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Ali_Hussain

Being a Syed-zaadi was a curse for me

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Being a Syed-zaadi wasn’t a matter of pride for me, it was a curse!

Disclaimer: The post is a piece of fiction inspired by a true story

I was born into a Syed family. Since childhood, I’ve been told that this is a blessing as we are the direct descendants of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH). Therefore, all Syed girls had a status equivalent to that of mothers of Ummah. Thus, it was forbidden for us to even consider marrying a non-Syed man. Everyone called the girls of our family bibi jee and, while growing up, this was a matter of pride for me.

I was in my early teens when I first realised that there were a number of unmarried women in our family, belonging to all age groups. Due to family restrictions, finding a match for Syed girls was extremely difficult. For this reason, many of my cousins’ husbands were a complete mismatch. To make matters worse, most of my male cousins preferred marrying outside their caste as the men have no such restrictions.

We were three sisters and one brother. My brother (who was two years younger) was the most important person in the house. His birth sparked frantic celebrations in contrast to rather muted welcomes accorded to my sisters. From that point onwards, he received preferential treatment when it came to food, clothes and was later admitted to the top boarding school in our area.

Time passed and I turned 18. I was fair, tall and slim – ticking all the right attributes conventionally expected of an attractive girl. As I was coming of age, some of my female cousins were getting older; a few in their 30s and others in their 40s. Some still hopeful, others left with no dreams – trying to kill time within the walls of their homes.

In a male dominated society, such as Pakistan, finding a suitable match for a girl over the age of 30 is challenging. And for us Syed-zaadis, it’s almost impossible.

Some of my male cousins in their 40’s were able to find girls half their age. Most of their brides were non-Syed, and in my heart I used to wonder, if the Syed girls were given the status of mothers of Ummah, does it not make all Syed boys the fathers of Ummah?

The decade I was growing up in was the mobile and internet era. The world around me was changing at a much faster pace, but life in my house was still anchored in the 18th century. In my family, not many girls were allowed to go to school or college. But my mother (who was also non-Syed) insisted my father let me go to college.

The only reason my father permitted my attending college was so I could find an educated husband. Most of my class fellows were non-Syed and had never faced the same restrictions that I had. There were times when the pressure of being a ‘bibi jee’ was too much for me to handle.

And then I met Hamza; a boy who used to wait for me outside my college every day.

I didn’t want to speak to any man. I resisted talking to him for a long time, but he was persistent and I liked the attention of this young, handsome man. So, eventually I gave in and we started talking and exchanging notes. One day he handed me a mobile. I accepted his gift, not realising that it would change my life forever.

We started talking to each other. He was different from all the men around me. He was supportive and encouraged me to study hard and follow my dreams. I wanted to dream but I was scared. Hamza was the only ray of hope in my life.

One day, my aunt (my father’s unmarried sister who lived with us) saw me texting on my mobile. She immediately handed it to my father who read all of my text messages. My family threw a tantrum and everyone blamed my mother for allowing us freedom. My college life was also held accountable. Soon after, they decided to pull all my sisters out of school. But the worst was not over yet.

I requested a friend of mine to contact Hamza and tell him about the whole situation. Hamza convinced his family and within a few weeks his mother and aunt came to my home to ask for my hand in marriage. My family took that as an insult; after all, how dare a commoner ask for the hand of a Syed-zaadi? My grandmother insulted Hamza’s mother by telling her that she would rather marry me to a dog than her son.

I realised that being a Syed-zaadi wasn’t a matter of pride for me anymore; it was my biggest curse.

Everything around me was falling apart and the only option I had was to kill myself. I thought of running away from home but I was too scared. I would bring a bad name to my family. I thought about how it would impact my sister’s futures.

Weeks turned into months. My only contact with the outside world was my friend, who used to visit every weekend and bring messages from Hamza.

