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In the Name of God بسم الله

I cant find Hapiness...

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Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem

Wa Sallallahu ala Muhammadin wa Ale Muhammad Attayibeen Attahireen

Salam dear brothers and sisters 

I will like to start by saying that this is not me complaining about my life , not at all

I am just genuinly looking for help and solution from people who feel or felt like me in their lives

So i am 19 years old and i converted 1 year and a half ago in Muharram Elhamdulilah.

This has been the greatest decision in my life as i found more than just a religion , i found a community of brothers and sisters.

With that being said i really suffered for this choice from my parents and even from some of my friends who did not see me as the same. But i loved it and i did not mind i was doing it for My LordÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì

My father used to put the Quran on the ground just to enrage me or he cursed the Holy ProphetÕáì Çááå Úáíå æÂáå as he knew this really touched me deeply. Elhamdulilah i got through the mockeries and these hard times in my life.

But the thing is that in the beginning of my teenage years i fell into deep depression ( i think its genetical , my grand father and my father suffered from it ) and i always felt a big void in my soul. Like a black hole which i could not fill with anything . I kind of filled it with religion and God, but it still is there.  I really wanted at first to study Islam in Iran but this dragged for too long and i gave up. 

But this is not the only thing . As a revert , before my conversion i experienced a western lifestyle even though my parents raised me in a balkanic christian house. I dated etc and i think this is the worst thing i have done Wallah. It just made me see woman as easy to get , and untrustworthy. This made me lose any hope of having a happy marriage one day and a true familly which i did not have with my parents. I saw even woman in hijab having haram relantionships , woman who where with their boyfriends for 2 years flirting with me etc.. This was another big blow for me .

Now all these things mixed with how i felt since i was young made me become cold, empty and purposeless. Islam is still the n.1 most important thing for me but even this i cannot practise fully because of living with my parents.  I have a big interest in Irfan and this is one of the main reason why i wanted to go study in Iran.

Now im just thinking about going to Iraq a join a militia to help the poor iraqis shi3as because seeing their suffering just breaks the heart .

Anyone of you dealt with such feelings before ? How did you menage to deal with those things ? And please if you are just going to respond : <<Just think positive!>> please refrain from responding lol

Wasalam 

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walekumassalam,

it is very good that you know the reality of islam..and you want to stick with that..over your loneliness and all i would suugest that its is a matter of mental state you really  need to get into positive environmet ..i will advice you to follow your hobbies and get yourself busy into it like garddening,painting reading ,hangoutwithfriends discussion on social topics...do yoga etc first take small steps day by day make new friends..make your diary what you feel write day to day activities ...your goods and bads work over them ...try to get into normal state and then write  your aim on paper write steps to reach there..it might help you..and forget your past try to keep yourself busy ...and dont think soo much over anything with make you depress..ignore negative feelings ...

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15 hours ago, Ali Emanoil Mustafa said:

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem

Wa Sallallahu ala Muhammadin wa Ale Muhammad Attayibeen Attahireen

Salam dear brothers and sisters 

I will like to start by saying that this is not me complaining about my life , not at all

I am just genuinly looking for help and solution from people who feel or felt like me in their lives

So i am 19 years old and i converted 1 year and a half ago in Muharram Elhamdulilah.

This has been the greatest decision in my life as i found more than just a religion , i found a community of brothers and sisters.

With that being said i really suffered for this choice from my parents and even from some of my friends who did not see me as the same. But i loved it and i did not mind i was doing it for My LordÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì

My father used to put the Quran on the ground just to enrage me or he cursed the Holy ProphetÕáì Çááå Úáíå æÂáå as he knew this really touched me deeply. Elhamdulilah i got through the mockeries and these hard times in my life.

But the thing is that in the beginning of my teenage years i fell into deep depression ( i think its genetical , my grand father and my father suffered from it ) and i always felt a big void in my soul. Like a black hole which i could not fill with anything . I kind of filled it with religion and God, but it still is there.  I really wanted at first to study Islam in Iran but this dragged for too long and i gave up. 

