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In the Name of God بسم الله

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:bismillah:

:salam:

As many of you know, I'm going through some really hard phase of my life emotionally. Things don't work no matter how carefully i plan for them and no matter how much try to keep according to teachings of ahlulbyat(aS). Yes, of course it's heart breaking and takes life out of you every day. You have to die many times a day. Sometimes i get so upset i ask from God. What else do i have see. I've seen everything i have lived enough. Why are you still making me breathe when i have no desire to. Why are you forcing me to live. I know there are many tribulations and trials from which you have saved me because you know and i know I would have failed them anyway. But why are you still making me breathe... what can i do for you. There's nothing, Look at me I'm useless. I have nothing and i can't help anyone i can't even help myself. What do you want me to do. I don't want to breathe in wretched world of yours where humblessness is seen as weakness. God consciousness stigmatised and Show off and Riya is it's beauty. Why are you still forcing me to breathe. Why can't you just forgive me and take me back. I know I'm sinful and i will always be sinful so why are you still letting me live. 

 

What purpose can i serve for you apart from disobeying you ? These are your people they don't care for you. They don't have respect for you. They follow their desires when i tell any of them close to me do anything for sake of God. They don't have to look at me, if they really love you they would have done it for your sake. They should have done in your name. Why are you making me live among them. They claim to love you and they claim to follow your prophet(pbuh) and imams(as). I have nothing to do with them, they increase my tests. You deal with them as you are pleased. But why are you making me breathe in this world i have no desire. How is it going to help anyone. What difference will i make in anything then i don't know what purpose will i serve except sinning and sinning.

 

I know you don't mistakes but i think, God you made a mistake by creating me... forgive me but that's what i think. There is no need for me. You have wasted your resources on me for no reason even though you have unlimited resouces. You could have created someone way better. Clearly i don't belong anywhere... nor with you nor in this world. Then there's only one place left.. did you create me for your fire ? If so then why do you want me to suffer that pain ? You are my lord but tell why  ?

this was the conversation i was having with God recently because i couldn't sleep during most of the nights.  After blaming him and getting angry i fell asleep. It was after the sun rise so i slept during the day. 

As soon as i fell asleep. I saw i was in my house and it was located somewhere in green woods and hills. My mum, sister and youngest brother were there too. I was just sitting there sad and depressed thinking about my wife and recent events. I was thinking i wish she was here with us.  Suddenly i saw The Carvan of imam hussain(as) arrived at our door. All of them(as) were there, Abbas(AS), Akbar(as) all the Hashmities and holy ladies too. I was surprised and shocked. Then Imam hussain(as) turned towards me, and said in loud voice. There was firmness in his(As) voice and he(As) looks were stern. He said in loud voice, PACK YOUR THINGS and Get READY, YOU ARE COMING WITH ME, YOU DON"T BELONG HERE. 

I became happy for a moment. But i couldn't believe what was happening because deep in my heart i know I'm very sinful person how can i belong with him.. I was telling myself it's not real it's just another of those dreams, only my imaginations i don't believe in them. It's nothing. So i tried to wake up but i couldn't wake up. 

 Imam(as) came with all of his sons, brothers and ladies to take me with them. When i looked at all of them. I was looking at the Noor emitting from their holy faces. I could see their smiles. I saw lady zainab(sa) she was smiling. But i was thinking why me ?

I was still standing there all numbed but i was trying to hide my happiness and smile. Then Imam(as) said. Go hurry and get ready. you are coming with me, "You Belong with me".

I felt so happy but i was feeling soo much pressure. I went inside the house, I told my family members get ready all of you are coming with me too. we are going to Karbala with imam(As). And then i asked my youngest brother, we are going to defend our imam(as) prepare yourself. 

I got ready in no time and i saw imam(as) and his companions were waiting for me so patiently. None of them(as) moved an inch  since they arrived and all of them were waiting so patiently for me. Seeing that pleased me. But I was getting worried as my mum and sister were taking time to get ready. And packing things for the journey. So i was telling them please hurry. If the enemies of imam(as) came to know imam(as) was here they will come after him(as) here, to attack him(as). I was running up and down and everywhere, sometimes i would run to the roof top and then around the horses of make sure everyone was alright. Sometimes i would run to the roof top to see whether the enemies of Imam(as) coming this way or not. I didn't want them there. Sometimes i would go near imam (AS) and abbas(as) to make sure they(aS) were well taken care of and they(as) don't need any water or anything.  Then i would run to the top of the hill next to my house to keep an eye out for enemies of imam(as) from there, then i would come back running back to imam(as). I was feeling happy and i was feeling my wish has come true. It start to feel real. I was in so much pressure from protecting the imam(as) from enemies of imam(As) and same time i was worried for imam(as). I was thinking about the time, time is running out. We should leave as soon as possible. Otherwise his(as) enemy would find out about his locations. This pressure was making me worried, i kept on looking on the roads from roof top and hill. I was telling myself We don't have much time soon an army of imam(as)'s enemies will be here. I was feeling the pressure. At the same time i didn't want to put pressure on my siblings and mum to hurry up. 

 

So i was trying to stay relax so i don't loose my composure but i was running up and down to keep eyes on things. Soon i felt and heard loud noise from distance from the road leading to hill then our house. And in my dream i was speaking to God, your enemies are here. Please help me defend my Master. Don't let me fail him(as). They(as) are my guests for the moment please don't let these enemies reach near my imam(as) give me strength to kill all of them. You are all powerful so me powerful too. 

 

Then i took long breath and ran towards abbas(as) and imam(As). I held the reins of horse on which abbas(as) was riding. His(as) one hand was on sword as he(as) about to unsheathed his(as) sword. So i requested imam(as) not to attack the enemies and I was telling him(aS),  I know you all of you are bravest of all and don't need any help from anyone. But you are here to take me with you so please let me take care of you. I don't want to put any of you in trouble. So please don't unsheathed the swords and let me take care of these enemies for you. I'm may not be as strong as Abbas(as) but the blood of Ali(as) runs through my veins too ? Doesn't it ? Am i not yours and hassan(as)'s son. So please let me protect you. All of you have long journey ahead and I'm still fresh. So please, my imam(as) rest and let me deal with your enemies. 

