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Struggling_onn

How to get my wife back >

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my wife left me ... :( . no i didn't raise my hand... no i didn't raise my voice. But i only raised my concerns after a perfect night out with her that I'm afraid you are going to leave me soon. And i was telling her the reasons why It might happen. The only point was, So we could  have open discussion about it. And she didn't like it. And within seconds she stopped talking. 

Then i tried to calm her down, giving her time a few hours... then coming back to her even though i was sad and upset myself but i was feeling bad that she isn't talking to me and may be i have hurt her or said things that she didn't want to hear. I don't like to start an argument. I came to her, hugged her kissed her. Tried to let calm things down.

But she said I'm tired. I told her i know. I'm tired too. But she what meant I'm tired of this relationship i  guess. 

Well from there things went down the hill. And within hours she is gone. Now she wants to end the relationship. Actually she ended. She packed her things and left. And May be she can do so because there are no strings attached only I'm emotionally attached with her. And no it's not  permanent marriage it's a temporary marriage with no intercourse clause in it. And we wanted to make permant in future till our circumstances gets better and she wanted the same thing. 

Well i guess our so called love marriage had greater underlying and more complex problems. And these were the reasons i was raising my concerns with her earlier tonight. I was telling her You'll get tired of our circumstances or may be you'll leave in future when things will get even more tough for us. it's better you should start thinking about moving and start living together with me and if the way our life  is right now continued you'll leave me soon. Because things will get even more difficult in future for us if we don't stick together and start living together. And her reply was you are always pushing me into things that i didn't want to do. But i was just telling her what i think that might happen.... well May be her reply shows the depth of underlying problems we had in our relationship. 

 But i wasn't expecting it to happen that quickly :(. Well instead of reinsuring, she just proved me right. And within hours she left. And ended everything now she doesn't want to come back or even want to talk to me. She blocked me from all possible ways of contacting her and changed her number.  And going back to her country. 

But when she was packing everything and looking for next flight out and asked me " can you please help me find next flight out and leave me to the airport because i don't want stay here, this isn't working" I was stunned at her words what she was saying. i didn't want to stop her. I was just hoping may be she just come to her senses herself and stop acting so childish and reflect what she is saying. I just asked her. Are you going to leave me forever ? She said i don't know. But I want to go back. 

These were the exact things i was telling her about but  I was stunned what she was saying we just had chat about it the other day but i didn't want to stop her at time, it was middle of the night, i was tired and exhausted. i wanted her to keep doing what she was doing so that she may realise and reflect herself what she is doing.

But i think i should have stopped her acting all childish, may be she wanted me to stop her but i had enough of her childish behaviour. I wanted her to look how she is behaving all of sudden. All i said to her was i won't stop you, when i saw her packing,  you are free to choose. It's your choice. If you want to leave, But that's not how it should be. You said you love me and you'll never leave. Is that what you call love ? 

Well i think i should have stopped her then i thought we didn't even have a proper arguement, may be she is tired of me already so it's better let her go. And it's way more complicated between us. She was visiting me from another country after long time and she hasn't been here for more than three days. 

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I'm just making this thread for positive and sincere inputs. And i sincerely need the help to get her back especially from sincere and respectable mature members. I'm just going through a phase of life which is so tiring and unexpected. Nothing is making sense. I'm so confused and at times i can't find words. So bomb struck right now. Even though part of me tells me to move on just like her but a big part of me just won't let me to. It keeps telling me i can't be like them. i can't just give up on love of my love life. We promised to be together for eternity. I can't just give up on her even if she wants to. I can't. I just can't...

I'm the firm believer that if you are a follower of Ahlulbayt(as) you can't oppress anyone. Despite of my insufficient knowledge about the islam and Ahlulbayt(as) i know that They(as) strongly advised their(as) followers to marry. There are many narrations telling you to love your spouses and it's form of worship. And one of the imam(as) said, the more your love for us ahlulbayt(as)  increases the more your love for your wife. And I'm firm believer in " Love ", no matter how bad it may become. and that's what Ahlulbayt(as),  their lives and narrations taught me.  

