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In the Name of God بسم الله

Abaya in the west

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  • Advanced Member

As salamu alaykum

I want to start wearing the hijab properly by wearing abaya, instead of wearing jeans & other tights clothes with my head scarf. I told my dad I wanted to wear it but he was just joking around with it & said we live in the west, do u want people to look at you as a joke & then he said do u want to cover your face as well ( as a joke ) and I replied not now, and he replied with "calm down, thats not right, its completely wrong & a wahhabi act & etc etc"

And several times he has said that I won't get job oppurtunities, and education will be tougher & etc 

basically he cares more about what people will think & if I get a good career later in life, than me putting my religion first

I really don't care about jobs & etc, I want to put my religion before ANYTHING else

he says that as long as I cover my head it's okay, which many people try to say is, but it really isn't

but I'm only 16 so I can't really ignore what he's saying and do what I want

I'm not only talking about the hijab, but with everything else as well

We were casually talking & he asked me have u talked to ur friend s after you came home?

and I said no, then he asked are u gonna get new friends ( in norway school is up to 10th grade & then u start at a different high school for 3 years & then its college/university, so he was referring to me starting at a school where I know nobody) 

then I replied no I don't need friends (i was just saying it casually)

and he got annoyed & told me to meet up with my friends 

the problem isn't me not wanting to go out or anything, but all of my friends are bad influneces

like they're all sunnis first of all

they're not religious at all (not that im a perfect shia or anything) like they're always with boys & everyone at my age has kinda become so used to being with boys  that they kinda of act like it's allowed

third of all , some "friends" even smoke & snuff & etc

they don't even realize how haram it is, + we're like 16, even my somali friend with hijab is around boys all the time

like They'll say "inshallah this boy ends up being a good boy, and we'll have a long lasting relationship" it just gets me really annoyed how they completely forget that we're muslims

and Literally for 4 years I've been trying everything to fit in with them but it's impossible, I argued with my mom for not letting me go out with them & I just don't like the influence they have on me

+ having only sunni friends isn't really fun, their religion allows so much that's haram and it gets me annoyed

I would rather be friendless than be with them and I'm just trying to kind of loose contact with them since I'm starting at a new school anyways

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13 minutes ago, rxdbx said:

Please make dua for my father to let me wear the abaya & accept & support that I want to try putting religion before anything

Sister, wearing an ankle length abaya or even an ankle length skirt is not common in the western countries. You will draw attention from everyone, males and females. It is also a tripping hazard if you need to run if there is a fire in your building or someone is chasing you, God forbid. Wearing a knee length dress over slacks is a safer option. 

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Wa alaykum asalam, sister

Mashallah it's amazing that you love your religion very much, and will put religion over worldly desires at any time! Inshallah everyone can be this way. I am going to make dua for you. Try to sit down and talk with your father, and explain to him how Allah will always come first before anything, and explain to him that you love your deen and that you are serious about wearing an abaya. Tell him that you don't care about the stares and you would much rather want to please Allah. Other than that, good luck!

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Wearing Abaya in the West isn't a good idea. It will make you an eyesore for others. Guess, you've never been bullied before, thus understandable.

Edited by Zavon
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I read your question. I am in exact situation, but I am a male. I came to US two years ago.

This summer I started working at a company, but due to religious differences and some other things, my colleagues don't appreciate my effort. They don't take my words as serious as they should. Let me share my story.

First day of internship, when I came to airport, my manager's wife came to pick me up. She wanted to shake hand, but I refused. She invited me for dinner at her house. His husband, my manager, was drinking at the table, and I said I can't sit behind this table, since there's wine on it. Next day, I again didn't shake hand with one of the employees.

I don't know why, but their behaviour is kinda different with me. I built a laser guided aircraft for them, but they still don't take my words serious. It was a perfect project, and I did it myself %100. Anyway, DO NOT GIVE UP ON RELIGION. Keep going, but try to respect your parents. If your dad is not willing with you wearing abaya, don't do that. It's Mustahab. You are ONLY allowed to object your parents gently when they want you to do Haram or they want you to avoid Wajib.

About friends, don't worry. I also don't have true Muslim friend, and I prefer to be alone most of the time.


If there is true Muslim here in this website and reading my message, please DO NOT GIVE UP ON RELIGION. People like you are inspiration for others like me.

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