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zainabamy

Friend requests

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:salam:

Ever since I converted to Islam I've noticed that on my social media accounts, I seem to be getting an increasing number of brothers trying to message me and send me requests. At first I put it down to the fact that they could see my profile picture so I made all my pictures private but unfortunately this hasn't changed the fact I get numerous messages and requests everyday. I don't respond to them but its just getting annoying. I use social media to stay in touch with friends and to do dawah.

I pray to Allah (swt) that nobody on this site does this, but if you are reading this and you do go around adding random brothers and sisters on social media, please take a step back and consider what you are doing. Are you observing the hijab of Rasuallah (sawa) and Ahlulbayt (as)? Do you think Imam Ali (as) would add random girls on social media and start chatting with them? Some people hide behind the idea that they're trying to help their fellow brother or sister, but really look at your intention. If you really cared for your fellow brother or sister, you would respect their hijab and your own.

And if anyone on here has this similar problem to me, I urge you to ignore these requests and block if necessary. There are so many idiots out there that just want to cause trouble and you cannot trust them. Just because someone has an Islamic looking profile doesn't mean they are decent human beings, there are a lot of Muslims in name only I'm afraid.

Rant over, normal service resumed. May Allah (swt) bless you all. 

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Guest silasun

Pondering about whether or not to let the cat out of the bag, but I think I should.

Sorry, but let us just say that it is not a good idea for hijabi sisters to post up close pictures in a public way on social media (or anywhere that guys can see).

I don't want to say it's haram itself or anything, and I know fully well that the female species often do not like it when the other half's stupidity (not all but most guys suck really badly in this aspect of being Muslims if they were honest with themselves) means that social freedoms are limited. But just take it as a kind advice.

Let's just say I know a thing or two more than one half of mankind about the male species.

So there you go. Pandora's box has been opened, and the biggest secret of all has been released. The hairier, scarier, more muscular and often more odoursome of the two genders are beasts.

Beasts I tell you. Beasts.

I have shot "the side" in the foot and perhaps broken a so-called "bro-code". But take the precautions that Red Riding Hood ought to have taken, inshAllah, and don't trust any Big Bad Wolves.

Wasalaam

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1 hour ago, zainabamy said:

:salam:

Ever since I converted to Islam I've noticed that on my social media accounts, I seem to be getting an increasing number of brothers trying to message me and send me requests. At first I put it down to the fact that they could see my profile picture so I made all my pictures private but unfortunately this hasn't changed the fact I get numerous messages and requests everyday. I don't respond to them but its just getting annoying. I use social media to stay in touch with friends and to do dawah.

I pray to Allah (swt) that nobody on this site does this, but if you are reading this and you do go around adding random brothers and sisters on social media, please take a step back and consider what you are doing. Are you observing the hijab of Rasuallah (sawa) and Ahlulbayt (as)? Do you think Imam Ali (as) would add random girls on social media and start chatting with them? Some people hide behind the idea that they're trying to help their fellow brother or sister, but really look at your intention. If you really cared for your fellow brother or sister, you would respect their hijab and your own.

And if anyone on here has this similar problem to me, I urge you to ignore these requests and block if necessary. There are so many idiots out there that just want to cause trouble and you cannot trust them. Just because someone has an Islamic looking profile doesn't mean they are decent human beings, there are a lot of Muslims in name only I'm afraid.

Rant over, normal service resumed. May Allah (swt) bless you all. 

men are pigs regardless of their religion.

You can contact me on https://www.facebook.com/ShiaMan14

:)

just kidding sister.

 

Edited by shiaman14

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1. Nothing on the internet is ever private. Ever. 

2. If you have old hijabless pictures, remove them. If you have old posts about boyfriends, drinking, whatever, remove them. 

3. Don't talk to strangers. I'm sure your parents taught you this.

4. As you said, don't accept friend requests from random weirdos. Don't talk to them at all. If someone you don't know messages you, delete it.

5. Don't come across as lonely, vulnerable, or desperate. Don't engage in innuendo with anyone not your spouse.

6. Watch who you talk with, interact with, and especially share photos with. Some people are really immature losers and will gossip and pass your personal info to their cousins, friends, whatever.

7. Set maximum privacy settings. You can tell Facebook to not show anything to anyone who isn't already your friend. Set it up so nobody can find you. But remember #1. 

And some men are just complete creeps and will stalk you anyway. It is the nature of social media. You do what you can and make the best of what you get. 

I'm very unfriendly now, but I used to be friendly. I had to become expert at blowing off pervs. 

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@zainabamy I have set my privacy settings so random people are unable to send me friend requests. I did it a while back so I don't remember exactly but I think only friend's friends can send me requests. Why don't you do the same?  

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im so sorry this happened to you, though i myself send out friend requests and would be offended if someone thought i was a weirdo i can understand peoples concern in the matter JazakAllah and bros even if with nice intentions stay away from the girl.

