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In the Name of God بسم الله

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1 minute ago, starlight said:

I cant believe I am reading this......

One of the reason people go to psychiatrists is because they need help while going through a stressful period in their lives so they don't go crazy. 

 

I think the parents have to go along with the daughter.

mainly the parents in this case !

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1 hour ago, iCambrian said:

I would agree with certain clarity. 

In Islam solution to various issues is in usage of intellect.

Hadith from al- Kafi:

This is one more:

 H 19, Ch. 1, h 19

"I asked Imam abu ‘Abdallah (a.s) this, 

' May Allah take my soul in service for your cause, I have a neighbor who prays a great deal, gives much charity and very often visits Makka and he seems alright.’" The Imam (a.s) asked, "O ibn Ishaq how is his intelligence?" 

I then said, "May Allah take my soul in service for your cause, he does NOT have ANY INTELLIGENCE" 

"NOTHING from what he does will be raised up (to heavens)." Replied the Imam.

*********

Unfortunately majority ignore this fact and their is no pill to eradicate stupidity sadly !

Specially cultural ones ! 

Technology tools have progressed in Asian societies but internal brain technology is running below DOS system.

Saulte to the animal kingdom ,humans have much to learn from them ! 

Edited by certainclarity

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All you need to do is close your eyes amd think about Allah

Of course with 5 regular prayers.

 

Last time it took me 6 months to come out.

This time it is 6th year.

One more thing i wd like to add.

I asked local maulana that what is the difference between a  test and punishment (from Allah)?

 

His answer was that a test would bring you closer to Allah and a punishment would take you away from HIM.

it will be over soon inshallah.

 

 

 

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Salaamun Alaykum @Mariam_,

Just curious if you were able to read the message I sent to your inbox,

No worries if not & apologies if it wasn't so helpful-

Just hope things are a bit clearer for you now & you find some breathing space.

 

I think it's interesting- the advice you receive here at ShiaChat- as you might expect, is geared towards strategies for putting your mind at ease through religious or scriptural methods. I think you'll find some really useful ways to reconnect with your faith here, and a really good bunch to help support you through what you're going through.

It sounds like there are a lot of factors at play in your life right now, making things seem really complex and with no clear action to take, which leaves you feeling a bit helpless.

It's sounds a bit strange to say out loud - but this is perfectly natural - although I'm sure it's unpleasant.

There's wisdom which says that in a healthy person; pain or distress or feelings of unease are the mind, body or spirit's way of telling us that something is not right. It's a bit more obvious when you feel it when a pin is sticking out of your foot, or someone you meet is rude to you- there's a clear cause and effect. The pain we feel, sometimes even before we see the pin, or realise that 'I'm feeling pretty miserable rn because that person straight up judged me'.

Importantly, we learn to counteract these feelings by changing our behaviour - we're problem solvers by nature - and only we in ourselves can be careful to wear shoes next time, or introduce ourselves and stand up for ourselves in confrontations.

What I'm saying is, we know that Allah is always pleased with us when we turn to him and ask for his help, because he is the mightiest, and this whole life is just a process of getting to know him and showing appreciation, honour, gratitude and submission to him. Part of that is in using the gifts he's given us practically - to solve problems with the capacity he's given us. In your case, one of the things you did was turn to a wider community here for assistance- the next steps may have to take shape as practical actions in your own life, and building strong connections with people who physically share time and space with you in your family, community, locality etc.

So don't loose hope - you're not expected to be infallible, or never to make mistakes, in fact that's how we learn and build up!

Do keep looking for the silver linings, seeking out allies in your life - people you can trust - and forgive yourself and others, so that you find the strength to wake up and face the challenges ahead.

 

Apologies if the advice falls short again - I feel like it's difficult to know the right thing to say,
but know that many people here and elsewhere would only want to see you thrive, overcome this hurdle and live your life. If things get really tough - do seek out a Counsellor at school, or with your local GP, or a Mental Health service near you - they can be really good!

Insha'Allah there is health and happiness for you ahead,
May we all be transformed into the best versions of ourselves, with excellent character,
Be well.