My father arranged my marriage with a cousin of mine who was 42-years-old. My brother moved back home and started medical college. Every man around me was selfish. They only cared about themselves. If the men in our family ever cared, they would have never married any non-Syed girl.

I prayed to my Creator every day,

“Oh my Allah, why do you bring daughters into this family? The ones you do, don’t give them a heart. Don’t give them brain.”

I used to think about my aunt, the one who spent her entire life taking care of her brother’s children. I also used to think about the many cousins I have who are too old to find a good husband. Every single woman in my family was suffering.

I was being forced to marry a man twice my age; all my hopes were dying. Ten days before my wedding, I received a message from Hamza asking me to run away with him. This was my only chance of getting out of this cage, so I decided to be as selfish like the men of my family and leave home.

It was my last day. I was depressed about having to leave my family, and scared as well. I waited for everyone to go to bed. At midnight I quietly walked towards the back door of the house. But, before I could open it, I heard my father’s loud voice asking me to stop. He was shouting from his window and his voice woke up my entire family who came running towards me. My brother stood with my father, a pistol in his hand. My grandmother started cursing me and crying.

Before I could say anything, I saw my brother pointing the gun at me; a loud bang, followed by extreme pain in my chest. My mother came forward to hold me, but it was too late. I was already taking my last breath.

The next morning the village people were told that my father accidently fired the gun while he was cleaning it. My whole family chose to remain quiet. No one reported the incident to the police; no one said anything to my brother. They all thought that he saved their pride.

My family and other so-called respectable families have got a lot of blood on their hands. Death is not always physical; there are countless women who die every day by the misery inflicted upon them by the so-called respectable men in their families. For 100s of years, in a feudalistic society like ours, men have used religion as a tool to protect their lands and keep it within the family. When Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) can give his daughter’s hand in marriage to Usman (RA), who was not from his own family, then why can’t we grant that same right to our women?

Disclaimer: The post is a piece of fiction inspired by a true story

http://blogs.tribune.com.pk/story/35245/being-a-syed-zaadi-wasnt-a-matter-of-pride-for-me-it-was-a-curse/

 

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34 minutes ago, Chaotic Muslem said:

I am still in state of disbelief. The whole thing of pride is one thing, but to actually kill an innocent soul for it is on a whole different level.

How will they meet RasulAllah ? srsly 

I read this article on my phone this morning, when I was looking for it on the internet, I typed in 'being a syed-zaadi' apart from the article, guess which site came top of the list?

Edited by Ali_Hussain

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The same Jahiliyah runs in their bloods which caused the slaughter of female infants at the time of pre-islamic jahiliyah.

Your blood made have some distant - distant relation to Rasullah s.a.w, but your blood also bears the blood of the jahiliyah relatives of Rasullah s.a.w.

Using the claim of being a relative (albeit VERY VERY distantly related, consider the fact there are MILLIONS of so-called 'sayeds') of Muhammed s.a.w to practise a habit he would and did CONDEMN.

I tell you, the indo-pakistani communities, shia and sunni, are so backward. Not all, not most, but strong elements within the indian-pakistani culture.

Putting aside the superstitious religious practises done by the shia's , the ghuluw , etc.

I would know. I am from there.

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@Ali_Hussain

What makes one a Sayyid?  I don't think it's by blood, but by their deeds.  Our ancestor is one, our religion is one, tribal, racial notions were supposed to be destroyed by Islam.  Being prideful of something that you were born into, without your own choice, is of the same fabric that seeking to unravel Islam.  What a tragic story, but it was very well written I must say. 

People let these dunya based materialisms take root slowly, until they've festered and grown into a thick weed that can't be cut. Culture over Religion, I'm with IbnSina on that one. 

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1 hour ago, Chaotic Muslem said:

How will they meet RasulAllah ?

Indeed. As a Father myself I can't even imagine killing my child. This one just doesn't make any sense to me.

50 minutes ago, Tawheed313 said:

the indo-pakistani communities, shia and sunni, are so backward.

