Jump to content
Guests can now reply in ALL forum topics (No registration required!) ×
Guests can now reply in ALL forum topics (No registration required!)
In the Name of God بسم الله
Sign in to follow this  
molaayi_from_lahore

should i do Muta?

Rate this topic

Recommended Posts

12 hours ago, starlight said:

:hahaha::hahaha::hahaha: Sorry sis,but I literally doubled over laughing. How is this even possible unless we are assuming that all evidence about father carrying the Y chromosome is wrong. Either that or the eggs of the abused females run like certain Islamic figures ran from battles as soon as they see a sperm with a X chromosome approaching them. 

Haha!

I've read this too, actually.  Supposedly it has to do with the woman's hormonal balance and her body eliminating some sperm and allowing others. They say x-sperm and y-sperm swim differently and have different lifespan.  But whether it's true or not, I'd much rather this information isn't spread around.  Many "Religious" men would beat their wives just in hopes of stressing her out sufficiently to produce a son rather than a daughter.  

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
4 hours ago, Ron_Burgundy said:

But this is not islamic contry and people don't mind living separately. Here parents want their privacy. 

:) The country where you are living may not be Islamic but you are a Muslim. Parents wants their privacy everywhere not only in your country. But at certain age, they need the care. 

4 hours ago, Ron_Burgundy said:

In pakistan things are different people do make money they just want their parents to feed them. 

Again, you are unable to realize that at certain age parents become dependent of their kids. The kids need to take care of their every need including their food.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 minute ago, Salsabeel said:

:) The country where you are living may not be Islamic but you are a Muslim. Parents wants their privacy everywhere not only in your country. But at certain age, they need the care. 

Again, you are unable to realize that at certain age parents become dependent of their kids. The kids need to take care of their every need including their food.

Brother who said people here don't take of their parents. I am going to tell you one thing and very important thing... people here are more religious than people in pakistan. In Pakistan people have no Iman (most of people) everyone is ripping off other people. Nobody is doing there job properly, corruption is everywhere. From a peon to prime minister everyone is corrupt.  

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
7 minutes ago, Ron_Burgundy said:

In Pakistan people have no Iman (most of people) everyone is ripping off other people. Nobody is doing there job properly, corruption is everywhere. From a peon to prime minister everyone is corrupt.  

Yes that's why our poet also write the peotry like that:

"Bay imaan, chahoon tujhay subh o shaam"

Will you not appreciate our prime minister(ex) who when disqualified by court of law, says "mujhay kyoun nikala"

 

Edited by Salsabeel

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 9/13/2017 at 10:57 PM, notme said:

Haha!

I've read this too, actually.  Supposedly it has to do with the woman's hormonal balance and her body eliminating some sperm and allowing others. They say x-sperm and y-sperm swim differently and have different lifespan.  But whether it's true or not, I'd much rather this information isn't spread around.  Many "Religious" men would beat their wives just in hopes of stressing her out sufficiently to produce a son rather than a daughter.  

How long before a hardliner mullah gets wind of this brilliant piece of scientific research that also inadvertently "proves" the scientific benefits of wife-beating?

Q) Ya shaykh what can I do to have a son?

A) Do the following: pray to Allah and beat your wife every time before you make love to her. Hope that helps.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

salam,

Bismillah

whatever intentions we have Allahسُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى knows... even to that minutest intention, thus we can fool all but not ourselves.

Mut'ah is abused! do we seek Mut'ah to seek Allah's pleasure or His nearness or just to fulfill our desires? whatever the case Heسُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى knows about. let us not deceive ourselves.

Should (Allah forbid) OP find himself in a wheelchair someday, would he divorce his wife so he won't be a burden for her?

we have desires, yes! desires are the lower self, let go of yourself & be true to your lady, who knows, maybe youe ssalvation is with her

with her chubbiness, it is just a test! Allahسُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى man is ungrateful! & in surah dahr Allah says, ' 

Has there also passed on man a period of the endless time when he was not yet a thing worthy of mention?1 Indeed, We created man from a mixed sperm drop,2 to try him,3 and therefore We made him capable of hearing and seeing.4 We showed him the way, whether to be grateful or disbelieving.5

sorry am running late but read surah dahr to understand your position

and am a nothing...

ws

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 9/3/2017 at 6:27 PM, Islandsandmirrors said:

If a woman becomes out of shape after the kids, she is answerable? As in, she is sinning for not being in good shape?

One of the reasons why we are to wear hijab is to not be thought of as sexual objects by men. Because are more than just our bodies.

I think the OP was never really in love with his wife and probably just lusted after her body/looks. A man who is truly in love would never want to leave his wife for a few pounds gained. That is incredibly arrogant. 

Imagine if a woman said the same thing: the outcry would have been horrendous. 

A few pounds? What about  30 or 40 kilos? Where does it all stop? I have advised my wife courteously to stop drinking pepsi max and over-indulge and I have offered to support her in losing weight by paying and driving her to private exercise lessons in a woman-only gym and I have even offered buying a treadmill/exercise machine for her at home. I have even offered to take and accompany her on a long hike and you now what her final answer was?? Why don't you grow your hair back and I will then contemplate losing weight. Losing your hair is out of our control but gaining weight is something that can be managed! 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, Haydura77 said:

A few pounds? What about  30 or 40 kilos? Where does it all stop? I have advised my wife courteously to stop drinking pepsi max and over-indulge and I have offered to support her in losing weight by paying and driving her to private exercise lessons in a woman-only gym and I have even offered buying a treadmill/exercise machine for her at home. I have even offered to take and accompany her on a long hike and you now what her final answer was?? Why don't you grow your hair back and I will then contemplate losing weight. Losing your hair is out of our control but gaining weight is something that can be managed! 

