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In the Name of God بسم الله

Responsibilities of other peoples sins.

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As salamu alaikum.

I live in a sunni country where islam is not well practiced. I knew a sunni girl from my university who was not a practising muslim but apparently she was a very good lady with morals and modesty. Considering my country's social environment I thought her a good option for me to marry. So I asked her about her opinion regarding marriage and it appeared that she likes me too.

Soon we let our families know and both of our family agreed about our marriage.

With time passing, as my & my family members love grew for my "to be wife", slowly that girl started to practice islam and soon she converted into a Shia..

Everything was fine and our marriage was planned to happen within few months. But recently we have some personal and familial issues. And it became very hard for me to accept her as my wife. When she knew that she became very angry and she gave up wearing hijab and gave up praying salat's. She became like she was in previous and she blamed me for all of these. She kept telling that as i cant marry her so she gave up these and all her sins is because of me, because i am leaving her and i should take responsibilities of her these sins (giving up hijab & salat etc)..

Now my question is, will i really be responsible for her sins? And what should i do in this circumstance? I am heart broken and confused. Plz help me with your wise advice.

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18 minutes ago, Traveller14 said:

Now my question is, will i really be responsible for her sins? And what should i do in this circumstance? I am heart broken and confused. Plz help me with your wise advice.

Salam.

ألَآ تَزِرُ وَازِرَةٌ وِزْرَ اُخْرَی

وَأن لَّيْسَ لِلْإِنسَانِ إِلاّ مَا سَعَی

38. That no one shall bear the burden of another. 
39. And that man can have nothing but what he strives for. 

[Holy Qur'an 53:38-39]

She was wearing hijab and praying to make you think that she is religious. Telling you that you will be responsible for her sins (taking off hijab and not praying) is an attempt to scare you into marrying her. Her sins are her own and will not fall upon you.

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34 minutes ago, Traveller14 said:

As salamu alaikum.

I live in a sunni country where islam is not well practiced. I knew a sunni girl from my university who was not a practising muslim but apparently she was a very good lady with morals and modesty. Considering my country's social environment I thought her a good option for me to marry. So I asked her about her opinion regarding marriage and it appeared that she likes me too.

Soon we let our families know and both of our family agreed about our marriage.

With time passing, as my & my family members love grew for my "to be wife", slowly that girl started to practice islam and soon she converted into a Shia..

Everything was fine and our marriage was planned to happen within few months. But recently we have some personal and familial issues. And it became very hard for me to accept her as my wife. When she knew that she became very angry and she gave up wearing hijab and gave up praying salat's. She became like she was in previous and she blamed me for all of these. She kept telling that as i cant marry her so she gave up these and all her sins is because of me, because i am leaving her and i should take responsibilities of her these sins (giving up hijab & salat etc)..

Now my question is, will i really be responsible for her sins? And what should i do in this circumstance? I am heart broken and confused. Plz help me with your wise advice.

You have two options. The first one is you take full responsibility for her loss of faith, by doing so you will earn her back. Second option is that you simply tell her that it is her fault and remove her from your life. These two options certainly have a contrast between each other. When it comes down to these two options it is only a matter of dignity. Choose wisely Brother. 

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12 minutes ago, AfricanShia said:

Second option is that you simply tell her that it is her fault and remove her from your life. 

^ Yes, I agree with this.

As long as he was planning to marry her, she was wearing hijab and praying. When he told her there are problems and he can't marry her, she showed her anger by pulling off her hijab and not praying anymore. This shows that she was acting religious only to become his wife. Can you imagine how she would treat him after they were married? A woman who would 'blackmail' her future husband by telling him that her sins would be his fault is not the kind of woman that he should marry. 

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4 hours ago, Hameedeh said:

Salam.