Yes my wife and love of my life have left me. The only regret i  have is i didn't stop her while she was acting immaturely but i was hoping she will come to her senses after all we have been through together. I didn't do enough to calm her down. I was shocked myself because It was over nothing. Not even an argument a conversation about our future which i tried to had with her on our way back home. 

But that was exactly i was trying to warn her off. " Sweet heart I saw in my dream you will leave me " and she said no, i will never leave you. That dream was from shaytan. And after two days it came true. She left all of sudden I ran after her in shopping mall up and down the escalators exactly as I saw in my dream, In an effort to find her but i couldn't !! 

On the same night i saw imam Ali(As) too. When i went back to sleep again after the previous dream. He(as) was trying to tell me something but too bad,  Voice of my wife woke me up because she heard a noise from outside. Asking, what was that ? 

" May be imam (as) was trying to tell me, don't become too happy because i was feeling very very happy for last two days since the moment she arrived From her country. I was feeling I have whole paradise on earth now what else do i need ? God has given me everything now. 

May be Imam(as) was trying to tell me, Don't rely on her that much, she will leave you soon Come back to God you've been skipping prayers. Come back to God. He is your only Lover and friend. May be I'm interpreting the dream in wrong way. May be it's indicating a problem in me. I don't know. All i know i don't want to loose her. 

I couldn't understand what was happening. Why am I sooo happy but  still I feel so sad inside. She is all i ever prayed for. She is one i suffered so much for. She is the one i had been waiting for so long. But i guess Shaytan never wanted us to be happy. 

And during day, When my wife was in the kitchen i woke up again and I told her i don't know when I'm with you i feel soo happy but when i sleep i become soo sooo sad why am I getting sad dreams all of sudden when you are here? Usually I run away from reality to dreams. But this time I'm running away from dreams to you. And She smiled. I'm making food for us.  You didn't sleep enough. Actually that was the first time i ever saw her making food so my heart just melted away. And i forgot the sadness. 

I was telling her, promise me you will not leave. She said i promise i won't leave !! 
And just a day after, just a day after that promise she is not here. Now she won't even talk to me. 

Correct me if I'm wrong especially married people, In a relationship you fight but you say sorry and you make up. You make each other angry but you make them happy too. But you never give up on them just like that. 

I know i have been talking to a few of my friends and one of my parent told me, it was never going to work. It was only you who always wanted to marry her and trying to make her happy. 

Had she cared she would have been more considerate towards you. People are already telling me that i should move on. And part of me tells me that too by looking at how has she been acting lately. 

But I'm telling people, many people will be telling her to move on too. 

None will tell us to make up and there won't be any one who will  sincerely try to bring us back together. Because it's a mutah marriage. Many people don't take it seriously anyway what a tragedy !!!  But i always ask what's the difference ? the amount of emotions and time we have spent together, and the connection we have is stronger than anything. 

May be she is upset at me for something. But i will never give up on her. That's not me. 
Even though she may decided to move on with her life. But All i know from ahlulbayt(as) you never give up on people who you love, especially if they are followers of imam ali(as). She has become part of me. 

How should I get her back ? How should i get her to change her mind. The biggest problem for me at this moment is that i can't travel to her country otherwise it would have never been a problem. 

But how do i get her given the fact i can't travel to her ? 

Need some serious help.... 

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None will tell us to make up and there won't be any one who will  sincerely try to bring us back together. Because it's a mutah marriage. Many people don't take it seriously anyway what a tragedy !!!  But i always ask what's the difference ? the amount of emotions and time we have spent together, and the connection we have is stronger than anything.

Salam, Brother. How long were you married before your wife left you? 

