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In the Name of God بسم الله

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Salam,

Mut'ah marriages (Islamic "pleasure" marriages) are wajib (obligatory) for most Shia Muslim youth who attend undergraduate college in the West. This is because most Muslim youth in such situations will be sexually frustrated unless they relieve themselves in three ways: masturbation, permanent marriage, or mut'ah. The first way is haram, the second way is highly impractical and unfeasible for most such youth in their freshman/sophomore/junior years of college (of course it shouldn't be this way, but unfortunately this is the way things often are and we should now see what a youth should do if permanent marriage in these years is indeed not possible for him - while we should also try to change the way society is, but that takes time, so what should youth do right now?), and therefore the third way is the only way a youth must take nowadays.

Considering that most Muslim youth have normal youthful human libidos, most of them cannot survive years of time without sexual release. It would be seriously delusional to think otherwise. Most normal, healthy, normal-libido-possessing youth cannot go for years without neither masturbation nor sex. Heck, I don't think even an adult can go that long.

Of course there will be the rare and exceptional cases where a youth either has no libido or possesses extreme self-control (which may be superhuman or even unhealthy), but for the most part, youth generally cannot go for years with absolutely no form of sexual release. And that is why for most youth, mut'ah will not only be mustahab  - it will be wajib.

If I found a Shia Muslim youth who was in his junior year of college, and he wasn't permanently married, and he hadn't ever done mut'ah in his life either, I think I can be reasonable in my assumption that this guy has been masturbating (committing haram). Of course, Islamically, I shouldn't assume negative things about a fellow Muslim brother, but from a secular/realistic/statistic perspective, such an assumption would not be irrational.

It's time that more Shia college boys are encouraged to get girlfriends in college by doing mut'ah. Whoever encourages another Shia Muslim brother to get a girlfriend using mut'ah will have done a very good deed by preventing him from committing haram (masturbation).

P.S. I follow Ayatollah Khamenei, and according to him it is obligatory precaution to seek the father's permission when doing mut'ah. But my next-in-line scholar is Ayatollah Mahdi Hadavi Tehrani, and according to him, such permission isn't necessary. So mut'ah is very feasible for me and others who follow these two scholars. There are plenty of Christian and Jewish females in college whom us youth could take as partners.

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As a guy who probably has a higher sex drive than most people I can assure you that it is more than possible to deal with this test. This is a test. It is a difficult test but it is still a test and if it was impossible to deal with until marriage then this test will not occur on the scale that it does. It's all about mentality and how you use that energy. I was like you at first and though it was impossible to not relieve myslef for the next 10 years or so but it is actually very possible.

Once people take the requred steps it becomes easy. First lower the gaze, then stop day dreaming, then know that Allah (swt) has already written who your spouse is and the time you will marry them and if not it means this is just the test written for you. Everytime you look away and do good deeds you are investing into you after life where you can have as much women as you want, so tempted to look but lowered your gaze? Investment in your afterlife. Tempted to masturbate but didnt? Investment in your afterlife. Once people grasp this concept that in a few moments they will be in their grave it becomes easy. You sit there and think am I really struggling with someone like this? It's all about the mind, yes your body will continue to create those hormones but you can control the amount it creates by your lifestyle. If you dont lower your gaze, day dream about it, constantly think about when and how you will get married then yeah you will have a tough time.

Once one learns to control the nafs a lot of lifes struggles becomes easy. Personally I think the malhama (ww3) is about to start soon so I probably dont have much time left. Train for the Imam of our time, learn and master skills that will help during and after the war. Mutah is not wajib, what's wajib is a class in self control and discipline, why we are here and what we need to do. The youth of today should use their time to improve themselves, not just financially but skills, hobbies, volunteer, etc. not sit there thinking when they will have sex. I love women and I havent had sex but I love sex, but if I was married right now id have even less free time. Time is valuable and people should use it wisely while they can. As a 21 year old living in mixed dorms with no shia (no muslims actually) friends or aquintances here at university, I can tell you it's very, very difficult but once you get use to the feeling of being sexually frustrated, you eventually do not feel it, it becomes normal to you. Lowering the gaze is key. Everything is fine until your eyes see something, accident or intentioally so self control is needed.

Lastly, if a guy slept with my sister doing Mutah without me or my dad knowing, knock him out. Just saying. If I had a daughter, I'd knock him out too. I don't care who bad the guy cant control his genitals. If he is struggling to the point of sin then he is weak and I wouldn't even want him to marry my sister or daughter. Masturbation is not fixed with marriage, it normally goes hand in hand with porn and is and addiction and a spiritual disease that needs to be gotten rid off before you marry someones sister/daughter.

