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In the Name of God بسم الله

losing faith because of mentall illness

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aoa i am 19 . Recently I’ve been in difficulty. It started out one day I was just about to sleep and out of nowhere I started getting doubts about Islam in my mind. I went bonkers literally. I was not used to this and I got very uncomfortable my heart felt extremely painful but at the same time it was guiding me to what’s right and wrong. (Like if I ever thought too much it would go painful and if I just was normal it subsides)
 
 I was looking forward to Ramadan a lot cause shaitan would be locked up and I could worship Allah in peace but right when Ramadan began I was worse than before it came back so strong and I couldn’t take it I wanted to die. But eventually it died down once again and I felt closer to God closer to Allah.
 
 Then it was eid and I just went right back to it again and my heart after that felt so dead. I cant even explain. The quran talked about this type of people and I got scared. My whole family thought I was kinda crazy. But what if Allah thinks I’m crazy and kaffir?
 
 You might think that’s the bad part but this is the worst part – I pray every chance there is and I get shirk thoughts like “I did shirk – oh no – I’m destined for hell now”. I can never pray salah without this stuff and it makes me cry a lot.
 
 Now I am more at peace in my heart but the doubts are still here. I want the same pain back but it never comes my way – I failed. I’m so deluded I can’t cry of fear no more I just don’t know what to do anymore. I give up, it’s too hard to take these thoughts. Now i am also suffering from mental illness depersonalization and derealization , i feel [Edited Out] , i feel anxious, i cant concentrate , i am losing my faith , i know i have a creator , but i feel numb i just cant realize he created me ... I feel nothing while praying now , my mind is foggy my eyes are not fully open . Why Allah has done this to me i did every thing to please Allah , i stopped back bitting , lying and i left my friends for Allah , i think Allah dont want me anymore
Edited by amberzahra
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37 minutes ago, amberzahra said:
aoa i am 19 . Recently I’ve been in difficulty. It started out one day I was just about to sleep and out of nowhere I started getting doubts about Islam in my mind. I went bonkers literally. I was not used to this and I got very uncomfortable my heart felt extremely painful but at the same time it was guiding me to what’s right and wrong. (Like if I ever thought too much it would go painful and if I just was normal it subsides)
 
 I was looking forward to Ramadan a lot cause shaitan would be locked up and I could worship Allah in peace but right when Ramadan began I was worse than before it came back so strong and I couldn’t take it I wanted to die. But eventually it died down once again and I felt closer to God closer to Allah.
 
 Then it was eid and I just went right back to it again and my heart after that felt so dead. I cant even explain. The quran talked about this type of people and I got scared. My whole family thought I was kinda crazy. But what if Allah thinks I’m crazy and kaffir?
 
 You might think that’s the bad part but this is the worst part – I pray every chance there is and I get shirk thoughts like “I did shirk – oh no – I’m destined for hell now”. I can never pray salah without this stuff and it makes me cry a lot.
 
 Now I am more at peace in my heart but the doubts are still here. I want the same pain back but it never comes my way – I failed. I’m so deluded I can’t cry of fear no more I just don’t know what to do anymore. I give up, it’s too hard to take these thoughts. Now i am also suffering from mental illness depersonalization and derealization , i feel [Edited Out] , i feel anxious, i cant concentrate , i am losing my faith , i know i have a creator , but i feel numb i just cant realize he created me ... I feel nothing while praying now , my mind is foggy my eyes are not fully open . Why Allah has done this to me i did every thing to please Allah , i stopped back bitting , lying and i left my friends for Allah , i think Allah dont want me anymore

The sejtan is harasing all of us and sometimes it is very hard. Be patient and avoid the big sins. Sejtan does not like when we remember God like praising him. Remember God much and talk to God also be moderate in everything. You can look up these websites to strenghten your faith:

http://www.aljazeerah.info/Islamic Editorials/2007/September/The Scientific Evidence That God Exists and the Holy Qur'an Is His Message to Humanity By Hassan Ali El-Najjar.htm

http://www.scienceislam.com/

Good luck :)

Imagine that Muhammed (a.s) was with you on earth and I am sure that he would not tell you that he does not want you anymore rather he would help you.

Edited by sefket83
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                  :bismillah: 

                    :salam: 

If you're anxious then surely you have questions that you can't or don't know how to answer, try and learn more about the topics that are causing anxiety within you & look at scientific proofs in Islam through the links of brother @sefket83 before that.

Enforcing the mindset of "I know it's true but I want to know more" is better than "I don't have any proof if Islam is actually the truth". Read hadiths but if you're lazy like me then read SC topics that you can learn from and watch lectures through Youtube, I suggest that you watch Sayyed Ammar Nakshawani if you like English lectures. 

Ofcourse waswasa isn't always reasonable so your best solution can also be to simply ignore it as brother @gerashi_mp suggested.

Hope this helps.

Salam.

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1 hour ago, sefket83 said:

The sejtan is harasing all of us and sometimes it is very hard. Be patient and avoid the big sins. Sejtan does not like when we remember God like praising him. Remember God much and talk to God also be moderate in everything. You can look up these websites to strenghten your faith:

http://www.aljazeerah.info/Islamic Editorials/2007/September/The Scientific Evidence That God Exists and the Holy Qur'an Is His Message to Humanity By Hassan Ali El-Najjar.htm

http://www.scienceislam.com/

Good luck :)

Imagine that Muhammed (a.s) was with you on earth and I am sure that he would not tell you that he does not want you anymore rather he would help you.

Thankyou :). I will look up these websites , but i now i am so weak i am tired of fighting with my naafs and shaytan , every day i am struggling!! :') my collage is going to open and idk how will i study with my mentall illnesss

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53 minutes ago, gerashi_mp said:

One way of shaytan's trap is waswas. You may find someone so pious but he has alot of waswas, alot of (what ifs), it is an illness. The only cure for it is ignoring it. Don't pay attention to them since they are from Shaytan. they are just thoughts, doesn't mean you believe in them. Plus, there are tons of books that you can educate yourself about when it comes to a doubt that you don't have an answer for. 

One time Shaytan tells you to do haram, other times he provokes you to be angry, other times provokes arrogance and pride in you, other times makes you do waswas.

Don't worry, just know they are all from Shaytan, because waswas is a strong tool that Shaytan uses that on the long run can make you sick of religion.

One time there was a person that used to be so waswas about her prayer, so waswas about it, that eventually she stopped praying once and for all and she was like wow such a relief. You see what shaytan has done to her?? He made her to do alot of waswas that eventually she stopped praying.

