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malak95

Would you marry a shia guy who did muta

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Hi,

The guy that I want to marry is shia and we have around ten years of age apart. He is a very good guy, he is religious and we love each other. However, I started being more aware of his past and the fact that he has been with many girls before he met me. It did make me uncomfortable, jealous and a bit angry although I do know that given his age it is understandable that he has a past. He did tell me that he never met the right person and he said that it was mostly flings it did not mean much to him. I do still sometimes think about it and find it unfair that guys can date many girls and still marry a virgin girl, but they would not marry a girl who has been around. I am also a very jealous person and even though I try to control it, I do think and wonder about the things that he has done with other girls and it bothers me. But I hope that my jealousy and anger will be over for good, because I do really love him and he treats me good. Also, even though I wish he was also a virgin so that it is new to both of us, I do know that maybe it is better that he did whatever he did and he is over it and knows what he wants. I would like to know, what people think about marrying a guy who is not virgin and has done muta? If there are any of you who felt the same way? 

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21 minutes ago, malak95 said:

I would like to know, what people think about marrying a guy who is not virgin and has done muta? If there are any of you who felt the same way? 

If he did mutah then it's fine since it's halal. If it was fornication then it would have been a problem. This virgin/non virgin issue is more cultural than Islamic and shouldn't be of much significance as long as there has been no haram in his past. 

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I am not going to get married so why would you ask me. I don't know you and I don't know him. If you really love him why are you having cold feet? Past is past. 

I think you don't love him and you just need to hear from us. 

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2 minutes ago, starlight said:

If he did mutah then it's fine since it's halal. If it was fornication then it would have been a problem. This virgin/non virgin issue is more cultural than Islamic and shouldn't be of much significance as long as there has been no haram in his past. 

May be he sinned in past and he might regret doing it. How can we judge him? 

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1 minute ago, Ron_Burgundy said:

May be he sinned in past and he might regret doing it. How can we judge him? 

 I am not judging,I am just saying how I feel about this since this is what the OP asked. I would still have reservations about marrying a guy who has been sleeping around,even if he says he has repented. 

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Just now, starlight said:

 I am not judging,I am just saying how I feel about this since this is what the OP asked. I would still have reservations about marrying a guy who has been sleeping around,even if he says he has repented. 

lol hahahaha Of course he was sleeping around he said it was nothing serious just a fling. 

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1 hour ago, malak95 said:

Hi,

The guy that I want to marry is shia and we have around ten years of age apart. He is a very good guy, he is religious and we love each other. However, I started being more aware of his past and the fact that he has been with many girls before he met me. It did make me uncomfortable, jealous and a bit angry although I do know that given his age it is understandable that he has a past. He did tell me that he never met the right person and he said that it was mostly flings it did not mean much to him. I do still sometimes think about it and find it unfair that guys can date many girls and still marry a virgin girl, but they would not marry a girl who has been around. I am also a very jealous person and even though I try to control it, I do think and wonder about the things that he has done with other girls and it bothers me. But I hope that my jealousy and anger will be over for good, because I do really love him and he treats me good. Also, even though I wish he was also a virgin so that it is new to both of us, I do know that maybe it is better that he did whatever he did and he is over it and knows what he wants. I would like to know, what people think about marrying a guy who is not virgin and has done muta? If there are any of you who felt the same way? 

Sister!

He did Halal marriage in the past. Why should we discuss on this? It was Halal, and you both love each other. You said he treats you well, then what's the problem?

One time I asked for marriage from a girl who did divorce and mutah in the past. 

I am OK with all Halal things that my future wife did in the past. Be comfortable. Actually, these are Shaytan thoughts. Take them away. According to your mentality, no virgin man/woman should marry a convert because he/she touched non-mahram people or maybe slept with them.

To me as long as the person follows religion, that is fine to me. Be more comfortable. Don't be sensitive on this. It was HALAL. Allah let him do that. Why do we expect him to pass our criteria as well? Allah's criteria is the best. Make it simple for yourself.

Inshaallah you would have good life with him

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If he has done Mutah with no serious intention of making a permanent commitment with either of the girls he was with, then that's a red flag. 

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8 hours ago, starlight said:

If he did mutah then it's fine since it's halal. If it was fornication then it would have been a problem. This virgin/non virgin issue is more cultural than Islamic and shouldn't be of much significance as long as there has been no haram in his past. 

There are Fiqh differences between virgin and non-virgin females. I don't know of any Fiqh differences between virgin and non-virgin men in this situation.

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If he is of good character and religiosity, then marry him sister. At the end of the day he did something which is halal, and possibly even wajib depending on his situation, and mustahab in and of itself.

Edited by E.L King

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8 hours ago, Muslim96 said:

The only thing I would think about is if he is serious or if it will be another "fling"..

This.

And also, I wouldn't personally favor marrying myself to a muta guy/girl, but since it's Halal (and from Allah), there is no problem in it either way. Instead I am in quite a favor of divorcees, that's so because they have been through a harder time then those muta people...

Edited by Zavon

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23 minutes ago, E.L King said:

There are Fiqh differences between virgin and non-virgin females. I don't know of any Fiqh differences between virgin and non-virgin men in this situation.

Yes, I  know about those. What I meant was that the fiqhi and cultural definitions of virginity are different and I have seen men being fixated on marrying the 'cultural' virgin girl ( a girl who has never been with a man)

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9 hours ago, malak95 said:

I do think and wonder about the things that he has done with other girls and it bothers me. But I hope that my jealousy and anger will be over for good, because I do really love him and he treats me good. Also, even though I wish he was also a virgin so that it is new to both of us, I do know that maybe it is better that he did whatever he did and he is over it and knows what he wants. I would like to know, what people think about marrying a guy who is not virgin and has done muta?

Salam. Mutah is a marriage so his previous relationships were halal. If you feel nervous about marrying him, ask him to get a blood test for sexually transmitted diseases. If he says there is no need for that, then don't marry him. 

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