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In my real surroundings, it is almost impossible to get to know any Muslims. The closest 2 mosques are 3 hours round trip by train, and those 2 are Sunni mosques. There is one shia office from my house by 4 hours airplane ride but they are not active. Just phone number and office address. 

So online is only way to reach to shia Muslims for me.

It is unfair to accuse other Muslims of bad intention when they request for adding as friends unless they showed such evidence.

I was invited into Islam while I was in Christian room online. That was a medical student from Albania with so much knowledge on both Islam and Christianity. And there was no inappropriateness what so ever.

There are muslim brothers and sisters from both shia and sunni in other chat channels who talked sleazy. But such people always lacked knowledge in Islam, so not worth talking to begin with.

It is prejudice to generalize all men are pervert, or all women are wicked and turning down correspondence without any proofs of themselves as such.

I have met quality believers with good knowledge with best of intentions - just to help in answering questions, sharing information, and offering support.

I do block people from online who are harmless but does not add any valuable knowledge to me since we don't have time to accept friends offer from everyone in the world. So we have right to choose and select.

But please refrain from making unjust presumptions and generalization that cause fear among Ummah then prevent good brothers and sisters from reaching out to others to share knowledge through internet. 

Some of us like myself live in a very in isolated environment in real life from anything Islamic or Muslims.

Internet is the only method to interact with Muslims for me.

Edited by ema

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Yeah, I hear you. 

One of my friends who converted to Islam years ago has strange FOBs adding her on Facebook. It's really weird how they find her since she doesn't wear hijab. 

Really sorry you're going through this, sister. May Allah make it easier for you to deal with this nonsense. 

 

Edited by Islandsandmirrors

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Sis this kind of stuff is expected when you register you profile on a social media account. And putting a pic of yourself on there will undoubtedly result in inundation of unsolicited requests from men. Facebook of all is the worst when it comes to privacy. I have tried to maximize the privacy settings but i still end up on random peoples news feeds because of common friends. Like you, I just have a profile pic on there, and i'm not gonna justify why i've got it on there because I feel silly doing so. But I will say this : I will not complain when I get random requests because I am at fault for putting a pic of myself, I cant go around lecturing others when I am at fault too. I will simply ignore/block random male requests and accept the responsibility entailed with my actions. InshaAllah God guides me and I find the willpower to remove my pic. 

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1 hour ago, Pearl178 said:

I will not complain when I get random requests because I am at fault for putting a pic of myself, I cant go around lecturing others when I am at fault too. I will simply ignore/block random male requests and accept the responsibility entailed with my actions. InshaAllah God guides me and I find the willpower to remove my pic.

+1000

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7 hours ago, ema said:

But please refrain from making unjust presumptions and generalization that cause fear among Ummah then prevent good brothers and sisters from reaching out to others to share knowledge through internet. 

I have made a post to help protect my fellow brothers and sisters in Islam, wallahi too often I've heard of people getting into trouble from accepting random requests, so please refrain from accusing me of doing wrong. Peace.

Edited by zainabamy
...

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I think the sister is being misunderstood. 

Of course she is already ignoring the random men adding her on social media and I do not think she said that one should decline friend request form EVERYONE they do not know, just from the opposite gender, which is very much correct.

I think what the sister is saying is that she is trying to give an advice to the younger sisters who might accept these random friend invites from men they do not know. Maybe they want to be kind and not rude so they accept, maybe they accept to find out who they are or why they added them. Whatever reason, a sister should never accept a friend request from some random unknown guy over the internet because it never leads to anything good. Just like it would be awkward if some random unknown guy came up to you in the masjid and started talking with you, so is it awkward if some dude just randomly wants to befriend you over the internet.

I think some sisters have already gotten the bitter experience of dealing with these strange men to different degrees, hopefully they understand at an initial stage that its wrong, some do not and they get a very very bitter lesson. What the sister here is doing, I believe, is trying to save the younger sisters from having that bad experience to begin with.

I know for sure the absolute majority of brother here are not among those weirdos that just randomly goes into facebook and starts sending friend requests to every hijabi profile they see, but even here you will find these type of guys because it is the internet after all.

And also I believe its worth mentioning that the only reasons these weirdos do exists is because unfortunately some sisters do accept their invites and start chatting, because they do not understand that the hijab is more than a piece of cloth, nor does the men understand this. Also, not everyone who portrays themselves as a sister online, is necessarily a sister in real life.

May Allah(SWT) keep us all safe, from the brothers who gets scammed because they care, to the sisters who gets tricked because they are kind.

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1 hour ago, zainabamy said:

I have made a post to help protect my fellow brothers and sisters in Islam, wallahi too often I've heard of people getting into trouble from accepting random requests, so please refrain from accusing me of doing wrong. Peace.

Just ignore them. I ignore all friend requests unless I know the person in real life or if they are female, unless they are mahram to me. 

