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Social anxiety

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Guest Minal hasan

I am 24yrs old.i am an engineering student.i have been good at studies at school.but when it comes to practical work which engineering demand i couldnt do anything .i feel very shy.my hand ,my lips , my legs tremble.my heart races at highest pace. I also felt shy to perform any practical work so i always lag behind.theory is not enough .i felt shy to even touch instruments.i searched about it on google then i came to know that i have generalized social anxiety. During school days i could nt speak in class.i used to shake..i have not been able to talk to even ppl i hve know since childhood.i hav never been able to look into anyones eye while talking..i get severe anxiety in restaurants.airports etc..i always avoid to speak because en how much  i try i end up humilated..going alone anywhere is so difficult for me..i live in constant fear..i understand that this life is not easy everyone faces problems but year two year every problem has end .since childhood i hsve suffered from this .. i only get embarrased and humilated..i get ashamed when i shiver when i am nt able to say anything when my expression is like i am crying..i live in constant fair.. everyone has problems but this is humilation..quran says   ' Allah honours whom he wills and humilates whom he wills '..why is and has Allah always humilating me..i have always asked Allah to cure but no response..i am like handicapped who can do nothing..I think better would be to become handicapped atleast there is no humilation..i get angry at Allah  every now an then..ppl have made fun of me..my life is so miserable...what should i do

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Hey Minal, 

While almost all of us get anxiety at some point it's a medical disorder when it happens disproportionately or inappropriately to the events causing it. It is unlikely that someone over the internet can help you.

As a medical professional myself, I can't stress enough how important it is for you to seek professional help. Anxiety disorders can usually be treated by psychotherapy and/or medications but the longer they are left untreated the more difficult it may become to treat them. I understand that it's difficult to ask for help without adequate support from family or friends, but you must take the first step and approach a clinical psychiatrist/counsellor/clinical psychologist yourself. 

I hope and pray that things get better for you inshaAllah. 

Salam.

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You need to first visit a counsellor/psychologist. It is important to know whether you have social anxiety or general shyness.

People who have extreme social anxiety usually take medicines which the doctor prescribes for them. 

I am not a doctor or anything but please don't rely on medicines. Medicines will never help you get rid of social anxiety. Medicines will only temporarily reduce the severity of your anxiety.

It is about changing your thinking and slowly forcing yourself to take on new challenges. Take small steps and try to step out of your comfort zone. 

However I'm sure a counsellor can create a nice plan for you. You need all the support from them. It might not be so easy by yourself.

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Salam my Brother, I would like to relate to you a similar issue I have. I never use to be that shy or have much anxiety. In fact I was a reckless skateboarder til my early 20s. I use to be afraid to sleep because I've had sleep paralysis since I was a child. After many years and sleep studies they dianosed me with Narcolepsy and Cataplexy while I was in college. I just couldn't handle the embarassment of always passing out, being either up or down, and paranoia of falling asleep. The worse part is explaining narcolepsy to people like Professors or friends who already have misconceptions about the illness.

With all the medication plus physical pain, because I have spinal stenosis and diabetes also, I left College and had to move back home. I couldn't take care of my clumsy self anymore.  One of the treatments for narcolepsy comes to me from the fda to my house. It  help's my REM sleep and grow muscle tone in my sleep. It has to be administered twice a night. I feel ashamed because I should be taking care of my parents but instead they've been helping me and making sure I take my meds and health seriously. The whole experience brought me closer to Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى. One day after fajr, I was feeling bad for myself and than I saw a racoon out the window. I started crying because I remembered a story of our master Imam Musa Kadhim (as) being in that narrow prison where he would get hit in the face just to try to see day light. I felt so ungrateful because I atleast had family and support..

Please try therapy with maybe anxiety meds. I know it's hard and I feel ashamed of RX controlled substances in my system that I have to take to function, but Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى would never put you through something you can't handle or learn from. Don't be like me 30years old with regrets, probably will never get married, and let my health get worse. If you get support maybe it will be easy. Because of my status I always ask Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى please give me a purpose that would please you and benefit Islam because I feel like I failed his tests and waisted my chances.

INSHALLAH you'll be fine, and just remember it's not Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى doing this, infact your in a war against Iblis whose trying to make you fail and give in.

