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In the Name of God بسم الله

extramarital feeling

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Asalam.

I am a married woman having a kid. I got married since 8 yrs. My husband is away since 7yrs. He visits thrice a year. I look quite young, and in my work place and in my exteneded famliy relatives, ppl try to prasie me alot regarding my personality, my attittude, my caring nature. 

One of husband's cousin has tremendous amount of feeling for me, He always try to meet me, call me, msg me. Earlier I used to avoid him a lot, I blocked him in msgs and calls. But somehow he could able to contact me, gradullay I also got attarcted toward him. Though he doesnt know it, But I always feel lust towards him. But I cant avoid him.

Please help me out in dealing the situation

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You need to cut every contact as soon as possible. And I believe you should tell your husband that he has tried to contact you. You also need to try and convince your husband to live with you, or take you to where ever he is. 

Iblis is our enemy, and sister he will ruin you if you don't turn to Allah and be firm. 

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The best way to avoid sin is by avoiding situations in which sinning is easy.  So you need to avoid contact with this man, and you need to try and find reasons why he is not someone you should associate with.  Like in your mind, think about all of his faults to make him less appealing to you.  You also need to convince your husband to be with you more, or you need to go with him more.

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Do you know how serious this is? Does your husband's cousin realize that what he is doing is one of the biggest sins in Islam? You are a married woman, it's HARAM for that person to talk and flirt with you especially if he has feelings for you. Pray to Allah to help you, do duas, and tell that man to leave you alone. Tell your husband about it too.

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20 minutes ago, A true Sunni said:

Tell your cousins wife!!!

That's a good one but I think he isn't married. The father should be asked to come home and find a new line of work that doesn't require this much moving around man.  Man if that was my cousin I think I would Beat the daylights out of him. This is why don't like some of the western laws adultery is such a horrible crime and nothing is done about it no one gets punished the honor of the family isn't even protected in most western countries.

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16 minutes ago, A true Sunni said:

Tell your cousins wife!!!

I wouldn't advise this.The more people she involves greater are the chances of this evolving into a family drama. Women aren't good at handling such news about their husbands nor are they always able to put a leash on their unfaithful husbands.

Since the OP has admitted that he has been contacting her via messages and she is also attracted to him I hope she has not made the grave mistake of replying to his texts. No matter how harmless they maybe the cousin can still use them against her. So , my advice would be to handle this discretely if possible.

The sister needs to strengthen her own morals and faith and secondly, start living with her husband.

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7 hours ago, Guest sara said:

But I always feel lust towards him. 

If you feel lust for him, ask yourself 'do you want to disobey God' and go to hell?

What happens if you give in to your desires and your son one day finds out that he is the son of an adulterous mother?

Think!

Tell him point blank that you don't want him and if he persists in chasing you, give him a warning first and then tell other members of the family, like his parents.

If you want to increase your chance of getting into heaven, STAY AWAY from this man, at all costs.    

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Shut yourself from him and kick him out of your life all together. Don't give ibless an inch, he will surely cause you to commit sin. And after sinning, he will go away laughing leaving you with the life time of guilt.

There is no good in it. Its not like you are unmarried who doesn't has tasted the joy of marriage, you are a wife so be one, and not an adulterous.

 

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OK maybe telling his wife isnt such a great idea.

Tell him that you are hopelessly in love with him and want to marry him.

You are going to tell your husband that you want a divorce and tell him that you wish to marry his cousin.

You wont see him for dust lol

Alternatively tell your husband that if he doesnt get his act together you want a divorce

Edited by A true Sunni
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1 hour ago, A true Sunni said:

You are going to tell your husband that you want a divorce and tell him that you wish to marry his cousin.

Alternatively tell your husband that if he doesnt get his act together you want a divorce

This is the worst advice I've seen in a long time! Threatening divorce is almost as bad as choosing to marry a person who is known for wrecking marriages! 

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12 hours ago, Guest sara said:

I also got attarcted toward him. Though he doesnt know it, But I always feel lust towards him. But I cant avoid him.

