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Z1111

[MATURE]The days following my wedding day

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UPDATE:

Salam

I didnt tell my husband every detail of my personal life but I did tell him the main point that I am going through a hard time and felt it would be best to schedule the wedding. His parents won't happy and the first excuse they came up with is the "girl's depressed and isn't ready and will affect our son's health too" well I agree with what they said. They asked how long the schedule is for and I replied "Until I'm ready". With every reply I could feel the interest leave and he finally asked "are you sure you want to continue, I don't want someone who's not mentally ready to take of care of our kids". At that point I decided to be fair and honest and not lead someone on whilst I am not mentally ready and his parents are desperate to marry him off as soon as possible. I confessed that I wasn't "mentally ready because like his mother said I'm going through a low point". He was down and I could feel it with his reply, he was shocked, i often try my best to control my face when it comes to sorrow and that's why he never thought I was that "unhappy woman who still doesn't know what she wants". He was honest with me and said he doesn't want someone who's emotionally and mentally not ready like he described "with kids comes the biggest emotional roller coaster".  And when I am still working on myself the kids won't get what they deserve, a happy mother. With all the discussions and even when he tried to directly say his final words, I thought I would say it for him " it's best to leave the marriage and I hope you find a person who's ready. I need counselling"

It was over. I felt no grief I'll be honest only because I have reached my highest depression that this didn't add anything more. 

I was about to speak to a counsellor but she was unavailable and her sweet friend offered her help (the one that led me to this consellour) and she is a social worker. Alhamdallah a shia one. She says she has the experience to help and has been through many similiar cases. We haven't spoken about the price yet (if she does charge) but I'll let you know when I do.

Furthermore, I feel like a burden has now left my shoulder regarding the engagment.  Now I can work on myself without feeling extra responsibility/pressure and this time I will avoid marriage until I am ready for it. Every kid deserves a mother with a heart full of happiness to share with them, not sorrow. 

Thanks for everyone's replies, prayers. Love reading every single one of your posts. 

Edited by Z1111

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UPDATE:

Salam

14 hours ago, Laayla said:

Bismehe Ta3ala,

Assalam Alikum Sister Z1,

Insh'Allah you are well and in good health.

Please keep us updated on what steps you are taking, because your actions might help other people who are going through this and read about your progress and encourage them to get help.

I don't recommend secular psychologists, but what sister Fresh Iman recommended precisely. 

Maybe after a few sessions with her, you will feel comfortable opening this subject with your fiance.  God bless you, help you, and protect you from all harm.

M3 Salamah, FE AMIN ALAH

 

 Salam, 

Sure it's the last post in this forum

And thanks alot 

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Salam

I wish you peace and a calm mind. I hope you gain much benefit from talking with the social worker and are able to find resolution, so that you can allow yourself a happy and prosperous life. 

Too bad about the fiancée, but it seems it isn't the right time and you and he aren't right for each other. Life goes on. 

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Sorry hun just to clarify I'm not a social worker yet, just a student in this field.  InshaAllah will help you the best I can. Ive spoken to the counsellor. She said she has  discount charge for self funding students InshaAllah this will be easy for you? 

Stay blessed :)

Edited by Fresh-imaan

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