Then imam(as) nodded gently.

Then i ran towards roof of my house to see how far were the enemies. Then i saw two-three soldiers i wasn't sure, where they came from. They climbed and reached the high point at the hill. And they were waiting for orders. I flew to them and told them all of you stay here and don't loose an inch. And don't let an arrow go towards imam(as) as he(as) there down there. I don't want anything to disturb his(as) peace. 

And if you loose or  ran away, i will come and kill all of you myself. Don't loose courage by number of enemies I'm right behind you. And you are at high position. Just keep throwing arrows at enemies. When they, try to come near  And hold your position. 

Then i  came back to the roof top as it was as high as the hill. I positioned myself there to shoot arrows from there thinking was I too harsh on these soldiers? as i knew they wouldn't run. At least that's what i was hoping and waiting. And i was so under pressure. There were so many thoughts going through my head at the same. 1. Nothing should disturb the peace of imam(as) and his(as) companions, they are my guests at my house. 2. My siblings and mum, i haven't asked for their consent. i just ordered them to come with me. I don't have the right to order them to come with on this journey. May be they don't want to go or maybe taking them with me will add additional burden on imam(As). I was thinking when I'm done with enemies of imam(as) i will ask them again or may be ask my dad regarding them. 3. Would we 4-5 be able to defend and kill the enemies without asking imam(as) for help. I was thinking what would i do if the enemies defeated those soldiers on hill and able to reach the hill by killing my soldiers, then i asked another soldier to defend imam(as) from front and asked him, don't let anything reach imam(as) if there's an arrow towards imam(as) you should be the first one to get that on your body. 

These were the thoughts going through my minds at the same time While i was waiting for enemies to come in my arrows range And everything was happening so quickly within splits seconds. Soon the army came very near.... and we started to shoot arrow at them. As we were at on high position we were able to take good aims. I wasn't even raising my voice to give orders to my soldiers. as i was afraid it would disturb the peace of imam(as) and his companions. So if i had to give some instructions to those soldiers at the hill i would fly to them and tell them. 

 At one point i saw one of them got afraid by the number of enemies. I flew to him and told him. Don't be afraid... they can't reach you just keep shooting arrows. They can't reach you if you keep shooting arrows. The road is very narrow and thats' the only road before they can climb. so keep shooting arrows.  I'm right behind. and God is with us. Kill them all.....  don't let anyone from that army go back alive today.

Then I flew back to my position and we shot as many arrows as we could continuously and we were able to repelled the first attack. This was first skirmish. I was stunned as everything was happening so quickly i didn't have the time to time to even think about anything. 

I had to make so many decisions without thinking.....  i wanted time and the events to slow a bit so i can breathe and think. But everything was happening so quickly. I was in so much pressure i was feeling time is running out. Imam(as) came from no where then their enemies were right behind. I didn't know what to feel. 

 

then i heard the voice of my youngest brother while I was thinking about these issues,  Everyone is ready.... ! 

Then i went to imam(as) he(as) was still waiting patiently i didn't see any sign of anxiety from what was going on. He(as) was just waiting for me. And didn't even tell me to hurry up. He(as) was just there letting me do things and he(as) was waiting. 

Then i came back inside the house and found my family members ready for the journey.  And we were setting off for journey towards Karbala from my house. As we were on our way towards Karbala. Imam(as) stopped at another house. It was in a city far away from my house. It was house of my other two brothers and my father was living there too. 

I went inside and asked them get ready Imam(as) is there to take us all. My other family members came inside the house to ask them to get ready too. When my dad saw that i was taking my sister, mum and youngest brother with me as well. He got worried. He told me. If you want to go then go alone. Don't take them with you. How are they going to help you. What will happen to them after you'll be killed, isn't that enough your mother zainab(as) along with other holy ladies will be paraded in markets. Why do you want to take your sister and mother with you ? 

I didn't know what to say, then i thought may be it's better they don't come with me. It will be additional burden on lady zainab(sa). It's better my mum and sister stay with dad and my brothers they will protect them. I can't force them. 

Then i was taking my youngest brother who was eager to go. Then my father asked me why are you taking him  ? Don't you want our next generation to be born ? None of you have children, if all of you get killed then how will our blood line continue... and i was asking who told you we will be killed ? And if we get killed there's nothing better than this. 

My dad said, you don't have any wife any children you go.

I looked at their faces one by one and they all seemed to agree with dad. Then i said okay. If that's what you want then I'm not taking him. Then my other two brothers told me don't worry go with imam(as) we'll take care of each othe and our parents.

I didn't know what to say. So i went outside the house with confused and mixed emotions. didn't know what Think or say. and I asked imam(as) to let's go. I will defend you alone. I don't need any help in defending you. 

Imam(as) stayed silent like he(As) knew what was going on. 

and I was telling myself i will defend my imam(as) on behalf of everyone whoever left me. 

Then the whole caravan left for Karbala.... 

Then i saw myself at Karbala on the Ashour morning. Imam(as) was standing near his(as) camps alone. And i asked imam(As) please allowe me to go first. Before everyone, i don't want anyone from camps to go first. Let me go and fight them. 

Imam(as) gave me permission... and i was happy. I was thinking today none from our camps are going to get killed. I will fight them with strength from God and his stregth is unlimited. And He(Swt) will bestow me with as much strength as i need to destroy all of the enemies of my master.... i will not let anyone of the enemy reach toward my imam(as). I will fight them with strength of God. 