So don't pay attention to the waswas, because it is Shaytan's trap to make you sick of religion and stop practicing Islam. 

You see the damage that waswas can do? so the cure is a simple word, Just Ignore them. practice this daily and you will feel good Inshallah trust me.

 

53 minutes ago, gerashi_mp said:

One way of shaytan's trap is waswas. You may find someone so pious but he has alot of waswas, alot of (what ifs), it is an illness. The only cure for it is ignoring it. Don't pay attention to them since they are from Shaytan. they are just thoughts, doesn't mean you believe in them. Plus, there are tons of books that you can educate yourself about when it comes to a doubt that you don't have an answer for. 

One time Shaytan tells you to do haram, other times he provokes you to be angry, other times provokes arrogance and pride in you, other times makes you do waswas.

Don't worry, just know they are all from Shaytan, because waswas is a strong tool that Shaytan uses that on the long run can make you sick of religion.

One time there was a person that used to be so waswas about her prayer, so waswas about it, that eventually she stopped praying once and for all and she was like wow such a relief. You see what shaytan has done to her?? He made her to do alot of waswas that eventually she stopped praying.

So don't pay attention to the waswas, because it is Shaytan's trap to make you sick of religion and stop practicing Islam. 

You see the damage that waswas can do? so the cure is a simple word, Just Ignore them. practice this daily and you will feel good Inshallah trust me.

 

53 minutes ago, gerashi_mp said:

One way of shaytan's trap is waswas. You may find someone so pious but he has alot of waswas, alot of (what ifs), it is an illness. The only cure for it is ignoring it. Don't pay attention to them since they are from Shaytan. they are just thoughts, doesn't mean you believe in them. Plus, there are tons of books that you can educate yourself about when it comes to a doubt that you don't have an answer for. 

One time Shaytan tells you to do haram, other times he provokes you to be angry, other times provokes arrogance and pride in you, other times makes you do waswas.

Don't worry, just know they are all from Shaytan, because waswas is a strong tool that Shaytan uses that on the long run can make you sick of religion.

One time there was a person that used to be so waswas about her prayer, so waswas about it, that eventually she stopped praying once and for all and she was like wow such a relief. You see what shaytan has done to her?? He made her to do alot of waswas that eventually she stopped praying.

So don't pay attention to the waswas, because it is Shaytan's trap to make you sick of religion and stop practicing Islam. 

You see the damage that waswas can do? so the cure is a simple word, Just Ignore them. practice this daily and you will feel good Inshallah trust me.

 

53 minutes ago, gerashi_mp said:

One way of shaytan's trap is waswas. You may find someone so pious but he has alot of waswas, alot of (what ifs), it is an illness. The only cure for it is ignoring it. Don't pay attention to them since they are from Shaytan. they are just thoughts, doesn't mean you believe in them. Plus, there are tons of books that you can educate yourself about when it comes to a doubt that you don't have an answer for. 

One time Shaytan tells you to do haram, other times he provokes you to be angry, other times provokes arrogance and pride in you, other times makes you do waswas.

Don't worry, just know they are all from Shaytan, because waswas is a strong tool that Shaytan uses that on the long run can make you sick of religion.

One time there was a person that used to be so waswas about her prayer, so waswas about it, that eventually she stopped praying once and for all and she was like wow such a relief. You see what shaytan has done to her?? He made her to do alot of waswas that eventually she stopped praying.

So don't pay attention to the waswas, because it is Shaytan's trap to make you sick of religion and stop practicing Islam. 

You see the damage that waswas can do? so the cure is a simple word, Just Ignore them. practice this daily and you will feel good Inshallah trust me.

 

53 minutes ago, gerashi_mp said:

One way of shaytan's trap is waswas. You may find someone so pious but he has alot of waswas, alot of (what ifs), it is an illness. The only cure for it is ignoring it. Don't pay attention to them since they are from Shaytan. they are just thoughts, doesn't mean you believe in them. Plus, there are tons of books that you can educate yourself about when it comes to a doubt that you don't have an answer for. 

One time Shaytan tells you to do haram, other times he provokes you to be angry, other times provokes arrogance and pride in you, other times makes you do waswas.

Don't worry, just know they are all from Shaytan, because waswas is a strong tool that Shaytan uses that on the long run can make you sick of religion.

One time there was a person that used to be so waswas about her prayer, so waswas about it, that eventually she stopped praying once and for all and she was like wow such a relief. You see what shaytan has done to her?? He made her to do alot of waswas that eventually she stopped praying.

So don't pay attention to the waswas, because it is Shaytan's trap to make you sick of religion and stop practicing Islam. 

You see the damage that waswas can do? so the cure is a simple word, Just Ignore them. practice this daily and you will feel good Inshallah trust me.

believe me i fight alot with my naafs and shaytan , i replied to shaytan in my head i defend Allah and my deen

I felt that my anxiety disorder that I’d been dealing with for many months changed on me.  It started feeling different.  It went from a condition that I was suffering through no doubt, but I was dealing and coping with it, to something else that I was no longer able to deal with.  Here are a few of the new sensations I have experienced:
 
I started feeling chocked inside my chest.
 
I started feeling something grasping and holding onto my chest and heart area.  And it lets up very infrequently.
 
I started feeling even more severely intense mood swings, severe nostalgia.
 
I started feeling nauseas and queazy much more frequently, especially in the morning.
 
My mood and desires changed towards studying Islam.  I started to dislike doing things I loved doing, like studying, reading, listening to lectures.  Rather, I found myself unable to stand listening to lectures.  I found myself feeling cringing at the idea of talking about Islam and doing good, etc.  
 
I started getting unbearable stresses when trying to read the Quran.  Having so mud pressure in my chest and paranoia, that it became difficult to read.  I would get headaches and feelings of intense pressure at times.  And the all the ayat of azhab and punishment, and kufr, etc. all made me feel despair and lowered my iman.  This cycle led me to a serious serious despair trap where I was dealing with strong feelings of suicide and such low iman that I couldn’t continue.
 
I developed extremely laziness and drowsiness and complete lack of motivation when I tried to start studying or attend lectures.
 
I started to feel so much bombardment and pressure in my heart and chest that I felt like my chest will collapse and I will faint.
 
I was reading Quran surah Rehman and surah Jin suddenly i got panic attack and I was so pressured and stressed from every single word being said that I felt sick  difficulty breathing, and almost felt like fainting of how awful I felt.
 
When I would go pray fair, right before the salah, I would have diarrhea attacks and have to go to the bathroom.  Then I would feel sick to my stomach and need to recuperate after fair.
 