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3 hours ago, Struggling_onn said:

How should I get her back ? How should i get her to change her mind. The biggest problem for me at this moment is that i can't travel to her country otherwise it would have never been a problem.

In a mutah marriage, either spouse has the right to end the marriage. Her leaving you, going to another country, and not speaking to you are signs that she has ended the marriage. Sorry for your loss in this. 

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1 minute ago, hameedeh said:

In a mutah marriage, either spouse has the right to end the marriage. Her leaving you, going to another country, and not speaking to you are signs that she has ended the marriage. 

I know.. but i want to get her back :(.

 

Moving on, i just can't move. She is upset. Spouses fight but the make up. I just don't believe in giving up. There must be a way to work it. There's always is.  

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Just now, Struggling_onn said:

She is upset. Spouses fight but the make up. I just don't believe in giving up. There must be a way to work it. There's always is.  

You said you were married for 2 years. How long were you living together in the same home or apartment?

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Just now, hameedeh said:

You said you were married for 2 years. How long were you living together in the same home or apartment?

 We weren't living in same apartment as we both live in different countries. She visits me during her time off. And i can't visit her because I'm waiting for decision on my application that's why i can't travel. 

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It is possible that she left you because she knows that she does not want to move to your country.

If you think there is always hope, when you are able to travel, go to her country and find her. When she sees you, she might decide to marry you permanently. 

Edited by wolverine

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1 hour ago, thuglife said:

Bro, move on. Completely. Go join a rec league and play basketball. Let it go. You are way too emotional. Snap out of it. Clearly, it was not working.

^ This is what most people are recommending, but it is not easy to move on.

@Struggling_onn Do you have the name and phone number of one of her relatives so you could call and ask for her new phone number? 

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23 minutes ago, hameedeh said:

^ This is what most people are recommending, but it is not easy to move on.

@Struggling_onn Do you have the name and phone number of one of her relatives so you could call and ask for her new phone number? 

I had contact with her older sister. But she told me she won't give it me without her permission and she doesn't want to talk to you. 

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Just now, Struggling_onn said:

I had contact with her older sister. But she told me she won't give it me without her permission and she doesn't want to talk to you. 

Create an audio tape or video tape asking her to come back to you. Mail it to her. She will be curious to hear what you say. Make dua. If Allah wants the two of you to reunite, it will happen. 

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14 hours ago, hameedeh said:

Create an audio tape or video tape asking her to come back to you. Mail it to her. She will be curious to hear what you say. Make dua. If Allah wants the two of you to reunite, it will happen. 

Did it on the same day... but of no use. I think the way to fix this is if i visit her in person. :(

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9 hours ago, E.L King said:
Quote

In a mutah marriage, either spouse has the right to end the marriage.

:salam:

Where did you get that information from?

A temporary marriage has different conditions than a permanent one. In a permanent marriage the wife has no right to divorce the husband, unless she has written specific conditions in her marriage document that she reserves that right if he has certain misbehaviors that she won't abide by.

Didn't you say previously a few times that your marja is Ayatullah Sistani? He has ruled that a husband who has married a woman by mutah can leave the wife earlier than the agreed upon time of their marriage. See 2440. If a husband gifts the wife of Muta'h with the period of her temporary marriage, thus releasing her  

If a man decides he wants to end his mutah marriage, the wife can do nothing to stop him. It's over. The OP mentioned he and his mutah wife did not live together, only visited each other. He cannot force his wife to continue the marriage. She left him. A temporary marriage is temporary. If they do not get along, one of them cannot force the other one to stay in the marriage. Temporary is temporary.

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My two cents: From my understanding women also want fun and adventure to be part of the marriage or relationship, they dont want a boring life. Two years without doing anything fun or interesting in a marriage (or temporary marriage) can lead to this.

Also women want their man to be confident, manly, be in control and have some aggression (in the positive way). Women dont want their man to be too soft.

The Mutah part has been covered well by my bros and sis.

