Mutah is obligatory for most youth in the West

[Three-One-Three]

Salam,

Mut'ah marriages (Islamic "pleasure" marriages) are wajib (obligatory) for most Shia Muslim youth who attend undergraduate college in the West. This is because most Muslim youth in such situations will be sexually frustrated unless they relieve themselves in three ways: masturbation, permanent marriage, or mut'ah. The first way is haram, the second way is highly impractical and unfeasible for most such youth in their freshman/sophomore/junior years of college (of course it shouldn't be this way, but unfortunately this is the way things often are and we should now see what a youth should do if permanent marriage in these years is indeed not possible for him - while we should also try to change the way society is, but that takes time, so what should youth do right now?), and therefore the third way is the only way a youth must take nowadays.

Considering that most Muslim youth have normal youthful human libidos, most of them cannot survive years of time without sexual release. It would be seriously delusional to think otherwise. Most normal, healthy, normal-libido-possessing youth cannot go for years without neither masturbation nor sex. Heck, I don't think even an adult can go that long.

Of course there will be the rare and exceptional cases where a youth either has no libido or possesses extreme self-control (which may be superhuman or even unhealthy), but for the most part, youth generally cannot go for years with absolutely no form of sexual release. And that is why for most youth, mut'ah will not only be mustahab  - it will be wajib.

If I found a Shia Muslim youth who was in his junior year of college, and he wasn't permanently married, and he hadn't ever done mut'ah in his life either, I think I can be reasonable in my assumption that this guy has been masturbating (committing haram). Of course, Islamically, I shouldn't assume negative things about a fellow Muslim brother, but from a secular/realistic/statistic perspective, such an assumption would not be irrational.

It's time that more Shia college boys are encouraged to get girlfriends in college by doing mut'ah. Whoever encourages another Shia Muslim brother to get a girlfriend using mut'ah will have done a very good deed by preventing him from committing haram (masturbation).

P.S. I follow Ayatollah Khamenei, and according to him it is obligatory precaution to seek the father's permission when doing mut'ah. But my next-in-line scholar is Ayatollah Mahdi Hadavi Tehrani, and according to him, such permission isn't necessary. So mut'ah is very feasible for me and others who follow these two scholars. There are plenty of Christian and Jewish females in college whom us youth could take as partners.

[Crimson]

As a guy who probably has a higher sex drive than most people I can assure you that it is more than possible to deal with this test. This is a test. It is a difficult test but it is still a test and if it was impossible to deal with until marriage then this test will not occur on the scale that it does. It's all about mentality and how you use that energy. I was like you at first and though it was impossible to not relieve myslef for the next 10 years or so but it is actually very possible.

Once people take the requred steps it becomes easy. First lower the gaze, then stop day dreaming, then know that Allah (swt) has already written who your spouse is and the time you will marry them and if not it means this is just the test written for you. Everytime you look away and do good deeds you are investing into you after life where you can have as much women as you want, so tempted to look but lowered your gaze? Investment in your afterlife. Tempted to masturbate but didnt? Investment in your afterlife. Once people grasp this concept that in a few moments they will be in their grave it becomes easy. You sit there and think am I really struggling with someone like this? It's all about the mind, yes your body will continue to create those hormones but you can control the amount it creates by your lifestyle. If you dont lower your gaze, day dream about it, constantly think about when and how you will get married then yeah you will have a tough time.

Once one learns to control the nafs a lot of lifes struggles becomes easy. Personally I think the malhama (ww3) is about to start soon so I probably dont have much time left. Train for the Imam of our time, learn and master skills that will help during and after the war. Mutah is not wajib, what's wajib is a class in self control and discipline, why we are here and what we need to do. The youth of today should use their time to improve themselves, not just financially but skills, hobbies, volunteer, etc. not sit there thinking when they will have sex. I love women and I havent had sex but I love sex, but if I was married right now id have even less free time. Time is valuable and people should use it wisely while they can. As a 21 year old living in mixed dorms with no shia (no muslims actually) friends or aquintances here at university, I can tell you it's very, very difficult but once you get use to the feeling of being sexually frustrated, you eventually do not feel it, it becomes normal to you. Lowering the gaze is key. Everything is fine until your eyes see something, accident or intentioally so self control is needed.

