Questions about Mutah (Sorry!)

[laylacat]

Assalamu alaikum, 

I am a Muslim revert, in the past I am ashamed to say I have committed zina, I have a child born out of marriage who I am raising Muslim so he does not make the same mistakes that I did. I have met a Muslim man but neither of us are in the position to get permanently married so he suggested mutah marriage. I'd never heard of it so I did some research and it sounds like it could work so well for our situation. I'm not looking for anyone to tell me if it is haram or halal or to start arguments, in my opinion from the research I've done I believe it is halal. I am worried about a few things though. I know how to do the actual procedure but there are just some things I still have questions about and I haven't been able to find any answers. I'm hoping someone can help me out. 

1. Me and this man have been having a haram relationship - we have both repented over and over and I have told him we can't continue this unless we enter into this fixed term marriage. My question is are we even able to marry? I'm scared that because we've both committed such big sins our temp. marriage won't be valid and then we'll just be committing even more sin and thinking we're not and that terrifies me. 
2. I'd like us to have a written contract as well as obviously us verbally agreeing but I really don't know what we're supposed to put in this kind of contract, what are you meant to expect from a mutah marriage? What should the mahr be? What should I expect from him and what should he expect from me? 
3. What if people ask about our relationship? My family is not Muslim so they really won't care if I'm in a haram relationship or a halal one but they would freak out at the idea of getting permanently married at my age and they would definitely freak out at the idea of a 'temporary marriage'. So I'd probably keep it secret from them but what about other Muslims or friends who will question my relationship and think it's haram because they don't know about the mutah marriage... I'm not sure what I'd even tell them. 

Lastly I'm really just looking for any kind of positive experiences or negative experiences with mutah... I can't find many actual people talking about their experiences. 

Anyway I apologise for this kind of post I know it is posted about a lot and people get sick of it. Thank you. Masalaam.

[DigitalUmmah]

26 minutes ago, laylacat said:

Me and this man have been having a haram relationship - we have both repented over and over and I have told him we can't continue this unless we enter into this fixed term marriage. My question is are we even able to marry? I'm scared that because we've both committed such big sins our temp. marriage won't be valid and then we'll just be committing even more sin and thinking we're not and that terrifies me. 

salam yes - you can do a mutah and then change to a permanent nikkah at a later date

27 minutes ago, laylacat said:

I'd like us to have a written contract as well as obviously us verbally agreeing but I really don't know what we're supposed to put in this kind of contract, what are you meant to expect from a mutah marriage? What should the mahr be? What should I expect from him and what should he expect from me? 

agree all the conditions/. mahr between the two of you and then write it down. the formula is a few sentences and he says "qabiltu" its not that complicated

27 minutes ago, laylacat said:

What if people ask about our relationship? My family is not Muslim so they really won't care if I'm in a haram relationship or a halal one but they would freak out at the idea of getting permanently married at my age and they would definitely freak out at the idea of a 'temporary marriage'. So I'd probably keep it secret from them but what about other Muslims or friends who will question my relationship and think it's haram because they don't know about the mutah marriage... I'm not sure what I'd even tell them. 

tell them to mind their own business?

[Jafar moh]

There are alot of posts regarding Mutah you can find on this site -- there are also videos ( Sayed Ammar Nakshawani does a decent job at explaining Mutah and it's validity)-- also you can check out sayed sistani's website regarding rules and laws with Mutah ( even if this isnt your marja it would be fair to check out what he says ). Then again make sure you know Mutah has alot of rules and isn't straight forward as it sounds. Make sure you know all precautions and rules before committing to one.

[ShiaMan14]

23 minutes ago, laylacat said:

Assalamu alaikum, 

I am a Muslim revert, in the past I am ashamed to say I have committed zina, I have a child born out of marriage who I am raising Muslim so he does not make the same mistakes that I did. I have met a Muslim man but neither of us are in the position to get permanently married so he suggested mutah marriage. I'd never heard of it so I did some research and it sounds like it could work so well for our situation. I'm not looking for anyone to tell me if it is haram or halal or to start arguments, in my opinion from the research I've done I believe it is halal. I am worried about a few things though. I know how to do the actual procedure but there are just some things I still have questions about and I haven't been able to find any answers. I'm hoping someone can help me out. 