Then i mounted on a horse. It was such a beautiful and strong horse.  As i was riding towards enemies i felt i was flying. This horse was so fast. It made me soo happy. I was thanking God and attacked the army with all the strength and i was asking God give me more strength give me more... i was killing them one by one then two to three then number started to increase... i was attacking 10, 20 then 30 at the same time. I was defeating them and killing them. Then their groups number started to increase from 10s to 100s. I would attack them with even more strength. I was killing there small groups one by one. I was for more and more strength. I was telling him it's not enough they are soo many. Give me more.

 

Then i felt their number were increasing significantly. And then they all, decided to attackme at the same time.  It's the first time i felt i won't be able to defeat all of them here. But i was telling God I'm not loosing here either. I made the decision in split seconds i turned my horse towards Euphrates. As i thought i need to create more gap between groups so i can kill them one by one. But there was a huge army on the river too.  I was asking God please don't let these enemies of imam(as) to overcome me today. I didn't raised my sword to get defeated. Oh lord please give me more strength and make a way for me so i can kill them. They are about to surround me. They are everywhere in such large number. Today i don't want my master to unsheathe his(as) sword. O my lord give me strength !!!  As i was fighting and killing small groups of soldiers one after another, whoever was coming on my way to river. And I saw a larger number of them were after me.... and the gap was getting closer and closer. They were there  infront of me and behind me charging towards me. 

I attacked the army infront of me which was between me and river and killed many of them. My horse was way to too fast. They start to running from there positions. Then i saw a passage along the river with a few soldiers. So instantly i planned to lead those who were behind me to that way, so i can separate the very first group from the rest. I was thinking while fighting, i was telling myself As my horse is lightening fast, soo i will be able to out run them and then circle around them when the i see a huge gap between army and there groups, i need to separate horsemen from speamen from sword men's from bow mens. 

These were thoughts going in my mind while i was fighting and making my way along the river. i was worried. As i have attracted so many of them towards myself and they are in such large. I was worried as some of them, may change the tactics and they might attack the camps of imam(as). As today it's my job to defend imam(as). But at the same time i was worried about my strategy if i take the enemy troops too far. Those who are behind may attack my imam(as). It was continuously worrying me. As i was riding and blocking arrows with my Sheild coming towards me. Coming from behind. But the enemies troops were coming after me, with everything they got. some of them were on horses some on foot with spears, bows, daggers and swords. 

And my horse took me too far away and i saw a large group of enemies were separated from main Army. They were still coming after me. But the soldiers at very far end thought either the front soldiers have killed me or will kill me easily so they decided to go back. 

That was my opportunity. So now i was left with large group of enemy troops chasing me which i could easily kill by coming around them Quickly in a circle, i was thanking God for such a lightning fast horse. 

So i saw a spot behind trees where enemies won't be able to see me turning, i made a quick turn from there and hid there watiting for them reach at certain point from where i will circle around them and attack them. 

As i was waiting i saw my youngest brother  coming towards battle field. I went towards him and ask him to hide behind trees and asked him what are you doing here. Didn't dad told you not to come ? 

I told him stay away from battlefield as long as I'm alive. Don't go near it. No one is dying from our camps today.

As i was talking to him i saw a very big lion coming towards me. It was from enemy. He was so powerful and strong. I was surprised and i was telling meself Oh lord that thing is so powerful. I was speaking to God, praying to him. This creature of yours is sooo strong and beautiful, first i don't know how to kill it but second i don't want to kill it. That lion keep coming towards us. So i decided to Deal with it gently, I smiled at him. God made you so strong mashallah, why are you our enemy. Lion didn't say anything. Then i told him there's no need for you to fight with us. We are on side of imam(as). Aren't you afraid of God. Look this is my younger brother. The lion became bit friendly and start talking directly to my brother. I was happy i don't have to kill him. Then i saw rest of the troops drawing near and near

I took my sword and grabbed the lion from neck and cut it's throat... while cutting his throat, i was telling myself friendly or not friendly. This lion is from enemy so I'm not trusting him and letting him live.He may attack my imam(as) after my death. I killed the lion. Everything was happening so quickly... i was constantly worried about imam(as) even when I was talking and planning my moves. These thoughts were there along with others. as i was away from camps and main battlefield. Even though i  managed to draw a large number of them after me but they were still in large number present in their camps. 

I was telling myself i need to hurry up i don't want them to think i ran away from battlefield or i got killed. So imam(as) don't send anyone of his(as) sons or brothers to battlefield. It was constantly worrying me. It's my time to defend.

I asked my brother to stay here. And I'm going finish the enemy which is coming towards us. I mounted on that horse circled them, as I initially planned and finished them. Each and everyone of them. I thanked god but now i was feeling very very thirsty. I  felt i would die of thirst if i don't drink a few drops of water. But at the same time i was battling with thoughts inside my head  that i need to be back in the main battlefield there are still large numbers of them. They must be getting anxious to attack my imam(as) i should go back immediately. 

But at the same time voices inside my head were telling me I need to drink water... i need to regain my strength if i want to kill More of the soldiers. I need to drink Otherwise I can't fight any more. This thirst was killing.

I wasn't far from river. There were no soldiers as i killed them and rest of them ran away to join the main troops Far away from where i was. So there were no troops to worry about for now.

I was confused what to do, should i go to river and drink water or should i go back to battlefield so my imam(As) as well as the enemies know I'm still alive and I'm still there in the battle. 

But uncontrollable i went towards river I was thinking it's a good opportunity i can bring some water back to imam(As). they(As) can drink some water. All of them were so thirsty. So i decided to bring the water back to camps before i go to battlefield again thinking Abbas(as) is still there he(as) will defend my imam(as) and will keep the armies at bay. He(As) won't let anyone near imam(as). In the meantime it's opportunity for me to take some water back to camps while abbas(AS) was keeping the enemies busy. And on my way back. i will attack the enemies from behind cutting their hands on my way back to camps. 