I would have severe terror at night.I would have strange dreams and nightmares.  I would see evil devilish faces, and see disturbing dreams. I feel burning in my stomach , mostly in fajar time
My parents are not taking me serious :@ they are thinking i am suffering from normal waswas
 
I felt like my personality swapped, and my normal feelings and emotions hijacked by an evil force, that i don’t have control over.
 
I started feeling so much paranoia, terror, and schizophrenic types of feelings.  Stuff I never had before.
 
All my old social anxieties felt like they went on hyperdrive and they became so intense and uncontrollable.
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38 minutes ago, Ali Hamieh said:
38 minutes ago, Ali Hamieh said:

                  :bismillah: 

                    :salam: 

If you're anxious then surely you have questions that you can't or don't know how to answer, try and learn more about the topics that are causing anxiety within you & look at scientific proofs in Islam through the links of brother @sefket83 before that.

Enforcing the mindset of "I know it's true but I want to know more" is better than "I don't have any proof if Islam is actually the truth". Read hadiths but if you're lazy like me then read SC topics that you can learn from and watch lectures through Youtube, I suggest that you watch Sayyed Ammar Nakshawani if you like English lectures. 

Ofcourse waswasa isn't always reasonable so your best solution can also be to simply ignore it as brother @gerashi_mp suggested.

Hope this helps.

Salam.

                  :bismillah: 

                    :salam: 

If you're anxious then surely you have questions that you can't or don't know how to answer, try and learn more about the topics that are causing anxiety within you & look at scientific proofs in Islam through the links of brother @sefket83 before that.

Enforcing the mindset of "I know it's true but I want to know more" is better than "I don't have any proof if Islam is actually the truth". Read hadiths but if you're lazy like me then read SC topics that you can learn from and watch lectures through Youtube, I suggest that you watch Sayyed Ammar Nakshawani if you like English lectures. 

Ofcourse waswasa isn't always reasonable so your best solution can also be to simply ignore it as brother @gerashi_mp suggested.

Hope this helps.

Salam.

ws bro, thank you for advise :) i will watch sayyed ammar nakshawani lectures InshaAllah!

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1 hour ago, amberzahra said:
 But what if Allah thinks I’m crazy and kaffir?

Allah doesnt interpret your behaviour, he knows you better than you know yourself. So he knows that you are having a period of doubts and questioning because thoughts are popping up in your head. You are not to blame for the thoughts popping up - it either occurs or it doesnt occur, you dont think 'im going to think this thought now' - so whats important is how you deal with the thoughts. If you have genuine confusion about an issue, then seek information to help you clarify the issue. Dont panic, it doesnt mean youre no longer a Muslim or that God will be mad at you, the Quran praises reflection,seeking knowledge and seeking nearness to Allah. Stay calm and continue to do your salat etc until you feel you have resolved the questions intellectually to a satisfactory degree or by Allahs grace you have come to a place of resolution in yourself and it is no longer an issue.

 

2 hours ago, amberzahra said:
 
 
 You might think that’s the bad part but this is the worst part – I pray every chance there is and I get shirk thoughts like “I did shirk – oh no – I’m destined for hell now”. I can never pray salah without this stuff and it makes me cry a lot.
 
 

Please stop characterising Allah as a monster. I know you dont mean to but think about what youre saying. Do you really think the Most Benevolent and Merciful is going to send you to hell for having an involuntary thought? let alone a thought that you are clearly questioning and dont even believe. Its YOU who are giving yourself hell; youre making yourself miserable. Next time you dua, try asking for forgiveness for the ways you make yourself to suffer. You are being very unmerficul to one of Allah's creatures (yourself).

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58 minutes ago, amberzahra said:

Thankyou :). I will look up these websites , but i now i am so weak i am tired of fighting with my naafs and shaytan , every day i am struggling!! :') my collage is going to open and idk how will i study with my mentall illnesss

Do not worry God protects us when we are weak just do whatever you can. The sejtan wants to make you afraid because you are weak but they can not hurt you because God is in command of your faith not they. Just relax and do what you can to please Allah (swt).

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1 hour ago, gerashi_mp said:

One way of shaytan's trap is waswas. You may find someone so pious but he has alot of waswas, alot of (what ifs), it is an illness. The only cure for it is ignoring it. Don't pay attention to them since they are from Shaytan. they are just thoughts, doesn't mean you believe in them. Plus, there are tons of books that you can educate yourself about when it comes to a doubt that you don't have an answer for. 

One time Shaytan tells you to do haram, other times he provokes you to be angry, other times provokes arrogance and pride in you, other times makes you do waswas.

Don't worry, just know they are all from Shaytan, because waswas is a strong tool that Shaytan uses that on the long run can make you sick of religion.

One time there was a person that used to be so waswas about her prayer, so waswas about it, that eventually she stopped praying once and for all and she was like wow such a relief. You see what shaytan has done to her?? He made her to do alot of waswas that eventually she stopped praying.

So don't pay attention to the waswas, because it is Shaytan's trap to make you sick of religion and stop practicing Islam. 

You see the damage that waswas can do? so the cure is a simple word, Just Ignore them. practice this daily and you will feel good Inshallah trust me.

I smell ayatollah sayyed Abdullah Fatemi-nia(d.b) ideas: p

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@amberzahra

Calm down.

If you are serious about your doubts, maybe we should put them to test? Bring forward your doubts, but only one at a time and when that one has been answered bring the next one iA. We will see what level of knowledge your doubts are based on.

Either way, calm down, nobody is doing this to you but yourself so you need to calm down and say alhamdulillah. You are going to be fine iA, dont worry.

You are sure that other stuff in your life is not going on that is making you this way?

And stop portraying yourself as mentally ill, because you are not, you just need to chill out.
 

Edited by IbnSina
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1 hour ago, Ruq said:

Allah doesnt interpret your behaviour, he knows you better than you know yourself. So he knows that you are having a period of doubts and questioning because thoughts are popping up in your head. You are not to blame for the thoughts popping up - it either occurs or it doesnt occur, you dont think 'im going to think this thought now' - so whats important is how you deal with the thoughts. If you have genuine confusion about an issue, then seek information to help you clarify the issue. Dont panic, it doesnt mean youre no longer a Muslim or that God will be mad at you, the Quran praises reflection,seeking knowledge and seeking nearness to Allah. Stay calm and continue to do your salat etc until you feel you have resolved the questions intellectually to a satisfactory degree or by Allahs grace you have come to a place of resolution in yourself and it is no longer an issue.

