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Islandsandmirrors

My mother insults me.

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8 minutes ago, Gaius I. Caesar said:

Age, being busy or marriage is no excuse for getting upset and calling a child, whether young or adult "ugly", "stupid" or "useless"; It is a kind of disrespect to Allah to say such things to your own flesh and blood, really immature too. Allah gave man intellect and an appearance befitting him, made him with a purpose. Does it honestly make sense to insult a creation of Allah? Is it even Islamically acceptable?

If you do insult like that, you will never get full understanding or quick action from children. All you'll get is confusion and resentment, Sindbad.

Quit trying to defend a wrongdoer,  she clearly transgressed her Islamic boundaries as a mother. Don't look at the person, look at what is being said. The mother is venting in an unhealthy, immature and abusive way, and it is clearly upsetting the OP. Your assumptions and accusations betray your ignorance; The OP feels bad about screaming but I'll say it again, what the mother did and said was way worse.

If she cannot bear the hard words by Mom, she will have to go entire life with her husband and if she do not have that much patience, really she is going to get destroyed. Be patient. 

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4 hours ago, Sindbad05 said:

If she cannot bear the hard words by Mom, she will have to go entire life with her husband and if she do not have that much patience, really she is going to get destroyed. Be patient. 

It's not okay for anyone, mother or husband, to be verbally abusive.

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How about we learn the lesson of Prophet Ibrahim when dealing with his Uncle who he called father?

Quote

[His father] said, "Have you no desire for my gods, O Abraham? If you do not desist, I will surely stone you, so avoid me a prolonged time."

 [Abraham] said, "Peace will be upon you. I will ask forgiveness for you of my Lord. Indeed, He is ever gracious to me.

Notice Ibrahim's reply to his Uncle who threatened to him? That's what we should me aiming for.

No matter how badly your parents treat you they will remain your parents.

Edited by E.L King

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2 hours ago, Islandsandmirrors said:

It's not okay for anyone, mother or husband, to be verbally abusive.

If anyone's husband abuses her, I recommend break him. And if a wife abuses, I recommend treat him such a way that she be afraid again not to say like that. But if parents say, then you cannot insult them nor God likes that and no one will recommend it. If you are not Muslim, you can do what you like @Islandsandmirrors but if you are Muslim read what Islam says ok. 

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10 hours ago, Sindbad05 said:

If she is like that then be patient really, I tell you when you get married and get in her age, you will be saying same to your children

I would never call my children degrading remarks like ugly and useless, or anything that may lower their self-esteem, inshallah. 

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Guest silasun
On 02/04/2017 at 9:02 PM, notme said:

Try to bear it with patience and as soon as you are able, move out into your own home. 

I don't think that this is good advice. Parents from some backgrounds find it normal to be a be cranky with their children - it is something that you can learn to get used to. I know some of those in a similar situation; they were able to get their parents to treat them better through being forbearing with the parent's anger (it is wrong to reason with a person whilst they are angry - it will just exacerbate the situation), spending more time building bridges with them (engaging in hobbies of the parent or sharing your own view which matches that of your parent) and striving to remember that the bad behaviour isn't out of hatred towards their child.

Some people just don't have good manners but it doesn't mean that they don't have good hearts - the OP's mother sounds like a person who really does care for her but may have anger management problems, for example.

OP, your mother might be feeling sad or lonely which is why she behaves like this; moving out may make it harder for her. Please bare with her faults patiently. Nobody should be made to feel degraded but remember that she isn't doing it because she hates you.

 

Edited by silasun

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Bismehe Ta3ala,

Assalam Alikum 

It is important to know what our responsibilities are towards our parents.  It is not only an akhlaqi principle but it is wajab/obligatory to know what God wants from us to be towards our parents.  In no way am I implying what your mother is doing right, but what should be done when parents are negative.

Every Monday we have a topic being addressed at the masjid.  Please sister @Pearl178 if you can translate just some points about what Sayyid Hassan says about our duty towards our parents.  I would ask brother @Qa'im but I know he has projects he is already working on.

Not only do we be kind to our parents when they are alive but even after their death, we do not forget them and are still dutiful towards them.  Sister Pearl, I would appreciate your help just to highlight some points below.  Thank you.  Your reward is with Allah.

