mention about other women flirting with him because I think EL blames the OP's wife for being out of shape and "unattractive".

Edited by Islandsandmirrors

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4 hours ago, Gaius I. Caesar said:

@E.L King What abuse coming the OP's way? I don't see it, I think the OP should focus less on mutah and more on the family as his first priority (1). He can keep working out to lower his urges (2). I am surprised that you didn't say anything about the women flirting with him, had it been me, I would have been told to go to a different gym (3).

1. What does this even mean? Is there some contradiction between doing mut'ah and providing for/taking care of you're family? It's nonsense.

2. That will increase the urges but that's besides the point.. Why do you and other posters speak as if sexual urges are some sort of poison that the devil places in man's psyche? God put the love of women in men, it's not hard to understand.

3. Nah now it's just obvious your looking for reasons to rinse the yute. Women exist outside of the gym my G.

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1 hour ago, IbnMariam said:

2. That will increase the urges but that's besides the point.. Why do you and other posters speak as if sexual urges are some sort of poison that the devil places in man's psyche? God put the love of women in men, it's not hard to understand.

The problem is that he's ungrateful of his wife that Allah has blessed him with. Instead of chasing other woman, he should be thankful of what has been given to him. 

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7 hours ago, Gaius I. Caesar said:

@E.L King What abuse coming the OP's way? I don't see it, I think the OP should focus less on mutah and more on the family as his first priority. He can keep working out to lower his urges. I am surprised that you didn't say anything about the women flirting with him, had it been me, I would have been told to go to a different gym.

Yes, because you don't see calling someone a jerk as insult and abuse? Maybe you haven't been reading the threads properly.

As for flirting with females, that is wrong and haram. Thanks for reminding me, yes the O.P should abstain from that.

I haven't commented on whether he should do mut'ah or not.

4 hours ago, Islandsandmirrors said:

He probably didn't mention about other women flirting with him because I think EL blames the OP's wife for being out of shape and "unattractive".

You thought wrong

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1 hour ago, ali_fatheroforphans said:

Is it harram for the male to cook food? You're clearly an ungrateful person. 

Lol. My father is a great cook himself. 'Maybe' OP isn't used to cooking, doing laundry, ironing, cleaning and wiping floor, etc. @OP live "down to earth" bro! 

Edited by Zavon

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[MOD NOTE] If you don't have anything useful to add to the discussion,then stop with the insulting comments.  He asked something, you have made your opinion known. You might not agree with him but that's no excuse to start insulting the OP. 

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