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thetold

Love marriage for disabled people...Islamic Point?

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Salaamaulaykum, brothers and sisters i am a below knee amputee , lost my leg six years ago in a road accident. I am completely independent, do daily tasks just like normal person. Just completed by undergrad and now I am going to United States for my masters . It's been a year, since I broke up with the love of my life, whom I loved from the most deepest region of my heart, towards whom while looking, no matter how many chaotic situations I was circumscribed by ,when I looked at her, was always at ease. During our relationship, I never touched her, you know what I mean to say...no physical or haram contact...just respected and loved her just the way she admired and followed Islam. I thought , she was the one,  but all of a sudden everything just changed, her mother came to know about my scenario, that I was a handicap, although I use one of the best artificial limb, imported from germany, I can run too and it's hard for anyone to recognize that I use an artificial limb. Her mother started looking for marriage proposals for her..and I remember it was my birthday she texted me "Good luck for everything" and that was the worst day of my life. I asked her why, and their was just a pin drop silence on the other side..believe me the pain of losing the limb was nothing in front of this one, what I felt at that very instant..The reason her silence indicated that "I was a handicap or disabled person"...I just retracted myself because the reason was like..Her mother could have said something else like any other reason but she just remained silent and believe me ,if the reason was other than "being disabled" .. I could have said to her mother that "Ok give me some time, I'll be the man , whom you would like to offer your daughter to " . But In my scenario even if I had the extra time , It was impossible for me to get the thing back , I lost long ago. Every morning I woke up, the very first thought is this one only and tears come off my eyes. I used to play guitar, sing . Now I have just given up on singing and guitar. I read Quran translation nowdays, but whenever I think of falling in love with someone or marrying someone, my soul gets dilapidated and all I have found is just peace in  the recitation of quran and offering salah,previously I was a gregarious person and now I have transformed myself into a brutally conserved one. And I dream of a place now, where people like me are not considered as something as an ostracized element of the society. And when I think of falling in love or marrying someone , thinking about ""the story of Julaybib, one of the contemporaries of the Prophet, is another vivid example of inclusion. In addition to being poor, Julaybib had an unpleasant physical appearance and nobody wished to let their daughter marry him. Upon the Prophet’s request, a noble family gave him their daughter in marriage."" I say to myself that only prophet can reduce the pain i am going through... I told you my story, Now I was to ask, that ""people like me are not considered for marriage"" you can assume the reason according to my past encounters... I know it's haram to go in a relationship before marriage in islam....Is it permissible for peple like me to have a relationship before marriage resulting in love marriage.. you know the reason..when people will hear about my disability they would just say "NO"   ..hence the question ".Is it permissible for me to have a relationship before marriage resulting in love marriage "?????

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43 minutes ago, thetold said:

Salaamaulaykum, brothers and sisters i am a below knee amputee , lost my leg six years ago in a road accident. I am completely independent, do daily tasks just like normal person. Just completed by undergrad and now I am going to United States for my masters . It's been a year, since I broke up with the love of my life, whom I loved from the most deepest region of my heart, towards whom while looking, no matter how many chaotic situations I was circumscribed by ,when I looked at her, was always at ease. During our relationship, I never touched her, you know what I mean to say...no physical or haram contact...just respected and loved her just the way she admired and followed Islam. I thought , she was the one,  but all of a sudden everything just changed, her mother came to know about my scenario, that I was a handicap, although I use one of the best artificial limb, imported from germany, I can run too and it's hard for anyone to recognize that I use an artificial limb. Her mother started looking for marriage proposals for her..and I remember it was my birthday she texted me "Good luck for everything" and that was the worst day of my life.

Salam. Your mistake was texting a girl. If you approached her parents and said you were interested to marry her, they would have grown to know you and like you. However, that is all in your past now. Your situation is not hopeless since you are going for higher education and your future looks bright. Yes, you are disabled but you can walk. Tell people you are disabled so that if someone is interested in you for marriage she and her parents would know about it. 

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I think you should thank Allah for your blessings. You are independent despite your disability. Some people struggle with disability every single day. You are also lucky that the girl you like was honest with you. You may find people who will disrespect you because of disability but they will expect you to fulfill your responsibilities like normal people. God forbid you may end up with a girl who will secretly resent you but she will marry you, then she will remind you of this favor everyday and treat you like a slave. I have some learning disabilities and people are always pushing me. When I mention my problems, people dismiss them as excuses and I get long lectures about people doing extra ordinary things despite disabilities. Really! You are whining. There are many smart and brilliant people without any disabilities who are treated like slaves by their partners. That girl deserves your respect for being honest. She did a favor to you. 

