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Desirable Qualities in a Spouse

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On 2/13/2017 at 2:14 PM, The servant of al Qai'm said:

11) She has to be virgin. I am picky. Because its harder for men to remain virgin than women. If I am a virgin and she already had sex with someone, then she is probably easily taken away by her pleasures.

Careful brother. Good men for good woman and bad men for bad woman. If she's not a virgin, and has repented, why shouldn't you accept her? 

Don't limit your pool of options and potientials unnecessarily. It's the same as people who want to only marry within their own race.

what if she was a convert? 

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Guest ModestyIsImportant

Hijab.

Sob story:
I've been looking for a somewhat religious spouse for months but it seems most matches I get do not observe any hijab and those that do are usually much older. I know hijab does not automatically mean religious but I am sure that if someone has enough sense to wear the hijab, they have enough sense to understand the basics of the deen.

 Wondering if I should just give up and marry regardless of hijab? Religious woman are a pipe dream especially in North America.

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54 minutes ago, Islandsandmirrors said:

Careful brother. Good men for good woman and bad men for bad woman. If she's not a virgin, and has repented, why shouldn't you accept her? 

Don't limit your pool of options and potientials unnecessarily. It's the same as people who want to only marry within their own race.

what if she was a convert? 

Well. Your right. 

I mean if she has most of the above qualities I wouldn't mind if she wasn't a virgin... 

:respect:

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17 hours ago, Guest ModestyIsImportant said:

Hijab.

Sob story:
I've been looking for a somewhat religious spouse for months but it seems most matches I get do not observe any hijab and those that do are usually much older. I know hijab does not automatically mean religious but I am sure that if someone has enough sense to wear the hijab, they have enough sense to understand the basics of the deen.

 Wondering if I should just give up and marry regardless of hijab? Religious woman are a pipe dream especially in North America.

What is your obsession with the hijab? 

When seeking a spouse, you must know what qualities you PERSONALLY want. Focus on finding a girl with great akhlaq, treats you well, someone that you feel comfortable with and can communicate effectively with. The rest will come with time, or it won't. A woman wearing a hijab doesn't automatically mean being a good person. Some woman I know with the worst of hot-blooded tempers are woman who wear hijab. 

Just because someone knows the "basics of the Deen" (whatever that means.) doesn't mean she's a good person. I practice my religion to the best of my ability, and I'm personally not in a state to wear the hijab at the moment. Doesn't mean I'm not trying to perfect myself. 

Think about that before you reject someone who doesn't wear hijab. (It's a very shallow reason.) She might feel inspired to wear it later in life. 

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On 14/02/2017 at 3:14 AM, The servant of al Qai'm said:

The best wife:

1) Religious.

2)Calm/patient

3)Doesn't cheat on me or have 'green eyes' for other men.

4)Hardworker and smart. 

5)Knows how to cook (this one is important) 

6) When I am stressed, she is always there to give me comfort. 

 7) If she is a gold digger, I will divorce her.

8) She doesnt care much about mainstream media and trends (you know what I mean. I dont want a wive spending her entire day on facebook) 

9)She has to respect my family

10) I would prefer if she spoke my native language

11) She has to be virgin. I am picky. Because its harder for men to remain virgin than women. If I am a virgin and she already had sex with someone, then she is probably easily taken away by her pleasures.

12)Her family must be a good family. If they they arent but she has all the above traits then I will careless about her family.

-This is optional. But it would be nice if she was in good shape. Like not too fat. Like average/normal shape. Not skinny or too fat.  

Too.many.demands.

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9 minutes ago, DigitalUmmah said:

An anagram of Shuriken is En Uh Risk. which makes no sense. just like your post. 

I know.Few people have the good taste and style to be to able admire these beauties.:dry: 

58ac6c3d130d7_images(3).jpg.14076713c66bd36e050eb177be182da0.jpg

Anyway let's not derail the thread.

 

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On 2/13/2017 at 7:26 PM, Irfani313 said:

7. Know your place in a relationship. If you are wife, don't try to be man, give him full respect that a head of a household deserves. If you are a husband, don't try to be a woman.

What is this sexist nonsense? 

"Know your place?" What is this, the 1950s? 

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I'm too young for this post but who cares, I'll try anyway.

1. God fearing

2. Be my best friend.

3. Supportive

4. Physically fit (I ain't about that lazy life)

5. Knowledgeable 

I don't care if she's from Mars, Jupiter , North pole , Brazil , Italian or british. Although I'm not interested in someone who's from my country. She doesn't need them chef Ramsay cooking skills, we'll learn together it will be fun. That's all.

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1 hour ago, alHussein said:

I'm too young for this post but who cares, I'll try anyway.

1. God fearing

2. Be my best friend.

3. Supportive

4. Physically fit (I ain't about that lazy life)

5. Knowledgeable 

I don't care if she's from Mars, Jupiter , North pole , Brazil , Italian or british. Although I'm not interested in someone who's from my country. She doesn't need them chef Ramsay cooking skills, we'll learn together it will be fun. That's all.