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Dude this is so typical. You are being clingy and emotional, most women are turned off by that. If you had tried to control her childish behaviour or whatever she would have left you even quicker.  In either case, it isn't even about that.  For example, one almost sure shot way to get her back is to stop chasing her and focusing on your life, most women find that attractive and would want to come back.  The question is should you even want to spend the rest of your life with her even if she comes back.  This is what you need to really evaluate, and you cannot evaluate these things in such an emotional state.  So give her some time to breathe and try and figure out what worked and what didn't work in your relationship, and whether she is even worth pursuing. I know it will be difficult for you since you seem like a very emotional individual, but trust me, you seem to need this, so take that time off and try to come out a better man.

Edited by King

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OP: Get your life back together, find a few hobbies, engage in activities and strive to look after your looks. Once you start attracting the ladies your ex wife will possibly come back to you but hopefully you will be well over her by then.  It's the same with women who cling on to their men, it only ends up pushing them away but once we actually move on, they come running back. 

Edited by Pearl178

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On 01/01/2017 at 7:28 PM, hameedeh said:

A temporary marriage is temporary. If they do not get along, one of them cannot force the other one to stay in the marriage. Temporary is temporary.

I do appreciate ALL THE  valuable inputs. But it was never a fiq issue. Even though sister i know you were replying to a brother. But it wasn't about rules of shariah. If the permanent marriage isn't working people still take divorce hence the increasing divorce rate over the period of time is indicative of that. Fiq just gives tells us bare minimum. I personally believe Marriage is way more than just a Fiqi issue.

We both were and are aware of it.   

However people  these days just like to stick to bare minimum. actually what i have observed  they make it just fiqi issue. 

The bond and emotions and the effort that goes into a relationship is the same whether temporary and permanent marriage. More often it is disregarded. There is a reason Allah(swT) doesn't like Divorce. And as most people take it, this is regarding permanent marriage and doesn't apply to Temporary marriage. Fair enough. But i respectfully disagree. I don't want to go into that because that's not the purpose of the thread.

Marriage isn't working. Or this isn't working. Is the sentence we most often hear. And i have heared a lot recently. " Well this wasn't working...  "

i knew something went wrong. Whether it was ego or anger issue. Or just impulsive actions without much thinking. But something went wrong. I only asked how to fix this with your help. There are married sisters on here. I was actually thinking about getting their help so may be anyone of them could talk to her. To resolve this between us with good intentions. Not to make it worse. 

I don't know why other people enter into temporary marriage their reasons and intentions may be different. 

But we only entered in a Temporary marriage because permanent marriage wasn't possible at that time. And if we both hadn't had the connection we would have never entered in temporary marriage.  if we both hadn't had circumstances hindering us we would have done permanent marriage. One of the main reason was i couldn't travel. And she wanted her family to be present at our "big wedding day" so things like that. So we decided till then we can delay it. It was always about permanent marriage between us. Because it was about finding the right person for marriage. With whom you want to spend rest of your life and possible your eternity. 

For me she is the person. And she felt the same. Otherwise we wouldn't have done it in the first place. She is 30 and I'm 28. So we have lived through our youth and crazy years.

 We both knew what we were doing when we first started after a long time of knowing each other.  

But we just couldn't get permanent marriage so we delayed it. This temporary marriage wasn't get to know sort of period for us. We had get to know each other sort of period before our temporary marriage spanning at least 6 months. And i knew her since 2012. 

 So it's just a mere an arguement or disagreement between us that needed to resolved. Everything else is fine. I know I got carried away with emotions. now I'm regretting that i shouldn't have made this thread. But my intentions were different i was looking for practical help from sisters so they can talk to her at some point to help patch things up especially from those sisters that live her country. 

I hope that put things into perspective. The only reason I'm too emotionally involved with her is because i always look at her as my permanent. It wasn't an issue of temporary or permanent. It is about finding the right person. We only took the step after we both thought that we would spend rest of our lives and eternity together. So no it wasn't short term relationship.  