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On ‎8‎/‎4‎/‎2016 at 1:10 AM, Mariam_ said:

Salam Everyone,

This may sound really strange to some of you and I don't know if anyone else has been in a position similar to mine but I hope there is someone out there who understands and can give me some advice on what to do. For the past 3 years I've been feeling very lost - in the sense that I don't know what I'm doing with my life and it's reached the point where I don't know who I am. I don't recognise the person I've become. I feel so helpless all the time and I don't know what to do anymore, I just don't want to sit here and feel sorry for myself anymore and start being more grateful for all of the things I do have alhamdulillah. But the thing is I don't know how. This all started after I finished my GCSEs and got into A levels. Around the same time I got a proposal from my cousin and for one reason or another the 17 year old me got pressured into getting engaged with him. From there onwards my life started to spiral downwards. I started to lose all my motivation for everything - studies, friends, family and even my life. I didn't care anymore what happened in my life and everything I did do was to please the people around me. The times where I was alone all I would feel was hollow and a sense of helplessness. During this time I also continued my a levels where I failed some of my exams for both year 12 and 13. Somehow by the grace of Allah - and I legit kid you not, I managed to get into university with my bad grades alhamdulillah. Although on the surface my life seemed great and I looked happy in reality it was falling apart. I got formally engaged after my 18th birthday and struggled to maintain a good relationship with my father who was the one that 'convinced' me to get engaged to my cousin. He said I was young and that I didn't know what I was doing and because he relentlessly bought this topic up for nearly 6 months I didn't care anymore and agreed to the engagement. I was extremely hurt and disappointed that my dad didn't listen to me, that was something that I really didn't expect. I was heartbroken when he didn't listen to me at all and thus these series of events happened. Although now I understand where my he came from - no parent wants anything bad for their child, they should still listen because at the end of the day it's my life and in this case I would be living with him not my dad. In the case of my dad he thought that because he's older and I'm young that I don't know anything and that everything he says is for the best - which in this case didn't work out at all. So I started uni and failed one of my modules. Changed university the following year and continued into second year. A while ago I broke of the engagement because I just couldn't stand him anymore and in all honesty I didn't like him to begin with. I just finished my second year and found out I failed more than one module. I honestly don't know what I'm doing anymore with my life, I feel so lost and by doing so I'm starting to ruin my own life with my own hands as you can see. I don't know if it's the fear of disappointing my parents - which I've had since I was a child, or my lack of confidence that has caused all these problems in my life. And I know this may seem like a pity party but I seriously want to get out of this hole I've dug up for myself and finally be free of all the things that are tying me down. I know praying and reading the Quran soothes the soul and I'm ashamed to say i don't pray and I haven't read the Quran in so long that I've forgotten how to read altogether. I don't know if it's the lack of prayers or my fears that are doing this but I sincerely wish to change and stop this repeated cycle of failure I'm going through especially with my studies as that's a major part of my life right now. Please don't judge I know I have my fair share of sins and that I may seem ungrateful - which I probably no doubt am but please give me some advice I can work with to slowly built up everything I've lost - basically myself. 

 

Thank you so much for reading my long message and may Allah grant you all Jannah. 

Salam

ah no worries. It can be handled one by one without having grudge against anyone be it Allah, yourself or your dad. Not even against your cousin.

So first things first: Go back to prayer lol. Avoiding prayer is just a sign of hopelessness which is forbidden in Islam. Allah can and will help us if we turned to him. He promised us that and he keeps his promises.

The events were triggered by stress due to engagement and exams. It can cause all sorts of disruption from lack of sleep or lack of quality sleep, loss of appetite to eating too much. Sometimes though we get physical stress from loss of blood or hormonal disturbance which is all common. So if you feel that your hair became in bad shape or your skin is not glowing as it should, go to your family doc and get some tests done for iron and some other vitamins.

Then do review all of your life after getting physically fit.

your case is of depression , so some help from a close friend or family member will work like magic.

Most of time, people post the tip of iceberg and plenty remain hidden. I do not want you to post anything else of details of your life. For now keep them to yourself and after getting better, your brain will be able to tell which factor of those was actually the trigger of depression.

you need to inform your family about your lost sense but make it as physical one. Say you feel fatigue all time, headache, poor sleep lol whatever physical issue you got there, they will at least be more considerate when they judge you because if you keep it inside you all time, noon will figure it out.

Don't worry about future, there is a door of faraj always and things workout. Some graduated from best unis with high grades and are jobless.

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Sister, I think you may be depressed. If you want, you can PM me. 

 

You sound a lot like myself when I was younger. I was hopeless and helpless, had no motivation to do anything. I struggled with Bipolar Disorder all my life and never realized it. 

 

Please consider getting professional help. 

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@hayyibnyaqzan 

On 5 August 2016 at 0:59 AM, iCambrian said:

realistically though, shes not likely to go to a psychiatrist, she sounds pretty young and I cant imagine her parents would finance that.

I honestly wouldn't mind getting psychiatric help and u don't think my parents mind. At this point I think my dad somewhat understand that what he did was wrong and that its obvs affected me but the problem is first of all we don't have the finances for it second of all i don't think white people (no offence to fellow English/ American etc people it's just the difference in culture, upbringing etc) would understand my situation they would say you should have just said no. And I wouldn't really feel comfortable either talking about my situation to someone who I feel like will probably judge and won't actually understand. 