I completely agree with you on this. Some go as far as to justify their backwardness through Islam. I can't speak for other groups/races but Indo/Pak is a disaster, especially among the uneducated and undereducated. 

An Irani Alim once mentioned to us that India has the most Azadars but the least knowledge.

28 minutes ago, IbnSina said:

Culture first, religion second.

More like Ignorance first and everything else a distant second.

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2 hours ago, Ali_Hussain said:

Being a Syed-zaadi wasn’t a matter of pride for me, it was a curse!

Disclaimer: The post is a piece of fiction inspired by a true story

I was born into a Syed family. Since childhood, I’ve been told that this is a blessing as we are the direct descendants of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH). Therefore, all Syed girls had a status equivalent to that of mothers of Ummah. Thus, it was forbidden for us to even consider marrying a non-Syed man. Everyone called the girls of our family bibi jee and, while growing up, this was a matter of pride for me.

I was in my early teens when I first realised that there were a number of unmarried women in our family, belonging to all age groups. Due to family restrictions, finding a match for Syed girls was extremely difficult. For this reason, many of my cousins’ husbands were a complete mismatch. To make matters worse, most of my male cousins preferred marrying outside their caste as the men have no such restrictions.

We were three sisters and one brother. My brother (who was two years younger) was the most important person in the house. His birth sparked frantic celebrations in contrast to rather muted welcomes accorded to my sisters. From that point onwards, he received preferential treatment when it came to food, clothes and was later admitted to the top boarding school in our area.

Time passed and I turned 18. I was fair, tall and slim – ticking all the right attributes conventionally expected of an attractive girl. As I was coming of age, some of my female cousins were getting older; a few in their 30s and others in their 40s. Some still hopeful, others left with no dreams – trying to kill time within the walls of their homes.

In a male dominated society, such as Pakistan, finding a suitable match for a girl over the age of 30 is challenging. And for us Syed-zaadis, it’s almost impossible.

Some of my male cousins in their 40’s were able to find girls half their age. Most of their brides were non-Syed, and in my heart I used to wonder, if the Syed girls were given the status of mothers of Ummah, does it not make all Syed boys the fathers of Ummah?

The decade I was growing up in was the mobile and internet era. The world around me was changing at a much faster pace, but life in my house was still anchored in the 18th century. In my family, not many girls were allowed to go to school or college. But my mother (who was also non-Syed) insisted my father let me go to college.

The only reason my father permitted my attending college was so I could find an educated husband. Most of my class fellows were non-Syed and had never faced the same restrictions that I had. There were times when the pressure of being a ‘bibi jee’ was too much for me to handle.

And then I met Hamza; a boy who used to wait for me outside my college every day.

I didn’t want to speak to any man. I resisted talking to him for a long time, but he was persistent and I liked the attention of this young, handsome man. So, eventually I gave in and we started talking and exchanging notes. One day he handed me a mobile. I accepted his gift, not realising that it would change my life forever.

We started talking to each other. He was different from all the men around me. He was supportive and encouraged me to study hard and follow my dreams. I wanted to dream but I was scared. Hamza was the only ray of hope in my life.

One day, my aunt (my father’s unmarried sister who lived with us) saw me texting on my mobile. She immediately handed it to my father who read all of my text messages. My family threw a tantrum and everyone blamed my mother for allowing us freedom. My college life was also held accountable. Soon after, they decided to pull all my sisters out of school. But the worst was not over yet.

I requested a friend of mine to contact Hamza and tell him about the whole situation. Hamza convinced his family and within a few weeks his mother and aunt came to my home to ask for my hand in marriage. My family took that as an insult; after all, how dare a commoner ask for the hand of a Syed-zaadi? My grandmother insulted Hamza’s mother by telling her that she would rather marry me to a dog than her son.

I realised that being a Syed-zaadi wasn’t a matter of pride for me anymore; it was my biggest curse.

