Is It Permitted To Talk With a Boy?

[Zeynab Abbas]

Salam ! 

I am Bit Confused about it, Is it permitted in ISlam to talk with a Boy? If A Girl Want To marry him , And she talks to him, If there intention is to get marry in the future  so can they talk to each other? And if They are not talking face to face or on the phone calls, they just do chatting it is permitted? I need Complete answer please 

If my Topic Hurt anyone so am sorry ,

[amirhosein_88]

7 minutes ago, Zeynab Abbas said:

Salam ! 

I am Bit Confused about it, Is it permitted in ISlam to talk with a Boy? If A Girl Want To marry him , And she talks to him, If there intention is to get marry in the future  so can they talk to each other? And if They are not talking face to face or on the phone calls, they just do chatting it is permitted? I need Complete answer please 

If my Topic Hurt anyone so am sorry ,

Salamun alaykum.

Insha Allah the following link would be of help:

http://www.islamquest.net/en/archive/question/fa3016

[Zeynab Abbas]

13 minutes ago, amirhosein_88 said:

Salamun alaykum.

Insha Allah the following link would be of help:

http://www.islamquest.net/en/archive/question/fa3016

Thank You Brother  

[Rohani]

2Wa Salaam. This.is.from.sistani.org and this is best. Ask your father to approve a muta  so you can speak.

 

Question: Is it permissible for a boy and a girl to make friendship with each other in order to know each other before marriage.

Answer: It is not allowed.

 

3Question: Is pre-marital relation permissible between a boy and a girl?

Answer: It is not permissible under any circumstances.

[Rohani]

1Question: I want to ask about talking to ones fiancee on telephone, is it permissible or not?

Answer: If there is no such a fear that you might fall into a sin, there would be no problem.

 

2Question: Is it permissible to chat with girls on the internet?

Answer: If there is a fear that a girl or a boy may be drawn towards sin, it is not permissible. Normally chatting ends up in a sin for both sides.

 

3Question: Is it permissible for a boy of fifteen years to have a girl friend?

Answer: Friendship with a non-mahram is not allowed.

[Saintly_Jinn23]

2 hours ago, amirhosein_88 said:

Salamun alaykum.

Insha Allah the following link would be of help:

http://www.islamquest.net/en/archive/question/fa3016

That article actually kind of contradicts itself. For one thing, all the answers to the questions it gives simply state that so long as the purpose is not to seek a kind of "pleasure" there should be no problem and yet it goes on to state any kind of relationship before marriage is thus haram. On top of that, no definition for "pleasure" is actually given. The article's conclusion is based on more than few presumptions and generalizes a bit as I know some of the maraji are more divided on the particularities of this matter than it makes them out to be. For example, Ayatollah Saanei is much more open to a mixed social sphere than Ayatollah Sistani is. Same goes for Ayatollah Khamenei when you compare him to Ayatollah Muhammad Shirazi or Sayed Rizvi.

I would also add that avoiding any and all relationships with the opposite sex is absolutely impossible for most of us Muslims living in the West. Not only that, but I think the main reason so many young Muslim men easily fall prey to sexual deviancy in the West isn't always just the fault of an over-sexed Western society (and it certainly is so), but quite often it's the fault of their own families basically instilling them with this rigid kind of "even talking to a woman is a sin" and when faced with the impossibility of avoiding this "sin" in the West they just proceed to say "eh, what's one more? It's not like it's my fault. It's the infidel West's fault that I'm like this, what's a Muslim to do?" .

Sexual repression often is one of the main causes of sexual deviancy because once some people, who have been totally denied everything, get the slightest taste of what they've been forbidden, they explode, while those who have had a moderate amount of healthy interaction with the opposite sex can often learn how to develop a greater sense of self-control and also learn how to reach a compromise with the culture around them without compromising their core value system.

Personally, I have never seen any hard evidence to suggest the Prophet or the Imams ordered the seclusion all women or forbade all non-sexual interaction with non-mahram women. Quite the opposite actually, I have seen many narrations that depict the Infallibles (as) interacting with non-mahrams for the purpose of encouraging them to become better Muslims. And there have always been segments of Islamic societies themselves, particularly among rural or tribal elements who didn't follow such strict rules.