But this is not the only thing . As a revert , before my conversion i experienced a western lifestyle even though my parents raised me in a balkanic christian house. I dated etc and i think this is the worst thing i have done Wallah. It just made me see woman as easy to get , and untrustworthy. This made me lose any hope of having a happy marriage one day and a true familly which i did not have with my parents. I saw even woman in hijab having haram relantionships , woman who where with their boyfriends for 2 years flirting with me etc.. This was another big blow for me .

Now all these things mixed with how i felt since i was young made me become cold, empty and purposeless. Islam is still the n.1 most important thing for me but even this i cannot practise fully because of living with my parents.  I have a big interest in Irfan and this is one of the main reason why i wanted to go study in Iran.

Now im just thinking about going to Iraq a join a militia to help the poor iraqis shi3as because seeing their suffering just breaks the heart .

Anyone of you dealt with such feelings before ? How did you menage to deal with those things ? And please if you are just going to respond : <<Just think positive!>> please refrain from responding lol

Wasalam

salam, check out some lectures for Dr.Khalil Jaffer. They might help.

A short answer is, depression is being far away from Allah swt... He alone can bring you happiness. The best way in my experience to happiness is to stay away from sin, and depend on Allah azawajal.  

Try looking into Lebanon, there are some howzahs. But you can do alot from your country if you find a healthy community.

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Often I saw people seeking happiness from outide happiness is inside you and you can achive this by tasleem O raza. Trust me you will be more happy then anyone. When you achive this you can be happy in all situations. I recommend you to try to make some coNecton with the master of time a.s. by reciting ziyarat e Ale Yaseen daily and gift of sura yaseen to imam e Zamana al ruhi al fida. Your life will change inshallah very soon. You are a brave person in my opinion 

Prayers for you and your prayers are needed. 

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Salam alaikom

I felt this way too. You are 19, right? If you have an interest in Islamic sciences, there is one coure, ehawza.com, that gives haway courses online for a tuition, if you can afford it. I am too young to work, but Inshallah I would love to.

If you are feeling low spiritually, ziyarah is the best solution I could think of. There are many ziyarah packages in the west. Or try to memorize a couple juz from the Quran. 

I have also suffered from depression, but I put these sorows into my worship and azadari. I know that depression is also touched on in Tibb al Islam. The translation is on duas.org in the cure ailments section. It mentioned wearing black shoes as a cause of depression, and also it mentions looking back on old times.

Irfan is what I am studying right now. I would highly recof end the book "The Light Within Me," which is a collection of articles by Allama Muttahri, Allama Tabatabai and Imam Khomeini. It is on ziaarat.org/findbook 

I am Inshallah also working on translating Kitab al Muraqbat by Ayatollah Maleki Tabrizi from Persian, and if you are interested in a few months I will tag you in the translation.

My father also had a hard time taking my conversion. He called me a terrorist in front of my siblings, which must have affected them unfortunately. 

Hope you get through this though, and good luck.

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48 minutes ago, Ali Emanoil Mustafa said:

if you mean pills forget it lol i took those its useless 

I take those pills too and they take my depression and mania away. 

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On 3/6/2017 at 5:32 PM, Ali Emanoil Mustafa said:

if you mean pills forget it lol i took those its useless 

Mental health treatment does not necessarily  mean pills. Seeing a qualified, culturally competent therapist can assist you in working through many of the things you are currently experiencing. It also gives you a nonjudgmental support system, something that you seem to be lacking right now.  

I think that a lot has changed in the last year for you and it is not an easy transition. Give it some time, take baby steps and set some short term goals.  

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19 hours ago, Islandsandmirrors said:

I take those pills too and they take my depression and mania away. 

Salaam sister, and to @Ali Emanoil Mustafa as well.  I also struggle with depression.  I'm a huge believer in the value of cognitive therapy.  I'm sorry for all the struggles, brother.  May Allah (S W T) reward you for not lashing back at the provocations and may He guide your family to this deen.

One thing that helped me in my struggles was the MBTI (myers-briggs) personality test.  It should be called a cognitive function test.  I forget, sister @Islandsandmirrors - are we both the same type? I know we are both on PerC as well.  Anyway, if you are interested, check out 16personalities.com/test to take the test.  Once I found out my type, it was another tool in dealing with my own head.  It helped me a ton, and I hope it helps you.  Please feel welcome to reach out if you need moral support!

R

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