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Smiles786

Advice needed for marriage

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Salaams everyone, 

There is a store in town where a Muslim man is the manager.  I don't think he is Shia.  He has a bit of a crush on me. Whenever we go there he asks me questions like you would ask a potential partner and he got annoyed when a male customer talked to me. I think he is a good prospect for marriage.  He is hardworking,  polite, very  respectful. 

I have no idea how to go about this. Please advise as to how I can get this going towards marriage. Any advice would be appreciated. 

Thanks! 

Wasalaam 

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Haha! The halal food market where I used to live a long time ago, the manager used to always ask me questions that made me think he was interested. I actually avoided shopping during the times he typically worked. 

Then I met his wife. She was really nice, and I'm sure had no idea he was soliciting a second. You don't happen to live in central Virginia, do you?

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16 minutes ago, notme said:

Haha! The halal food market where I used to live a long time ago, the manager used to always ask me questions that made me think he was interested. I actually avoided shopping during the times he typically worked. 

Then I met his wife. She was really nice, and I'm sure had no idea he was soliciting a second. You don't happen to live in central Virginia, do you?

Lol. No I'm not American.  He is single. I already found out. Thanks! 

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How about your kids? How about when you are 35 and he 40? How about when he will turn 45, gravitate towards his Sunni madhab, shaving the mustache and growing the long beard, wearing his arab thobe with a short pajama? How about when he would insist you abandon your madhab of Prophet S and pray with his hand tied in the front like a Pharaoh? How about when  he would name his children Umer and Ayesha? How about when the heroes for your kids would be Khalid the rapist, Umer the slanderer, Murwan the shameless one?

 

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50 minutes ago, Irfani313 said:

How about your kids? How about when you are 35 and he 40? How about when he will turn 45, gravitate towards his Sunni madhab, shaving the mustache and growing the long beard, wearing his arab thobe with a short pajama? How about when he would insist you abandon your madhab of Prophet S and pray with his hand tied in the front like a Pharaoh? How about when  he would name his children Umer and Ayesha? How about when the heroes for your kids would be Khalid the rapist, Umer the slanderer, Murwan the shameless one?

 

That's not necessarily true. We have several families where the husband or wife is from ahle sunnah. The spouse goes to both the mosques, the kids go to shia madressah, and the kids made their own choice.  All shia. 

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Salam,

If he is not shia I would suggest you stop this right now. If you want to know why, then ask, but if Haqq is important to you, then I hope you understand why.

If you are interested for real, then tell your father to go to the shop and ask him out. Either way, involve your father as soon as possible.

But I will repeat it, if he is not shia, do not go on with this, least you want to make it hard instead of easy.

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4 hours ago, Smiles786 said:

What is the problem here? His only fault is not being Shia. Lots of people marry non Shias.

K, there are plenty of single Shia men (many of them are sayyid, so obviously good looking), go marry one of them. It is more compatible for your family, it is better for your religion, and the religion of your children will not be ambiguous.

What kind of store is this anyway?

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your age is a necessity, his estimated age is a necessity. Your parent's age and permission is a necessity. Your ability to convert people is a important player.  Is he religious? These are the kinds of things you're parents are supposed to find out for you, because talking to non mahram even if you're interested in them the tiniest is a grave sin. Ask your parents permission and they will do some digging around for you insha Allah. Not obeying them is haram, even if you're a 50 yr old widow.

good luck in all endeavors, and Salaam

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Before marriage we often think about the things which are least important after marriage. After marriage we find ourselves non compatible to each other. Being Shia and Sunni husband and wife is a big difference. The children become confused and you can not bring up the children in a better way.

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5 hours ago, IbnSina said:

Salam,

If he is not shia I would suggest you stop this right now. If you want to know why, then ask, but if Haqq is important to you, then I hope you understand why.

If you are interested for real, then tell your father to go to the shop and ask him out. Either way, involve your father as soon as possible.

But I will repeat it, if he is not shia, do not go on with this, least you want to make it 

It's not working out with shia men so far. I can't live my life alone. I'm keeping my options open. My mom is with me in the shop. I'll ask her about it. Thanks! 

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5 hours ago, Qa'im said:

K, there are plenty of single Shia men (many of them are sayyid, so obviously good looking), go marry one of them. It is more compatible for your family, it is better for your religion, and the religion of your children will not be ambiguous.

What kind of store is this anyway?

I agree that marrying shia is ideal. I would prefer to do so. But it's not working out. 

Islamic dress shop.