 

Please stop characterising Allah as a monster. I know you dont mean to but think about what youre saying. Do you really think the Most Benevolent and Merciful is going to send you to hell for having an involuntary thought? let alone a thought that you are clearly questioning and dont even believe. Its YOU who are giving yourself hell; youre making yourself miserable. Next time you dua, try asking for forgiveness for the ways you make yourself to suffer. You are being very unmerficul to one of Allah's creatures (yourself).

it is not just as simple as Shaitan whispering thoughts and we believe them. There is more complication to the situation then meets the eye.  You can’t relate to it, because you aren’t suffering with the condition that I am . I am going through neg cycle , anxiety and stress , I know Allah cares about us more than anybody else on this planet... Shaitan knows my weaknesses,
 
Now let’s go to the 1st major surah of the Quran after fatiha.  Surah Baqara.
 
About the kuffar: (disbelievers)
 

ختم الله على قلوبهم و على سمعهم و على أبصارهم غشاوة ولهم عذاب عظيم
 
Allah has set a seal upon their hearts and upon their hearing, and over their vision is a veil. And for them is a great punishment. 2:7
 
“Oh great Allah sealed up their hearts.  and their hearing, as well as their sights.   I am having kufr thoughts so Allah will now seal up my heart and prepare a great punishment for me. “
 
About the hypocrites:
 
في قلوبهم مرض فزاد هم الله مرضا
 
In their hearts is disease, so Allah has increased their disease; and for them is a painful punishment because they [habitually] used to lie. 2:10
 
“There is a disease in their hearts.  So Allah increased their disease.  I have diseases in my heart, so Allah will increase the disease?  Man that is so depressing, because I just wanted a pure heart.  And if I’m a righteous person, then I have to believe and feel that I may be from this group of the hypocrites.”
 
يحسبون كل صيحة عليهم هم العدو فاحذرهم قاتلهم الله أنا يؤفكون
 
They think that every shout is against them.  They are the enemy, so beware of them. May Allah destroy them; how are they deluded? 63:4
 
“Oh great. that’s exactly like me. When I’m anxious, I always feel that all eyes are on me and everybody wants to blame me.  I must be from the hypocrites.  And they are punished in the lowest pits of hellfire forever.”
 

إن المنافقين في درك الأسفل من النار
 
 Indeed, the hypocrites are in the lowest pits of the fire.
 
So what is the conclusion then with this type of interaction with the Quran?  You get the feeling that Allah is criticizing and condemning you, and making you lose hope, and making you feel that you’re a true loser who will be punished forever in hellfire.
 
Does this type of outlook make someone (especially with anxiety and self esteem issues) feel motivated to come closer to Allah?  Does it increase the love of Allah?  Does it make them feel like reading the Quran more and more?  Like this, the Quran becomes a major stress for them.  Like this, Shaitan has confused them about who Allah is.  Like this, Shaitan has caused them to despair from the Rahmah of Allah.  And like this Shaitan has caused them to doubt and deny the greatest name of Allah,  Al-Rahman
 
Like this, does Shaitan destroy our iman and our relationship with Allah.
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13 minutes ago, IbnSina said:

@amberzahra

Calm down.

If you are serious about your doubts, maybe we should put them to test? Bring forward your doubts, but only one at a time and when that one has been answered bring the next one iA. We will see what level of knowledge your doubts are based on.

Either way, calm down, nobody is doing this to you but yourself so you need to calm down and say alhamdulillah. You are going to be fine iA, dont worry.

You are sure that other stuff in your life is not going on that is making you this way?

And stop portraying yourself as mentally ill, because you are not, you just need to chill out.
 

i have no doubts about islam i know Allah is the creator of All that exists , i know he has sent down messengers and our Hazrat Muhammad saw is one of them ! Shyatn is causing me doubts and evi thoughts and i am sick of them , i am tired of fighting with those thoughts , he is whispering about my Allah and islam that is why i am anxious.

Edited by amberzahra
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1 minute ago, amberzahra said:

i have no doubts about islam i know Allah is the creator of All that exists , i know he has sent down messengers and our Hazrat Muhammad saw is one of them ! Shyatna is causing me doubts and evi thoughts and i am sick of them , i am tired of fighting with those thoughts , he is whispering about my Allah and islam that is why i am anxious.

Listen, you need to chill out.

Now I asked you a question, why are you not answering it?

I asked: You are sure that other stuff in your life is not going on that is making you this way?

 

Also you just said you have no doubts about islam and then you say ibliss is causing you doubts??

Which one?

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5 minutes ago, IbnSina said:

Listen, you need to chill out.

Now I asked you a question, why are you not answering it?

I asked: You are sure that other stuff in your life is not going on that is making you this way?

 

Also you just said you have no doubts about islam and then you say ibliss is causing you doubts??

Which one?

He whispers , who is your lord , i answer him in my head , then after some time a clear laughing voice in my head , then he whispers Allah isnt real you cant see him , i answer him in my head that God has no picture , still he sees he hear he is present , then the voice went away he tell me lies about everything but i dont believe him , he whispers you are kafir you are going to hell :'(  bcz of this i recite kalma after every five minute

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20 hours ago, amberzahra said:

He whispers , who is your lord , i answer him in my head , then after some time a clear laughing voice in my head , then he whispers Allah isnt real you cant see him , i answer him in my head that God has no picture , still he sees he hear he is present , then the voice went away he tell me lies about everything but i dont believe him , he whispers you are kafir you are going to hell :'(  bcz of this i recite kalma after every five minute

[Edit] I asked you a question why are you not answering it? Did he whisper you to ignore what IbnSina ask you as well?

Either way, why dont you do with ibliss what you do with me and ignore answering his question? You seem to be very good at it since this is the third time I expected an answer to a question I made and I did not get one.

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49 minutes ago, amberzahra said:

He whispers , who is your lord , i answer him in my head , then after some time a clear laughing voice in my head , then he whispers Allah isnt real you cant see him , i answer him in my head that God has no picture , still he sees he hear he is present , then the voice went away he tell me lies about everything but i dont believe him , he whispers you are kafir you are going to hell :'(  bcz of this i recite kalma after every five minute

Maybe it's not shaytan maybe its Jinn and you need ruqya

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20 hours ago, IbnSina said:

[Edit] I asked you a question why are you not answering it? Did he whisper you to ignore what IbnSina ask you as well?

Either way, why dont you do with ibliss what you do with me and ignore answering his question? You seem to be very good at it since this is the third time I expected an answer to a question I made and I did not get one.

She did answer you,  no need to get nasty with her. Re-read it again. 

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@amberzahra 

Youre right, i dont have your experiences, although i have experienced deep depression and i have experienced debilitating anxiety.