Lastly, if a guy slept with my sister doing Mutah without me or my dad knowing, knock him out. Just saying. If I had a daughter, I'd knock him out too. I don't care who bad the guy cant control his genitals. If he is struggling to the point of sin then he is weak and I wouldn't even want him to marry my sister or daughter. Masturbation is not fixed with marriage, it normally goes hand in hand with porn and is and addiction and a spiritual disease that needs to be gotten rid off before you marry someones sister/daughter.

Yes it is hard, I struggle everyday and almost every hour but I actively shift my focus onto something else to the best of my ability. Is it easy? No of coruse not. Is it possible? It definitely is. I have been successful for a very, long time and I hope to marry someone who has put in the amount of effort I did.

I would type more but I was gonig to sleep when I saw this.

Edited October 23, 2016 by Crimson

[notme]

Why mutah? Why not just get married permanently? Also, do you apply this theory equally to men and to women? Would communities accept the idea that every woman should have had at least one mutah before she settles down to permanently marry?

[Sumerian]

3 hours ago, notme said:

Why mutah? Why not just get married permanently? Also, do you apply this theory equally to men and to women? Would communities accept the idea that every woman should have had at least one mutah before she settles down to permanently marry?

Mut'ah for virgin girls is makruh, for men it is mustahab.

Apples and oranges.

And girls can wait better for intercourse anyway, some girls even hate intercourse, while boys need it or they can commit haram.

Edited October 23, 2016 by E.L King

[Guest silasun]

It is possible to refrain from these sins. If you asked a doctor, abstinence is probably not healthy emotionally, spiritually or physically in the long run... but it is 1001 times better than masturbation, pornography and zina which destroy the fabric of the human soul and society.

It requires effort and patience but did Allah, as the Qur'an says, make something obligatory without it being possible to fulfill?

Muta' does become wajib if there is fear of sin.

Yes, it is shameful that Shia communities expect little angels Jafar and Bilal (generic Shia names) to stay away from sin until the age of 28... 15 years without any haram release requires a lot of self control.

18, 19 year olds should strive to get permanently married when they hit university at least. Build a simple life with your spouse- you needed to rent 2 seperate flats before, now it's one flat! Typical thoughts of Shia parents makes no economic sense but that is what happens when there is no belief in God in your heart. He promises that if you are faqir then he gives you rizq when you marry. Further, the idea that this slows study is total rubbish- there are now 2 people working hard for their degree, providing each other emotional support to get through- one narrates that his rate of progression quadrupled!

We need to have faith and take that leap.

Edited October 23, 2016 by silasun

[Qa'im]

19 minutes ago, E.L King said:

And girls can wait better for intercourse anyway, some girls even hate intercourse, while boys need it or they can commit haram.

Men and women are equally sexual, but they express their sexuality in different ways. Imam as-Sadiq (as) said: "Women were given the sexual potency of twelve and the patience of twelve." ( عن أبي عبدالله ( عليه السلام ) ، قال : سمعته يقول : ان النساء اعطين بضع اثني عشر ، وصبر اثني عشر .  )

In general though, women can marry earlier than men, and their libido reaches its height in their 30s.

I've given a lot of thought to this topic. Mut`a is one of those issues that is not talked about in our communities, and so it is abused, because people do not know the rules. I've heard of young men having mut`a with prostitutes (which is not endorsed by most of our scholars), men having mut`a with women who are under the influence of alcohol (the seegha is invalid if they are drunk), men having mut`a with Muslim girls without their father's permission because "they are not virgins" (according to S. Sistani, you need their father's permission unless they have consummated a halal marriage before), men with Muslim wives who are doing mut`a the Kitabiyyat (Sistani says these men need their wives' permission before doing mut`a with a Kitabiyya), women "switching" maraji` to be considered a rashida by another marja` (switching marja` is a rigorous process that you can't just do on a whim), women not fulfilling the correct `idda length, men "picking up" mut`a wives in haram environments, and men forcing their women to have an abortion after they become pregnant.