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5 hours ago, Shabbar_Abidi said:

your age is a necessity, his estimated age is a necessity. Your parent's age and permission is a necessity. Your ability to convert people is a important player.  Is he religious? These are the kinds of things you're parents are supposed to find out for you, because talking to non mahram even if you're interested in them the tiniest is a grave sin. Ask your parents permission and they will do some digging around for you insha Allah. Not obeying them is haram, even if you're a 50 yr old widow.

good luck in all endeavors, and Salaam

My mom is standing with us when we talk. We are keeping a respectable distance. I would like to keep this halal, which is the reason for my question. 

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3 hours ago, Aabiss_Shakari said:

Before marriage we often think about the things which are least important after marriage. After marriage we find ourselves non compatible to each other. Being Shia and Sunni husband and wife is a big difference. The children become confused and you can not bring up the children in a better way.

Akhlaq is also important.  That's been missing with the shia prospects so far.

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1 hour ago, Smiles786 said:

It's not working out with shia men so far. I can't live my life alone. I'm keeping my options open. My mom is with me in the shop. I'll ask her about it. Thanks! 

Hmm, all I can say is that I rather be alone and unhappy than married and unhappy.

But either way you do not know if he is shia or not and he does not know if your shia or not so maybe he has a problem with you being shia or his parents etc. 

Also if you do want to marry him even if he is a sunni, which I strongly strongly advice against, then you have to ask him from the get go regarding how he wants to raise his children, is he okay with you going for ziyara trips, ashura, etc.

But I can make you one promise, and that is that marrying a sunni man will limit you spiritually you will not be able to develop to your full potential because you will always have to compromise and he will affect you whether you admit it or not and there is a reason why men can marry ahlul kitab and women cannot. 

InshaAllah it is kheyr regardless of what you decide to do.

 

Also, if you do want one of your parents to ask him out, it is better if your father do it, men knows men better. Women can be tricked by charm and men can be tricked by looks so be smart :)

Edited by IbnSina

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7 minutes ago, IbnSina said:

Hmm, all I can say is that I rather be alone and unhappy than married and unhappy.

But either way you do not know if he is shia or not and he does not know if your shia or not so maybe he has a problem with you being shia or his parents etc. 

Also if you do want to marry him even if he is a sunni, which I strongly strongly advice against, then you have to ask him from the get go regarding how he wants to raise his children, is he okay with you going for ziyara trips, ashura, etc.

But I can make you one promise, and that is that marrying a sunni man will limit you spiritually you will not be able to develop to your full potential because you will always have to compromise and he will affect you whether you admit it or not and there is a reason why men can marry ahlul kitab and women cannot. 

InshaAllah it is kheyr regardless of what you decide to do.

 

Also, if you do want one of your parents to ask him out, it is better if your father do it, men knows men better. Women can be tricked by charm and men can be tricked by looks so be smart :)

He knows we are shia.  My mom and I wear aqeeq and feroza. He's seen the rings. I fully agree with having the conversation regarding religion first. If I can't practice my faith,  I won't do it. I go to ziyarat every year and have never missed ashura or an amaal night. 

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1 hour ago, Smiles786 said:

He knows we are shia.  My mom and I wear aqeeq and feroza. He's seen the rings. I fully agree with having the conversation regarding religion first. If I can't practice my faith,  I won't do it. I go to ziyarat every year and have never missed ashura or an amaal night. 

Okay, though he might not know about the rings but time will tell.

You should also keep in mind that what a man says he will do is not always what he will do and if he forbids you later on from going to ziyara, attending ashura, doing mustahab amaals(shia ones). He has not over stepped his right as your husband and you will have to obey, islamically speaking.

Also with regards to shia men, if you have only looked within the iraqi community so far I would suggest you look in other communities as well, the khoja ones, Iranian ones, paki ones, lebanese, etc, or maybe you parents only want you to marry an iraqi?

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1 hour ago, IbnSina said:

Okay, though he might not know about the rings but time will tell.

You should also keep in mind that what a man says he will do is not always what he will do and if he forbids you later on from going to ziyara, attending ashura, doing mustahab amaals(shia ones). He has not over stepped his right as your husband and you will have to obey, islamically speaking.

Also with regards to shia men, if you have only looked within the iraqi community so far I would suggest you look in other communities as well, the khoja ones, Iranian ones, paki ones, lebanese, etc, or maybe you parents only want you to marry an iraqi?

They sell shia rings. I highly doubt he doesn't know.  

I'm not iraqi. My family is not particular about ethnicity.  But so far no luck 

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