Everything around me was falling apart and the only option I had was to kill myself. I thought of running away from home but I was too scared. I would bring a bad name to my family. I thought about how it would impact my sister’s futures.

Weeks turned into months. My only contact with the outside world was my friend, who used to visit every weekend and bring messages from Hamza.

My father arranged my marriage with a cousin of mine who was 42-years-old. My brother moved back home and started medical college. Every man around me was selfish. They only cared about themselves. If the men in our family ever cared, they would have never married any non-Syed girl.

I prayed to my Creator every day,

“Oh my Allah, why do you bring daughters into this family? The ones you do, don’t give them a heart. Don’t give them brain.”

I used to think about my aunt, the one who spent her entire life taking care of her brother’s children. I also used to think about the many cousins I have who are too old to find a good husband. Every single woman in my family was suffering.

I was being forced to marry a man twice my age; all my hopes were dying. Ten days before my wedding, I received a message from Hamza asking me to run away with him. This was my only chance of getting out of this cage, so I decided to be as selfish like the men of my family and leave home.

It was my last day. I was depressed about having to leave my family, and scared as well. I waited for everyone to go to bed. At midnight I quietly walked towards the back door of the house. But, before I could open it, I heard my father’s loud voice asking me to stop. He was shouting from his window and his voice woke up my entire family who came running towards me. My brother stood with my father, a pistol in his hand. My grandmother started cursing me and crying.

Before I could say anything, I saw my brother pointing the gun at me; a loud bang, followed by extreme pain in my chest. My mother came forward to hold me, but it was too late. I was already taking my last breath.

The next morning the village people were told that my father accidently fired the gun while he was cleaning it. My whole family chose to remain quiet. No one reported the incident to the police; no one said anything to my brother. They all thought that he saved their pride.

My family and other so-called respectable families have got a lot of blood on their hands. Death is not always physical; there are countless women who die every day by the misery inflicted upon them by the so-called respectable men in their families. For 100s of years, in a feudalistic society like ours, men have used religion as a tool to protect their lands and keep it within the family. When Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) can give his daughter’s hand in marriage to Usman (RA), who was not from his own family, then why can’t we grant that same right to our women?

Disclaimer: The post is a piece of fiction inspired by a true story

http://blogs.tribune.com.pk/story/35245/being-a-syed-zaadi-wasnt-a-matter-of-pride-for-me-it-was-a-curse/

 

What's that?  Was there no syed male for that girl outside her own family? Strange. There could have been many good boys among syeds as Hamza was Secondly, our prophet  (pbuhhp ) had only one daughter  Hazrat Fatima a.s who was married to Hazrat Ali Ibn Abi Taleb  who was among Ahle bait and not a non-syed. The girl that married Hazrat Usman was not prophet's daughter but neice of Hazrat Khadeja and married in the years while Hazrat Usman did not accept islam. I have reference too if you want.

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In the recent weeks, I have read about two pakistani girls who were killed by their mothers because they did court marriage. One of them was burnt alive. It's shocking because in the past, it was always brother or father involved in honor killing. Now, mothers are involved in these heartless crimes. If the other family members of the victim forgive the murderer, then they don't get any punishment. This was the subject of oscar winning documentary 'girl in the river'. I heard that they are trying to make amendments to the law. Anyway, for all the girls who cannot get married, it's a blessing in disguise. But sadly, they don't understand it until it's too late.

I have many cousins who are un-married, but I have male cousins also who are not getting married. In each family, there's one sibling who doesn't get married because at least one person is needed to take care of parents when they get old. The un-married sibling gets a lot of respect because of this 'sacrifice' and that sibling usually turns into a monster and tyrant, making life hell for the married siblings. It's hard to feel any sympathy for such people. 

