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In the Name of God بسم الله

Husband or Family ties

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  • Advanced Member

Assalamalekuum

2 months ago my husband and I got into a fight with my uncle and his wife. After that my husband told me I am not allowed to talk to them. You see me and my uncles wife are actually good friends. I don't have a problem with her. Personally i don't like to keep grudges; they are exhausting and annoying. I like to clear up the matter. My husband is the type to keep grudges. Now the problem is do I listen to what he said and cut ties with them or should i ignore it and at least talk to the wife to start clearing up matters. I have been told if your husband tells you not to talk to someone you have to listen. But cutting ties is a no no. Islamically what are we suppose to do in such a situation?

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So your question here is, should you listen to your husband if he tells you to cut ties with a family member, or should you disobey your husband and not cut ties with a family member. People here can tell you what's morally right to do, but I take it you want a proper fiqh answer for this, and to tell you the truth this is a hard fiqh question. Your best approach is to consult a knowledgeable scholar, or send a question to your marja online.

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5 minutes ago, Askari313 said:

After that my husband told me I am not allowed to talk to them

Ever?? That's not reasonable.

Ask your husband after some time has passed. Hopefully he would have changed his mind.

For the future try not to let your husband get involved in disputes with your family. 

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@Hassan-  not so difficult to answer, Qate rehmi is a major sin. This is what Allah says, obviously the word of Allah takes precedence over what the husband is asking her. Sila e rehmi does not mean things have to be as they were before, it just means keeping in touch with blood relatives so hopefully she can reach a happy medium where they can clear things as per her wishes and not be close friends with the couple again, to obey the husband. 

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18 minutes ago, starlight said:

Ever?? That's not reasonable.

Ask your husband after some time has passed. Hopefully he would have changed his mind.

For the future try not to let your husband get involved in disputes with your family. 

Actually they were confrontational to him. He was living his life minding his business. 

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17 minutes ago, Askari313 said:

Actually they were confrontational to him. He was living his life minding his business. 

If that's the case, then perhaps you could figure a way how to mediate the situation? No one should be confronting to somebody minding their business, it's very bad manners.

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22 minutes ago, starlight said:

@Hassan-  not so difficult to answer, Qate rehmi is a major sin. This is what Allah says, obviously the word of Allah takes precedence over what the husband is asking her. Sila e rehmi does not mean things have to be as they were before, it just means keeping in touch with blood relatives so hopefully she can reach a happy medium where they can clear things as per her wishes and not be close friends with the couple again, to obey the husband. 

Qate rahm is a bigger sin yes, but the wife disobeying her husband may turn into an even bigger problem than what she is into now. Say her husband forces her to listen to him and threatens her if she disobeys him, what can the wife do now? Does she still disobey him? It's not easy to just say 'Qate rahm is a bigger sin so you should disobey your husband'. There are certain things the wife is allowed to do for different situations. She should talk to a scholar where she can discuss her matters in detail, and he can give her the proper Islamic rulings she should abide by according to her situation.

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1 minute ago, Hassan- said:

Qate rahm is a bigger sin yes, but the wife disobeying her husband may turn into an even bigger problem than what she is into now. Say her husband forces her to listen to him and threatens her if she disobeys him, what can the wife do now? Does she still disobey him? It's not easy to just say 'Qate rahm is a bigger sin so you should disobey your husband'. There are certain things the wife is allowed to do for different situations. She should talk to a scholar where she can discuss her matters in detail, and he can give her the proper Islamic rulings she should abide by according to her situation.

I am not asking her to disobey him outright. I advised her to give it some time and maybe by then her husband will be more compliant. It depends upon their relationship dynamics really, she can ask him at a good time if she can mend ties with them for the sake of Allah while reassuring him that his word is important to her and she will still keep her distance from them.

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He is an understanding person  most of the time; I discussed with him before and he says that I am respectIing his wishes which I am not trying to do. I just want peace on both sides. Btw He won't threaten me but he will get upset. 

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