1. Me and this man have been having a haram relationship - we have both repented over and over and I have told him we can't continue this unless we enter into this fixed term marriage. My question is are we even able to marry? I'm scared that because we've both committed such big sins our temp. marriage won't be valid and then we'll just be committing even more sin and thinking we're not and that terrifies me. 
2. I'd like us to have a written contract as well as obviously us verbally agreeing but I really don't know what we're supposed to put in this kind of contract, what are you meant to expect from a mutah marriage? What should the mahr be? What should I expect from him and what should he expect from me? 
3. What if people ask about our relationship? My family is not Muslim so they really won't care if I'm in a haram relationship or a halal one but they would freak out at the idea of getting permanently married at my age and they would definitely freak out at the idea of a 'temporary marriage'. So I'd probably keep it secret from them but what about other Muslims or friends who will question my relationship and think it's haram because they don't know about the mutah marriage... I'm not sure what I'd even tell them. 

Lastly I'm really just looking for any kind of positive experiences or negative experiences with mutah... I can't find many actual people talking about their experiences. 

Anyway I apologise for this kind of post I know it is posted about a lot and people get sick of it. Thank you. Masalaam.

I can only answer about #2.

#2 - you can really put anything in the contract (verbal or written) you like including copulation rules (DOs, DONTs, frequency, etc.). Mahr can be of your choosing as well. The expectation from both should be a trusting relationship that would eventually turn into a permanent marriage when the time comes (hopefully sooner rather than later).

#3 - easiest explanation would be engagement???

 

[Guest]

43 minutes ago, laylacat said:

Lastly I'm really just looking for any kind of positive experiences or negative experiences with mutah... I can't find many actual people talking about their experiences

 

[laylacat]

19 hours ago, Jafar moh said:

Then again make sure you know Mutah has alot of rules and isn't straight forward as it sounds. Make sure you know all precautions and rules before committing to one.

Can you tell me some of the rules? From my research I can't find anything that stands out as being difficult but I definitely want to be aware of all the risks and rules before committing!

[Guest]

2 hours ago, laylacat said:

Can you tell me some of the rules? From my research I can't find anything that stands out as being difficult but I definitely want to be aware of all the risks and rules before committing!

http://www.sistani.org/english/book/48/2350/

[notme]

On 6/13/2016 at 11:46 AM, laylacat said:

1. What if people ask about our relationship? My family is not Muslim so they really won't care if I'm in a haram relationship or a halal one but they would freak out at the idea of getting permanently married at my age and they would definitely freak out at the idea of a 'temporary marriage'. So I'd probably keep it secret from them but what about other Muslims or friends who will question my relationship and think it's haram because they don't know about the mutah marriage... I'm not sure what I'd even tell them. 

You can refer to your husband as your husband or your boyfriend, depending on who you are talking with.  Nobody with any dignity will ask for details, and if they do you can tell them it's not their concern.  Permanent or temporary, a spouse is a spouse, and from an Islamic point of view the only boyfriend you are allowed to have is your husband.  The only awkward situation would be if you and your Muslim friends are having conversation about your marriage while your family is there.  If that's likely to happen, you might want to just explain the situation fully to your folks.

[laylacat]

14 minutes ago, notme said:

You can refer to your husband as your husband or your boyfriend, depending on who you are talking with.  Nobody with any dignity will ask for details, and if they do you can tell them it's not their concern.  Permanent or temporary, a spouse is a spouse, and from an Islamic point of view the only boyfriend you are allowed to have is your husband.  The only awkward situation would be if you and your Muslim friends are having conversation about your marriage while your family is there.  If that's likely to happen, you might want to just explain the situation fully to your folks.

Thank you for your answer this was helpful. I wasn't sure if it was okay for us to refer to each other as husband and wife if it's not a permanent marriage. Like you said it's not others concern anyway but I just wanted to know! 

[laylacat]

We entered our Mutah marriage yesterday, we have a written contract which we both signed which I feel is important and we're both very happy with this decision. Ultimately it would be best to be married permanently but our situation just doesn't allow it at this point in time so I'm grateful we have this practice in our religion so we can be together. 

[Guest]

Congratulations!! May Allah bless you both with lots of happiness !!!