Edited by rkazmi33

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too many complications makes young people seek back doors instead of front doors. Instead of treating them as respectable people, they are treated like trash, forced to seek alternative means to find spouse, makes them vulnerable to predators, manipulators or making them seek solutions featured on tv like running away and this sort os garbage.

I am still shocked by the killing..i mean, in some arab countries, if one actually fornicated , she then get's killed..not for mere texting or considering someone for marriage and even if she actually fornicated, she shouldn't be killed ...

I am not sure though how much weight on the mizan in the day of judgement this sayyid sayyid marriage will weigh?

How much sins this killing of innocents will weigh... and which side will actually weigh heavier... supporting an innovation or killing an innocent believers... and the disgusting thing is to hear ignorants speaking about religion, quran and how it supports this jahhlyyiah.. I mean, really? You learned all that oh so sophisticated exegesis of Quran but you missed the ruling of forbiddenness to kill innocent soul?

I am speechless... the worst is, those people think if you speak against s ayyid, sayyid marriage then you are speaking against Ahlulbayt ... right , but killing innocent progeny of Ahlulbayt is fine? 

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3 hours ago, Chaotic Muslem said:

I am still shocked by the killing..i mean, in some arab countries, if one actually fornicated , she then get's killed..not for mere texting or considering someone for marriage and even if she actually fornicated, she shouldn't be killed ...

What does the Quran and sharia say about fornicators?

 

At the end of the day, you either follow the Quran and the sunnah of the Prophet(s) and his family(as) or you will suffer the consequences in one way or the other, as a individual or as a society or both. That is all.

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22 minutes ago, IbnSina said:

What does the Quran and sharia say about fornicators?

 

At the end of the day, you either follow the Quran and the sunnah of the Prophet(s) and his family(as) or you will suffer the consequences in one way or the other, as a individual or as a society or both. That is all.

non married are given 80 lashes. Even then and if you read the book of imam Ali judgment, he dose not execute capital punishment without studying all conditions and circumstances around the individuals.

remember that marriage in shia Islam require no witnesses. Also the father who keeps rejecting proper suiters of his daughters is strippd from his gaurdianship. Also, if the girl is mature enough, she can take that decision herself. So what may appear as fornication can be simply proper marriage islamically even if it dose not fit the social norms.

 

now the one million question is : Really? You see no wrong in killing innocents lightly like that?

 

shame.

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27 minutes ago, IbnSina said:

What does the Quran and sharia say about fornicators?

Hadd (punishment) for adultery is prescribed only when a person performs this act shamelessly and openly, in the presence of four just witnesses. 

The punishment of stoning to death applies only when the person is married.

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6 minutes ago, Chaotic Muslem said:

now the one million question is : Really? You see no wrong in killing innocents lightly like that?

 

shame.

Why do you put words in my mouth?

I asked a question and you see it as my answer?

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wait what? in my family it is desirable to marry a syed but not a requirement heck my mom spent so much time just looking for a nice educated well offf family shia for my sisters than some super rich or super syed, the hardships a woman faced were finding the right guy forget the syed part, just someone whose decent nice, and didnt work a lousy job 

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45 minutes ago, starlight said:

Hadd (punishment) for adultery is prescribed only when a person performs this act shamelessly and openly, in the presence of four just witnesses. 

The punishment of stoning to death applies only when the person is married.

Punishment is given if they are caught doing it in other words.

Thank you and can you confirm that the punishment is 80 lashes for the unmarried ones?

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1 hour ago, IbnSina said:

Punishment is given if they are caught doing it in other words.

Thank you and can you confirm that the punishment is 80 lashes for the unmarried ones?

It is in fact 100 lashes.

Some relevant ahadith taken from another website:

 

 ـ وعن علي بن إبراهيم ، عن أبيه ، عن ابن أبي نجران ، عن عاصم بن حميد ، عن محمد بن قيس ، عن أبي جعفر ( عليه السلام ) قال : قضى أميرالمؤمنين ( عليه السلام ) في الشيخ والشيخة أن يجلدا مائة ، وقضى للمحصن الرجم ، وقضى في البكر والبكرة إذا زنيا جلد مائة ، ونفي سنة في غيرمصرهما ، وهما اللذان قد املكا ولم يدخل بها . 