There are phases in a woman’s life where she may gain or lose a lot of weight. 4 years ago, I was 25-30 kilos heavier and most people thought I wouldn’t be able to lose the weight. I had developed binge eating disorder as a result of crash dieting in the past and as a response to stress and trauma. I had gained 40 pounds in less than a year. I lost this weight once the trauma and binge eating had been dealt with.

Your wife might be indulging not because she wants to, but because of stress and to protect herself. Fatness can serve as an emotional protection to the outside world, and until you become soft and understanding with her, she may never be able to lose the weight. 

She is defensive because she doesn’t want you to try and “fix” her problems. She just wants you to be understanding. 

My husband tells me that the female form is naturally designed to be attractive to men. He appreciates thin women and he appreciates very heavy women. He said any man who gets mad at a woman becoming overweight has a problem.

Maybe you should change your mindset. Your lack of acceptance of her weight gain will only create distance between the two of you. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, Haydura77 said:

A few pounds? What about  30 or 40 kilos? Where does it all stop? I have advised my wife courteously to stop drinking pepsi max and over-indulge and I have offered to support her in losing weight by paying and driving her to private exercise lessons in a woman-only gym and I have even offered buying a treadmill/exercise machine for her at home. I have even offered to take and accompany her on a long hike and you now what her final answer was?? Why don't you grow your hair back and I will then contemplate losing weight. Losing your hair is out of our control but gaining weight is something that can be managed! 

Bro you know what the really sad thing is?

As a result of being fat she is likely to have health problems later in life and very likely expect to you pay the associated bills.

It gets worse.

The junk she eats will likely be available for your kids to eat as well.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Haydura77

 

Maybe you might find these articles helpful and I’d recommend you show them to your wife. 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/handy-hints-humans/201509/fat-is-emotional-issue?amp

https://psychcentral.com/blog/wearing-your-weight-as-armor/

this last article is how to lose weight by healing yourself 

https://deborahking.com/3-steps-lose-weight-clearing-blocked-emotions/

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
21 hours ago, Haji 2003 said:

Bro you know what the really sad thing is?

As a result of being fat she is likely to have health problems later in life and very likely expect to you pay the associated bills.

It gets worse.

The junk she eats will likely be available for your kids to eat as well.

Absolutely. Some women don't want to get out of their comfort zone.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
21 hours ago, Islandsandmirrors said:

There are phases in a woman’s life where she may gain or lose a lot of weight. 4 years ago, I was 25-30 kilos heavier and most people thought I wouldn’t be able to lose the weight. I had developed binge eating disorder as a result of crash dieting in the past and as a response to stress and trauma. I had gained 40 pounds in less than a year. I lost this weight once the trauma and binge eating had been dealt with.

Your wife might be indulging not because she wants to, but because of stress and to protect herself. Fatness can serve as an emotional protection to the outside world, and until you become soft and understanding with her, she may never be able to lose the weight. 

She is defensive because she doesn’t want you to try and “fix” her problems. She just wants you to be understanding. 

My husband tells me that the female form is naturally designed to be attractive to men. He appreciates thin women and he appreciates very heavy women. He said any man who gets mad at a woman becoming overweight has a problem.

Maybe you should change your mindset. Your lack of acceptance of her weight gain will only create distance between the two of you. 

Salam Sister. I take your point and I concur with some of the things you said. However, I was emotionally soft and I have a very flexible and patient mindset. I tried to help her using different ways (as pointed out in a previous message). I even advised her that our children see her as a role model and I was worried about her becoming diabetic, etc. I am not a psychiatrist and personally I do not have the "patience of Jobe" to stretch myself any further. What else should I do? Should I offer to pay for a liposuction? I think we all just need to be realistic and practical at some point. The whole point of marriage for men lies in love, building a family, etc.  but also to refrain from fornication and the "dark side" of  Haram. Unfortunately, some of these cases and examples push people to the 'dark side' as time passes over. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
14 hours ago, Islandsandmirrors said:

@Haydura77

 

Maybe you might find these articles helpful and I’d recommend you show them to your wife. 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/handy-hints-humans/201509/fat-is-emotional-issue?amp

https://psychcentral.com/blog/wearing-your-weight-as-armor/

this last article is how to lose weight by healing yourself 

https://deborahking.com/3-steps-lose-weight-clearing-blocked-emotions/

Thank you sister. But I think I will rest my case as I lost hope in getting my point across. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 9/18/2018 at 2:36 PM, Haydura77 said:

A few pounds? What about  30 or 40 kilos? Where does it all stop? I have advised my wife courteously to stop drinking pepsi max and over-indulge and I have offered to support her in losing weight by paying and driving her to private exercise lessons in a woman-only gym and I have even offered buying a treadmill/exercise machine for her at home. I have even offered to take and accompany her on a long hike and you now what her final answer was?? Why don't you grow your hair back and I will then contemplate losing weight. Losing your hair is out of our control but gaining weight is something that can be managed! 

Since you have a good income you can undergo hair transplant then probably try to convince her to lose weight

But I don't see anything wrong in you wanting to do Muta. Better than indulging in Haram

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Hassu93 said:

Since you have a good income you can undergo hair transplant then probably try to convince her to lose weight

Losing hair is a natural part of aging, there's nothing wrong with it. Anyway, it sounds like a mean retort. On the other hand, depending on where his wife is on the BMI index, will determine how much action is necessary on health grounds.

As I noted above if there are children involved her poor diet may rub off on them and heaven only knows how difficult it is to get kids to eat healthily. At home, I have closed the loop by telling the kids that I am holding them accountable for when their plates don't have enough colours on them and shades of yellow/brown don't cut the mustard.

Now there may be something else going on in the background and I don't want to go there - but if the hair loss criticism is linked to e.g. her having had to marry him against her wishes, then that is another ball game.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...