Otherwise we would have never entered into Temporary marriage. The matter of Fact is she never liked Temporary marriage. She would have never entered into one if it wasn't for me. And we only did it because it was most reasonable thing to do. We both wanted to get permanently married. But our circumstances didn't allow us. So like i said we delayed. It. Even though we didn't want to but we had to, thinking we are going to do permanent marriage anyway, so why not revive the sun ah of prophet(pbuh) too before we permanently get married.  

 

 

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On 02/01/2017 at 7:42 AM, Shihab_V said:

My two cents: From my understanding women also want fun and adventure to be part of the marriage or relationship, they dont want a boring life. Two years without doing anything fun or interesting in a marriage (or temporary marriage) can lead to this.

Also women want their man to be confident, manly, be in control and have some aggression (in the positive way). Women dont want their man to be too soft.

The Mutah part has been covered well by my bros and sis.

Brother with all due respect. "Women" I'm not talking about women in general here that's not the purpose of the thread. I know what women want. And I have lived my early years of youth knowing and observing that  yes it's important to have that spark in your marriage. We had that and will always have that. It's not about that. 

 

And kind of women you are talking about tbh i would never go near them. And nor would I recommend for any god fearing man.  Because majority of these women are like, sticking with you through happy phase of life. These kind of women and men, as well for that matter, are good if you looking for something short term but not for long term relationships. They are with you when you have everything and everything is working for you but they leave when you hit rock bottom. I'm not talking about them. And yes the same kind of women, you would find complaining in later parts of their lives after living with same man for some years for example 10-15 years when their husbands start having affairs or mutahs. The reasons their husbands gives because it becomes too boring for them. if we go by your logic then that is justified too. Then these women shouldn't complain about that. Should They ?  So  Let's not get into generalities and other sort of moral and other issues here. That's not the purpose of my thread. I have observed these over years. Like anyone else who has been to college and university and lived in western country. 

Am I too soft ? May be when it comes to treating my wife right yes I'm soft and nice. Because i fear God in relation to her. Everyword i say to her i have to justify it to God. So it's not about that my personality. And it's one of the things she likes about me that I'm very nice not like other men she has observed in her family and friends. I don't yell when I'm angry i don't break things. I don't mistreat her even when she is angry. I forgive easily. Etc etc these are things that she said she likes in my character. When it comes to dealing with people I'm extra careful. I fail sometimes but I apologise when i realise i made the mistake. I'm a human after all. Does she do the same, when she gets angry probably no, not always. let's just say she's working on it  And she admits this herself. So that's why I'm extra soft and nice towards her. She will learn to control her anger with time. I didn't do it over night it takes a lot of self evaluation and patience.   

But anyway thanks for your input. Stay Bless and if possible remember us in your prayers :).

 

12 hours ago, Pearl178 said:

OP: Get your life back together, find a few hobbies, engage in activities and strive to look after your looks. Once you start attracting the ladies your ex wife will possibly come back to you but hopefully you will be well over her by then.  It's the same with women who cling on to their men, it only ends up pushing them away but once we actually move on, they come running back. 

  

Thanks for your input sister. Actually i have to agree with you to some extent but I'm assuming your assumption is that looks ruined it for her ?

Just to set the record straight, i never had the problem with attracting ladies never in my life. But now after coming back to religion and trying to practice it for last a few years or so. I may not be viewed as, very desirable because for some odd reasons i have started to made less effort in looking good and trying to get attention from women around me.  i don't want to attract women because that's what i used to do before coming back to islam. I don't want to go back there ever. And i deliberately do it just to make jihad with my own nafs a bit easy. Because i have to abide by the conduct of ahlulbayt(AS). And tbh majority of religious sisters i call them so called religious sisters they think in the same way as non religious and non muslim women. Their thinking regarding men and by what to be impressed by, is exactly the same as non-muslims. Not all of them but majority think in the same way. That's just my observation before practicing islam and after practicing islam. I have seen both worlds so i know what I'm talking about. Don't want to go into details because that's the subject of another thread.