ألَآ تَزِرُ وَازِرَةٌ وِزْرَ اُخْرَی

وَأن لَّيْسَ لِلْإِنسَانِ إِلاّ مَا سَعَی

38. That no one shall bear the burden of another. 
39. And that man can have nothing but what he strives for. 

[Holy Qur'an 53:38-39]

thanks a lot for your reference ☺

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4 hours ago, AfricanShia said:

You have two options. The first one is you take full responsibility for her loss of faith, by doing so you will earn her back.

maybe she will start to follow islamic rules again if I assure her about marriage. but as things got complicated and kinda irreversible, so option 2 is easier. only one thing making me feel guilty is that she converted to Shiasm because of me and she is now reverting to sunnism and so called modern culture also because of me (being angry and upset with me).

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4 hours ago, Hameedeh said:

Can you imagine how she would treat him after they were married? A woman who would 'blackmail' her future husband by telling him that her sins would be his fault is not the kind of woman that he should marry. 

thats right. actually problems started when she started to show some unacceptable traits of her behaviour, attitude and disrespect.

she is also accusing me of breaking the promise of "marrying her". although she broke hers but still it makes me feel bad that i am unable to keep my word.

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1 hour ago, Traveller14 said:

maybe she will start to follow islamic rules again if I assure her about marriage. but as things got complicated and kinda irreversible, so option 2 is easier. only one thing making me feel guilty is that she converted to Shiasm because of me and she is now reverting to sunnism and so called modern culture also because of me (being angry and upset with me).

Its all up to you Brother. Allah guides whom he wills and misguides whom he wills. 

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9 hours ago, Traveller14 said:

thats right. actually problems started when she started to show some unacceptable traits of her behaviour, attitude and disrespect.

You are lucky that she revealed her true self before the wedding took place. Alhamdulillah.

9 hours ago, Traveller14 said:

she is also accusing me of breaking the promise of "marrying her".

You promised to marry her when you thought she was a good woman. When you found out about her true personality, you have the right to stop the marriage plans. Her telling you that you are responsible for her sins was really cruel. She would do exactly this type of thing to you in future if you had married her. There are other women you can marry who would never treat you so mean. Block her phone number and never speak to her again. 

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5 minutes ago, Traveller14 said:

Thank you so much for your kind advices. I will remmeber your words. keep me in your prayers.

Don't think about her anymore. If she really loved you she would be sad and brokenhearted that her marriage was stopped. Since she got angry at you, this showed she had plans to gain something which was ruined. How much money was she expecting for her Mahr

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13 minutes ago, Anonymous said:

How much money was she expecting for her Mahr

Mahr had not been set. To be honest, she doesnt care much about mahr and she would have been agreed with whatever I can give.

according to her, her dream of getting a good family has been broken. she has no siblings and she considered my siblings as her siblings (as my brother & sister loved her too).

and a lot of people knew about our marriage plan, so this was also a matter of pride for her, which have been hurt.

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48 minutes ago, Traveller14 said:

a lot of people knew about our marriage plan, so this was also a matter of pride for her, which have been hurt.

It sounds like you are feeling sorry for her. I don't know the bad things she said and did (you said "unacceptable traits of her behaviour, attitude and disrespect.") If you can forget all the bad things, then you can call her and get back together. Just know that in the future you will have to deal with her anger. If you think you can make her happy and she will never be angry, just remember that people do not change their personality, unless they want to. Praying you make the best decision. 

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38 minutes ago, Hameedeh said:

people do not change their personality, unless they want to. Praying you make the best decision. 

this is the truth. people dont change unless they want to change & repent.

and being a bit sorry is normal for me. although time is the best healer, can you pls suggest some duas to get out of depression & not making any wrong decision?

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  • 1 month later...
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Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) says:

And when My servants ask you concerning Me, then surely I am near. I answer the prayer of the supplicant when he cries unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be rightly guided. [Holy Qur'an 2:186]

You can find duas in Arabic at duas.org but you can make dua in your own words, in any language you choose. Just be sincere and Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) will answer you, now or later, whatever is good for you. And Allah knows best.

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