M3 Salamah, FE AMIN Allah 

 

 كلمة سماحة الامين العام السيد حسن نصر الله
نهار الاثنين 3 نيسان 2017 
استهل سماحته الكلمة عن أهمية الاتيان مشيا على الاقدام الى المساجد لكسب الاجر و تفعيل المودة بينه و بين المرتادين الى المسجد..
ثانيا بارك سماحته لنا حلول شهر رجب و اكد على المستحبات المؤكد عليها فيه كالصيام ولو ثلاثة ايام و الاستغفار و دعاء يا من ارجوه لكل خير...
استكمالا لمصاديق الاحسان و خصوصا الاحسان بالوالدين..
1_المعرفة بحق الوالدين عليك 
2_ الشكر لهما 
3_عدم ازعاجهما حتى ولو بالأف ..ولا تقل لهما أف وحتى بنظرة غضب فأي شيء يؤذي اباك او امك هو حرام و هنا تطرق للواجب العيني والواجب الكفائي فطاعة الوالدين اهم من اي واجب كفائي 
4_الطاعة لهما ..من حقوقهما ان تطيعهما وان تسمع كلامهما الا اذا نهيا عن واجب او امرا بشيء حرام ..لأنه لا طاعة لمخلوق في معصية الخالق ..ولكن حتى لو بدك ترد عليي بترد عليه بلطف و هناك بعض الامور المستحبة يطلبها الاهل و هنا نكون قد كسبنا رضا الله و رضا الاهل وفرحهما 
5_الاحترام والتقدير ..والثناء عليهما و هنا قال سماحته ان البعض يغتاب اهله و هنا مشكلة كبرى ..و البعض يحضر لاهله الشتائم و هنا مسؤولية كبيرة ...وحتى رفع الصوت فوق صوتهما ..و قد أكد سماحته على بعض اللياقات عند استقبال الوالدين او السلام عليهما كالوقوف لهما و تقبيل يديهما 
6_القيام بكل ما هو معروف وخير لهما و هذا ايضا من مصاديق الاحسان للوالدين..كالدعاء لهما و خصوصا في اشهر النور مثال على ذلك مقاطع من دعاء ابي حمزة الثمالي و التواضع لهما والخشوع لهما و الاستغفار و القول الجميل اي الكلمة الطيبة وان تحسن صحبتهما والانفاق عليها والاهتمام بصحتهما وهنا تكلم السيد عن الذي يحسن منزله و لا يساعد اهله ...وتقديم الهدايا لهما سواءا كانا فقراء او اغنياء ..


#وأما الاعمال الواجبة اتجاه الاهل بعد موتهما :
الصلاة عليهما..الاستغفار لهما..صلة الرحم عبر زيارة قبرهما وزيارة اقاربهما ..واكرام صديقهما ...والصوم عنهما ..والحج والصوم كونهما متعبين اذا نواهما الشخص عن اهله فقد ربح عنه وعن اهله وهنا الكرم الالهي ...فالاهل بعد وفاتهما يحتاجان اي عمل خير ...فبر الوالدين لا يتوقف عند موتهما فالله  فتح لنا بابا للرحمة بعد موتهما...
...نصح سماحته قراءة ادعية الامام زين العابدين فكلها تنبع بالاساليب والحكم..

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Great advice guys. Someone tells you they are being mentally abused by their mother, and the best you can tell her is that she shouldn't answer her mother back and should just get used to it?

As far as I am aware, the sister lives (or has lived) in Pakistan, so I'm sure she's well aware of the cultural/religious expectations of a daughter towards her mother. I'm sure this is also not the first time that her mother had vented her frustrations at her, but it sounds to me that this was one time too many. And yes, of course we should be good to our parents and treat them well, but we are not infallible, and the reality is that it's not as easy to deal with these situations in practice as it is in theory. A person's own well-being, and that of their children, also comes before their duties to their parents, and Islam doesn't say that a child has to accept being abused. Those of you who seem to think that this is completely normal and that she should just get used to it seem to have adopted the mentality of a slave. Parents have rights over us, but they are not the only rights that need to be taken into account.

So yes, while the sister's reaction was not the best one, as I'm sure she knows, I think we should try to be a little more understanding, and try to say something else than the potentially dangerous (depending on the circumstances) advice to just deal with it.

In my opinion, the mother is completely out of order, and has no business taking her frustrations out on her daughter. Her daughter is also not her slave, who needs to do all the housework for her, and who can be abused when not doing it 'up to standard'. As for how to deal with the situation, then a lot will depend on the circumstances. Which other family members are around, how regular the abuse is, the affect it is having on the person's well-being (or that of their children), whether moving out is an option, whether the mother could care for herself, etc, etc. But without knowing the specifics it seems a little irresponsible to be telling her what she definitely should or shouldn't do.

