PLEASE HELP!! :( disordered eating.

[Guest Ash]

Al Salamu Alaikum,

I'm 16 years old, I'm a foreigner, my problem is stupid, others have it worse - but I am struggling and I don't have anyone that can help me.

A few years back, when I was around 12/13 years old, I found myself barely eating anything and when I did I'd vomit it. I always felt like a stranger, and I'd look at the people around me and see that they were capable of enjoying food, cable of not counting calories, of not breaking down at the sight of their reflection, of not starving to feel happy, of not crying all day, and of socialising. So, in an effort to be 'normal' and to show my gratitude to Allah for providing me with enough food, I started eating. But the guilt that came with eating ripped me apart, and then I took it to extremes: I started binge eating.

Somehow somewhere among the lines, I learned to accept my body and I tried to stop binge eating by going to the gym and eating healthily. I made progress. I learned to write, draw, photograph, and exercise to express my thoughts and feelings. However, starving, vomiting and self harming, as irrational as this sounds, comfort me more than anything - and I am stuck. I've read online that vomiting releases endorphins, chemicals which make you feel good. I've read about the damages vomiting causes to my body but I don't think that the damage I cause is great enough to kill me so I should be fine. Also, when I self harm I am careful not to cut too deep. I do realise that I do not have the right to damage my body, but the damage I cause is temporary and minimal as even the scars fade with time.

I'm an only child. When I was younger I reached out for my parents so that they can help me, but then I told them I stopped doing the things mentioned above because they cannot deal with it; it breaks them. I'm on my own.

At the moment, I can do most of the things the 'normal' people do (enjoy my food..etc.) but I still feel fat.

I believe in Allah, in his mercy, and I'm content with the life he has chosen for me. 

Question is, do I even have a problem? Is there an explanation to what I've been doing? Is it a choice? Is it a phase? Am I just another attention seeking teenager? 

Please advise me. Criticise me if you have to; I want to change.

[Mansur Bakhtiari 1,182]

Wa alaikumus salam brother

I don't know much on this, but try and eat sunnah foods. This is because when you eat them in normal qualities, you will know it is not harming you, and if you think that it is, then remember the ahadith about it. In the duas.org Cure Ailments section, they have a lot on this. Inshallah you will feel better soon.

Also a sincere Dua Tawassul or Dua Kumayl may help you get back on your feet.

[hasanhh 10,068]

Reads like anorexia nervosa.

@starlight --opinion

[starlight 14,538]

Your eating habits (binge eating and vomiting point towards bulimia nervosa.  You have also been self harming which is not normal. I think should see a clinical psychologist and/or a psychiatrist soon.

Edited April 23, 2017 by starlight
Autocorrect error

[hasanhh 10,068]

On ‎4‎/‎23‎/‎2017 at 6:20 AM, starlight said:

Your eating habits (binge eating and vomiting point towards bulimia nervosa.  You have also been self harming which is not normal. I think should see a clinical psychologist and/or a psychiatrist soon.

When my ex was studying nursing -and l'd "help" [] - l remember bulimia as being for older girls in the 20+ range.

?