Yes it is hard, I struggle everyday and almost every hour but I actively shift my focus onto something else to the best of my ability. Is it easy? No of coruse not. Is it possible? It definitely is. I have been successful for a very, long time and I hope to marry someone who has put in the amount of effort I did.

I would type more but I was gonig to sleep when I saw this.

Edited by Crimson

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Why mutah? Why not just get married permanently? Also, do you apply this theory equally to men and to women? Would communities accept the idea that every woman should have had at least one mutah before she settles down to permanently marry?

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3 hours ago, notme said:

Why mutah? Why not just get married permanently? Also, do you apply this theory equally to men and to women? Would communities accept the idea that every woman should have had at least one mutah before she settles down to permanently marry?

Mut'ah for virgin girls is makruh, for men it is mustahab.

Apples and oranges.

And girls can wait better for intercourse anyway, some girls even hate intercourse, while boys need it or they can commit haram.

Edited by E.L King

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Guest silasun

It is possible to refrain from these sins. If you asked a doctor, abstinence is probably not healthy emotionally, spiritually or physically in the long run... but it is 1001 times better than masturbation, pornography and zina which destroy the fabric of the human soul and society.

It requires effort and patience but did Allah, as the Qur'an says, make something obligatory without it being possible to fulfill?

Muta' does become wajib if there is fear of sin.

Yes, it is shameful that Shia communities expect little angels Jafar and Bilal (generic Shia names) to stay away from sin until the age of 28... 15 years without any haram release requires a lot of self control.

18, 19 year olds should strive to get permanently married when they hit university at least. Build a simple life with your spouse- you needed to rent 2 seperate flats before, now it's one flat! Typical thoughts of Shia parents makes no economic sense but that is what happens when there is no belief in God in your heart. He promises that if you are faqir then he gives you rizq when you marry. Further, the idea that this slows study is total rubbish- there are now 2 people working hard for their degree, providing each other emotional support to get through- one narrates that his rate of progression quadrupled!

We need to have faith and take that leap.

Edited by silasun

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19 minutes ago, E.L King said:

And girls can wait better for intercourse anyway, some girls even hate intercourse, while boys need it or they can commit haram.

Men and women are equally sexual, but they express their sexuality in different ways. Imam as-Sadiq (as) said: "Women were given the sexual potency of twelve and the patience of twelve." ( عن أبي عبدالله ( عليه السلام ) ، قال : سمعته يقول : ان النساء اعطين بضع اثني عشر ، وصبر اثني عشر )

In general though, women can marry earlier than men, and their libido reaches its height in their 30s.

I've given a lot of thought to this topic. Mut`a is one of those issues that is not talked about in our communities, and so it is abused, because people do not know the rules. I've heard of young men having mut`a with prostitutes (which is not endorsed by most of our scholars), men having mut`a with women who are under the influence of alcohol (the seegha is invalid if they are drunk), men having mut`a with Muslim girls without their father's permission because "they are not virgins" (according to S. Sistani, you need their father's permission unless they have consummated a halal marriage before), men with Muslim wives who are doing mut`a the Kitabiyyat (Sistani says these men need their wives' permission before doing mut`a with a Kitabiyya), women "switching" maraji` to be considered a rashida by another marja` (switching marja` is a rigorous process that you can't just do on a whim), women not fulfilling the correct `idda length, men "picking up" mut`a wives in haram environments, and men forcing their women to have an abortion after they become pregnant.

If you break the rules, you risk committing zina, which is a grave sin. It should also be noted that STDs are very mainstream - you can even gain them from coming in contact with the saliva of another person. Your body may be carrying STDs without you even knowing, and you may give it to your spouse once you get married.

Mut`a is a tool that must be used correctly. We live in a time where it shouldn't be discouraged, but people should know the rules and the risks. My preference is that young men remain patient until permanent marriage, but that is not a realistic solution. Our youth are being bombarded with sexual imagery on television, in school, on the internet, and in books. Many will even leave the religious world because it often does not offer solutions to their sexual problems. Our young men often cannot get married in the community until they have their degree(s), a stable career, and enough money for a dower/wedding/honeymoon and home - usually, that means they'll be at least 25-35 years old. On top of that, they are expected to know how to talk to a woman, understand her, satisfy her needs, and have an emotionally mature relationship. A lot of that simply requires practice, trial-and-error, and experience. Even in the Sunni community, most of the guys have some level of "experience" before they "repent" and get married. A guy who has practiced mut`a will not marry a woman out of sexual desperation or curiosity either; he will make a more leveled life decision.

