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In the Name of God بسم الله
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aaburg

Help with convincing parents

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I'm having a bit of a problem. I was in a relationship with an Arabic shia Muslim for a year. I'm a white american woman who was never made to follow any religion but I am highly spiritual and open minded to many courses of faith. The two of us were/are in love and both talked actively about our future together. I didn't realize his parents wouldn't be accepting at all, but I think he hoped they would be regardless of previous struggles in the family regarding this issue. Within the last couple weeks, he finally told them about me and they reacted badly--said some things he wouldn't repeat to me and threatened to disown him if he continued on. They are still angry with him and have shortened their leash by a lot. He obeyed them and broke up with me, but we both still have feelings for each other and I know he would have married me had they been accepting. He is worried about their health and doesn't want to further anger them or cause rifts in the family by pushing this issue. I am hardworking, in school, in a great position at my job, and he and I both encourage each other's goals. I know I would make a great wife and good daughter to them. I find his respect and love for his family extremely admirable and is part of what makes me love him like I do. I love the culture and am interested in the faith and said I would be willing to convert. He said his parents weren't upset just because I'm not Muslim, but also because I'm white and because I come from a white family with divorced parents. He says nothing will ever change their mind. I am willing to be patient, understanding, and withstand the negativity to get through to them but he says they won't change. I know the religion permits a man marry a converted woman and that racism is frowned upon (because Allah created us all from the same man and woman) but he says they are set in their ways. I still want to attempt to reach out to them, and bridge this gap, with love, respect, and patience in my heart. I also know that dating is haram and that my boyfriend/ex boyfriend never should have pursued it in the first place, but we're past that now and that's part of the reason why I want his parents' respect to continue forward the correct way. I would never ask him to choose--I want to be PART of the family. Does anyone have any advice on how to reach out to them? 

Thank you, peace and blessings be upon you all 

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20 minutes ago, aaburg said:

He obeyed them and broke up with me,

He is worried about their health and doesn't want to further anger them or cause rifts in the family by pushing this issue

He said his parents weren't upset just because I'm not Muslim, but also because I'm white

because I come from a white family with divorced parents.

He says nothing will ever change their mind.

he says they are set in their ways.

Some people might tell you to keep trying. If you are still in touch with him, you should not see, phone or text him. He gave you several excuses to show that he is not willing to overcome the obstacles in order to marry you. Please look for a husband who will care about you more than he does. 

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Many a times Middle eastern men , specially Arab men would end up going back home to get married, to a girl from back home, specially now adays that most Arab countries are in turmoil, and their women are left single and widowed.

So they prefer to take care of a women of their own country who are in dire situations , or since they cannot return they Want to marry someone they can connect to culture wise  to feel they have not totally lost everything.

Which is understandable . It is easier for a western women to get married in her own country than an Arab Muslim women to get married in war torn countries where there is a shortage of men.

If you Love, let go.

Every thing passes.This too shall pass.

Edited by certainclarity

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