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In the Name of God بسم الله

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Salaam all,

All the women on ShiaChat - what would be the one advice you would give to a BROTHER who is about to get married?

All the men on ShiaChat - what would be the one advice you would give to a SISTER who is about to get married?

Advice can be related to religion or not.

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51 minutes ago, shiaman14 said:

Salaam all,

All the women on ShiaChat - what would be the one advice you would give to a BROTHER who is about to get married?

All the men on ShiaChat - what would be the one advice you would give to a SISTER who is about to get married?

Advice can be related to religion or not.

To understand the other person in depth before you have the Nikah read.

Understand their strengths and weaknesses in all aspects both on the inside and the outside.

After finding out the person's true nature then decide if they are the one for you or not.

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To my dear brothers in Islam, FEAR Allah (SWT) in your treatment of women. I cannot stress this enough. You have a duty to protect her and the angels curse a man who oppresses a woman with every tear she cries. 

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We all know faith is important. Being on this site alone shows your iman is at least of some significance to you, so I won't address this. I'll just talk about the generic stuff. 

- COMMUNICATE!

Your wife won't think less of you if you communicated emotionally or verbally. You can cry, it's ok! If something is bothering you, tell your wife! Don't try to hide it or fight it on your own. Your mood will be affected and you'll radiate negative energy. Also, voice your love! "Women fall in love by what they hear. Men fall in love by what they see." which brings me to my second point

- BE ROMANTIC! 

It's embarrassing to admit, but I literally put this fourth on my list when I do think about marriage (I'm warming up to the idea). First is imaan, second health, third is akhlaaq, fourth is romantic, fifth is humour. I didn't mention akhlaaq or humour because it's not something you can easily develop/fix/pick up. Going back to my point, if you're romantic your wife would most definitely appreciate it. When my father brings flowers home, my mum (I kid you not), sits by them for hours just smiling and snapping pictures to share with her sisters and friends. Plus being romantic shows that you love her, appreciate her, and reassures her of your loyalty. Watching my dad show his love to mum (though he doesn't communicate it- never actually heard him say I love you to mum or anyone), gives me butterflies and makes me 'awwwwww'. Out of curiosity, do men appreciate romantic gestures too? My dad acts like a macho-man, so I don't know. 

- DON'T DOMINATE! 

Humans have a tendency to rebel against any form of authority. Work as a team with your wife. Don't dominate, don't make her feel like she's inferior to you or like she's just entered a patriarchal household. Share your chores :) 

- BE GENTLE!

I don't know if it's true for every women, but myself, I'm always told i'm very sensitive emotionally. For instance, recently, my brother raised his voice at me when I (first) attempted to tell the (female) waiter my order. It's not about me talking in public (he's not an extrimist), it's just because the waiter was doing a horrible job taking any of our previous orders so he wanted to give mine himself. But it still hurt me. Another example, if you don't want to or can't cook yourself, instead of saying "Go make us some dinner" or "What are you cooking for dinner?" how about phrase it in a way that makes it sound like a team effort or even geniuenly offer your help. So, "What are we cooking for dinner tonight? Do you want me to get or do anything/should we cook together?" To be honest, I'll make sure I'll marry a someone who'll split the chores. So he'd have no trouble cooking some days and switching it up like that. 

- DON'T BE AFRAID TO BE CHILDISH! 

From GoKarting to paintballing or even playing tag! Seeing my cousins and their partners play, I realise these are the best memories to make! If this isn't something your wife or you are interested in, just joke with your wife. I'm sure she'll love it! Also, don't be afraid to invite your wife to play video games with you. You never know, she might like it! 

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Now this is probably more appropriate further along your relationship, once it's stronger and you know more about each other, but...

- SURPRISE HER! 

Most women love surprises! Not necessarily romantic surprises. Anything really. Birthday surprises or a surprise trip to wherever! I've never heard a single woman complain about a surprise or say she didn't want to travel the world some day. Why not go on an adventure together? Overcome challanges and let your relationship strengthen by God's will!

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Hope this helps :)

 

EDIT: just realised it said ONE advice... I got carried away :blush:

Edited by yusur317

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Guest silasun

Don't be boring. Being religious =/= being Scrooge. Why do we always being the most lame humam beings as soon as our ego gets the message that we are mashAllah super pious.

It is halal to laugh. Honestly. That's how our beloved Masuum's were.

Reading this thread makes me realise how much it sucks to be single lol. Sucks to be Silasun :-p

 

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6 hours ago, silasun said:

Don't be boring. Being religious =/= being Scrooge. Why do we always being the most lame humam beings as soon as our ego gets the message that we are mashAllah super pious.

It is halal to laugh. Honestly. That's how our beloved Masuum's were.

Reading this thread makes me realise how much it sucks to be single lol. Sucks to be Silasun :-p

 

Easy there @silasun. Married life is great however you will find plenty of married people who wished they were single.

I suppose grass is always greener on the other side.

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26 minutes ago, Martyrdom said:

Don't pick stupid movies. Know when to stop talking. Don't talk with your mouth full. Don't forget the spoon when you pack him soup.  Many more but that's it for now. 

Ouch

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Okay, I  am probably gonna bashed for saying this but if possible don't think of having kids until you have lived together for a year to year and a half at least. 

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51 minutes ago, starlight said:

don't think of having kids until you have lived together for a year to year and a half at least. 

Good advice. The husband and wife need to get to know each other, adapt and adjust to their differences and similarities. While they focus on building their marital life together, compromises will need to be made, but they need time to focus on themselves. Later on, when they are both ready, they can deal with the wife having nausea and sometimes vomiting from the hormonal changes of pregnancy. 

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1 hour ago, starlight said:

Okay, I  am probably gonna bashed for saying this but if possible don't think of having kids until you have lived together for a year to year and a half at least. 

I agree wholeheartedly. Spend a couple of years together. Travel, see the world, enjoy then have kids

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Bismehe Ta3ala,

Assalam Alikum Brothers and Sisters and Joum3 Mubaraqa to you all.

A few years ago my dh proposed we wake up together for salatul layal. 

What is more important is to have our salat intact and pray on time once the adthan is made.  We need to be muslims who pray 5 times and not 4 times.  Why I mentioned 4?  Because many muslimeen are neglecting fajr prayer.  Everyone has a phone and some even sleep with it.  Set the alarm on your phone 5 minutes before adthan and get up for salat.

Just do the wajab 2 rik3at and go back to sleep.   You don't have to do qunoot, adthan, eqama, tasbee7 al zahraa.  Just do the bare minimum and go back to sleep. 

Marriage is half our faith.  Salat is 3mood al deen.  It is our foundation.  It is essential.  The first thing we will be asked on day of Judgement is if we completed our salat.  Encourage your spouses to pray on time.  Just like you eat and sleep together, do salat together. 

M3 Salamah, FE AMIN Allah

Edited by Laayla

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