As i soon as i felt water... my whole whole existence forced me drink it. I was sooo sooo thirsty. I wanted to drink. I put my hands and took water in my hands. As soon as i brought near my lips, i thought if abbas(as) was here he wouldn't have tasted it before imam(as) so how can I ? Tears start flowing from eyes. As i was dying of thirst. I threw the water back. But The wetness of water was making it even more difficult to resist the temptation. I was telling God.. ya Allah I'm sooo thirsty. I need to a few drops of water... i can't move. There is a storm inside my head and it's killing me I'm thirsty. 

 
At this point i so wanted to wake up and wanted to get out the feelings i was going through. I was trying my best to get out of the dream so i don't have to make the decisions. I was feeling the thirst for real. I just wanted to drink. I wasn't able to awake no matter how much i try to get out of there. 

Impulsively, I put my hands in the river again and took out some water and this time i was thinking. Imam(As) wouldn't mind me drinking before him(as), why would he(as) ? as he knows how thirsty I'm. And he knows if i don't drink now i can't kill his(as) enemies anymore.

This was the first time in my whole dream i wasn't in much rush.  I was feeling so thirsty and  As there was no enemy behind behind me. So My only worry along with resisting the temptation to drink water was to reach back to battlefield before enemies are able to kill anyone from imam's(as) camps. That was my only worry and it was making me anxious to reach there as soon as possible. So they know I'm still alive and haven't run away. But i was dying of thirst too and wanted to drink water. It was in front of me. I was sitting there all all alone, battling with these throughts in my mind, with water in my palms.

But as soon as i brought my lips close to water, i felt so horrible inside, telling myself how can I drink before them(as), when all the children and imam(as) haven't drunk it when all of them are soo thirsty. I'm feeling i will die of thirst if i don't drink. They must be feeling the same. So How can i drink before all of them. That would be such a shameful act.  

I immediately threw the water back... as i was battling with my inner thoughts thirst was killing me, i so so  wanted to get out of there. Get out of this situation. Because i have to make the decision quickly. What to do ? At the same time i want to drink the water but voices in my head won't let me. While this is going on i wanted to be with imam(As) defending. So many parallel thoughts. I was telling myself only drink drink take a few drops at least... i was telling myself this may be last time i have reached that close to water. And i wouldn't be able to continue fighting in the same way if i don't drink water now. 

It was too much for me... 

i put my hands again quickly, for the third time.  I took some water again and brought near lips. as i felt if i don't drink now i would die. 

But as soon as i was about to drink... I cursed myself out loud, Lanah on you. How can you drink before your master. You are his(as) servant.

then i asked myself then what should i do... ? I'm sooo thirsty and i feel i would die if i don't drink. Then the same voice in me told me, if you are confused what to do with water and when to drink. Take water back to imam(as) and ask him to give you a few drops of water. But then i asked the from the same voice inside me, there won't be enough water for everyone. I have only one bag for water and they are so many of them, i will be ashamed to ask imam(As) for water from that little water, as it won't be enough for all of them. I want them to drink as much as possible that's why i should drink from here. There may not be any water left when all of would drink from it. Then the voice inside me told me, then you would fight thirsty. But you should never drink any water before your master. You aren't even sure whether the enemy will let you take the water to imam(As) you still have to make your way to him(As). So I told the same voice inside me, that's what I'm thinking if i drink i will have enough energy to fight them all on the way and take the water back to my master(as). Then the same voice told how could you. Enough !!! Don't waste time anymore and fill the bag with water and take it back. And Leave the matter to imam(aS), drink whatever he(as) give you of that little water. 

This time threw the water back into the river, third time. Agreeing with the solution in my mind. I was filling the water bag and devising my strategy how to protect it and take it all back to imam(as). 

When i was devising my strategy, i could see abbas(as) was in the battlefield, i was sad because in my absence imam(As) had to send abbas(as) for fight. I could see all the army troops were focused so i thought I could attack them from  behind along the river bank. That's what i decided to do. 

I filled the water bag and put it on my back and hid it under my shield. So now i was thinking. i don't have any shield to protect my front from arrows :(. I cried out to lord, ya Allah help me. Help me take this water back to imam(as). I don't have strength I'm weak now and I'm dying of thirst. The voice inside told me... you are son of Ali(as) attack your enemies, your uncle abbas(AS) is keeping them busy. So you can attack them. You don't need shield just go and attack them. Fear no one !!

 

I was riding back, through trees, towards enemies along river and i was praying o lord keep my hands firm and protect me. I seek refuge in you. Don't let me fall yet. 

The horse took me back near that river where troops were stationed they were all focused on abbas(as) as he(As) was chasing them and killing them. So i attacked the troops from behind and quickly made my way back to camps. I saw imam(as) was standing. I jumped from running horse and ran towards him(as). 

He(as) looked so distressed. I asked him(AS) o my master what happened. He(as) looked at me and told me the enemy thought you ran away from battle field some of them said you were killed. So i had to ask abbas(as) to go and fight.

I was dying of shame but at the same time this thirst was killing me. I thought i wouldn't be able to say anything. 

 I gently asked  imam(as), O my imam(as), I brought you some water. Please give that children and drink.

Now i was confused as I handed over water bag to imam(aS), should i ask him(aS) to give me some water now, as i was dying of thirst and wanted to go back to battlefield. Or should I wait. But at the same time i was worried about abbas(as) he(as) was fighting thirsty. I wanted abbas(as) to come back and drink some water too. Because if i hadn't taken that route he wouldn't have been fighting right now. So i was feeling ashamed. But the thirst, it was killing me. I couldn't tolerate anymore... i never felt that thirsty in my life before. And i was thinking and crying he(As) must be feeling the same thirst. I shouldn't have let him fight thirsty when i was still alive and God gave me all the strength i asked for.