But I know u didn't mean that i do anything haram when you said strive to look after your looks. And attract ladies... I know you said to boast my confidence. I don't hold anything against you sister. 

But I won't say i didn't do such things well During my school, college and university years, i was kind of a guy that you would never take with you when you are going to meet your Gf or potential partners that's sufficient to say.  Not bragging  astagfurralah and nor that I'm proud of it. But i never got rejected not when I was in uni... even when there was a bf or partner there. but don't get me wrong i didn't do anything haram. I won't go into details. But that's not the point sister. And i am surprised after all those years i never thought I would have to justify my actions for leaving that sort of mentality behind and trying to follow ahlulbayt(As).  

 But i don't want be a chick magnet sorry for bad term but like I said I've been there and regret it. And almost destroyed my life with that mentality. And i repented it. God showed me the right path.  I'm trying to follow ahlulbyat(as). They(as) are my role models not the celebrities and play boys anymore.

And i admit that It's just last two years i have started to gain weight because of the nature of my job but specifically in last 5-6 months have been super bad months because  i have gained way too much and it's due to pizzas and fast food late night eating with colleagues with no exercise. But that doesn't mean i can't attract ladies ;) being overweight is  just unhealthy. And my wife understands this she never had problem with that.  Nothing to do with my looks. She is a doctors so she knows why being overweight is unhealthy for you. Well i will start working out again. It will only take 5-6 months to get 100% shredded but within two weeks or so people who are around me start to see the difference i just need to pump up. So no... it's not about my looks as your assumptions were. I'm alright in that department. Alhamdulilah not supper handsome but alright. Still enough to attract ladies.... not super hot models though  for that i need to significantly change my life style. Which is sort of not desirable if u r trying to become closer to God.  

But isn't it haram to attract women  ? Just pulling your leg sister. i know it's not haram to look good. 

 But yeah i need to gain back my muscles and get back in shape. So that i can live healthy life. That's about it. It has nothing to do with attracting women. I don't even think about these things anymore. I have my wife and that's enough for me. She just got upset she will understand inshallah. And she isn't that sort of woman. If she were i wouldn't have married her in the first place. Yes she get angry and loose it sometimes. But that's it about her. I should have been more patient towards her. She will be back inshallah.  

And if i want to be a stud then i can become one at any point in my life. I just need to break certain moral and ethical rules of islam. Even though it's not with intentions of doing sin. Just saying it's easy. Following islam and practicing islam isn't. It is isn't. Trust me Jihad with your own nafs is the hardest thing i have ever done.  But if you are trying to become closer and closer to God then you'll know what I'm talking about. That's not desirable. I will never be able to justify my conduct if i start thinking again like that. 

But anyways apologies for such a long post. I knew u didn't mean any harm. I appreciate your input. Thanks and stay bless. Please remember us in your prayers. It's just i have seen everything very closely in life and after that God showed me way back to islam. That's why i thought i should clarify myself here. 

 

My coming back to islam is sort of reversion story in itself. Can't share it openly.  Just my conclusions based on my experiences practicing islam and teachings of ahlulbayt(AS) in every aspect of  life is only way for salvation for our souls at least for my soul and only way to get closer to God.  And that's not easy even and it's never going to be easy because God tests us with things that we love the most to see how sincere we are to him. 

Inshallah khair.

i hope i don't upset anyone with my long posts. Just pray for us guys. Need your prayers. 

Jazakallah 

 

 

Edited by Struggling_onn

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2 hours ago, Struggling_onn said:

i knew something went wrong. Whether it was ego or anger issue. Or just impulsive actions without much thinking. But something went wrong. I only asked how to fix this with your help. There are married sisters on here. I was actually thinking about getting their help so may be anyone of them could talk to her. To resolve this between us with good intentions. Not to make it worse. 