If you break the rules, you risk committing zina, which is a grave sin. It should also be noted that STDs are very mainstream - you can even gain them from coming in contact with the saliva of another person. Your body may be carrying STDs without you even knowing, and you may give it to your spouse once you get married.

Mut`a is a tool that must be used correctly. We live in a time where it shouldn't be discouraged, but people should know the rules and the risks. My preference is that young men remain patient until permanent marriage, but that is not a realistic solution. Our youth are being bombarded with sexual imagery on television, in school, on the internet, and in books. Many will even leave the religious world because it often does not offer solutions to their sexual problems. Our young men often cannot get married in the community until they have their degree(s), a stable career, and enough money for a dower/wedding/honeymoon and home - usually, that means they'll be at least 25-35 years old. On top of that, they are expected to know how to talk to a woman, understand her, satisfy her needs, and have an emotionally mature relationship. A lot of that simply requires practice, trial-and-error, and experience. Even in the Sunni community, most of the guys have some level of "experience" before they "repent" and get married. A guy who has practiced mut`a will not marry a woman out of sexual desperation or curiosity either; he will make a more leveled life decision.

Women are subject to the same influences that guys are subject to, but permanent marriage is usually within reach from an earlier age. For better or for worse, the issue of virginity is still important to our communities, and so most fathers would not give permission to their daughters to practice mut`a. However the intrinsic value of virginity is mostly worldly.

So in short, both genders should be patient - it is your test and struggle; fast if you need to. But mut`a is better than sin - just make sure you're doing it right.

[Sumerian]

8 minutes ago, Qa'im said:

Men and women are equally sexual, but they express their sexuality in different ways. Imam as-Sadiq (as) said: "Women were given the sexual potency of twelve and the patience of twelve." ( عن أبي عبدالله ( عليه السلام ) ، قال : سمعته يقول : ان النساء اعطين بضع اثني عشر ، وصبر اثني عشر .  )

How does that hadith make sense when we have scientific studies that prove that men have much higher urge?

Read this:

http://www.m.webmd.com/a-to-z-guides/features/sex-drive-how-do-men-women-compare

[alHussein]

Actually I cannot see myself talking to one of my parents saying I wan't mutah, to embarrassing,anyway

What does sistani say about mutah?

If It's obligatory, what If one cannot find a partner?

Most youth in the west doesn't take their religion seriously, yes you see them using a Cross or David star but in reality they party every friday and do haram acts? Is it permissible for me to ask her out as a partner?

[Maverick1]

There is a few things here

1. Staying celibate till the late age of 20s early 30s is pretty much near to impossible in this day and age. Anyone that says otherwise is either lying to themselves or just purely acting out like they are saints. 

2. You have a better chance winning the lottery then getting a girl that has not married before to do Mutah and if i was her i would say hell no aswell. 

3. Partly to blame is parents and the imams of the mosques that turn a blind eye to what is happening and preach to fast have cold showers etc as if they live in a different parallel world. They were married when they were early 20s so obviously they dont understand what the youth are going through. 

This is probably the most disappointing fact and dont want to burst your bubbles  

4. By the time you are married it probably will go down in terms of your activity levels faster than a rocket crash landing on earth. 

This is what it is and the situation you are in is the result of you yourself either you are a recluse that spend more time here than in the real world or you dont have the scoial skills to get a girl. As harsh as it sounds.

[Crimson]

On 10/23/2016 at 4:48 AM, Maverick1 said:

There is a few things here

1. Staying celibate till the late age of 20s early 30s is pretty much near to impossible in this day and age. Anyone that says otherwise is either lying to themselves or just purely acting out like they are saints.

2. You have a better chance winning the lottery then getting a girl that has not married before to do Mutah and if i was her i would say hell no aswell.

3. Partly to blame is parents and the imams of the mosques that turn a blind eye to what is happening and preach to fast have cold showers etc as if they live in a different parallel world. They were married when they were early 20s so obviously they dont understand what the youth are going through. 