Surah Ar-Rad, Verse 22:

وَالَّذِينَ صَبَرُوا ابْتِغَاءَ وَجْهِ رَبِّهِمْ وَأَقَامُوا الصَّلَاةَ وَأَنفَقُوا مِمَّا رَزَقْنَاهُمْ سِرًّا وَعَلَانِيَةً وَيَدْرَءُونَ بِالْحَسَنَةِ السَّيِّئَةَ أُولَٰئِكَ لَهُمْ عُقْبَى الدَّارِ

 

And those who are constant, seeking the pleasure of their Lord, and keep up prayer and spend (benevolently) out of what We have given them secretly and openly and repel evil with good; as for those, they shall have the (happy) issue of the abode

(English - Shakir)

 

 

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14 hours ago, Guest sara said:

But I can't avoid him.

But you MUST.

You MUST.

You MUST.

And you CAN.

You CAN.

You CAN.

Don't forget that you may deceive your husband and your family but you cannot deceive God.

And don't forget that there is a strong probability that sooner or later it will come out into the open.

Your husband will kick you out and your own son will HATE his adulterous mother and never see you again.  

Do you want that to happen?

Stop seeing this evil man forthwith.

He wants you for pleasure, not for love.  

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6 hours ago, notme said:

This is the worst advice I've seen in a long time! Threatening divorce is almost as bad as choosing to marry a person who is known for wrecking marriages! 

A lot of advice on here about the dangers of Adultery

This lady is on here because she thinks she is going to commit adultery

She is on here talking about feelings of lust towards a man not her husband

This is lust not loneliness or attraction she is talking about lust 

Do you think she is ignorant about adultery .

Better she divorce her husband 

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ـ الإمامُ الكاظمُ (عَلَيهِ الّسَلامُ): جِهادُ المَرأةِ حُسنُ التَّبَعُّلِ . 

Imam al-Kazim (AS) said, 'The sacred war (jihad) of a woman is to be of excellent service to her husband.’[al-Kafi, v. 5, p. 507, no. 4]

I suggest you to repent before Allah for that a bad thought/feeling about other man came in your mind. You should remember your duties to Allah, know His commands & guidance if you're still unaware.

 

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Salaam,

Sorry about responding to this so late, but I just found this thread recently. 

Anyway, a lot of good advice has been given as to how to deal with this situation. However, I will try to offer you more of a psychological response. These feelings you have now developed towards this cousin will not magically disappear even if your husband pays more attention to your emotional and biological needs. Burying these feelings deep in your subconscious will not work either. They will always remain in your subconscious and God forbid they might resurface and cause you to commit the ultimate sin. A solution to this for you would be to have you and your husband see some sort of a mental health professional who is preferably a muslim, but if no muslim is available then a non-muslim and can deal with these situations. This mental health professional might be a family therapist/counselor, marriage counselor/therapist, psychologists who specialize in couple's therapy, etc. However, before this therapy even begins you need to come clean with all that has been happening to your husband and any husband who cares about his wife's happiness should then take time off from his work and work with you on solving this issue via you and him going to these mental health professionals and seeking help. I am not trying to make pre-emptive judgements of you but typically from what I have encountered a lot of muslims have this aversion to seeking mental health treatment and think that its only for the insane and crazies. But that is patently false and if in the situation you and your husband are hesitant to seek such mental health treatment or therapy then you two NEED to get over this cultural bias if you two genuinely care about saving your marriage. 

Also, if financial costs are a concern then there are multiple options to seek high-quality treatment without dishing out the cash. An organization I am familiar with that has a lot of experience in dealing with these scenarios is called Noor Human consulting. Their website is here http://www.noorhumanconsulting.com/. They offer an initial free sign up and first session to see what the problem is and if it should be pursued. They also give the choice of speaking with a male or female specialist so as to suit your needs. This is one of many places to start out and seek help. By no means are you limited to this one consultation place and can explore other options. But they do offer a free first consultation over the phone and also via skype/google hangouts. So you stand to lose nothing if you do a free first consultation. Also do not think that your situation is unique and unsolvable, this type of occurrence within a marital context is way more common than you think and many a health professional have dealt with a multitude of such situations far worse than the situation you have yourself in, so do not let yourself think you are beyond help. 

Ultimately, even if you discard all that is within this message you still need to come clean to your husband and work with him in an attempt to solve this issue with the outside help of a mental  health professional  that specializes in this type of issue. 

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Both of you know it is lust not love and will fade away as soon as he takes you to the bed. So imagine the humiliation and disgrace that will haunt you forever. Be strong and don't let your most precious treasure to be looted by a scavenger. Keep your head high and respect your chastity. To guard a woman's honour is the greatest Jehad for a lady.

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