I was confused standing there looking at abbas(as) fighting and surrounded by enemies. I was asking God to give me some water, as I'm not sure which one should i do first. Should i ask for water from imam(as) which i just brought, then how can i ask for water when none of them(as) had drunk from it. Or should i go and ask abbas(as) to come back and drink some water meantime i keep the enemies busy, but how can i keep the enemies busy when i don't have strength anymore I'm dying of thirst. I was standing there perplexed and in tears....

then i woke up... thirst was killing me. I woke up soo sooo thirsty and it was almost 14:00 and i drank water immediatly. And i was in tears... didn't know what to think or do for sometime. I kept drinking water and i drank as much as i could. I was soo soo thirsty. 

 

i don't know what kind of dream was it. 

Ya aba abidillah, I  partially felt their thirst that day. And how patient were they. Still pleased with God. 

 

My wife used to say, these are from your imaginations. These things aren't real. She used to tell me there are sick people in hospital they imagine these things too. They see imams too but we don't believe in them. So she used to tell me I'm sick and i need to see a doctor !! When i woke up that day i didn't know what to make of it. As her words were running in my head. She used to tell me when you see any such dreams please don't tell me i don't believe in them. And it worries me.  Keep your dreams to yourself. Because when you tell me i think of you as a sick or hallucinated person. As i have seen many patients claiming same things in hospital. So when you share these dreams with me, i feel you are mentally sick.

So i stopped sharing with her... but actually I stop having them much too often. 

As I'm not sure what was this about. As it's such a long time since i had such long and detailed dream. May be it's just my imaginations or my mind playing tricks again when I'm sleeping or may be my wife was right, I'm hallucinated. And she used to tell me usually the dreams you see during day are from Shaytan. The only dreams that are true or good when you see them before fajr. May be she is right. I don't know it myself.

And it's not the first time I'm seeing dreams about Karbala... the strange thing is i don't see them during Muharram but i was feeling very sad and depressed. That whole night, i couldn't sleep a second. I was depressed and worried about what was going in my life. During the dream I tried to wake up many times. As it was tiring and i had no control over it it was going on and on. And the thirst was killing me.i was able to wake up a one time during the dream briefly when i saw myself alone battling with my thoughts at river bank wh. But i was so sleepy even though i was feeling very thirsty i fell asleep again and dream started from Right there...

 

I'm still confused. I'm still trying to discover myself and still searching part of me which i have lost especially after she left me "just like that in a blink of a second". I don't take them seriously these are just random dreams. 

 

I'm still recovering and searching, what am i suppose to do. 

PS: 

apologies for long post... but i needed to share it. I need to get it out of the system so i don't think about it. It's dream after all. Nothing special. I'm the same sinful person which slept and woke up after that dream. Nothing changed. Everything is the same.

 

 

Edited by Struggling_onn

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Woaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!

Such a long text, If I read more than two lines, I'll be given a medal of honor :) 

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So hugeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewe're. We are with you in this wretched place so stay strong and don't do shirk by saying that God did mistake by creating you. Our brain is too little to understand his plans but He is best of all planners.

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Seriously, you should take your dream as a good sign. Who else can say that they fought the enemies of Imam AS? Many people would love to have such a vivid dream. Give a small amount of sadaqa to charity.  

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Just now, ErikCartman said:

Wikipedia just lost its 1st place as the largest textual website on the internet, to OP.

It's more than 10 pages. Like a movie script. :) 

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3 hours ago, hameedeh said:

It's more than 10 pages. Like a movie script. :) 

And imagine how much time it would have taken me to write... and  yes it was bothering me. 

And yes it was very very long dream i slept for 8 hours.... and when one day all the of our lives will played out to us as a movie script... if you start writing... !!! 

Edited by Struggling_onn

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3 hours ago, hameedeh said:

Seriously, you should take your dream as a good sign. Who else can say that they fought the enemies of Imam AS? Many people would love to have such a vivid dream. Give a small amount of sadaqa to charity.  

 

the thing is sister... it's not the first time i had dreams about Karbala. And when i have them my dreams are detailed and i can remember everything. And they are long. So i don't take them seriously anymore. Like my wife used to say, I'm hallucinated or it's just my mind playing tricks.  

And as far as fighting with enemies of imam(As) concerned it's not the first time. Actually the very second or third dream i had about imam mahdi(as) 6 years ago was all about it. 

And yeah... it's like a movie script. So it gotta be fake :grin:. I don't believe in them myself anymore. They are scattered random dreams.... 

 

and Sister, those who want to have such dreams. May Allah let them have these dreams. So they can feel proximity with their imams(as). 

One thing is sure... there's so much peace. When you wake up you wake up as new person.

Edited by Struggling_onn

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9 hours ago, Hidaren said:

Woaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!

Such a long text, If I read more than two lines, I'll be given a medal of honor :) 

You don't have to read !!! :D Because we don't have that "medal of honour" !!! 

 

Edited by Struggling_onn

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2 minutes ago, Struggling_onn said:

 

 

the thing is sister... it's not the first time i had dreams about Karbala. And when i have them my dreams are detailed and i can remember everything. And they are long. So i don't take them seriously anymore. Like my wife used to say, I'm hallucinated or it's just my mind playing tricks.  

And as far as fighting with enemies of imam(As) concerned it's not the first time. Actually the very second or third dream i had about imam mahdi(as) 6 years ago was all about it. 

And yeah... it's like a movie script. So it gotta be fake :grin:. I don't believe in them myself anymore. They are scattered random dreams.... 

Share your dream about Imam Mehdi a.s please :)

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3 minutes ago, Struggling_onn said:

Don't you think that's over exaggeration ! A little way too much, may be ;)

If you really saw that dream do not be confused by people's joke alright but be happy that instead of seeing any nightmares you saw a good dream.

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2 minutes ago, Irfan1214 said:

Share your dream about Imam Mehdi a.s please :)

:) About imam mahd(aS) i promised myself i won't share anything about other imams(As) and prophet(pbuh) i used to share with people around me. 

But i can only share this fact... i don't even remember when was the last time I had him(as) in my dream. I was so occupied with other things i even forgot to remember him(as) that he(as) was still there. 