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@Haydar Husayn We are only slaves to Allah. But the reality is that disobeying one's mother if the conditions of obligatory obedience are fulfilled, is haram. And it does not matter whether she is a bad mother or a good mother.

One thing the sister can do is advise her mother to stop abusing her and to tell her this is haram. And she also has the option of sitting down with other family members together to try and solve the issues.

But she cannot throw an Islamic obligation to the side.

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2 hours ago, Haydar Husayn said:

Pakistan

Actually, I had lived in Iran. In my teen years. (13-17) My nationality is Persian, and I was born in The States.

Edited by Islandsandmirrors

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2 hours ago, Haydar Husayn said:

and who can be abused when not doing it 'up to standard'. As for how to deal with the situation, then a lot will depend on the circumstances. Which other family members are around, how regular the abuse is, the affect it is having on the person's well-being (or that of their children), whether moving out is an option, whether the mother could care for herself, etc, etc. But without knowing the specifics it seems a little irresponsible to be telling her what she definitely should or shouldn't do.

My dad is always at work. My sister is sometimes in the house when the verbal abuse happens. 

The abuse happens several times a week, sometimes every other day. (Usually, I'm called "useless" and a "loser".)

Our house is immaculate all the time, and it's exhausting when things are not perfect right then. Btw, my sister doesn't get treated like this. It's just me. Although she's as messy as I am, I'm always the one doing chores in the house. When I ask her why it's only me that does the work, my mother says, "it's because you're older than your sister." Or "You're not as quick in cleaning the house as your sister." My sister doesn't do jack squat in the house. Ever. Never does the dishes, never cooks, cleans the rooms, (except her own once in a blue moon.) etc. 

my mother likes everything to be in its place, perfectly organized and everything must be color coordinationed. When I do what she says, she's happy (although always complains.) but when I don't do something right away without question, she explodes and insults me. Her behavior doesn't make me want to do any housework, or even spend time with her, and then she complains non stop that I don't spend time with her.

She does try to threaten me by saying, "Don't you dare tell anyone about our problems because I don't want people to know about our lives." When things go wrong, but I ignore this. I'm allowed to express my frustration about my family and to have an outlet. 

She can perfectly do chores around the house, but she starts complaining that she's the "slave" (she never does any work now. She's always on her phone or watching TV.) if she has to wash the dishes instead of me.

when she doesn't have anything in regards to housework to complain about, she complains about my appearance, saying that I'm too skinny, (I'm at a healthy weight for my height, although on the thinner side) that I'm unattractive. She says that guys like curves now, and when I was fat, she said that I will never find love and that if I do land a guy, if I continued to gain weight, he will cheat on me with someone hotter (srsly she said that) that I have an ugly, long "horse face" and tells me to "not try to make myself pretty with makeup." Because she "sees right through it" 

And for years she complained about my walking (I have CP) and said that "when people look at you from afar, they see a fairly attractive person, but they look at your walking and don't even want to come near you."

when I was severely bullied because of my walking as a child she said recently, "Kids used to bully you, didn't that make you want to change and JUST TRY to walk better? Didn't you learn?"

Edited by Islandsandmirrors

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On 4/2/2017 at 2:55 PM, Islandsandmirrors said:

My mother has always taken out her frustration onto me and blames me for all her problems, compares me to terrible people in my family, etc. I'm sick of it. Today she exploded over dishes and insulted me for being incompetent with housework and when she left the room still complaining I threw the clean spoons on the floor. 

I don't usually react this way, but I screamed and told her to not insult me and that I don't deserve to be treated like this. She said, "I'm the mother, and I can say whatever I want, so shut your goddamn mouth." 

Help your mother with her problems and the reasons for her frustrations and I am sure she will get better. Some people do not know how to ask for help and take it out in mean ways when they are normally good people.

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11 hours ago, Islandsandmirrors said:

Actually, I had lived in Iran. In my teen years. (13-17) My nationality is Persian, and I was born in The States.

Sorry, I must have confused you with someone else. Luckily it doesn't change the point I was making.

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10 hours ago, Islandsandmirrors said:

My dad is always at work. My sister is sometimes in the house when the verbal abuse happens. 

The abuse happens several times a week, sometimes every other day. (Usually, I'm called "useless" and a "loser".)