Salam, Brother. If you think you feel bad, then you should know that your ex-wife feels worse than you do. You will have no problem to find a wife, because you have every advantage, and many women would marry a man who has been married before, because they realize that he has experience being married and will take special precaution to not make the mistakes that he made last time. A woman will often times have a problem to marry again, because some men don't want a wife who has been married before. 

The sisters at ShiaChat should not get in touch with your ex-wife. She needs to be left alone for a while so that she has time to recover from the divorce. In the future, you and your family can get in touch with her and her family to seek reconciliation. In time she might remember the good times you had together, not the anger or impulsive action you mentioned. 

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7 hours ago, hameedeh said:

Salam, Brother. If you think you feel bad, then you should know that your ex-wife feels worse than you do. You will have no problem to find a wife, because you have every advantage, and many women would marry a man who has been married before, because they realize that he has experience being married and will take special precaution to not make the mistakes that he made last time. A woman will often times have a problem to marry again, because some men don't want a wife who has been married before. 

 

Who said we are divorced yet sister. And i have intention marrying someone else ? It was not the point. And i have no intention of marrying anyone else. Not now not in future. 

 

7 hours ago, hameedeh said:

 

The sisters at ShiaChat should not get in touch with your ex-wife. She needs to be left alone for a while so that she has time to recover from the divorce. In the future, you and your family can get in touch with her and her family to seek reconciliation. In time she might remember the good times you had together, not the anger or impulsive action you mentioned. 

Divorce ? Wait sister !!! you are taking even one step further. She wants to end but hasn't ended yet.

Yeah that's alright if sisters can't help. Fair enough. 

Probably it wasn't a good idea because it won't be same as Me talking to her. 

Anger and impulsive actions weren't from my side but i feel bad i didn't do enough to calm her down. But inshallah Khair things will work out soon. 

And imam ali(as) said, if a person is the first one to make up after a dispute it doesn't mean he was wrong at the first place, it's just to him relationships are important than his own Ego. 

People are only good at talking these days, rarely they do anything to resolve an issue these days but Anyway.

thanks all for all of your valuable inputs and suggestions.  Stay blessed :)

Edited by Struggling_onn

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my wife left me ... :( . .....

Well from there things went down the hill. And within hours she is gone. Now she wants to end the relationship. Actually she ended. She packed her things and left. And May be she can do so because there are no strings attached only I'm emotionally attached with her. And no it's not  permanent marriage it's a temporary marriage with no intercourse clause in it. 

.....And her reply was you are always pushing me into things that i didn't want to do. 

.....And within hours she left. And ended everything now she doesn't want to come back or even want to talk to me. She blocked me from all possible ways of contacting her and changed her number.  And going back to her country. 

But when she was packing everything and looking for next flight out and asked me " can you please help me find next flight out and leave me to the airport because i don't want stay here, this isn't working" 

.....All i said to her was i won't stop you, when i saw her packing,  you are free to choose. It's your choice. If you want to leave.....

There is no divorce in mutah. Either you gift back the remaining time to her and the marriage is over immediately OR the marriage ends when the time that you agreed upon is over.

I called her your ex-wife because clearly you said that she left you and it's over. As I said earlier in the topic, I am sorry for your loss. 

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43 minutes ago, hameedeh said:

There is no divorce in mutah. Either you gift back the remaining time to her 

This is kind of divorce too no ?

 

43 minutes ago, hameedeh said:

 OR the marriage ends when the time that you agreed upon is over.

 

Agreed !! And then you have renew if you want to continue etc etc. 

43 minutes ago, hameedeh said:

 

I called her your ex-wife because clearly you said that she left you and it's over. As I said earlier in the topic, I am sorry for your loss. 

That's right she left in anger and wants to end the relationship. there's still hope. there's always hope... 