 As long as you keep an open heart and a reflective mind and consciously turn towards Allah, what have you to fear from those verses? the only reason disease increases in the heart is because people dont orientate themselves towards Allah for help. If your intention it righteous and you turn towards God, why would you have anything to fear? youre completely decontextualising the people being talked about in the Quran and seem to be trying to wear the description yourself. You have to question this comparison youre making. If these verses make you feel paranoid dont read them, read about Allahs compassion, forgiveness and grace instead. Shaitan cant do anything without your permission. Question your assessment of yourself, ask yourself if its true, can you be sure that its true that the verse is talking about you? what about the evidence to the contrary? question your assumptions about what it means to experience your thoughts, does it even make sense that Allah would condemn you for something you dont have control over and that youre trying to make better by turning towards him? maybe your fear and distress is making you feel like you dont trust God and thats making you feel guilty, but even if you feel these feelings (which you feel unable to control) you can control what you do with your mind. As long as youre turning towards Allah, giving thanks and asking for support, you are consciously orientating yourself towards Him. The key is to not let the anxious feelings stop you doing that, even when you struggle to concentrate or it becomes half-hearted, do it anyway. Thank Allah for the trust and faith you can find and every way that he is supporting you, the ways you recognise and the ways you dont, including the suffering he is diverting from you. Maybe you are expending too much energy on apologising to Allah for your thoughts and not enough on giving thanks?

Edited by Ruq
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4 hours ago, amberzahra said:

He whispers , who is your lord , i answer him in my head , then after some time a clear laughing voice in my head , then he whispers Allah isnt real you cant see him , i answer him in my head that God has no picture , still he sees he hear he is present , then the voice went away he tell me lies about everything but i dont believe him , he whispers you are kafir you are going to hell :'(  bcz of this i recite kalma after every five minute

You are having audio and visual hallucinations? have you been diagnosed with schizophrenia or something similar? there are some other members with schizophrenia on the forum (StrugglingForTheLight has probably been the most active). Maybe they/he can offer you some advice on dealing with hallucinations.

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6 hours ago, Ruq said:

You are having audio and visual hallucinations? have you been diagnosed with schizophrenia or something similar? there are some other members with schizophrenia on the forum (StrugglingForTheLight has probably been the most active). Maybe they/he can offer you some advice on dealing with hallucinations.

Schizophrenia ?  i am just having audio hallunications , only when i am alone. I just feel burden on my shoulders whenever i pray or read Quran , and i feel  nauseas and queazy especially in fajar , whenever i read Quran i get headaches , and pressure in my cheat and a slight pain in my heart !!  I feel burning in my stomach in fajar time ! .. I also had short term memory problems , and disorder speech , but now i am okay with this , whenever i feel nasty i recite Allah's name and 4 quls , and i feel less burden and less foggy mind!! I didnt tell my parents about this or siblings bcz they will make fun of me  , i struggle on my own.  Do remember me in your prayerss!

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You need to realise that your thoughts don't define you. You are not your thoughts and feelings.  Once you've realised this, whenever a negative thought comes to your mind, you will be more able to just let it pass without zooming in on it and trying to interpret it. However, right now you are basically feeding the "satanic thoughts" by focusing on them and worrying about them. It makes you more vulnerable to anxiety and stress. Even if you think these thoughts are from Shaytan, why do you feel the need to respond to him (the thoughts)? He wants your attention, are you going to give it to him? Are you going to let him control how you feel? 

How often do you experience intrusive  thoughts and images in your head? Do you experience it on a daily basis? Do you yourself ever feel like you are going "crazy"? 

I know it's not easy, but you need to learn to let go of your thoughts and not put any labels on them. That way, it can get easier to disentangle yourself from all this, InshaAllah.

Edited by Zarla
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42 minutes ago, Zarla said:

You need to realise that your thoughts don't define you. You are not your thoughts and feelings.  Once you've realised this, whenever a negative thought comes to your mind, you will be more able to just let it pass without zooming in on it and trying to interpret it. However, right now you are basically feeding the "satanic thoughts" by focusing on them and worrying about them. It makes you more vulnerable to anxiety and stress. Even if you think these thoughts are from Shaytan, why do you feel the need to respond to him (the thoughts)? He wants your attention, are you going to give it to him? Are you going to let him control how you feel? 

How often do you experience intrusive  thoughts and images in your head? Do you experience it on a daily basis? Do you yourself ever feel like you are going "crazy"? 

I know it's not easy, but you need to learn to let go of your thoughts and not put any labels on them. That way, it can get easier to disentangle yourself from all this, InshaAllah.

Insha Allah :) you are right :) but Its been almost 4 months, i am experiencing extremely bad waswas, these waswas are very evil thoughts which i dare not speak, sometimes i feel these are my thoughts i have ruined my chances for jannah forever,, basically it happens when i sit alone . At times i feel so low and depressed, , however the frequency of these thoughts have reduced a bit, but the nature of these thoughts have become more evil,  i have stopped watching bad movies, i am not listening to music , i wish even my worst enemy dont experience these thoughts, they are bad thoughts, m so messed up, m unable to talk to someone not even my parents, and these thoughts are killling me from inside.  and they seem to increase when i turn toward the deen more. Being alone also makes me easy target for the shaytaan, and how can i  ignore the whispers like 'who is your lord , He isnt real you cant see him' i know the truth thats why i reply them in my head and these whispers went on their own but only for some time

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20 minutes ago, amberzahra said:

Insha Allah :) you are right :) but Its been almost 4 months, i am experiencing extremely bad waswas, these waswas are very evil thoughts which i dare not speak, sometimes i feel these are my thoughts i have ruined my chances for jannah forever,, basically it happens when i sit alone . At times i feel so low and depressed, , however the frequency of these thoughts have reduced a bit, but the nature of these thoughts have become more evil,  i have stopped watching bad movies, i am not listening to music , i wish even my worst enemy dont experience these thoughts, they are bad thoughts, m so messed up, m unable to talk to someone not even my parents, and these thoughts are killling me from inside.  and they seem to increase when i turn toward the deen more. Being alone also makes me easy target for the shaytaan, and how can i  ignore the whispers like 'who is your lord , He isnt real you cant see him' i know the truth thats why i reply them in my head and these whispers went on their own but only for some time

The prophet was given surah nas and falaq for this very reason , read it with all your heart and full faith that you will be cured with these two surahs, before you sleep and when you wake up.

Take it as your mental medicine. Don't give up on these two verses, if it does not work immediately. Every medicine needs to take its course.

You will start seeing these thoughts fade away In sha Allah.