Our house is immaculate all the time, and it's exhausting when things are not perfect right then. Btw, my sister doesn't get treated like this. It's just me. Although she's as messy as I am, I'm always the one doing chores in the house. When I ask her why it's only me that does the work, my mother says, "it's because you're older than your sister." Or "You're not as quick in cleaning the house as your sister." My sister doesn't do jack squat in the house. Ever. Never does the dishes, never cooks, cleans the rooms, (except her own once in a blue moon.) etc. 

my mother likes everything to be in its place, perfectly organized and everything must be color coordinationed. When I do what she says, she's happy (although always complains.) but when I don't do something right away without question, she explodes and insults me. Her behavior doesn't make me want to do any housework, or even spend time with her, and then she complains non stop that I don't spend time with her.

She does try to threaten me by saying, "Don't you dare tell anyone about our problems because I don't want people to know about our lives." When things go wrong, but I ignore this. I'm allowed to express my frustration about my family and to have an outlet. 

She can perfectly do chores around the house, but she starts complaining that she's the "slave" (she never does any work now. She's always on her phone or watching TV.) if she has to wash the dishes instead of me.

when she doesn't have anything in regards to housework to complain about, she complains about my appearance, saying that I'm too skinny, (I'm at a healthy weight for my height, although on the thinner side) that I'm unattractive. She says that guys like curves now, and when I was fat, she said that I will never find love and that if I do land a guy, if I continued to gain weight, he will cheat on me with someone hotter (srsly she said that) that I have an ugly, long "horse face" and tells me to "not try to make myself pretty with makeup." Because she "sees right through it" 

And for years she complained about my walking (I have CP) and said that "when people look at you from afar, they see a fairly attractive person, but they look at your walking and don't even want to come near you."

when I was severely bullied because of my walking as a child she said recently, "Kids used to bully you, didn't that make you want to change and JUST TRY to walk better? Didn't you learn?"

This sounds horrendous. May Allah give you comfort, and guide your mother.

I think you've done well not to snap a long time ago if this is the kind of stuff you have to deal with on a regular basis.

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16 hours ago, Islandsandmirrors said:

My dad is always at work. My sister is sometimes in the house when the verbal abuse happens. 

The abuse happens several times a week, sometimes every other day. (Usually, I'm called "useless" and a "loser".)

Our house is immaculate all the time, and it's exhausting when things are not perfect right then. Btw, my sister doesn't get treated like this. It's just me. Although she's as messy as I am, I'm always the one doing chores in the house. When I ask her why it's only me that does the work, my mother says, "it's because you're older than your sister." Or "You're not as quick in cleaning the house as your sister." My sister doesn't do jack squat in the house. Ever. Never does the dishes, never cooks, cleans the rooms, (except her own once in a blue moon.) etc. 

my mother likes everything to be in its place, perfectly organized and everything must be color coordinationed. When I do what she says, she's happy (although always complains.) but when I don't do something right away without question, she explodes and insults me. Her behavior doesn't make me want to do any housework, or even spend time with her, and then she complains non stop that I don't spend time with her.

She does try to threaten me by saying, "Don't you dare tell anyone about our problems because I don't want people to know about our lives." When things go wrong, but I ignore this. I'm allowed to express my frustration about my family and to have an outlet. 

She can perfectly do chores around the house, but she starts complaining that she's the "slave" (she never does any work now. She's always on her phone or watching TV.) if she has to wash the dishes instead of me.

when she doesn't have anything in regards to housework to complain about, she complains about my appearance, saying that I'm too skinny, (I'm at a healthy weight for my height, although on the thinner side) that I'm unattractive. She says that guys like curves now, and when I was fat, she said that I will never find love and that if I do land a guy, if I continued to gain weight, he will cheat on me with someone hotter (srsly she said that) that I have an ugly, long "horse face" and tells me to "not try to make myself pretty with makeup." Because she "sees right through it" 

And for years she complained about my walking (I have CP) and said that "when people look at you from afar, they see a fairly attractive person, but they look at your walking and don't even want to come near you."

when I was severely bullied because of my walking as a child she said recently, "Kids used to bully you, didn't that make you want to change and JUST TRY to walk better? Didn't you learn?"

I see some beautiful things said by your Mom for you.

1. She says don't apply makeup becoz you look ugly, here she is trying to protect you from evil eyes because it is not good for girls to walk by applying makeup so that people may look at her. For girls it's good.

2. She admires you in the sentence that when you are looked from far you look nice but your walking destroys your personality so try to correct it before anyone notices from outside. She admitted you look great.

3. She watches TV and do not do work often becoz she is training you for upcoming life where you slight laziness will be counted as uselessness. When you get married, off course, your mother have to do all work.

