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In the Name of God بسم الله
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Ron_Burgundy

Avoid marrying a wrong person

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Great advice, but i've really started to feel pretty jaded about the whole thing. I've come to realise that ultimately, the world is going to hurt you and it'll only be Allah [azwj] left. Bear the pain in this world and maybe you'll be successful in the akhirah.

Ofcourse, the rest of you should be optimistic and hopeful. I'm just giving a view.

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2 minutes ago, uponthesunnah said:

I've really started to feel pretty jaded about the whole thing. 

...

Ofcourse, the rest of you should be optimistic and hopeful. 

Ha! Probably everyone goes through that.

 

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9 minutes ago, notme said:

Ha! Probably everyone goes through that.

 

I think it's really pot luck sometimes. You can't control who lives around you, who you meet, if you meet them at the right time, and so on. Ultimately we have to deal with what happens with us and trust in what Allah has allowed for us and wait for the hereafter, where things will be more fairly based on merit [under his mercy ofcourse].

 

Edited by uponthesunnah

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7 minutes ago, notme said:

@uponthesunnah I married the wrong person, then divorced and gave up. After that I met my husband, who isn't perfect, (nobody is) but is perfectly acceptable. As I've advised for years, don't look for Prince or Princess Charming - look for Prince or Princess Tolerable. 

This is sound advice and i think it could only come with your wisdom and experience. 

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@notme  That's great advice but I agree more with @uponthesunnah here. I think it's more of a potluck thing. Anyway we aren't sent to the world to enjoy it's loveliness, we are sent here to be tested.

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6 minutes ago, starlight said:

@notme  That's great advice but I agree more with @uponthesunnah here. I think it's more of a potluck thing. Anyway we aren't sent to the world to enjoy it's loveliness, we are sent here to be tested.

Indeed. Which is why i think we should be all quietly optimistic about finding the right person, but not let it consume or grieve us. Ultimately, the way the last twenty years of our lives have flown by, our lives will too, and we will come to the end of it maybe at fifty or sixty if we are alive with our youth far gone, perhaps now closer to eternal life.

 

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Guys, what I'm trying to say is there is no "right" person! There are people who you can tolerate. If you could be friends with the person, you can make marriage work with them. 

A lot of especially young people have these romanticized notions that it'll all be happily ever after. It's never happily ever after. Successful marriage takes continuous work by both sides. 

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9 minutes ago, notme said:

Guys, what I'm trying to say is there is no "right" person! There are people who you can tolerate. If you could be friends with the person, you can make marriage work with them. 

A lot of especially young people have these romanticized notions that it'll all be happily ever after. It's never happily ever after. Successful marriage takes continuous work by both sides. 

You're right again, but how do we define 'tolerate' levels?

Tolerate in the sense they excite and inspire you and fulfills your needs [emotionally etc], or tolerate in the sense that are 'good' people but there's just very little connection?

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2 minutes ago, uponthesunnah said:

You're right again, but how do we define 'tolerate' levels?

Tolerate in the sense they excite and inspire you and fulfills your needs [emotionally etc], or tolerate in the sense that are 'good' people but there's just very little connection?

No. Tolerate in the sense that there can be mutual respect. Mutual admiration is even better. Friendship is ideal. 

Expecting a person to excite and inspire you and fulfill your emotional needs is unreasonable. It will sometimes be like that, but it's not sustainable.

Little connection is too far to the other extreme for most people, but if both spouses find it tolerable, I suppose it's OK for them. I would find it intolerable.

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40 minutes ago, notme said:

Guys, what I'm trying to say is there is no "right" person! There are people who you can tolerate. If you could be friends with the person, you can make marriage work with them. 

A lot of especially young people have these romanticized notions that it'll all be happily ever after. It's never happily ever after. Successful marriage takes continuous work by both sides. 

I totally agree with her.

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3 hours ago, uponthesunnah said:

Great advice, but i've really started to feel pretty jaded about the whole thing. I've come to realise that ultimately, the world is going to hurt you and it'll only be Allah [azwj] left. Bear the pain in this world and maybe you'll be successful in the akhirah.

Ofcourse, the rest of you should be optimistic and hopeful. I'm just giving a view.

Brother - glass is always half-full.

This is my humble advice to you - you are better off than 50% of the world in any situation so be thankful to Allah for what you have, and hopeful to Allah for what you don't. 

2 hours ago, notme said:

@uponthesunnah I married the wrong person, then divorced and gave up. After that I met my husband, who isn't perfect, (nobody is) but is perfectly acceptable. As I've advised for years, don't look for Prince or Princess Charming - look for Prince or Princess Tolerable. 

Perfection is the enemy of success. Good advice @notme

2 hours ago, starlight said:

@notme  That's great advice but I agree more with @uponthesunnah here. I think it's more of a potluck thing. Anyway we aren't sent to the world to enjoy it's loveliness, we are sent here to be tested.

Sometimes I get tested with its loveliness :) 

 

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