And i was just telling myself... there are thousands of people who are dying to help him(as). So i better let them help. I don't  feel worthy of that position anymore. I will pray for all of them and i do. 

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1 minute ago, Struggling_onn said:

:) About imam mahd(aS) i promised myself i won't share anything about other imams(As) and prophet(pbuh) i used to share with people around me. 

But i can only share this fact... i don't even remember when was the last time I had him(as) in my dream. I was so occupied with other things i even forgot to remember him(as) that he(as) was still there. 

And i was just telling myself... there are thousands of people who are dying to help him(as). So i better let them help. I don't  feel worthy of that position anymore. I will pray for all of them and i do. 

I am sad not a good thing really :(

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8 minutes ago, Irfan1214 said:

True dreams come at time near fajar I believe and other dreams about Ahle bait are becoz of their Zikr in our brains 

Yeah may be, there may be many other explanations. 

But i don't take them seriously anymore that's why i shared it i needed to get it out of my system so i don't think about it anymore. 

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1 minute ago, Struggling_onn said:

Yeah may be, there may be many other explanations. 

But i don't take them seriously anymore that's why i shared it i needed to get it out of my system so i don't think about it anymore. 

Yeah but at least try to remember Imam mehdi's dream and tell me please 

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3 hours ago, Irfan1214 said:

Well for me, it certainly makes difference. I hope we may be blessed by his personality. Just tell me what you found in that dream?  

I didn't find out anything particular except that imam(As) does exist and it's not a myth. Because at that time i wasn't sure about whatever was written in books or whatever people from mimber say, was true etc. I didn't trust these religious people. Whether sheikhs or not, Shia or non Shia. Hijabs and beards, when i would see them i would run away from them. And i would deal with those who try to preach islam to me very strictly. Because i didn't trust anyone who called himself religious or acted that way. I found them hypocrites because their actions didn't match their words. And religion is just a tool for them to gain material benefits of every kind. Especially for manipulation. 

Not saying they weren't nice. They were very nice. Their tongues were sweeter than honey but they would strike you when you were least prepared. That's the reality of muslims  these days anyway. Nothing has changed. It's just now i try to find hidden gems among hypocrites. Sometimes i give up when i find the same characteristics in my character. But anyway

Back then I had no interest knowing about islam because true Islam died along with prophet(pbuh) and imams(as). At least in my mind.

I didn't even know about imam mahdi(AS) let alone about his reappearance.  I knew they were 12  but i didn't even know their name. All i knew was they were martryed centuries ago And everything was finished along with them. Back then i was more towards secularism than islam. I was a free person. And I used to think there is no islam on this earth anymore just a twisted version from sheikhs and moulanas. And lies written in books. As well as interpretation of Quran is manipulated to achieve their ulterior motives. i just wanted to do what i felt right. Didn't like anyone telling me what to do. Music was there in my life, movies, rich friends, flirting with girls and women, studies and career. Like pretty much normal secular bloke with big materialistic dreams. But one thing was i never went too far with anything especially when it comes to hurting people. I was always afraid of hurting anyone that was my boundary. And yes, i was very aggressive. 

First God brought me back to Islam... then gradually he brought me to imams(as). Then one night during Muharram 2010. I was asking God, how can you let that happen to man like hussain(as) ?how can you ? Who is going to take his(As) revenge ? They say mukhtar took his(as) revenge so there's no need. Then i was thinking if he already took his revenge then why are we crying for him(aS) ?. There's something missing. Why his(as) son Ali(as) didn't take his revenge ? But may be he(AS) didn't have any support. So i was asking God... 

 

You brought me from his progeny, and i feel like i need to avenge my father !! Now you've brought me to this point. Where in my mind this world has died, i have no desire for it anymore. And before my death that's the only thing i want to do. I want to avenge for my father hussain(AS). I don't care about anything else. 

 But then i was asking God, who should i take avenge from ? I know There are people who still hate him(aS) and most probably are grand children's of killers of hussain(as), should i take revenge from them ? But how will it justify killing them for the acts which their ancestors did? But i did know there are people who were killing followers of imam ali(As) should i start from them... at that night i was planning to take practical steps to Do something at least that will give me a goal to achieve in this world., i knew many bad people and I knew they would help me. At least initially. Because they've killed before and if i make it personal they will most likely help me. I've strong enough connections with them to ask them help me. Lol at least they would do something useful once with their wretched lives.  So i was thinking about going after members of Shia killing organisations that were active in Shia killings. I had access to weapons and money. But i wasn't sure where to start. But i had reached at the point where i thought i need to do something practical. Enough is enough... Hell with my career and everything. I'm going after them. 

I was planning about this that night, while watching a lecture on TV it was first TV channel about ahlulbat(AS) back then actually it only started a few month ago.

I was shocked when i saw the narration about imam Mahdi(as) as an avenger of Karbala. I was completey stunned. And then i was asking God is there someone like Hussain(As) still to come ? Is it true.. ? I was asking God. If so then i will spend all of my energies to defend that imam(as) whoever he is(as) as long as he(aS) is like hussain(as). And i was telling God... you know me, when i say it i do. My previous mistakes speaks loudly. show me the way onwards otherwise I'm going with my plan. Then don't blame me for killing anyone innocent who i may kill in my revenge. They killed my grandfather and their grand children are still preaching hate about him(as). I'm going to kill them or die. And there may be still people who are active or they need direction etc help me reach them or help them reach me. So we can start taking revenge. Let other people enjoy this world. I have nothing to do with them anymore. This is my new Goal. I'm not going to stay silent nor will i preach. I will suck the life out of them if they say anything bad about my imam(As). That's not me. And you know it God. I'm good because of you otherwise I'm worst than shaytan. You know me better than myself. So that's why i need your help so i don't do anything stupid and end up killing innocents.   

and at that night when i slept... 

i saw imam(AS). For the first time. I saw myself sitting in a mosque waiting for the local imam to come and lead the prayers. I was sitting there doing tasbih.. suddenly a man with Noor all around him came. From head to toe he was covered in Noor. So much light. And there were only a few people hardly 20 in the mosque they all startedto recite salwat and telling each other imam mahdi(AS) is here. He is going to lead the prayers. They were surprised but i guess they were waiting for him already. Imam(As) came, He(as) directly went to mahrab to start the prayer. I wanted to stand close to imam(As) so i can ask him(as) and meet him afterwards. But i saw people already fighting with each other to get the first position behind imam. as closed as possible.