You did a very good job replying them in your head, as there is a Hadith which says fight the Sheytan with what you know. 

So along with these two surahs which is most important, fight them with what you know of the truth, and they will leave you.

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13 hours ago, amberzahra said:
it is not just as simple as Shaitan whispering thoughts and we believe them. There is more complication to the situation then meets the eye.  You can’t relate to it, because you aren’t suffering with the condition that I am . I am going through neg cycle , anxiety and stress , I know Allah cares about us more than anybody else on this planet... Shaitan knows my weaknesses,
 
Now let’s go to the 1st major surah of the Quran after fatiha.  Surah Baqara.
 
About the kuffar: (disbelievers)
 

ختم الله على قلوبهم و على سمعهم و على أبصارهم غشاوة ولهم عذاب عظيم
 
Allah has set a seal upon their hearts and upon their hearing, and over their vision is a veil. And for them is a great punishment. 2:7
 
“Oh great Allah sealed up their hearts.  and their hearing, as well as their sights.   I am having kufr thoughts so Allah will now seal up my heart and prepare a great punishment for me. “
 
About the hypocrites:
 
في قلوبهم مرض فزاد هم الله مرضا
 
In their hearts is disease, so Allah has increased their disease; and for them is a painful punishment because they [habitually] used to lie. 2:10
 
“There is a disease in their hearts.  So Allah increased their disease.  I have diseases in my heart, so Allah will increase the disease?  Man that is so depressing, because I just wanted a pure heart.  And if I’m a righteous person, then I have to believe and feel that I may be from this group of the hypocrites.”
 
يحسبون كل صيحة عليهم هم العدو فاحذرهم قاتلهم الله أنا يؤفكون
 
They think that every shout is against them.  They are the enemy, so beware of them. May Allah destroy them; how are they deluded? 63:4
 
“Oh great. that’s exactly like me. When I’m anxious, I always feel that all eyes are on me and everybody wants to blame me.  I must be from the hypocrites.  And they are punished in the lowest pits of hellfire forever.”
 

إن المنافقين في درك الأسفل من النار
 
 Indeed, the hypocrites are in the lowest pits of the fire.
 
So what is the conclusion then with this type of interaction with the Quran?  You get the feeling that Allah is criticizing and condemning you, and making you lose hope, and making you feel that you’re a true loser who will be punished forever in hellfire.
 
Does this type of outlook make someone (especially with anxiety and self esteem issues) feel motivated to come closer to Allah?  Does it increase the love of Allah?  Does it make them feel like reading the Quran more and more?  Like this, the Quran becomes a major stress for them.  Like this, Shaitan has confused them about who Allah is.  Like this, Shaitan has caused them to despair from the Rahmah of Allah.  And like this Shaitan has caused them to doubt and deny the greatest name of Allah,  Al-Rahman
 
Like this, does Shaitan destroy our iman and our relationship with Allah.

 

We must maintain balance between the fear of Allah and the hope for his mercy. We never should go extreme on either way, not too hopeful that we forget to do our obligatories towards Allah and abstain from Haram, and not too fearful that will cause what you are experiencing right now. I think you went extreme on being fearful, you need to balance that with the hope of Allah's mercy, and that's on remembering Allah's love and mercy.

Allah's mercy is prior to His wrath. Know that we have 114 surah in Quran out of which 113 surah begins with: "In the name of Allah the most Compassionate the most Merciful". Know that Allah's mercy to his servants is more than a mother to her own child. Know that Allah's mercy is 100 parts, 1 part is in this Donya and 99 part is in the judgement day + the 1 part of Dunya's.

Also keep reading the following verses to keep remembering the mercy of Allah:

إِنَّ الَّذِينَ آمَنُواْ وَالَّذِينَ هَاجَرُواْ وَجَاهَدُواْ فِي سَبِيلِ اللّهِ أُوْلَـئِكَ يَرْجُونَ رَحْمَتَ اللّهِ وَاللّهُ غَفُورٌ رَّحِيمٌ

Verily, they who have attained to faith, and they who have forsaken the domain of evil [203] and are striving hard in God's cause - these it is who may look forward to God's grace: for God is much-forgiving, a dispenser of grace. - 2:218

دَرَجَاتٍ مِّنْهُ وَمَغْفِرَةً وَرَحْمَةً وَكَانَ اللّهُ غَفُورًا رَّحِيمًا 

[many] degrees thereof - and for­giveness of sins, and His grace; for God is indeed much-forgiving, a dispenser of grace

قُل لِّمَن مَّا فِي السَّمَاوَاتِ وَالأَرْضِ قُل لِلّهِ كَتَبَ عَلَى نَفْسِهِ الرَّحْمَةَ لَيَجْمَعَنَّكُمْ إِلَى يَوْمِ الْقِيَامَةِ لاَ رَيْبَ فِيهِ الَّذِينَ خَسِرُواْ أَنفُسَهُمْ فَهُمْ لاَ يُؤْمِنُونَ

Say: "Unto whom belongs all that is in the heavens and on earth?" Say: "Unto God, who has willed upon Himself the law of grace and mercy. [10] He will assuredly gather you all together on the Day of Resurrection, [the coming of] which is beyond all doubt: yet those who have squandered their own selves-it is they who refuse to believe [in Him], - 6:12

وَإِذَا جَاءكَ الَّذِينَ يُؤْمِنُونَ بِآيَاتِنَا فَقُلْ سَلاَمٌ عَلَيْكُمْ كَتَبَ رَبُّكُمْ عَلَى نَفْسِهِ الرَّحْمَةَ أَنَّهُ مَن عَمِلَ مِنكُمْ سُوءًا بِجَهَالَةٍ ثُمَّ تَابَ مِن بَعْدِهِ وَأَصْلَحَ فَأَنَّهُ غَفُورٌ رَّحِيمٌ 

And when those who believe in Our messages come unto thee, say: "Peace be upon you. Your Sustainer has willed upon Himself the law of grace and mercy [46] - so that if any of you does a bad deed out of ignorance, and thereafter repents and lives righteously, He shall be [found] much-forgiving, a dispenser of grace." - 6:54

أَهَـؤُلاء الَّذِينَ أَقْسَمْتُمْ لاَ يَنَالُهُمُ اللّهُ بِرَحْمَةٍ ادْخُلُواْ الْجَنَّةَ لاَ خَوْفٌ عَلَيْكُمْ وَلاَ أَنتُمْ تَحْزَنُونَ

Are those [blessed ones] the self-same people of whom you once solemnly declared, `Never will God bestow His grace upon them'? [38] [For now they have been told,] `Enter paradise; no fear need you have, and neither shall you grieve!"' - 7:49

وَلَوْلَا فَضْلُ اللَّهِ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَتُهُ وَأَنَّ اللَّهَ تَوَّابٌ حَكِيمٌ

AND WERE it not for God’s favour upon you, [O man,] and His grace, and that God is a wise acceptor of repentance...!