This is probably the most disappointing fact and dont want to burst your bubbles  

4. By the time you are married it probably will go down in terms of your activity levels faster than a rocket crash landing on earth. 

This is what it is and the situation you are in is the result of you yourself either you are a recluse that spend more time here than in the real world or you dont have the scoial skills to get a girl. As harsh as it sounds.

For some people, the fear of Allah and the desire to attain the highest levels of paradise are more than enough to abstain from haram sexual acts. Don't lump us all into the same group as you.

[Haji 2003]

4 hours ago, Qa'im said:

Mut`a is a tool that must be used correctly. We live in a time where it shouldn't be discouraged, but people should know the rules and the risks. My preference is that young men remain patient until permanent marriage, but that is not a realistic solution. Our youth are being bombarded with sexual imagery on television, in school, on the internet, and in books. Many will even leave the religious world because it often does not offer solutions to their sexual problems.

The focus is often from the perspective of young men. What about the divorced and widowed older women who are suffering silently and for whom it can be an important social service?

[notme]

On 10/23/2016 at 6:39 AM, Haji 2003 said:

The focus is often from the perspective of young men. What about the divorced and widowed older women who are suffering silently and for whom it can be an important social service?

Why do men think divorced or older women want this "important social service"? 

[Haji 2003]

12 minutes ago, notme said:

Why do men think divorced or older women want this "important social service"?

Dunno about other 'men thinking', but definitely the case in terms of my (fertile) imagination.

[Maverick1]

2 hours ago, Crimson said:

For some people, the fear of Allah and the desire to attain the highest levels of paradise are more than enough to abstain from haram sexual acts. Don't lump us all into the same group as you.

Nonesense. You dont even know what i do to say that. 

[Crimson]

3 minutes ago, Maverick1 said:

Nonesense. You dont even know what i do to say that. 

But then you claimed that anyone that does not sin are liars or acting out to be saints..?

Edited October 23, 2016 by Crimson

[Maverick1]

On 10/23/2016 at 8:01 AM, Crimson said:

But then you claimed that anyone that does not sin are liars or acting out to be saints..?

Technically no one should be unmarried by that age so it could never ever reply. 

Its like telling a Lion not to eat meat for a week. See how that works. 

[Crimson]

On 10/23/2016 at 8:35 AM, Maverick1 said:

Technically no one should be unmarried by that age so it could never ever reply. 

Its like telling a Lion not to eat meat for a week. See how that works. 

It is not wrong to assume that no one should be unmarried by that age but you would actually be suprised at the amount of unmarried men in the late 20s and early 30s. I know a few myself, but that is their test. It is difficult, most definitely. I just turned 21 a month ago and I struggle and am frustrated almost all the time but I'm sure it will be worth it eventually.

[Abu Hadi]

I think most of us have come to the same conclusion

1. Mutah is a huge taboo, even though it is halal and a practical solution for many youths. It is a  reason to be shunned, for our sisters (and to a much lesser extent for our brothers) whether it is done within guidelines of the sharia or not. In most communities, this is irrelevant. In most communities, it is much, much easier to find a partner for zina(haram) than for mutah(halal). 

2. It is extremely unrealistic for parents to force their children to be celibate with no halal outlets for their desires until they are in their mid twenties to mid thirties, especially given the environment most of us live in (explained above by br. Qaim). Almost always, this leads the corruption of the deen and Iman of the young adults, leading to serious issues such as ongoing issues when they do get married and up to young adults leaving the religious environment or leaving the religion entirely. 

3. While mutah is a solution, the ideal solution is permanent marriage(zawaj tul nikah), as this helps to build intact and strong muslim families which are the building blocks of the Ummah. 

So what are the solutions....

I believe that it is the responsibility of the muslim communities in order to facilitate marriage of young couples. One proof of the is the incident when Imam Ali((عليه السلام)) caught a young man masturbating in public. He slapped his hand and then gave him money from the public treasury in order to get married. In our communities, we slap the hands, but the second step never happens. 