I shook my head and went to a corner and stood there. Thinking I'd rather stand here and pray, it's just a prayer for God doesn't matter wherever you stand, ignorant people. God sees your intentions rather than your pretentious acts. I wasn't happy with them. Fighting for useless thing. But imam(As) didn't pay any attention to those men trying to stand behind him(aS) in the very first row.

But just before the  imam(as) raised his hands for takbir and i was way back somewhere in the end about to say mine... The rows were rearranged automatically and so quickly i was placed in the very first row. It happened so quickly i didn't know how it happened. And then imam(as) said takbir immediately and prayed behind imam(As). And soon after prayers imam(as) left the mosque immediately without talking to anyone. A few there tried to speak to imam(As) but didn't pay attention. So i was thinking maybe imam(as) wasn't happy with them. Otherwise he(as) would have definitely said something. I didn't try to stop him(as) especially in front of others. Then i left mosque. And i found myself walking on one path and rest of the people were walking on another. Many times i would try to cross over and go to other followers of ahlulabyt(AS) because my path was very lonely and i felt i was the only one walking this way. I felt very sad but i couldn't fit with them. So i had to come back on mine... so i kept walking and walking thinking about imam(as)... and at that time Fajr Adhan woke me up. 

I was smiling i just prayed lol.... God i just prayed doesn't that one count but in the end I woke up and prayed fair. I was somewhat surprised. 

And that was my very first dream. Where i knew that imam mahdi(as) is still alive. And it's not a myth. But there were still many questions, i had in my mind regarding him(as). But these were answered over the period of time gradually and slowly. 

But that one dream completely changed my perspective about things. :) 

 

Edited by Struggling_onn

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@Struggling_onn

Nice I read it. I pray that may Allah (SWT) make you and me obedient to Imam Mehdi a.s and open our eyes to realize the true purpose of our life.

Imam e Zamana a.s revenge about Imam Hussain a.s will be to insert the flag of Islam into the hearts of Humans. When He a.s will insert flags into the hearts of Humans some of the wicked people will stand against him and He a.s will never fight them except to save the people from their oppression. 

I pray that Allah (SWT) may enroll my name among his servants and obedient to the vicegerent of Allah (SWT). 

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26 minutes ago, Irfan1214 said:

@Struggling_onn

Nice I read it. I pray that may Allah (SWT) make you and me obedient to Imam Mehdi a.s and open our eyes to realize the true purpose of our life.

Keep me in your prayers. It's not that easy. I thought i would be easy, but trust me the more you know the harder it gets. God tests you even more and more. And you won't find any helper. And the only comfort you'll if you are lucky enough that will be in tears for imam hussain(as). 

And I know it, because after seeing first dream... one year after that ... i felt the life has become more difficult. And i was told from now on, it's going to be double the difficult, i think war in Syria just started at time. So i started to cry like a baby. I was begging him(as) i don't want to live here anymore please take me back to my parents i meant imam ali(as) and fatima(as). I can't continue anymore. I'm done. It's hard already you are telling me it will be double the difficult from now on. 

Then imam(as) took me to heaven as i was child there i saw imam ali(as) and fatima(sa) coming towards me. I ran and hugged them(as) like a baby. And i was crying and crying. And i was her(sa) please mother take me with you. I'm tired i can't be patient anymore. Please o mother take me with you. 

But she(sa) pointed towards imam(as) and said he(as) is till there go to him(as) he(as) is your imam. Help him(as). 

Then i came back with imam(as) back to this world. 

It was a long time ago since i had this dream probably 4 years ago. 

But life doens't get easy. It keeps getting difficult and difficult because God has to test you. The more you know the more he(Swt) tests you. And the more people hurt you. The more shattered dreams. 

Then everyone has different path and roles. I just felt mine is very lonely one. Whenever i want to run to other paths i find all the door closed and i come back to mine, like a defeated slave. 

I'm feeling very emotional right now thinking about all these things. I had forgotten about them till that last very recent one. 

49 minutes ago, Irfan1214 said:

@Struggling_onn

Nice I read it. I pray that may Allah (SWT) make you and me obedient to Imam Mehdi a.s and open our eyes to realize the true purpose of our life.

Imam e Zamana a.s revenge about Imam Hussain a.s will be to insert the flag of Islam into the hearts of Humans. When He a.s will insert flags into the hearts of Humans some of the wicked people will stand against him and He a.s will never fight them except to save the people from their oppression. 

I pray that Allah (SWT) may enroll my name among his servants and obedient to the vicegerent of Allah (SWT). 

Imam (as) can and will do whatever he(as) is pleased with. 

Inshallah brother keep praying and acting on what you know already :)

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39 minutes ago, Struggling_onn said:

Keep me in your prayers. It's not that easy. I thought i would be easy, but trust me the more you know the harder it gets. God tests you even more and more. And you won't find any helper. And the only comfort you'll if you are lucky enough that will be in tears for imam hussain(as). 

And I know it, because after seeing first dream... one year after that ... i felt the life has become more difficult. And i was told from now on, it's going to be double the difficult, i think war in Syria just started at time. So i started to cry like a baby. I was begging him(as) i don't want to live here anymore please take me back to my parents i meant imam ali(as) and fatima(as). I can't continue anymore. I'm done. It's hard already you are telling me it will be double the difficult from now on. 