وَلَوْلَا فَضْلُ اللَّهِ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَتُهُ وَأَنَّ اللَّه رَؤُوفٌ رَحِيمٌ

And were it not for God’s favour upon you and His grace, and that God is compassionate, a dispenser of grace...! [23] - 24:20

 

 

And so many more ..

Think of Allah's love and mercy before you think of his wrath.

May Allah's mercy be upon you everyday Inshallah.

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18 hours ago, amberzahra said:

Now I am more at peace in my heart but the doubts are still here. I want the same pain back but it never comes my way – I failed. I’m so deluded I can’t cry of fear no more I just don’t know what to do anymore. I give up, it’s too hard to take these thoughts. Now i am also suffering from mental illness depersonalization and derealization , i feel [Edited Out] , i feel anxious, i cant concentrate , i am losing my faith , i know i have a creator , but i feel numb i just cant realize he created me ... I feel nothing while praying now , my mind is foggy my eyes are not fully open . Why Allah has done this to me i did every thing to please Allah , i stopped back bitting , lying and i left my friends for Allah , i think Allah dont want me anymore

Brother, you should go easy on yourself, one of the things that Allah hates is when something bad happens to someone and they start saying why Allah has done this to me. He didn't, but maybe this is a test made especially for your journey of faith for God to see if you're truly worthy and you'll get pass it. I used to be a christian who's now a shia, alhamdulillah i've seen the truth. But one of the tests that i was definite to pass was also Doubts.

I was in a period of transition of my life i was so afraid and weak because i was also giving up my friends and all my life for my religion and for God, then these feelings of Doubt started, the devil is smart, he knows exactly when to strike. IT WAS A TORTURE! Believe me! I was so confused and so uncertain that i was in deep pain and i was terrified. Because i didnt know what to choose the life of pleasure or the life of salvation which is not easy at all, in this journey the more you Grow the more you will face bigger tests. Until one day i sat and started reflecting, i wrote down what i felt in this past life of mine how it is all empty and meaningless and depressing but at the same time very tempting and fun and what i felt when i discovered God which was Amazing, words cannot simply describe how i felt. So i fought my doubts really hard and i started meanwhile listening to lectures about ahlulbayt, which was a life saver. And it passed...

So hold on there, Don't lose hope and do not ever give up, this is life bittersweet, and always remember we are just passing by. This is when you should start studying your religion and get more involved, look how our scholars are living in an entire different dimension cause of our Religion, and yet we still are underestimating it...

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14 hours ago, Gaius I. Caesar said:

She did answer you,  no need to get nasty with her. Re-read it again. 

No she did not, I asked her if there are other stuff going on in her life, for example family situation, studies, friends, social environment, etc that she thinks might affect the way she is feeling and the situation she is in.

Also, Caesar, I got "nasty" with her for a strategic reason, to shift her focus from "oh no im going bananas" to "what does this guy want".

 

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6 hours ago, amberzahra said:

Schizophrenia ?  i am just having audio hallunications , only when i am alone. I just feel burden on my shoulders whenever i pray or read Quran , and i feel  nauseas and queazy especially in fajar , whenever i read Quran i get headaches , and pressure in my cheat and a slight pain in my heart !!  I feel burning in my stomach in fajar time ! .. I also had short term memory problems , and disorder speech , but now i am okay with this , whenever i feel nasty i recite Allah's name and 4 quls , and i feel less burden and less foggy mind!! I didnt tell my parents about this or siblings bcz they will make fun of me  , i struggle on my own.  Do remember me in your prayerss!

I will inshAllah, but i really think you should talk to your doctor about the audio  hallucinations. This points to a neurological issue.

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5 hours ago, IbnSina said:

No she did not, I asked her if there are other stuff going on in her life, for example family situation, studies, friends, social environment, etc that she thinks might affect the way she is feeling and the situation she is in.

Also, Caesar, I got "nasty" with her for a strategic reason, to shift her focus from "oh no im going bananas" to "what does this guy want".

 

Also, IbnSina, I don't think that strategy works online as well as it does in real life. Wouldn't it be better to ask the OP straight up "Where is your parents and friends?" or "How is your home life?" like a normal person? 

She already told us that her parents think that she is making things up and being rebellious. I don't, because I have no reason to and don't know the whole story. 

Also I agree with @Ruq,the OP should consult with a doctor before going to a raqi to determine whether it's jinn possession like  @Ali al-Abdullah suggested.

 

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Just now, Gaius I. Caesar said:

Also, IbnSina, I don't think that strategy works online as well as it does in real life. Wouldn't it be better to ask the OP straight up "Where is your parents and friends?" or "How is your home life?" like a normal person? 

She already told us that her parents think that she is making things up and being rebellious. I don't, because I have no reason to and don't know the whole story. 

Also I agree with @Ruq,the OP should consult with a doctor before going to a raqi to determine whether it's jinn possession like  @Ali al-Abdullah suggested.

 

Either way, she did not answer my question like you said.

And I am still waiting for her to answer my question.

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6 minutes ago, IbnSina said:

Either way, she did not answer my question like you said.

And I am still waiting for her to answer my question.

She is not obliged to answer you. She may keep silence if she wishes.

She is having OCD mostly. So questions are not the annoying thing. It is the recurring questions, persisting and uninvited one.

She isn't seeking answers as she is intelligent enough to find them. She is seeking cure from these recurring questions.

 

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1 minute ago, Chaotic Muslem said:

She is not obliged to answer you. She may keep silence if she wishes.

She is having OCD mostly. So questions are not the annoying thing. It is the recurring questions, persisting and uninvited one.

She isn't seeking answers as she is intelligent enough to find them. She is seeking cure from these recurring questions.

 

That is fine if she does not want to answer but she has her own voice you do not need to speak for her.

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5 hours ago, IbnSina said:

That is fine if she does not want to answer but she has her own voice you do not need to speak for her.

I am sorry ._.' Thanks for your concern :) no i dont have anyother issue or family problem :) no body knows what i am going through, not even my parents i try to stay normal infront of them and infront of my friends :)) i dont want them to pity on me , i dont want to be burden ! I am strong i will struggle alone , and Insha Allah i will be normal again by the will of Allah :)))

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14 hours ago, gerashi_mp said:

We must maintain balance between the fear of Allah and the hope for his mercy. We never should go extreme on either way, not too hopeful that we forget to do our obligatories towards Allah and abstain from Haram, and not too fearful that will cause what you are experiencing right now. I think you went extreme on being fearful, you need to balance that with the hope of Allah's mercy, and that's on remembering Allah's love and mercy.