We should set up funds to facilitate low cost housing, food assistance, career assistance, scholarships, transportation assistance, for those young people who have the will and intention to be in a halal marriage but lack the resources to do it. A mumin or muminat who lacks the resources to get married are considered faqir(poor) and thus are eligible to receive khums and zakat, as well as sadaqat. 

This, of course requires cooperation and coordination between various families, masjids, community groups, ethnic communities, scholars etc, which is something that I rarely see happening. So I am not hopeful that we will ever see this solution before the time of Faraj(may Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) hasten the return of our Imam((عليه السلام)))

But I keep hoping. 

[Soldiers and Saffron]

What do you mean obligatory? Its only obligatory if you cannot control yourself without it.

Anyways, before you give the all green lights to do mutah with whoever is applicable, you should consider the spiritual impacts it can have when you do mutah with for example a fake christian, because your bound to spend much time with her and be intimate with her.

Then theres more aspects as well, for example you might very well fall in love with this person and that person might not be suitable for perm marriage because of different religious views.

Also pregnancy can happen and what then?

So its not just: here go ahead, go crazy. Every freedom you get comes with a responsibility and every action has a reaction which is the consequence. So think twice before you give already frustrated people the all green light.

For example a friend of mine did mutah with a "fake christian" girl and here he his 5 years later and he is like 34-35 now and his family keep recommending him good women for marriage and he keeps denying them because secretly he is in love with this girl and he is living with her in secret and he cant get himself to break it off but his spiritual state has also decreased over time and he cares less about religion now. And she refuses to become muslim or discuss islam. So what now?

Anyways, this is just my two cents and i think its worth reflecting on before going on a rampage, one thing you should have clear for yourself and that is that you will never be satisfied on this dunya regardless of what you chase and regardless of what you get. Such is the nature of men and remember Allah(SWT) is with the patient, the grateful.

[Al Hadi]

On 10/22/2016 at 8:12 PM, Three-One-Three said:

If I found a Shia Muslim youth who was in his junior year of college, and he wasn't permanently married, and he hadn't ever done mut'ah in his life either, I think I can be reasonable in my assumption that this guy has been masturbating (committing haram). Of course, Islamically, I shouldn't assume negative things about a fellow Muslim brother, but from a secular/realistic/statistic perspective, such an assumption would not be irrational.

Lol I agree with this I have seen many cases like this.

[Mushkil Kusha]

On 10/23/2016 at 7:20 AM, notme said:

Why do men think divorced or older women want this "important social service"? 

It is ideal for divorced and widows because once they're sexually active it is very hard to practice abstinence, men and women both. Women won't necessarily come out and say "oh, we want to do muta" again for all the reasons mentioned above.

[notme]

23 minutes ago, Mushkil Kusha said:

It is ideal for divorced and widows because once they're sexually active it is very hard to practice abstinence, men and women both. Women won't necessarily come out and say "oh, we want to do muta" again for all the reasons mentioned above.

Don't you think it would be better to permanently marry, even for widows and divorcees? I can't speak for others, but I'm an old divorced (and remarried) woman, and I definitely prefer the stability of permanent marriage. Physical intimacy in marriage is great, but why would any woman want that with a man who has no intention of sticking around? Kind of revolting if you ask me.

[Al Hadi]

15 minutes ago, notme said:

Don't you think it would be better to permanently marry, even for widows and divorcees? I can't speak for others, but I'm an old divorced (and remarried) woman, and I definitely prefer the stability of permanent marriage. Physical intimacy in marriage is great, but why would any woman want that with a man who has no intention of sticking around? Kind of revolting if you ask me.

The person could stay you could use mutah to date in a way. Also you don't have to do it if you find it revolting but doesn't mean everyone looks at it the same way I personally don't think its a bad idea.

Edited October 24, 2016 by Al Hadi

[Mushkil Kusha]

19 minutes ago, notme said:

Don't you think it would be better to permanently marry, even for widows and divorcees? I can't speak for others, but I'm an old divorced (and remarried) woman, and I definitely prefer the stability of permanent marriage. Physical intimacy in marriage is great, but why would any woman want that with a man who has no intention of sticking around? Kind of revolting if you ask me.