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47 minutes ago, hameedeh said:

Salam. Your mistake was texting a girl. If you approached her parents and said you were interested to marry her, they would have grown to know you and like you. However, that is all in your past now. Your situation is not hopeless since you are going for higher education and your future looks bright. Yes, you are disabled but you can walk. Tell people you are disabled so that if someone is interested in you for marriage she and her parents would know about it. 

No one will be interested. .brother people around me are like hypocritically pious ..on my face they say " you are an inspiration .. a motivation for us " and as soon as i turn my back they say " he is cursed "

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40 minutes ago, Haydar Husayn said:

My advice would be to try to find someone who can choose for herself who to marry, rather than one who ultimately will have to do what her parents say.

brother i would consider your advice for sure..but that way...I need to find someone who has read the quran with translation not just the arabic syntax....and nowdays I find reverts being more pious that our muslim brothers and sisters. .but if i reach out up in states to a revert for a marriage they would think that ..green card might be the reason or some lewd intention ...but reality is far more different . It won't be a green card or something immoral intentions but it would be a reason like " marrying someone who would wake you up every morning for fajr salah and remind me everyday that i am the slave of Allah"..I might consider revert for marriage .

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Everything happens for the better. Her mother's refusal made you switch from guitar to Quran. You should be happy!! Ok this was a very harsh joke but you get the point.

Now a word of advice from a married brother, never hide your disability, but also keep your Akhlaq and Deen intact and improve on it. Don't ever underestimate the selflessness and kindness of the woman kind specially if she is a true Shia. I'm not a woman obviously but can tell you that your disability combined with a better akhlaq and deen makes you more desirable for the right woman than your non-disability + akhlaq and deen. Women are not as shallow as we are! 

If you do the above three, I can guarantee you, you will end up marrying a girl better in every way than the other one in very near future.  

Edited by Irfani313

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Salam I would like to leave you with this: 

What has reached you was never meant to miss you and what has missed you was never meant to reach you.  Holy Prophet (pbuh and his family )

something better will come along brother m! Have faith and be patient, continue your life and it will come to you brother. 

 

You have given up singing and playing a musical instrument and because of this you have become more careful of your duties to Allah do you think you really lost anything? 

"What has he found who has lost God, and what has he lost who has found God"

 

 

Edited by Ya_isa (as)

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On 9/21/2016 at 4:31 PM, hameedeh said:

Your mistake was texting a girl. If you approached her parents and said you were interested to marry her, they would have grown to know you and like you.

People are allowed to text and get to know each other. Why would I want to marry someone if I don't know anything about him? They may have had simple chats while texting, but true, he should have went to her father to furthur continue their chats before he fell in love.

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Not everyone is like that lady you were previously were talking to. There are many open-minded women, and "open-minded" isn't even the right term! Accepting someone with a disability as minor as yours (you said it's hard to notice, you can run, etc.) is not a problem especially since it does not affect her (or even you!) in any way.

I think for now you should focus on your self, get back to your hobbies, and I am sure you will meet someone new when going to the USA. Next time you meet a girl and you find yourself developing feelings, you should talk to her parents right away to save yourself time. If it doesn't go well, put on a new pair of shoes and get to know someone else! There are so many people in this world, you can't assume all women are the same. 

Personally, I would not have a problem marrying someone with a disability such as yours. Neither would my parents disapprove. Hope that gives you proof that not everyone is the same. 

(For the long run, it's the girl's father who makes the decision on who she can and can't marry, not her mother. Allah knows best.)

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5 hours ago, j.angel said:

Not everyone is like that lady you were previously were talking to. There are many open-minded women, and "open-minded" isn't even the right term! Accepting someone with a disability as minor as yours (you said it's hard to notice, you can run, etc.) is not a problem especially since it does not affect her (or even you!) in any way.

I think for now you should focus on your self, get back to your hobbies, and I am sure you will meet someone new when going to the USA. Next time you meet a girl and you find yourself developing feelings, you should talk to her parents right away to save yourself time. If it doesn't go well, put on a new pair of shoes and get to know someone else! There are so many people in this world, you can't assume all women are the same. 

Personally, I would not have a problem marrying someone with a disability such as yours. Neither would my parents disapprove. Hope that gives you proof that not everyone is the same. 

(For the long run, it's the girl's father who makes the decision on who she can and can't marry, not her mother. Allah knows best.)