 ورواه الشيخ بإسناده عن علي بن إبراهيم مثله . 

 ورواه أيضا بإسناده عن الحسين بن سعيد ، عن النضر بن سويد ، عن عاصم ، إلا أنه أسقط قوله : وهما اللذان الخ . 

And from `Ali b. Ibrahim from his father from Ibn Abi Najran from `Asim b. Humayd from Muhammad b. Qays from Abu Ja`far عليه السلام.  He said: Amir al-Mu’mineen عليه السلام ruled in regards to the shaykh and the shaykha (an elder man and an elder woman) that they be lashed a hundred (times), and he ruled stoning for the married man, and ruled a hundred lashes and exile for a year to other than their city in regards to the virgin man and virgin woman when they fornicate.  And they are the ones who possess (?) but he did not enter her.

And the Shaykh narrated it by his isnad from `Ali b. Ibrahim likewise.

And he also narrated it by his isnad from al-Husayn b. Sa`id from an-Nadr b. Suwayd from `Asim, except that he dropped his saying: And they are the ones… to the end of it.

 

 ـ وعن علي بن إبراهيم ، عن محمد بن عيسى بن عبيد ، عن يونس ، عن سماعة ، عن أبي عبدالله ( عليه السلام ) قال : الحرّ والحرّة إذا زنيا جلد كلّ واحد منهما مائة جلدة ، فأما المحصن والمحصنة فعليهما الرجم . 

And from `Ali b. Ibrahim from Muhammad b. `Isa b. `Ubayd from Yunus from Sama`a from Abu `Abdillah عليه السلام.  He said: When the freeman and the freewoman fornicate each one of them is lashed a hundred lashings.  However as to the married man and the married woman, then upon them is stoning.

 

 ـ وعنه ، عمن رواه ، عن زرارة ، عن أبي جعفر ( عليه السلام ) قال : المحصن يرجم ، والذي قد املك ولم يدخل بها فجلد مائة ونفي سنة . 

 ورواه الشيخ بإسناده عن يونس بن عبد الرحمن ، وكذا كل ما قبله ، إلاّ أنه ترك قوله في الأخير : عمن رواه . 

And from him from the one who narrated it from Zurara from Abu Ja`far عليه السلام.  He said: The married one is stoned, and (as to) the one who had possessed (?) but did not enter her, then it is a hundred lashes and exile for a year.

And the Shaykh narrated it by his isnad from Yunus b. `Abd ar-Rahman, and likewise all of what was prior to it, except that he left off his saying in the last one: from the one who narrated it.

 

 ـ وعن عدة من أصحابنا ، عن أحمد بن محمد ، عن الحسين بن سعيد عن فضالة ، عن موسى بن بكر ، عن زرارة ، عن أبي جعفر ( عليه السلام ) قال : الذي لم يحصن يجلد مائة جلدة ، ولا ينفى ، والذي قد املك ولم يدخل بها يجلد مائة ، وينفى . 

 محمد بن الحسن بإسناده عن الحسين بن سعيد مثله ، وزاد في أوله : المحصن يجلد مائة ، ويرجم . 

And from a number of our companions from Ahmad b. Muhammad from al-Husayn b. Sa`id from Faddala from Musa b. Bakr from Zurara from Abu Ja`far عليه السلام.  He said: The one who is not married is lashed a hundred lashings and not exiled, and the one who possessed (?) but did not enter her is lashed a hundred (times) and exiled.

Muhammad b. al-Hasan by his isnad from al-Husayn b. Sa`id likewise and he added in its beginning: The married is lashed a hundred (times) and stoned.

 

 

Edited by Shaykh Patience101

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