You are speaking my language bro :)

 

Hi5.gif

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Guest ModestyIsImportant
On February 21, 2017 at 7:00 AM, Islandsandmirrors said:

What is your obsession with the hijab? 

When seeking a spouse, you must know what qualities you PERSONALLY want. Focus on finding a girl with great akhlaq, treats you well, someone that you feel comfortable with and can communicate effectively with. The rest will come with time, or it won't. A woman wearing a hijab doesn't automatically mean being a good person. Some woman I know with the worst of hot-blooded tempers are woman who wear hijab. 

Just because someone knows the "basics of the Deen" (whatever that means.) doesn't mean she's a good person. I practice my religion to the best of my ability, and I'm personally not in a state to wear the hijab at the moment. Doesn't mean I'm not trying to perfect myself. 

Think about that before you reject someone who doesn't wear hijab. (It's a very shallow reason.) She might feel inspired to wear it later in life. 

It's not an obsession with hijab. It's using the hijab as a reasonable minimum to weed out non religious matches. A person wearing a hijab is almost certainly going to be practicing SOME form of Islam. The same cannot necessarily be said for those that do not. Am I making a judgment based on physical appearance? Yes.

And of course I would focus on things like akhlaq but one can already tell she cares not for modesty if she doesn't observe hijab. That is already an outward display of that akhlaq for you.

This has nothing to do with being a good person. An atheist and a satanist can be a good person (I.e it's easy). I want a good practicing muslim.  I don't care if she's black white orange tall short. She just needs to be a practicing Muslim. 

Basics of deen meaning the clear wajibats like namaz, fasting (essentially the furuodeen and usulodeen). Hijab is a pretty basic wajibaat.  Not wearing hijab can be compared to something like "yeah I don't feel like praying right now because I'm not ready yet. When I am 50, I'll start." Yes I understand there are different levels of faith which is why you have different standards than I do. 

 

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^^ If modesty is important to you, then don't judge a girl just by piece of cloth on her head. Hijabis are doing many things which go against modesty. I am surprised at girls who say it's hard to wear hijab. Hijabis are doing everything they are not supposed to do and if anyone says anything to them: they just use the excuse that it's very hard to wear hijab in west. When you are posting pictures in colorful hijabs, you have hundreds of fans on social media, and you are friends with several married couples (both husband and wife) you are not struggling. 

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Guest ModestyIsImportant
50 minutes ago, rkazmi33 said:

^^ If modesty is important to you, then don't judge a girl just by piece of cloth on her head. Hijabis are doing many things which go against modesty. I am surprised at girls who say it's hard to wear hijab. Hijabis are doing everything they are not supposed to do and if anyone says anything to them: they just use the excuse that it's very hard to wear hijab in west. When you are posting pictures in colorful hijabs, you have hundreds of fans on social media, and you are friends with several married couples (both husband and wife) you are not struggling. 

What a completely straw man and irrelevant point you're making here. Not all hijabis are fashionista wannabes and if these few people have ruined the meaning of hijab, let's not make hijab suddenly a bad thing. Reading your statement again it is actually you now judging these so called fashion hijabis with their so called hundreds of fans. Do I think hijab is being misused or commercialized  in some cases? Of course, there is no doubt about that but the same can be said about anything else in Islam like muta (as an example).

Also, the topic is desirable qualities of a spouse and ask any practicing Shia muslim, they'll tell you it is completely reasonable to have hijab as a requirement. I don't understand why I'm having to justify this. Wonder who's side an aalim would take in this instance?

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^^ I didn't mean to say choose a girl without hijab. I meant to say make sure she is really modest. It doesn't make sense to prefer a hijabi due to modesty and then choose a hijabi who is not modest.

I was not judgemental, I always gave excuses to hijabis. Then I got married and I faced most problems because of hijabis. I discovered that women without hijab have stronger character than hijabis, and every woman with strong character (I found probably only four or five) was a blessing. 

Edited by rkazmi33

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Guest ModestyIsImportant
2 hours ago, rkazmi33 said:

It doesn't make sense to prefer a hijabi due to modesty and then choose a hijabi who is not modest.


If a person is truly modest, they would realize the importance of Hijab. By extension, I'd expect someone with modesty to have other good traits. The same cannot be said of non-hijabi (who are not as modest).

Who is more modest: a women who walks around in bikini/naked or someone with at least shirt/pants on?
Who is more modest: someone without hijab who does not cover up or someone who observes hijab?

See the parallel in those two questions? I mean if you're not covering the part where beauty starts (head), why stop there?

2 hours ago, rkazmi33 said:

women without hijab have stronger character than hijabis

Yeah let me just stop you right there. You're keep making general and very untrue statements based on anecdotal evidence. This idea must be coming from some backwards cultural thinking.The ladies of Ahlul Bayt (a.s.) observed hijab so your point about non-hijabis being of "stronger character" is completely wrong.

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