My best advice to OP is to ask your particular marja and follow what they say or explain your situation in detail to the sheikh in charge of your local center and seek his counsel.

Edited June 18, 2016 by Saintly_Jinn23

[ShiaMan14]

4 hours ago, Zeynab Abbas said:

Salam ! 

I am Bit Confused about it, Is it permitted in ISlam to talk with a Boy? If A Girl Want To marry him , And she talks to him, If there intention is to get marry in the future  so can they talk to each other? And if They are not talking face to face or on the phone calls, they just do chatting it is permitted? I need Complete answer please 

If my Topic Hurt anyone so am sorry ,

My understanding is a boy and a girl are allowed to get to know each other on a limited basis.

[starlight]

I think talking to someone of the opposite sex with the intention of marriage shouldn't be a problem. How on the earth are people going to find a spouse if they are not allowed to even talk with a boy/girl? 

Edited June 18, 2016 by starlight

[Saintly_Jinn23]

1 hour ago, starlight said:

I think talking to someone of the opposite sex with the intention of marriage shouldn't be a problem. How on the earth are people going to find a spouse if they are not allowed to even talk with a boy/girl? 

 

Well, there are some ulama who pretty much think any and every marriage should be arranged (. And I've also noticed these are the same ulama who tend to accept but disapprove of mutah, which is usually the way people get around any restrictions with respect to dating or touching (as if mutah is something we're supposed to feel ashamed of )

Edited June 18, 2016 by Saintly_Jinn23

[Rohani]

Normally chatting ends up in a sin for both sides.

[Saintly_Jinn23]

13 minutes ago, Rohani said:

Normally chatting ends up in a sin for both sides.

normally living ends up in a sin for everybody

Edited June 18, 2016 by Saintly_Jinn23

[Islandsandmirrors]

I would think that it is allowed, but interactions must be somewhat limited. If you never talk to a boy, how will you get to know what qualities you like/dislike and how to compromise? How will you find out if you two are truly compatible?

[Islandsandmirrors]

On June 18, 2016 at 0:39 PM, Rohani said:

Normally chatting ends up in a sin for both sides.

False. I've talked to guys. I haven't sinned with any of them. It's like talking with a family member to me.

 

talking and nothing more with the opposite sex makes you sometimes realize and re-evauate what qualities you REALLY want in a person. Sometimes, you think you want a certain guy, but when you meet that guy, it's not what you really want or can deal with. 

Edited June 22, 2016 by Islandsandmirrors

[Connectors]

Talking to the opposite gender in order to get to know them if they are the right person for marriage isn't an issue.

Howevever, you have to determine for yourself when you are starting to develop feelings. With some people it happens easier than other people (some get attached quicker than others). So as soon as you think this is happening, you have to reduce talking.

An example would be: you constantly check if they have replied you on your phone: that's a red flag. That means that you are about to 'cross' the line of just talking for the sake of marriage to an 'infatuation'.

Once you cross that line, you start developing feelings. Once you have developed feelings, it is very hard to go back. So NEVER EVER go there. It will complicate things for you very much, to the extent that you don't want him/her to let go and end up with a marriage that you might regret later on. This is because once 'love' overtakes you, even though you will see bad qualities, you will justify them to yourself and get married. In worse situations (where 'love' has overtaken you very much), you won't even see the bad things.

I have been there and it took out all I had in me to get out of it. It's not something you want to go through. Also, it took a lot of time then to get over it and that will just 'stop' your life for x months.

Edited June 22, 2016 by Connectors

[Rohani]

We can't just brand such a advise as false especially when there are hadith that give us the idea that Shaytan is the third among two non mahrams. One should not be alone for such a long time and should do muta or something. This is safety talking to the opposite gender can really ruin you or the other side or.both 

Edited June 22, 2016 by Rohani

[Nyguylookingconvert]

On June 18, 2016 at 8:36 AM, amirhosein_88 said:

Salamun alaykum.

Insha Allah the following link would be of help:

http://www.islamquest.net/en/archive/question/fa3016

Very good link