I hope no one thinks me that I am paid by "Saving MOMs" NGO. :D

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2 hours ago, Gaius I. Caesar said:

No, I think you just have no idea how messed up and unacceptable this really is.

1. It has nothing with wearing makeup, although I agree with you that women should wear less makeup. The mother is simply feeling insecure about herself, and she is being more immature than her own daughter in this instance .

2. The OP is lucky enough to be walking, her mother should crying tears of joy and saying duas of countless thanks instead of criticizing the way she walks. It could have been so much worse, brother.

3. At least she is making an effort to please her mother by doing the chores, her mother should be happy with her and upset with her sister instead but she's being too immature and irrational to understand this. 

@Islandsandmirrors can you give me your Mom's number so that I may ask her if she is really unthankful to God, really I didn't knew what CP was and remembered lately that it is some type of disease right. 

But if you really be patient and ask Allah AWJ that please help me to get out of disappointments and help me though a helper and friend, I am sure that Allah will help you and make your Mom good. This is dua of Hazrat Talut a.s 

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@Sindbad05 I will explain CP, it's not a disease but a neurological disorder affecting motor control and muscle tone, usually caused by a brain injury. I have it too, it's not her fault that she walks awkwardly according to her mother.

And I don't think asking for people's phone numbers on a public forum is a wise thing to do either.

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14 minutes ago, Gaius I. Caesar said:

@Sindbad05 I will explain CP, it's not a disease but a neurological disorder affecting motor control and muscle tone, usually caused by a brain injury. I have it too, it's not her fault that she walks awkwardly according to her mother.

And I don't think asking for people's phone numbers on a public forum is a wise thing to do either.

I am not wise, I am crazy. Therefore, I go out since I can't help in anyway anyone. 

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Hi Islandsandmirrors,

Sounds like your family is Arabic lol :grin: Don't think much of it. That's how parents usually are, especially mothers. My mom is kinda like that too, sometimes but that's ok because she is my mother. Middle eastern and/or Muslim moms usually want the best for their daughters, they want us to be like them growing up back home. Usually Muslim girls who grow up in the west are kinda lazy, selfish, careless, reckless, and sometimes insolent. Your mom wants you to be better than that. Keep in mind that moms are always the first in our lives to see all that is at fault in us. They see what even our best friends, lovers, sisters, & husbands don't see. So please have a patience with your mom and try not to anger her or bring up her wrath. See whatever it is angers her and avoid it completely. Try to always please her & help her whenever you can. Also be caring for her, make it a habit to often ask her what you can do to make it easier for her. 

Salam!

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On 4/5/2017 at 0:21 PM, Gaius I. Caesar said:

No, I think you just have no idea how messed up and unacceptable this really is.

2. The OP is lucky enough to be walking, her mother should crying tears of joy and saying duas of countless thanks instead of criticizing the way she walks. It could have been so much worse, brother.

Oh Islandsandmirrors, I'm really sorry to hear that! I hadn't read the entire thread carefully so please forgive me if my post sounds like blaming you. I do agree with Gaius this is a absolutely unacceptable for your mom to berate you on something not of your fault.  It's really horrible for her to do that. She should understand that you are doing your best as you can even with your condition and thank Allah swt that you are still able to be on your two feet today. Have you tried to speak to your mom about how this is offensive and cruel to you? She should hear this from you and you have every right to let her know it is haraam and morally wrong! Have you spoken to your dad'? Maybe he can have a talk with her & tell her to be ashamed of herself. 

I know what that feels like having a something beyond your control. But you should never have to suffer from humans because of it.

Wa Salaam

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I am sorry to hear that. After discussing tbe same issue with other knowledgeable people we have come to the conclusion that our parents are of a different generation and have their own traditional ways of thinking and communicating. Best thing to do I think is keep your distant as much as possible, maybe move out for a while. Maybe talk to somebody who understands you and them both and make that person communicate with them on your behalf such as a relative or relationshop coach. It certainly works for me. 

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On 4/4/2017 at 11:17 AM, Islandsandmirrors said:

my mother likes everything to be in its place, perfectly organized and everything must be color coordinationed. When I do what she says, she's happy (although always complains.) but when I don't do something right away without question, she explodes and insults me. Her behavior doesn't make me want to do any housework, or even spend time with her, and then she complains non stop that I don't spend time with her.

Your mother probabely suffers from ocd. Those who suffer from this type of ocd, feel nervous or even terrified in a messy environment. So when she insults you, she is not her true self.