Edited by Mariam_

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On 4 August 2016 at 11:03 PM, iCambrian said:

We hear this story time and time again. I am sorry you are caught in this difficult situation. I wouldnt get a psychiatrist because you arent crazy.  Just a regular every day friend would do you more good.  If you ever find a good solution, let us know.  Best of luck. 

Maybe just taking time to find someone you would like to marry, would be fine. Someone that both you and your parents would approve of.  Aside from that, understand that we all fail at times in our ventures, this is just part of life. The best we can do is look ahead, try to make a plan for our future, one that is reasonable and with attainable goals.  Find some friends, and go for it. You dont want to be down on yourself.

Ahh for now marriage is a bit of a taboo subject in our house since I broke of the engagement bit alhamdulillah I have very supportive friends who are helping me get through this and not leaving me alone

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On 5 August 2016 at 4:37 AM, Chaotic Muslem said:

Salam

ah no worries. It can be handled one by one without having grudge against anyone be it Allah, yourself or your dad. Not even against your cousin.

So first things first: Go back to prayer lol. Avoiding prayer is just a sign of hopelessness which is forbidden in Islam. Allah can and will help us if we turned to him. He promised us that and he keeps his promises.

The events were triggered by stress due to engagement and exams. It can cause all sorts of disruption from lack of sleep or lack of quality sleep, loss of appetite to eating too much. Sometimes though we get physical stress from loss of blood or hormonal disturbance which is all common. So if you feel that your hair became in bad shape or your skin is not glowing as it should, go to your family doc and get some tests done for iron and some other vitamins.

Then do review all of your life after getting physically fit.

your case is of depression , so some help from a close friend or family member will work like magic.

Most of time, people post the tip of iceberg and plenty remain hidden. I do not want you to post anything else of details of your life. For now keep them to yourself and after getting better, your brain will be able to tell which factor of those was actually the trigger of depression.

you need to inform your family about your lost sense but make it as physical one. Say you feel fatigue all time, headache, poor sleep lol whatever physical issue you got there, they will at least be more considerate when they judge you because if you keep it inside you all time, noon will figure it out.

Don't worry about future, there is a door of faraj always and things workout. Some graduated from best unis with high grades and are jobless.

Yeah I tried to tell my mum but she didn't understand at all, she was like 'you have so many things to be grateful for why are you being so ungrateful' and I understand what she says and obviously she is right but that still doesn't change the fact that I'm not feeling the best mentally I guess. And it's a lot easier to say things than it is to do them especially in cases like this

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3 hours ago, Mariam_ said:

Yeah I tried to tell my mum but she didn't understand at all, she was like 'you have so many things to be grateful for why are you being so ungrateful' and I understand what she says and obviously she is right but that still doesn't change the fact that I'm not feeling the best mentally I guess. And it's a lot easier to say things than it is to do them especially in cases like this

Tell your mother that depression has nothing to do with being ungrateful.

depression is: (please show her this)

- a chemical imbalance. Like a person who has a cold takes medicine, depressed individuals need medication 8/10 times to feel better. Just because you cannot see depression doesn't mean it's not there.

 

- depression is a sign of being strong for too long

- depression is a sign of emotional dis regulation 

- depression is a sign of anger turned inward.

please show your mother this. If you want, ask me for contact info and I'll speak with your mother on this issue. I'm serious.

Edited by Islandsandmirrors

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7 hours ago, Mariam_ said:

Yeah I tried to tell my mum but she didn't understand at all, she was like 'you have so many things to be grateful for why are you being so ungrateful' and I understand what she says and obviously she is right but that still doesn't change the fact that I'm not feeling the best mentally I guess. And it's a lot easier to say things than it is to do them especially in cases like this

Well, yeah she wont get it, and you know why? it is because things are not clear in your head. No matter how long they listened, they wont get it.

I've been there, done that. If a woman is , without particularly obvious reason, turned anxious, irritated, depressed, stressed , she better listen to her body messeges and check her health status. Do not undermine the lack of sleep, poor nutrition or stress effect on your health like i did lol 

At least, which is what i did, i went to pharmacy and got vitamins, iron and zinc , mg and calcium ... That was all that was needed to fix it

But you may as well do blood tests Or find natural food that will replace the defiecet that you most likely have.

On a mental note: Do not blame others and just move on. Many relationships do not work be it based on planned maraige or love or coincidence or whatever 

people move on, so you must. As your mother said, look at the bright side: you got a family when many dont, your mom is alive, others never knew their moms. Your father wanted the best for you with that marriage and still supporting you, at least financially, despite all these negative emotions you got towards him. 

You got your youth, your uni

What you do not got is how to look at life as life that gives and takes and is to be lived and let go to its attachment

But if you are under physical stress, you wont be able to do it.

De-tox, clean up your body and find some friends, enjoy the days. It does not worth it to kill your soul over perceptions.

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