Then imam(as) took me to heaven as i was child there i saw imam ali(as) and fatima(sa) coming towards me. I ran and hugged them(as) like a baby. And i was crying and crying. And i was her(sa) please mother take me with you. I'm tired i can't be patient anymore. Please o mother take me with you. 

But she(sa) pointed towards imam(as) and said he(as) is till there go to him(as) he(as) is your imam. Help him(as). 

Then i came back with imam(as) back to this world. 

It was a long time ago since i had this dream probably 4 years ago. 

But life doens't get easy. It keeps getting difficult and difficult because God has to test you. The more you know the more he(Swt) tests you. And the more people hurt you. The more shattered dreams. 

Then everyone has different path and roles. I just felt mine is very lonely one. Whenever i want to run to other paths i find all the door closed and i come back to mine, like a defeated slave. 

I'm feeling very emotional right now thinking about all these things. I had forgotten about them till that last very recent one. 

Imam (as) can and will do whatever he(as) is pleased with. 

Inshallah brother keep praying and acting on what you know already :)

You are being emotional as if you are a child man. If you have seen this much of dreams, it means that you are so near to Allah (SWT). Why you feel distressed then ? No, one here says that they have seen so many dreams as you have seen Masha-Allah, you should be hope of people rather than being afraid. 

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23 minutes ago, Irfan1214 said:

You are being emotional as if you are a child man. If you have seen this much of dreams, it means that you are so near to Allah (SWT). Why you feel distressed then ? No, one here says that they have seen so many dreams as you have seen Masha-Allah, you should be hope of people rather than being afraid. 

There's is a child inside all of us. And Every follower of imam hussain(as) is an emotional person. 

Dreams means nothing. They are just dreams.... my wife told me I'm sick. I'm hallucinated may be she is alright.i know myself And I'm sure there are far more blessed people who are truly pious. I'm very very sinful person.  I'm no where near them. 

It's not easy brother. All of us have bad inside us. I'm not near to God(SwT) I'm no where near him(Swt). 

But sometimes you just need to let it out so it's out of your system. 

Edited by Struggling_onn

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1 hour ago, Struggling_onn said:

There's is a child inside all of us. And Every follower of imam hussain(as) is an emotional person. 

Dreams means nothing. They are just dreams.... my wife told me I'm sick. I'm hallucinated may be she is alright.i know myself And I'm sure there are far more blessed people who are truly pious. I'm very very sinful person.  I'm no where near them. 

It's not easy brother. All of us have bad inside us. I'm not near to God(SwT) I'm no where near him(Swt). 

But sometimes you just need to let it out so it's out of your system. 

Yes, sometimes, frustrations cannot be endured. They either come out through tears or complains. But I meant to say that if we see that Allah (SWT) is merciful to us and we listen nothing but his zikr through whatever source, it is a blessing. We all are sinners and but those in whose dreams who seems no bad thing but always good must feel proud of himself that his outside and inside is pure. So, if this world is wretched let it be wretched, we have to give hope to ourselves by seeing the examples of those who passed before us, lived in this same wretched place. Allah (SWT) says in Quran: "Do you think you will enter into heaven while you have not seen the trials and tribulations which the people before you had seen". Be a hope for God-fearing people. Allah (SWT) bless you :)

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On 24/01/2017 at 0:01 AM, shiaman14 said:

Salaam brother,

"He who has found Allah, has lost nothing; he who has lost Allah, has found nothing".

Perhaps an interpretation of your dream could be that if Imam Hussain (as) did not lose hope and faith in Allah after going through the toughest of times, how can anyone who calls Hussain his Imam give up?

Stay strong. The stronger a faith of a person, the harder the trials and tribulations.

Wasalam brother, 

yeah probably brother. Thanks for your enlightening comment. Really made me happy. 

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6 hours ago, Irfan1214 said:

Yes, sometimes, frustrations cannot be endured. They either come out through tears or complains. But I meant to say that if we see that Allah (SWT) is merciful to us and we listen nothing but his zikr through whatever source, it is a blessing. We all are sinners and but those in whose dreams who seems no bad thing but always good must feel proud of himself that his outside and inside is pure. So, if this world is wretched let it be wretched, we have to give hope to ourselves by seeing the examples of those who passed before us, lived in this same wretched place. Allah (SWT) says in Quran: "Do you think you will enter into heaven while you have not seen the trials and tribulations which the people before you had seen". Be a hope for God-fearing people. Allah (SWT) bless you :)

Indeed God is merciful.

Yes brother. I agree with you,. Sometimes, frustrations really pile up. 

Thanks for your kind words. We can't be proud of ourselves till we see our end before that we are just work in progress. 

I've analysed myself and i have came to conclusion i haven't been spending much time with imam ali(as) first when i used to get frustrated i would start reading about life of imam ali(as) after prophet(pbuh) death. And Ali bin hussain(As) life. Even though i have read it many times but i like to read it again in again. It gives a lot courage and strength then all these frustrations started to seem little.

indeed one can't become near God without going through tribulations. 

May Allah(Swt) bless you too and open your chest for light. :)

Don't forget "the thirst of aba abidillah (As) i have felt it in very very small amount. It's unbearable. I couldn't stand it. Don't forget to curse the enemies of Imam(As) and shed tears for imam(As) when you drink water. 

I can't describe the thirst and heat. I felt part of it. I never felt soo thirsty in my whole life.i've been fasting during hot summers but never did i feel Such a thirst. It was at a different level. :(

Edited by Struggling_onn

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20 hours ago, Irfan1214 said:

Whoever consider him or her misplaced PM me we will make our own place :D

We make together an strategy to help Imam e zamana a.s

We got brain too the greatest of weapon

I'm sure many people tried that...  if people think they have brains and imaginations and they can imagine holy personalities in their minds just like that then they should definitely  try that every night and then confabulate with like minded people  :).... 

let's see how much success they get. 

 

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