I myself like everything to be in its own place and organized. However, I believe that a mentally healthy mother doesnt call her daughter a "loser" or "ugly" or "useless". Your mother really needs to see a psychologist or maybe a psychiatrist, as well; both for her mental problems and her misbehaviour.

You also, instead of answering her back, go to your room and cry in silence and don’t say anything. Then after some minutes or 1 hour, her conscience will tell her: "look! You broke her heart! Go and apologize her!".

But if you answer back, her conscience will tell her: "look! How rude she is! She must come and apologize you!"...This is the nature of humans!

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10 hours ago, 8bulb said:

my mother is very same, im 22 and my mother hates me as the sister island described is the same scenario with me can anyone recommend me any dua so my mother loves me

Salam,

Read any type dua (minimum a salawat) on behalf of your mother, and ask for syafaat of Rasul and Ahlul Bayt for her.  Ask more duas for her then your own self.  As if your mother is your own self.  

One of this day you will fully understand your mother, when the secret of your mother is revealed to you because you and your mother become one.

With that understanding you likely will know how to overcome your issues.  You will know how to make your mother happy and your mother will understand your more.

Most daughters want to have their own way life style and not the same like their mother because of age differences.  But, it will be good to understand how mother think of yourself.  No  mothers (unless they are insane) want bad things to their daughters... only the delivery methods by the mothers to daughters may not suiting to daughters.

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On 4/2/2017 at 8:55 PM, Islandsandmirrors said:

My mother has always taken out her frustration onto me and blames me for all her problems, compares me to terrible people in my family, etc. I'm sick of it. Today she exploded over dishes and insulted me for being incompetent with housework and when she left the room still complaining I threw the clean spoons on the floor. 

I don't usually react this way, but I screamed and told her to not insult me and that I don't deserve to be treated like this. She said, "I'm the mother, and I can say whatever I want, so shut your goddamn mouth." 

There is a danger you will develop a mental disorder, most probably borderline personality disorder or something along those lines. You need to attend therapy because one way or the other you will start exhibiting Post-Traumatic Stress disorder much much later on in life and this will impact on your own family you have created. Emotional wounds are dangerous especially from parents. They have a stubbornly long term effect that just refuses to go away.

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18 hours ago, Gabenowa said:

There is a danger you will develop a mental disorder, most probably borderline personality disorder or something along those lines. You need to attend therapy because one way or the other you will start exhibiting Post-Traumatic Stress disorder much much later on in life and this will impact on your own family you have created. Emotional wounds are dangerous especially from parents. They have a stubbornly long term effect that just refuses to go away.

I already have been attending therapy for many years. 

This thread was from a while back, and since I’ve gotten married, my relationship with my mother has become much better. I think she controls her behavior in front of my husband and puts on a good face. 

Regardless, I appreciate your concern. 

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21 hours ago, Islandsandmirrors said:

I already have been attending therapy for many years. 

This thread was from a while back, and since I’ve gotten married, my relationship with my mother has become much better. I think she controls her behavior in front of my husband and puts on a good face. 

Regardless, I appreciate your concern. 

Salaam, can you tell me if therapy has helped you or not? I have people who tell me that it isn't good for a depressed person, as they don't like the idea of sharing everything to a stranger, and they say only your parents can ever understand you in this world. What do you think?

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34 minutes ago, Husayni said:

Salaam, can you tell me if therapy has helped you or not? I have people who tell me that it isn't good for a depressed person, as they don't like the idea of sharing everything to a stranger, and they say only your parents can ever understand you in this world. What do you think?

I am studying Psychology and in my opinion therapy works best when the psychiatrist can create an open exchange of trust between them and the patient. It is not easy. Simple things such as where and how a therapist sits or stands and so on can have a huge impact on the patient. It is to do with Interpersonal Communication skills of knowing how to exchange information through body language, voice and so on. That's why often people who are cured under a therapist sometimes do not realise they were being performed on thinking it was just a social exchange. For that reason it is also better to seek trustworthy people you know such as family members or close friends who you trust to act like your therapist or find a good reputable therapist. If you feel your privacy was breached under somebody to whom you told your secrets then of course that can leave a person feeling sad and miserable.

Edited by Murtaza1

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54 minutes ago, Husayni said:

Salaam, can you tell me if therapy has helped you or not? I have people who tell me that it isn't good for a depressed person, as they don't like the idea of sharing everything to a stranger, and they say only your parents can ever understand you in this world. What do you think?

Salam, My parents have never fully understood me. Therapy has helped me a ton. 

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