There are some brothers and sisters who are actively seeking marriage, so it might be a little different for them. But even for them, I would suggest not accepting any friend requests from anyone of the opposite sex unless you know enough about that person to know that they may make a good spouse for you. Lol, you can't know this just by looking at their picture. 

 

Edited by Abu Hadi

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44 minutes ago, IbnSina said:

I do not think she said that one should decline friend request form EVERYONE they do not know, just from the opposite gender, which is very much correct.

From my experience, the deepest knowledge and answers are generally held most likely by brothers than sisters. There are a huge gap between genders in Islamic knowledge between genders. I am not saying all brothers are more knowledgeable than sisters.

There was a research in IQ between genders and men tend to have either extreme high IQ or extremely low ones and they are polarized while majority of females tend to fall in between the 2 extremes.

So I don't want to miss such precious knowledge from a few brothers with good understandings either.

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3 hours ago, ema said:

From my experience, the deepest knowledge and answers are generally held most likely by brothers than sisters. There are a huge gap between genders in Islamic knowledge between genders. I am not saying all brothers are more knowledgeable than sisters.

There was a research in IQ between genders and men tend to have either extreme high IQ or extremely low ones and they are polarized while majority of females tend to fall in between the 2 extremes.

So I don't want to miss such precious knowledge from a few brothers with good understandings either.

Knowledgeable as they may be, having private conversations with a non mahram that is also a complete stranger over the internet is not advised. You do not know the true nature of some men yet, alhamdulillah, I hope you will never get to know.

Anyhow, if you seek knowledge, there are more ways to get it than to have private conversations with completely unknown males online, for example, the most knowledgeable tend to hold lectures, write books, etc, etc, I dont think they add random hijabis on facebook and Instagram just to "share knowledge".

Also, if there is a special topic you seek knowledge in, you are more than welcome to create a thread and then iA knowledgeable people will contribute, in public.

Edited by IbnSina

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@IbnSina

I have tried asking in public chat rooms from 3 separate chat channels. Most of people were in Islam rooms for just talking about food and cats, or just a place to be sad or angry together, or attacking each other.

Some rooms were filled by people claimed to be Muslims but never wanted to talk about Islamic theology or Islamic philosophy. In such public rooms, some misunderstood my questions, or could not understand the question, or simply got angry for even asking. Maybe they did not want to see a woman trying to study seriously. Or maybe some Jews or Salafi were disguising as Muslims to interfere any sign of learning at online Islamic rooms to keep ummah as ignorant as possible. Maybe combination of many things.

But I learned that I should ask right questions to right people only.. to avoid problems.

I did not ask questions without checking from books and online first. When I have questions after doing all that, I need to ask someone with knowledge and I got helped by such persons many times.

It seemed safer to ask in private for answers. When you ask questions to wrong people, they just don't accept the question itself and disapprove almost all my questions from being asked. It is best to ask only to the right people who happened to know.

I have never started thread of my own question here yet but I will try in near future.

I know it is best to be in hawza to learn systematically and ask professors there directly but there are too many restrictions to have such opportunity for me.  So the next best thing is to ask those few knowledgeable persons privately who has the biggest chance of giving me the best answers.

And don't worry about me. I am not one of some naive girls whose parents never taught them about online security, or never reads privacy and security advise explained in each social networks or chat channels, then accept everyone as friends then call everyone as perverts later.

If you don't know who to trust, you can develop a screening system of your own. Out of 100s people, only 2 or 3 seem to be exceptionally knowledgeable and trustworthy.

Edited by ema

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1 hour ago, IbnSina said:

Also, if there is a special topic you seek knowledge in, you are more than welcome to create a thread and then iA knowledgeable people will contribute, in public.

According to the rule I read for this site, no one can ask so called controversial question.

My questions generally called as controversial when I asked, so I don't want to ask in public by the fear from that.

That is why it is safer to ask person of strong knowledge and faith. I don't want some weak faith people to have their beliefs or shia-hood being shaken from just listening to my question by misunderstanding or having no answers themselves, if asked in public.

Edited by ema

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@ema

Dear sister,

The shaytan has deceived many brothers and sisters by the logic of "gaining knowledge" through asking questions to the opposite gender, because most of the time, such philosophical, political or spiritual discussions don't end in one message only, they require a deeper understanding and level of interaction. 

It's better if you ask a sheikh. I have the emails of 2 shia scholars who speak perfect English and have gone to hawza and are recognized speakers, they are also good at replying fast and they write in a way that they make you understand things in a manner that doesn't need further interactions. If you are interested you can request them by PM.

May Allah increase your knowledge inshAllah. 

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@StarryNight

I have sent e-mails and QA box to Sheikhs but never got replies.

So far, same gender I have met so far never had answer, unfortunately.

Not all opposite gender is controlled by sheytaan.

I will PM you to request sheikh's contact address.

Thanks.

 

 

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