Women are subject to the same influences that guys are subject to, but permanent marriage is usually within reach from an earlier age. For better or for worse, the issue of virginity is still important to our communities, and so most fathers would not give permission to their daughters to practice mut`a. However the intrinsic value of virginity is mostly worldly.

So in short, both genders should be patient - it is your test and struggle; fast if you need to. But mut`a is better than sin - just make sure you're doing it right.

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8 minutes ago, Qa'im said:

Men and women are equally sexual, but they express their sexuality in different ways. Imam as-Sadiq (as) said: "Women were given the sexual potency of twelve and the patience of twelve." ( عن أبي عبدالله ( عليه السلام ) ، قال : سمعته يقول : ان النساء اعطين بضع اثني عشر ، وصبر اثني عشر )

How does that hadith make sense when we have scientific studies that prove that men have much higher urge?

Read this:

http://www.m.webmd.com/a-to-z-guides/features/sex-drive-how-do-men-women-compare

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Actually I cannot see myself talking to one of my parents saying I wan't mutah, to embarrassing,anyway

What does sistani say about mutah?

If It's obligatory, what If one cannot find a partner?

Most youth in the west doesn't take their religion seriously, yes you see them using a Cross or David star but in reality they party every friday and do haram acts? Is it permissible for me to ask her out as a partner?

 

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There is a few things here

 

1. Staying celibate till the late age of 20s early 30s is pretty much near to impossible in this day and age. Anyone that says otherwise is either lying to themselves or just purely acting out like they are saints. 

 

2. You have a better chance winning the lottery then getting a girl that has not married before to do Mutah and if i was her i would say hell no aswell. 

 

3. Partly to blame is parents and the imams of the mosques that turn a blind eye to what is happening and preach to fast have cold showers etc as if they live in a different parallel world. They were married when they were early 20s so obviously they dont understand what the youth are going through. 

This is probably the most disappointing fact and dont want to burst your bubbles  

3. By the time you are married it probably will go down in terms of your activity levels faster than a rocket crash landing on earth. 

 

This is what it is and the situation you are in is the result of you yourself either you are a recluse that spend more time here than in the real world or you dont have the scoial skills to get a girl. As harsh as it sounds.

 

 

 

 

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25 minutes ago, Maverick1 said:

There is a few things here

 

1. Staying celibate till the late age of 20s early 30s is pretty much near to impossible in this day and age. Anyone that says otherwise is either lying to themselves or just purely acting out like they are saints. 

 

2. You have a better chance winning the lottery then getting a girl that has not married before to do Mutah and if i was her i would say hell no aswell. 

 

3. Partly to blame is parents and the imams of the mosques that turn a blind eye to what is happening and preach to fast have cold showers etc as if they live in a different parallel world. They were married when they were early 20s so obviously they dont understand what the youth are going through. 

This is probably the most disappointing fact and dont want to burst your bubbles  

3. By the time you are married it probably will go down in terms of your activity levels faster than a rocket crash landing on earth. 

 

This is what it is and the situation you are in is the result of you yourself either you are a recluse that spend more time here than in the real world or you dont have the scoial skills to get a girl. As harsh as it sounds.

 

 

 

 

For some people, the fear of Allah and the desire to attain the highest levels of paradise are more than enough to abstain from haram sexual acts. Don't lump us all into the same group as you.

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4 hours ago, Qa'im said:

Mut`a is a tool that must be used correctly. We live in a time where it shouldn't be discouraged, but people should know the rules and the risks. My preference is that young men remain patient until permanent marriage, but that is not a realistic solution. Our youth are being bombarded with sexual imagery on television, in school, on the internet, and in books. Many will even leave the religious world because it often does not offer solutions to their sexual problems.

The focus is often from the perspective of young men. What about the divorced and widowed older women who are suffering silently and for whom it can be an important social service?

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37 minutes ago, Haji 2003 said:

The focus is often from the perspective of young men. What about the divorced and widowed older women who are suffering silently and for whom it can be an important social service?

Why do men think divorced or older women want this "important social service"? 

 

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12 minutes ago, notme said:

Why do men think divorced or older women want this "important social service"?

Dunno about other 'men thinking', but definitely the case in terms of my (fertile) imagination.

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2 hours ago, Crimson said:

For some people, the fear of Allah and the desire to attain the highest levels of paradise are more than enough to abstain from haram sexual acts. Don't lump us all into the same group as you.

Nonesense. You dont even know what i do to say that. 

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3 minutes ago, Maverick1 said:

Nonesense. You dont even know what i do to say that. 

But then you claimed that anyone that does not sin are liars or acting out to be saints..?

Edited by Crimson

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