Of course, for someone who is looking for stability, shared responsibility and all the wonderful things that comes with permanent marriage should not go that route. However not everyone is looking for that and it may not be feasible for a lot of divorcees or widows, then only it would (in my opinion) be ideal. I understand we humans want commitment naturally, but that is why it is important for two independent adults to understand Muta completely before getting into the contract. If one feels that the other party has not intention of sticking around, just don't do it. No ones likes to be "used"

[Reza]

The institution is available to use if people want to use it or not, if they feel they need it and can handle it. Simple as that. Other opinions and biases of people or semi-backward cultures are irrelevant. 

The only room these cultures belong in is the kitchen.

[Trunks]

On 10/22/2016 at 9:20 PM, Crimson said:

As a guy who probably has a higher sex drive than most people I can assure you that it is more than possible to deal with this test. This is a test. It is a difficult test but it is still a test and if it was impossible to deal with until marriage then this test will not occur on the scale that it does. It's all about mentality and how you use that energy. I was like you at first and though it was impossible to not relieve myslef for the next 10 years or so but it is actually very possible.

I agree that its fairly possible to control the urges. But its not much of a test. Its more like shooting yourself in the foot. I know it sounds noble and all being able to control your sexual urges but there really isn't any point to do that. Why would anyone put themselves through the unnecessary inconvenience when theres an alternative available. 

Its important to recognise the fact that it was our religion that introduced Muta and encouraged it in the first place. It was because Allah knows the importance of fulfilling sexual desires instead of trying to control them. If sexuality was to be a test, the Allah wouldn't have given us Muta. 

Another important fact to recognise is that Muta isn't a Makru act(with the exception of doing it with a virgin). With this in mind, it is beyond all comprehension why everyone is so bent to avoid it altogether, knowing its permissibility, and sexually deprive themselves.

If controlling sexual urges was superior and more beneficial than relieving them through Muta, then the Prophet wouldn't have told the married men with him to engage in Muta instead of abstaining or castrating themselves. 

Its worth noting that many people suggest the youths to try to get permanently married instead of practicing Muta, and that it is better to wait and get permanently married, instead of doing Muta which would be undesirable. What is very interesting is that the Prophet told the people with him, who were already permanently married to practice Muta. They already had permanent wives at home who would have fulfilled their sexual urges in a few days/weeks when they would return home. But even then, the Prophet insisted that they fulfil their sexual desires instead of delayingthem. It makes clear the importance of fulfilling sexual urges instead of trying to abstain. 

However the most important thing to take away from this is that permanent marriage isn't superior to Muta. If it was then the Prophet would have told the married men with him that they are already in a form of maritial contact which is superior to Muta and that they should abstain and have patience, which of course he didn't do. He instead encouraged them to practice Muta. However what can be said is that fulfilling sexual urges now through lawful means is superior to delaying their fulfilment, regardless of whether if it is through permanent or temporary marriage. But because of the way our society is built, it is possible for girls to fulfil their desires earlier through permanent marriage as opposed to boys who need to wait longer to get permanently married as no one usually married their daughter off to someone still studying. So in order for boys to fulfil their desires as soon they they need to(which I have extensively proven is better than abstaining and patience), temporary marriage is really the only alternative they have.

Having said that, there is another glaring problem at hand. Who will they contract the marriage with when Muta with a virgin just for fulfilling desires is Makru. The answer as mentioned above in one of the comments is the widowed or divorced women. Acknowledging the fact that some women would rather permanently remarry again as apposed to contracting Muta, it is laughable to generalise that all women would wish to do this, or rather have choice to do this. They could either not find someone for permanent marriage and to fulfil their desires, and they too wouldn't mind engaging in a temporary marriage with someone to fulfil their desires rather than delaying it. 

The solution is then one which requires the co operation of the whole community, to collectively remove the taboo from the topic of Muta. The next step is to create a platform where those in need of Muta can contact and connect with one another. There are a few out there but they look pretty dodgy and aren't very practical. 

What we need are ideas for such a platform to be created, where it can be accessed by anyone, but at the same time ensuring the anonymity of the users.