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3 hours ago, Guest Minal hasan said:

I am 24yrs old.i am an engineering student.i have been good at studies at school.but when it comes to practical work which engineering demand i couldnt do anything .i feel very shy.my hand ,my lips , my legs tremble.my heart races at highest pace. I also felt shy to perform any practical work so i always lag behind.theory is not enough .i felt shy to even touch instruments.i searched about it on google then i came to know that i have generalized social anxiety. During school days i could nt speak in class.i used to shake..i have not been able to talk to even ppl i hve know since childhood.i hav never been able to look into anyones eye while talking..i get severe anxiety in restaurants.airports etc..i always avoid to speak because en how much  i try i end up humilated..going alone anywhere is so difficult for me..i live in constant fear..i understand that this life is not easy everyone faces problems but year two year every problem has end .since childhood i hsve suffered from this .. i only get embarrased and humilated..i get ashamed when i shiver when i am nt able to say anything when my expression is like i am crying..i live in constant fair.. everyone has problems but this is humilation..quran says   ' Allah honours whom he wills and humilates whom he wills '..why is and has Allah always humilating me..i have always asked Allah to cure but no response..i am like handicapped who can do nothing..I think better would be to become handicapped atleast there is no humilation..i get angry at Allah  every now an then..ppl have made fun of me..my life is so miserable...what should i do

Assalamu Alaykum.

I have the same issue actually but not as severe as your case... I'd say it's not a humiliation from Allah, more like a medical disorder which is caused due to several reasons. Mine would be due to my upbringing and environment I grew in (or maybe I am just making excuses). Your could be for something else...

Most of the times I get anxious because I don't want to be judged, but... now I think quite different (although my anxiety is still not gone). Look at it this way: everything you're doing is for Allah, then... why get anxious? You should be getting anxious if it is something that goes against Allah. If not, you should kill that anxiety inside of you. Because Allah is more powerful than these humans, He is the creator of Heaven and Hell. You should fear Allah more than these situations where your heart starts to pound, and your feet start to shiver... At least if I look at it from this perspective, then it helps me a lot in recovering myself. (This may not apply to you) But I am sure you will find your solution too. 'Allah never burdens a soul more than what it can bear.'

Apart from this, try to visit a counselor/psychologist as said by others. I am sure it will help you a lot. 

Wassalam.

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You have two choices.

Win or lose.

You are an engineer, the solution is already inside your head.

I am sure you want to pass, find work, be cool, have friends, marry, have kids and die with a big smile. None of this will happen if you do not help your self. Study behavior, and there are many YT videos on self help. You wont make a prayer and automatically wake up tomorrow morning, where you will be like all the rest of us losers. That would be like a skinny guy, praying to God to make him a bodybuilder over night.

God isn't humiliating you, he only cares for his special peoples, we all play with the cards we are dealt with.

We do not know how your childhood was like. I was s very shy introvert and top it of, in a very  strict environment, poor, mix that with religion, you get a good undeveloped slave with poor social skills. This will hinder progress, as many opportunities were missed. Although after self study, I can say now I am genius on behavior and I practically do not give a ........

Just to add, I realised after years, I did not have a problem, the people were retards, as they wanted a conformist. Figure out your natural way to express your self, and of course have some tact, not too honest either. TACT.

BTW she has no scarf, shut your eyes males.

 

Edited by monad
whatever.

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Guest Minal hasan

@Basim Ali @ali_fatheroforphans @Brahim @Zavon @monad 

I wrote about my social anxiety 2days back. It is making my imaan go down.even in prayers i praise Allah only in words as i am always angry at him because despite making dua nothing changes.i always tell Allah if he removes my anxiety i will become a very good muslim. It is becoming difficult for me to carry on my day to day activity.what when i will start  doing job ? What when i will have to live independently..it feels hell when your heart races .when you feel twitches all over body..when uan not speak more tgan one sentence despite how much u want..it is totally not under my control. IS it a punishment from Allah.but i remember at age of 12when i feared speaking in class .what i did that tym..is it a test ?.then y doea nt Allah remove it coz it makes me always angry at Allah and lowers  my iman and concentration in prayers. Why has Allah given it to me.i have not seen a single girl or boy in school or colg with social anxiety..now i  this is something i am nt able to tell anyone..my parents will tell me .y r u afraid of ppl.will they eat u . Then will never understand wht i suffer..it also makes me jealous of other ppl who act very boldly..and my self esteem has also decreased..i feel lower than everyone 

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fear controls you. As written before we all play the game according to the cards we are given. Your only hope is to self develop. Currently you are enjoying this process of suffering because you are stuck In the fantasy of miracles. The constant complaining is an expression of pent up emotion but also an excuse not to start fixing the problem. Are you not bored with this victim mentality?, is not this mind set wasting much more energy then watching a youtube video or reading on the steps to take per day, to improve condition?.

