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sarafatima

need advice

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I need an advice from you people. i was engaged when i was young to my cousin. it was not official engagement. we never spoke to each other and neither he saw me as he lives far and now i am 26 they are quiet and my dad still wants me to  marry my cousin.he is hopeful that he will marry me. my cousin never tried to approach me it seems he is not interested. but they are not saying no to my dad. so my dad still has hope and rejects other proposals.i have no objection in rejecting them as i am also not interested in those proposals but  it really irritates me that why i am waiting for the person who is not interested. Should i contact him and ask him what they want. i can contact him through social media but thinking of contacting him hurts my ego.  what shoud i do. All people in my family knows my story and it annoys me more. (  i would also like to delete this post after some days)

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1 hour ago, sarafatima said:

I need an advice from you people. i was engaged when i was young to my cousin. it was not official engagement. we never spoke to each other and neither he saw me as he lives far and now i am 26 they are quiet and my dad still wants me to  marry my cousin.he is hopeful that he will marry me. my cousin never tried to approach me it seems he is not interested. but they are not saying no to my dad. so my dad still has hope and rejects other proposals.i have no objection in rejecting them as i am also not interested in those proposals but  it really irritates me that why i am waiting for the person who is not interested. Should i contact him and ask him what they want. i can contact him through social media but thinking of contacting him hurts my ego.  what shoud i do. All people in my family knows my story and it annoys me more. (  i would also like to delete this post after some days)

salamun alaykum.

To solve such problems may differ from one culture to another. However, generally speaking, marriage is a matter of one's whole life. So, if you are sure that he is not interested in you there is no room for compromise.

In my culture, such issues are dealt with by the elderly. So to begin with, you may talk to your parents and ask them to talk to your cousin's parents to finalize the issue. It is not that difficult. Either he is interested or not. Such prolonged engagement is not justified.

If your parents may not help so other family members can support you iA.

I pray that you choose what is best for you iA.

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Actually I am not sure but it seems he is not interested because he never tried to know about me which is necessary before getting married. and my dad and aunt has some issues also. but my dad says to my mom that my cousins dad and he are talking on this matter. and my cousin is studying now. yes he is studying but he is well settled and have good job as well. my dad is also unsure that this matter would be fixed or not.

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You need to know if he is interested and if he is, what kind of timeline he has in mind for marriage; does he want to get married in 2 years? 5 years? If he is not interested, then fine, you can move on. What you cannot do is stay in limbo, waiting for something that may never happen. Ask your parents to set up a meeting with him (and/or to find out what his intentions are exactly).

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3 hours ago, BabyBeaverIsAKit said:

You need to know if he is interested and if he is, what kind of timeline he has in mind for marriage; does he want to get married in 2 years? 5 years? If he is not interested, then fine, you can move on. What you cannot do is stay in limbo, waiting for something that may never happen. Ask your parents to set up a meeting with him (and/or to find out what his intentions are exactly).

BabyBeaverIsAKit ... BabyBeaverIsAKit ... BabyBeaver BabyBeaver BabyBeaver Is A Kit! 

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Assalam.

Doesn't matter if he's interesting in you or not, the first thing is: do you love him?

If you do, then try to solve the issue with your mom, let her to do her jobs. Also try to talk with your cousin, impress him with your good deeds.

Wassalam.

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