Thanks a lot sister..your reply made my day

Edited by thetold

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11 hours ago, j.angel said:

People are allowed to text and get to know each other. Why would I want to marry someone if I don't know anything about him? They may have had simple chats while texting, but true, he should have went to her father to furthur continue their chats before he fell in love.

I completely agree that two people need to know each other before getting married...but  that's haram in islam ????..i mean this is just like dating...no offence...i am just asking what is your point of view...please elaborate???

I am curious to know about this...because in my case girl has to think a lot before making the final decision..like what are the pros and cons, I mean she would be hitting her mind with thoughts like " whats so special about this guy that I wouldn't find in any normal person"  . I mean if you go to the market to buy a pendrive  and you are getting a 2gb pendrive but at the same price you are getting the 3gb pendrive...you would definitely buy the 3gb one..Ya, I compared myself to a pendrive . Sorry, had to make my point in a much more detailed way. ...as i once used to play guitar and sing thus a lot of girls use to approach me seeing the positive aura I created around myself instead of all the tribulations and hurdles I came across in my life. They often asked me questions like "what's the reason behind your strength and smile ".they were pretty much penchant to know more about me...and since this incident happened with that girl...I stopped playing guitar and thus resulting in creating a pretty much mundane aura around myself and now they don't even bother to talk...because now i don't play guitar or sing though i am dying to play and sing...but for the sake of Allah as we are muslims and there is nothing like  pre wedlock relationship thing in islam..All I read  now is quran translation , and what I have now is like the verses of quran as a topic to start the conversation as I am reading the quran translation I am realising the truth that " we are all lost due to the  materialistic and the shiny baits this world has been showing us  "...and I realise that playing guitar is haram in islam .. now i want to give away that thing for the sake of Allah...thinking that he would reward me something better...hence if I played guitar there would be like a plus point ..you know just generalising the point of view....I go on hill trekking, para gliding and sky diving that too without an instructor..I know swimming and swim faster than an average human. People come to me and on my face they say " you are an inspiration and motivation " and as soon as i turn my back their lips start uttering those bleak and gloomy statements..I don't care what they say but still they say just onething " who will marry this disabled boy"..and believe me the people who say this are not those random people.. with these people , I have my blood relation ( my relatives ), I think many times, I  just want to leave and walk away from them forever. But then I remind myself that saying of Hazrat Imam Ali (a.s) that " we should compromise and save these blood relationships "and the main reason behind me going to USA is just a way to get away from this mentality and live in a place which I use to dream of "where people like me are not considered as an ostracised element of the society when it comes to marriage " .....I mean Christians are much better when it comes to this....I mean I would love to fall in love with someone..towards whom whenever I look I am at ease once again.

Edited by thetold

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Salam,

Holy Prophet (S) said," Molten lead will be put in the ears of that person who listens attentively to music and songs.

Imam Ali Reza (a.s) said," And to listen attentively to the musical instrument (is also a greater sin )....." manufacturing, buying or selling musical instrument is forbidden, and the profits accrued from such dealings are illegal and the transaction is also null and void. Even safe keeping of musical instrument is forbidden and to destroy them is obligatory. 

Imam Ja’far As-Sadiq (a.s) said," Allah has prohibited the manufacturing of such things which are used for harmful purpose. And the things which only create harm. Thus the manufacturing of harp, flute, chess, musical instruments, cross of crucification, idols is forbidden." 

Imam Mohammed Baqir (a.s) said: Singing is one of those sins for which Allah has reserved the punishment of Hell.

The place where songs and music are played, Allah’s wrath descends, as the following traditions say:-


Imam Ali (a.s) said," And music and songs give rise to hypocrisy and is one of the ways leading towards poverty and hunger.

Holy Prophet (S) said," Molten lead will be put in the ears of that person who listens attentively to music and songs.


Imam Ja’far As-Sadiq (a.s) said," Thus to teach singing and music, to learn to play it or to receive payment for it and to indulge in any kind of musical pastime is forbidden."


Imam Ja’far As-Sadiq (a.s) said," Don’t enter a house in which Allah’s Blessings and bounties are turned away from the habitants of the house, at such a place neither the Supplications are responded nor the Angels come near such place."


Imam Ja’far As-Sadiq (a.s) said," One who has been bestowed with favours of Allah while in possession of such favours plays flute, he has been unthankful to the favours of Allah."

you can decide what to do with your guitar once reading these brother. It all depends how seriously you take your faith in my opinion. 

 

Also reading the translation of Quran by itself could become confusing, best to read it with tafsir, tafsir of ahlulbayt (as) preferably. Try finding Imam Hassan Askari (as) tafsir.  

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