Allah's mercy is prior to His wrath. Know that we have 114 surah in Quran out of which 113 surah begins with: "In the name of Allah the most Compassionate the most Merciful". Know that Allah's mercy to his servants is more than a mother to her own child. Know that Allah's mercy is 100 parts, 1 part is in this Donya and 99 part is in the judgement day + the 1 part of Dunya's.

Also keep reading the following verses to keep remembering the mercy of Allah:

إِنَّ الَّذِينَ آمَنُواْ وَالَّذِينَ هَاجَرُواْ وَجَاهَدُواْ فِي سَبِيلِ اللّهِ أُوْلَـئِكَ يَرْجُونَ رَحْمَتَ اللّهِ وَاللّهُ غَفُورٌ رَّحِيمٌ

Verily, they who have attained to faith, and they who have forsaken the domain of evil [203] and are striving hard in God's cause - these it is who may look forward to God's grace: for God is much-forgiving, a dispenser of grace. - 2:218

دَرَجَاتٍ مِّنْهُ وَمَغْفِرَةً وَرَحْمَةً وَكَانَ اللّهُ غَفُورًا رَّحِيمًا 

[many] degrees thereof - and for­giveness of sins, and His grace; for God is indeed much-forgiving, a dispenser of grace

قُل لِّمَن مَّا فِي السَّمَاوَاتِ وَالأَرْضِ قُل لِلّهِ كَتَبَ عَلَى نَفْسِهِ الرَّحْمَةَ لَيَجْمَعَنَّكُمْ إِلَى يَوْمِ الْقِيَامَةِ لاَ رَيْبَ فِيهِ الَّذِينَ خَسِرُواْ أَنفُسَهُمْ فَهُمْ لاَ يُؤْمِنُونَ

Say: "Unto whom belongs all that is in the heavens and on earth?" Say: "Unto God, who has willed upon Himself the law of grace and mercy. [10] He will assuredly gather you all together on the Day of Resurrection, [the coming of] which is beyond all doubt: yet those who have squandered their own selves-it is they who refuse to believe [in Him], - 6:12

وَإِذَا جَاءكَ الَّذِينَ يُؤْمِنُونَ بِآيَاتِنَا فَقُلْ سَلاَمٌ عَلَيْكُمْ كَتَبَ رَبُّكُمْ عَلَى نَفْسِهِ الرَّحْمَةَ أَنَّهُ مَن عَمِلَ مِنكُمْ سُوءًا بِجَهَالَةٍ ثُمَّ تَابَ مِن بَعْدِهِ وَأَصْلَحَ فَأَنَّهُ غَفُورٌ رَّحِيمٌ 

And when those who believe in Our messages come unto thee, say: "Peace be upon you. Your Sustainer has willed upon Himself the law of grace and mercy [46] - so that if any of you does a bad deed out of ignorance, and thereafter repents and lives righteously, He shall be [found] much-forgiving, a dispenser of grace." - 6:54

أَهَـؤُلاء الَّذِينَ أَقْسَمْتُمْ لاَ يَنَالُهُمُ اللّهُ بِرَحْمَةٍ ادْخُلُواْ الْجَنَّةَ لاَ خَوْفٌ عَلَيْكُمْ وَلاَ أَنتُمْ تَحْزَنُونَ

Are those [blessed ones] the self-same people of whom you once solemnly declared, `Never will God bestow His grace upon them'? [38] [For now they have been told,] `Enter paradise; no fear need you have, and neither shall you grieve!"' - 7:49

وَلَوْلَا فَضْلُ اللَّهِ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَتُهُ وَأَنَّ اللَّهَ تَوَّابٌ حَكِيمٌ

AND WERE it not for God’s favour upon you, [O man,] and His grace, and that God is a wise acceptor of repentance...!

وَلَوْلَا فَضْلُ اللَّهِ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَتُهُ وَأَنَّ اللَّه رَؤُوفٌ رَحِيمٌ

And were it not for God’s favour upon you and His grace, and that God is compassionate, a dispenser of grace...! [23] - 24:20

 

 

And so many more ..

Think of Allah's love and mercy before you think of his wrath.

May Allah's mercy be upon you everyday Inshallah.

What you are saying is correct .Hopelessness and Despair kills your faith. Being hopeful in yourself and that Allah loves you , that you are worshipping the All Merciful is the key. We aren’t worshipping a God that just throws people in hellfire !
 was questioning myself yesterday.  I had become so angry and upset inside towards my religion.  I felt that I fell completely into the dark side, with the state of my heart.  My heart and mind took a beating, and some of the worst irrationality I have experienced was coming out.  I felt this repulsion and inability to read Quran because I was completely feeling the ayat of kufr and disbelief were condemning me and talking about me.  Oh the perils of despair.  The irrationality of despair!
 
This morning, after having another stressful experience with more verses of kufr.  I went to the roof after fajar , where I felt all around me the peace and comfort of the environment.    I was actually able to just be and feel the moment,  Feeling peace around me.  And feel that this exactly what it means that Allah is the source of Peace.
 
The name of Allah, As-Salam came to me.
 
As-Salam = The Source of Peace.
 
All the relaxing and peaceful environments we experienced growing up.  If you take a step back and notice the tranquility in the enviornment, despite the noise being made in some places of people doing things making a racket.  Like going to the park in the evening, or watching.    These are all manifestations of the peace that is coming from the Source of Peace.
 
As I was soaking in the peaceful scenary , I found myself living in the moment, and having the sense of peace and tranquility of As-Salam descend into my heart.  And I was able to see things with this vision of peace.  It’s like taking a step back, viewing the peace from a birds eye view, attributing the peace to the Source of Peace, and the tranquility descended into my heart, and what a peaceful moment.
 
Now I know what could be going in your head.   Probably the same thing that has gone through my head many a time.  What about the severe stress and agony from reading the Quran?  So much tough time from reading, so much stress you feel like you will be losing your life to the stress and burden.  Then after praying and feeling so much stress, we have to say, “Oh Allah, you are the Source of peace, and from you comes the peace.”   I know, it almost feels like a slap in the face and could have potential to make you even more resentful and upset by the book belonging to As-Salam making you feel utmost stress.  But even in my severe negative emotion, I too have experienced beautiful emotions with Quran, and the design of the Quran is only to make us feel peace
:)
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