I'm not trying to save the temporary marriage... !!!

i'm trying to save the connection, the very relationship that led us to marry in the first place. That very person to stay in my life forever.

Since when was it about the terminologies ? But anyways says you are very helpful as always.

Please remember us in prayers.  

 

Bless you :) 

Edited by Struggling_onn

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Update on my situation... 

Sorry i forgot to update. 

So My wife said, " I'll come back to you but I have one condition..."

In reply to that i said, i will accept your condition happily but this time you have to answer a few questions honestly... !!

which she didn't...

Then her lies about a party got exposed. she told me she was going to a all women party... but it turns out it was mixed party with booze and non mahram dancing etc. 

but I overlooked it again.. and gave her two options and let her decide for both of us for one last time. 

so i gave her two choices... 

I told her since you haven't answered my questions against your condition, so make a choice  now. I hope you make a right choice because you'll be making it for both of us knowing i love you very very much.

the choices were...

1. we forgive each other and forget about what has happened since that night... and i forgive you, you don't even have to apologize, let's move on and please forgive me, if you think i was unfair. i will improve. Let's move forward with love and mutual respect. let's work on fixing things together without getting angry. let's build our future and hereafter as we planned while loving each other.


2. If you are going to continue arguing with me then let's " Test our fate..." let's God judge between us. Let's see who earned God's pleasure and who earned hisÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì wrath from this relationship.

 

if you choose 2nd option I'm going to give up on you till God judge between us even though i don't want to but you will leave me no other choice. So i will leave it up to you.  you decide. what do you wanna do, your choice will determine our fates from now on. 

 

 

so she chose !! 

Guess what !! 

she chose 2nd option...

 

fair enough !! i have nothing more to say to her. I did all I could... now i leave her to God. 

 

Nooo, i haven't deleted any of her pictures. i haven't thrown away any of her stuff. it's still very dear to me and it will always be. it has very special place in my heart. but i will always have regret that she always made the wrong choice. but it's her choices... !!!

 

it happened approximately 15 days ago...

i miss her.. i really miss her. i miss everything about her even her anger...

but her ego is sooo high. Let's see where time and fate takes her. i hope she find peace in her choices. 

but  how am i doing...? i think My soul is free again and i have found peace in my dreams again. i do miss her every single day many times but what can do, it's her choices... her life i don't have control over her nafs...!! But God is endlessly merciful to me. i've been seeing ahlulbayt(as) quite regularly ever since. it's always brings me peace in turmoil.

 i think I have a special connection with imam ali(as). not that i'm someone special astagfurrllah. but if i'm doing as i should be i do get to see him(as) then i see him(as) happy. but when i'm making mistakes after mistakes i get severely admonished by him(as). once he(as) hit me so hard in my dream i felt my ribs were broken!!

and at one time I asked him(AS) why did you give me double the punishment as compare to others. He(as) smiled and said, because you belong to me and even your smallest mistake isn't acceptable to me.

Honestly, if there was no Ali(as) and his teachings in my life i would have been worst than Satan. i think i would have been best friend with Shaytan. 

whatever i tell i tell from personal experiences.  don't believe in me,  try it yourself. Hold tightly to teachings of Ahlulbayt(AS) they won't let you drown in storms of your own desires even when you want to give up !!! 

Edited by Struggling_onn

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I know you're heartbroken, but you'll find someone else. Believe me. Allah will send someone else, someone more suitable. 

In the meantime, write, take yoga classes, meditation, something. 

You must accept what Allah has decreed. She's moved on, and you should too. 

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You had a feeling that she wanted to leave, and when you brought it up she used that opportunity as an excuse to leave. It seems like she wanted to leave for awhile, and what you told her that night wasn't the reason for her leaving so don't blame yourself. You can force others to have the same feelings you have for them. It hurts when you know that you love the other person more than they love you, but you owe it to yourself to be with someone who actually wants to be with you. With time, you will "get over her". It might hurt for awhile, but all wounds heal eventually. 

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