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In the Name of God بسم الله

Newly married

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I got married in June ( nikah) and my husband left for USA ,please I cannot use explicit words but I just want to ask after marriage , what is allowed and not allowed in our sect? I know Quran says husband and wife are like clothes to each other and also that from back it is not permissible, any other forbidden things? Please guide me 

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If you tell us your marja, we can provide you a link to the section of his site where you will find answers to very personal issues, or you can look there yourself. Remember, there is no real anonymity on the internet. 

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17 minutes ago, Nilofar said:

I follow ayatollah sistani and ayatollah aqeel Ul garvi 

please also reply my second post


the latter is not a marja taqleed sister. 

there are some older threads which discuss these matters here:


anal sex is halal but highly undesirable/ detestable (makrooh) according to sayed sistani. 

also this Q&A session with the sayed

Anal Intercourse

Question: When a woman is in her period, can she have anal intercourse?

Answer: If wife is consenting to it, it is permissible but it would be extremely abominable.

Question: What is the ruling on anal sex? Is a Moslem allowed to have anal sex?

Answer: Based on the widely held opinion of Shiah scholars this act (anal sex) is strongly Makrouh (undesirable, what is not Haram to do, but it is better to avoid). There is no objection to the couple getting pleasure from the entire body of one another. But it should be taken into consideration that some actions are beneath human dignity.

Question: Is anal intercourse permissible?

Answer: Permission is bound to wife’s agreement, but it is strongly undesirable.


Question: What is an orgy?

Answer: It's forbidden.

Sexual Intercourse

Question: Is oral sex by husband or wife allowed?

Answer: It is permissible provided no liquid out swallowed.

Question: Is the discussion between husband and wife allowed related with sex?

Answer: There is no objection.

Question: Is play between husband and wife allowed, like touching, feeling, kissing, sucking?

Answer: No problem if he makes sure it does not bring about janabah (major ritual impurity).

Question: I want to know the ruling on oral sex?

Answer: It is obligatory precaution not permissible; it's very disgusting if she agrees.

Question: Is oral sex permissible?

Answer: It is permissible.

Question: Is oral sex permissible between husband and wife?

Answer: It's allowed provided no liquid coming out swallowed.

Question: Can husband and wife have sex with each other while looking at each other in a mirror?

Answer: It's permissible.

Question: Can a Shiah man or woman marry a Sunni?

Answer: If he/she does not fear being misled, it is permissible.

Question: Can a Moslem do Motaah with a prostitute in order to satisfy his physical needs?

Answer: Marrying a woman who is known publicly as an adulterer is not permissible as a measure of precaution except after repentance (tawbah).

Question: I am really sorry that I have to ask this type of question. But Since I grew up in a western country; I really don't much about our religion. And I can't ask this question to my parents due to subject matter. Brother my question is, can we have an oral sex before or after the sexual intercourse or can we have oral sex at all? Is it haram?

Answer: Oral sex act is permissible with the consent of both husband and wife provided that no liquid gets into the mouth.

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Read this, hopefully it will answer all your questions.


If still any of your questions are not answered you can PM one of the sisters in the SCG.

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1 hour ago, Nilofar said:

Also guide me how to manage long distance relationship since it becomes very hard for my husband at times to control and he takes permission from me to do mutah? Am I comitting win when I forbid him to do so??

Technically he doesn't need your permission, but mutah with a non-Muslim while he has a Muslim wife is not permitted even with your "consent". 

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Sister I think what are you asking is-

If you both talk explicit words / discussions on phone, as what's called the sex talk, there is nothing wrong with it since you both are each others' awra. Please care that he doesn't masturbate while talking because for a man to excite himself sexually is haram, married or unmarried.

If you are asking about engaging in sexual discussion in facetime / skype etc. where you both could see each other, as long as you are discussing its ok, but if he ever asks you to get naked, take your hijab off, or do other things that you could not do in front of others, DO NOT do them, pretty much everything that goes on internet is recorded somewhere and is randomly watched by real humans once certain keywords match the conversation. (look up NSA programs on monitoring communication)

Technically if he does muta' with a momin woman, he doesn't need your permission. So that's a mute point. Do not answer him if you don't wanna. 

If he is asking to do muta and if he knows his Sharia', he must be asking if he could do it with a non-Muslim woman. A man needs a permission from his Muslim wife only if he wants to get married to a non-Muslim. I doubt he could get a decent girl among non-Muslims here, chances are he will go after bad reputation women. He may be stupid enough to do it, but you tell him explicitly that "you do not allow him to do muta' with any ahl-e-kitab woman as your Shari' haq which he is Islamically obliged to adhere to". No negotiations on this one.

Muta' on the side, husband and wife living on a distant, calling each other from a distance, talking, hashing out mental differences is one of the most beautiful blessing of the modern communication world. Rather than talking and worrying about sex, you both should use this precious time to get in sync with each other mentally. You will always cherish this time, because mental sync before living with each other would get you both at least 5 years ahead in making your married life successful. This is the time to involve with each other romantically, kindle the love between you both, live the fantasy in your halal relationship. be your own chick flick stars. Don't worry about sex yet!!!

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I always feels sad when I hear these situations.... Husbands and wives being away from each other for a very long time. Is thee no way you can go and be with him whilst he is out there since it is such a long trip?

Either way be positive, Allah will make it work out the both of you inshaAllah. 

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@Nilofar This is too explicit for public discussion. Young unmarried people read here. Please read your marja's rulings. I'm sure all these topics are covered.

I'll find the title of a book for you to read, and a link if I can find it online.

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I'm not finding the book I was thinking of. I'll keep looking, but I might have read it online, in which case it's almost impossible for me to find again. I recommend you read your marja's published books. There will be entire sections covering marriage, including special rules related to distance in marriage. If you don't find your answers there, I recommend sending a question to the marja's representative directly. 


Edit: actually, read the entire 7th chapter of A Code of Practice for Muslims in the West.  https://www.al-islam.org/a-code-of-practice-for-muslims-in-the-west-ayatullah-sistani/marriage

Edited by notme
Added info.
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