I don't care whether your imaan is going to hell or how angry you are. These are just useless excuses. You are a human who is afraid of other humans who are afraid of you too?. See the logic.

read this carefully, there are no miracles. As en engineer why do you study and solve problems?

why not just pray and ask god to fix that inventor model.you are struggling to model or that drawing you need to draw?. If in that case you went through a process of education, then wth your behaviour you need to acquire knowledge and put in practice to get better. It will take a few years, but do it.

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On 8/8/2017 at 2:40 PM, Guest Minal hasan said:

I am 24yrs old.i am an engineering student.i have been good at studies at school.but when it comes to practical work which engineering demand i couldnt do anything .i feel very shy.my hand ,my lips , my legs tremble.my heart races at highest pace. I also felt shy to perform any practical work so i always lag behind.theory is not enough .i felt shy to even touch instruments.i searched about it on google then i came to know that i have generalized social anxiety. During school days i could nt speak in class.i used to shake..i have not been able to talk to even ppl i hve know since childhood.i hav never been able to look into anyones eye while talking..i get severe anxiety in restaurants.airports etc..i always avoid to speak because en how much  i try i end up humilated..going alone anywhere is so difficult for me..i live in constant fear..i understand that this life is not easy everyone faces problems but year two year every problem has end .since childhood i hsve suffered from this .. i only get embarrased and humilated..i get ashamed when i shiver when i am nt able to say anything when my expression is like i am crying..i live in constant fair.. everyone has problems but this is humilation..quran says   ' Allah honours whom he wills and humilates whom he wills '..why is and has Allah always humilating me..i have always asked Allah to cure but no response..i am like handicapped who can do nothing..I think better would be to become handicapped atleast there is no humilation..i get angry at Allah  every now an then..ppl have made fun of me..my life is so miserable...what should i do

Lolz, it is not because of Allah, it is because of our upbringing and parents that we are shy or hesitant to talk to people and think that they are more intelligent than us. I am raised in same situation where I would feel anxious while speaking to people. But I do not complain about my parents for raising me such because when they have better understanding of society when I was child and they stopped me from going to university tours and living in my friends home. So, when my intellect grew up, I understood all those things through observation of world and now I think that I have changed my views and they are extremely identical to my parents views except some areas where I think I could make better improvements.

You are anxious about what ? People aren't different from us all are normal, those whom you consider older than you, once were young like you so what you need to do is to learn what are their priorities now and convert yourself in an old lady in young body. Socializing requires to understand others people, for old people you have to make your intellect old one such as Do not speak while they speak, Do not try to be smart or else they will consider you over-confident and proud, when they ask you question reply simply and if they say something, listen to them with smile and do not oppose their views by rejecting them directly but use a diplomatic way that yes you are right but certain other news or professional person or experience person say that the cause of this was that and cause of that was this.

I am sure that if you see me talking, you will say that I have never seen such a dumb person like this but I am not confused about that because I know that there were lot dumber people in the world and most dumbest of them are those who consider others to be dumb so do not confuse yourself what they think of you but speak through mind. 

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22 hours ago, Guest Minal hasan said:

wrote about my social anxiety 2days back.

Honestly it is all about pushing yourself outside your comfort zone. I was very shy at highschool and would hardly talk to anyone. I would call myself a shy "extrovert". Sounds strange right? I mean I loved interacting with people but for some strange reason I was just too shy. I would be hanging out with friends but always struggled to keep a conversation going.

However I have worked my way up and now I find it so fun to do public speaking. I can go to the masjid and socialize with anyone without feeling judged. Honestly, you can completely transform yourself. Most people are just lazy and don't challenge themselves.

My advice:

1) Join a club that requires public speaking. I have joined a debating club which is a great way to build your confidence. I find it a great way to also be a bit assertive (in a good way).

2) Go to the masjid and force yourself to talk to new people. Make small talk and say hi to people. Don't run away from social events. 

3) Join any club/society and be part of the committee. You will gain a lot of leadership qualities which will make your feel better about yourself. Joining a club is also a great way to make new friends.

4) Strengthen your faith. Try to do a lot of good deeds and make sure your intention is pure. When you stay away from sins and feel good about yourself, then you will automatically feel comfortable in your own skin.

5) Go to the gym man. This is not that important compared to the other steps, but it will definitely help.

Finally you need to take action man. Don't be too late because it will become harder and harder. You learn a lot in your youth and your brain is open to changes.

Good luck and never give up. Just remember "You will only get out how much you put in".

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